How To Get EVERY PERSON ON HUBPAGES To Read Your Hub

This is a guide to hubbing that will get every person on HubPages to read your hub. WARNING: If you are unintelligent, close-minded, or a staunch conservative, this hub will offend you.

This hub is dedicated to a fellow hubber, the inspiration for this hub.

If You Are Easily Offended, Leave Now (image source: www.righteousfashion.com)
If You Are Easily Offended, Leave Now (image source: www.righteousfashion.com)

1. Use the words "Obama," "Hussein," and/or "racist" in the title.

A sure way to bring some people in, Obama supporters and haters, but this isn't enough to get EVERYONE to read it. Don't forget, though, to use Obama's middle name at every opportunity. Better yet, put his middle name in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. BECAUSE YOU GET YOUR POINT ACROSS MUCH BETTER THAT WAY.

2. Make statements that 50 to 100% of people will disagree with. Preferably in the title of your Hub, too.

These are usually statements about religion or politics. Such as, "I despise the racism that got Obama elected and his socialist views." (This is directly from a hub.) Or something about what Jesus wants. Or something against gays or abortion. Or something from a political extreme, such as "The liberals have been slandering Bush unfairly for 100 years now."

Don't forget to spell at least 25% of your words wrong, or at least use bad grammar occasionally. Again, throw in several sentences or at least words that are in all caps.

The reason that these statements will get everyone to read your hub is because the first few people who read it will get angry and comment before they realize what a sensation they will be starting. These comments will be posted on the communal Hubtivity. Hubbers who would ordinarily have NEVER read your hubs (and probably would trip you if they saw you in the street) will want to see what all the fuss is about.

3. Do NOT delete any of the INITIAL comments made to your hub, no matter how much they annoy you.

This is what will bring in those other hubbers who want to join in on the fun. People will see that multiple comments are being made on Hubtivity and come see the hub that everyone is commenting on. Also, those initial comments are the ones that are usually the most inflammatory.

4. Respond to your comments one by one.

This doubles the space that your hub takes up in Hubtivity.

5. Insult the reader in your hub, and every individual who comments on your hub.

This inspires hubbers to defend themselves and their fellow hubbers. Thus creating more comments for a longer period of time, and more readers.

6. Begin to delete comments of anyone who disagrees with you.

Nothing pisses people off like not getting to have their say against people who already piss them off. They will continue to comment, getting progressively angrier, trying to make you stop deleting their comments. Leave some of the comments, though, or else people will get tired of trying.

The best part: Did you know that even unapproved comments get their place in Hubtivity? This entices the rest of the HubPages population who hasn't seen your hub yet to come and see why all these comments are getting deleted.

Remember: Hubtivity is your friend. Flood the hub server, and you will guarantee that everyone on HubPages will read your poorly written, poorly argued, polarity-inducing hub.

NOTE: I will not delete any comments, no matter how much they abuse my hub, my character, or my religion.

And One More Thing...

These tips are NOT, of course, the path to high hub scores, good quality content, good placement in Google searches, or longevity. However, if your aim is to use inflammatory techniques to obtain temporary notoriety on HubPages only, then this advice is your best bet.

PS: I really hope it goes without saying that this hub was written in jest, meant to be taken with 6 teaspoons of salt, and that HubPages as a community does not condone using these tactics to raise your hub scores or flooding the Hubtivity server.

More by this Author


Comments 54 comments

KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

You've made some good observations about hubbers and their habits. I had already 'fallen'...for some of the very reasons you mentioned.....before I read your hub so I could easily relate.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, well put :)


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I just want to say blippityboppityboo. And I hope offended someone out there.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Wow great advice, is this your personal experience or you want some guinea pigs to practice on first.


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Love the 'chilling' kitty photo - that photo will get me to read any hub.

And so true - there are certain trigger words that people respond to!


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 7 years ago from West Virginia

hahahahahaha That is good advice!! Mr. Nice there are a few of us that this is all aobut! You can be a guinea pig if ya wanna! lol


artfuldodger profile image

artfuldodger 7 years ago from Earth

ha funny and true. being sensational with out any substance will always get you a little bit of attention no matter where you are. just not the right kind


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL makes perfect sense. I guess this works not only on HP though :)


Marisa Wright profile image

Marisa Wright 7 years ago from Sydney

LOL, you've hit the nail on the head. On a more serious note, remember that although it's a nice ego boost to have other Hubbers read your Hubs, they don't usually click on ads. If you want to make money on Hubpages, it's the search engines you need to stir up, not fellow Hubbers!


rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe 7 years ago from Standing right behind you!

Damnit! How come I didn't think of this? Funny hub. Great job! I think you're gonna get mad traffic with this one.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Damn funny, and so true!

Now, just to help you out a little...scum bucket. Brave man, hiding behind your avatar. Not so tough now, are you, Nancy Boy? And a zipee dee do dah to you! You're so full of it, they'll have to repair the crapper when you get off! Your mother wears army boots.

Hope that helps.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

I will now reply to all of your comments. Following my own advice.

KCC: I'm glad you can relate. Also, you smell like a monkey, and you look like one, too.

Misty: Thanks for the compliment. Could you use fewer words please?


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Goldentoad: Your magic doesn't work on me. Go ride away on a pumpkin carriage.

Mr. Nice: I'd love a guinea pig. You kind of look like one.

Bkcreative: I'm glad you like my icon. You must be sooo creative to put "creative" in your name.


annemaeve profile image

annemaeve 7 years ago from Philly Burbs

I don't agree with you at all. You should hate yourself for promoting such a twisted, backwards, uneducated, hurtful point of view. Each statement in your hub offended every sensibility I have. I hope you choke on your own ego.

FOR SHAME.

YOU STINK.

Are you going to delete my comment now? *grin* Thanks for making me laugh!


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Lady Guinevere: I'm glad you like my advice. Nice spelling of "aobut." Try a dictionary.

artful dodger: Very true about sensationalism. You dirty thief.

Misha: You're right, it works everywhere. Also, you look better as a girl. I've seen pics.


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

LOL some people in black came to my house and seriously advised me to change the pic :(


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL Profoundpuns, can I most respectfully say how much I felt the intellectual wording of this profound article made clear the relevant point you felt essential to make,and how much I hope the cause of your frustrations is actively perusing this hub and sees the dramatic need to mend his ways and become a more hubminded citizen with an ability and willingness to listen to, and allow the comments of others on his hubs. :) :) :)


eaglegordon profile image

eaglegordon 7 years ago

Woe. I always wanted that attraction. People swarming around, negative attention is better then no attention isn't it????? LOL

Comments with plan street language or out right rude, will be deleted, to me that is unprofessional. But contrary ones are welcomed.

As to the audience, the attention from the search engines is better(sorry nothing against you all - but hey part of why we are here is you know a little money or help for others).

Reaching out is the game. Unfortunately there are a lot of things we humans are passionate about and lose our common sense over.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Marisa: If only we could get traffic and money to correspond so well. Are you so ashamed to show your face that you have your back toward us?

rockinjoe: Quite a compliment to be called funny by a stand-up comedian. But I'll thank you not to use such fllthy language in my hub comments.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Christoph: I couldn't agree more with your assessment of me. Except I'm a girl.

annamaeve: You're right, it would probably be good for me to choke on my own ego. Also, you're as big as a house.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Misha: I appreciate your honesty in this matter.

Misty: Thank you for your eloquent and verbose revision.

eaglegordon: I agree that deleting some comments is appropriate, and that search engine traffic is, regrettably, better for our wallets. However, I must reprimand you for your abuse of the question mark.


eaglegordon profile image

eaglegordon 7 years ago

Rats!


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 7 years ago from South Africa

What a laugh I had! And what you say is so true. I get really incensed at the poorly-written and poorly-thought out Hubs that get great ratings. And poor me! I put a lot of effort into my Hubs and they don't get looked at!

But seriously, thanks for giving me a giggle when I really needed it!

Love and peace,

Tony


SiddSingh profile image

SiddSingh 7 years ago

That's REALLY funny!

Great advice actually! Now I know what is wrong with my hubs!


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth

DANG I KNEW USING ALL CAPS WOULD MAKE ME POPULAR!!! hehe... just joshin... excellent hub.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Damn, that was great fun!! Well done, and thanks for the laughs!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

ROFL! Taking fast and furious notes so that I can implement all of your fine advice in my next hub. :D I'm gonna have to practice up on being rude though. Can I just be crude instead? I'm pretty good at that. ;)

Nice job!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

profoundpuns, thanks for recognizing that I am cute guinea pig like the one you were in love before, you can adopt me too then. Hahahaha I tricked you I was just kidding, I know where & when to use what words. However, I do not agree with you & I have my own reasons.

When I am searching for example cute girls & my search result looks like this, find cute girls on eBay, compare prices for cute girls with naxtag. What the heck is that I usually get mad because that is not what I was looking for at the first place.

Therefore, for me it is no no to Obama or Angelina Jolie & the rest.

It simply does not work. Ok for instance you were successful & some one did get to your hubpage, do you think he or she will see what you got there. Just to make it clear I mean what is there on your hubpage & click on some of the ads too.

I don't think that will happen. For me I will be mad at the first place when I did not see a cute girl in my search. Therefore, I will not even click on the search result. You do not have to agree with me but how about everyone else. Do you agree with me people, I cannot hear you, can you please say it loud……….:) :)?


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Lady Guinevere,

Well that was just an advice but profoundpuns found her lost love in the process. Oh, Boy I am in trouble looks like you are looking for your lost love too. ?


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

I'm too tired to insult everyone else who has commented on my hubs. Just know that you all smell and make me sick. And thank you for your kind words about my hub.

As for Mr. Nice, I'm sorry, but I have no idea what point you are trying to make, so I don't know if I agree with you or not. I'm sorry that I'm not a cute enough girl for you. Or that I didn't click on your ads. Or that Obama is not your idea of a cute girl.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

I guess you did not get my point but that is ok. If you read it again you will find out. It has nothing to do with you because I don't know you & you don't know me either. Also, I don't look for girls on hubpages because it's not a dating website.

It was all related to your suggestion of different words usage Obama, Hussain etc to get the traffic.

In addition to that reference,I gave an example of web search & the kind of results that's all. Sorry it was my mistake I did not realize that this hub is all about offending & insulting hubbers who leave comments in good faith. Thanks for your nice feedback anyway.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 7 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Mr. Nice, I sincerely apologize if I have actually offended you. My comment was meant to be taken humorously, as sarcasm, not an attack. I thought that was made clear from my previous responses from comments. I didn't actually think you were hitting on me.

I truly did not understand what point it was you were making. Thank you for visiting my hub.


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 7 years ago from West Virginia

Mr. Nice, I don't understand what you are saying with me looing for a lost love????? That sort of went over my head and around my feet.


funnebone profile image

funnebone 7 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

Do do " Obama" Racism" and "Jesus" trump " indian" hottest" and "breasts"?


asupport 7 years ago

Ha, ha really good advice :-)


Jim Batuyong profile image

Jim Batuyong 7 years ago from Anaheim, CA

Because I am one of those shameful, insecure people who will pretty much write anything if I think people will read my hubs, I can identify with your brilliantly written yet sadly misguided Hub. I've found the best word to use is "Naked". It's worked wonders for me. Try putting that with Obama or Jesus and see who reads your Hub. :) One more comment I'd like to make is that even though I don't know what Mr Nice was talking about, I think you're hot and if you're into it we should definitely hook up. :):):) (just don't tell my wife, okay?) Loved this Hub.


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

You have read 47 books on self help, 7 on marketing, and 212 newspaper articles on reverse psychology ... and you have a close friend who has a masters in psychology.

You will be jolly good at optimising search engines

:)


katrina-nat profile image

katrina-nat 7 years ago from West Midlands UK

well said i likey :) lol


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

Oops! I meant to say, you could be jolly good at optimising web pages to attract traffic from search engines ... that's all ...

By the way I do not think it's worth deliberately using wrong grammar and spelling words incorrectly just to attract attention.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

haha - you've hit the nail on the head - and your avatar looks like you're thrilled to have done it!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

The first amendment notwithstanding, I think you have some nerve expressing some of the things you've said here. You and your hub-guidance ilk are all alike. You think you know everything and sit in judgment of the rest of us. I almost expected to see the word "Saved" in here. So which one was it, Jesus or Barack Hussein Obama who provided you (and not the rest of us hub heathens) with this inside knowledge about CAPITALIZATION and buzzwords, etc.? This is supposed to be a forum for the free exchange of ideas. I do not feel I should have to defend my hub techniques to you or anyone else!!

I fully expect you to deny my comment. I know you said above you would not, but then, hubbers who think like you always say one thing but do the opposite. You want a fight? Ok then, DON'T deny my comment!!! LOL


gjcody profile image

gjcody 7 years ago

Mightymom ...great hub and yes ...I love the kitten. They just want to be close and what closer way than the place we are always sitting and working ..cute ...my best to you! Keep up the great work.


EYEAM4ANARCHY profile image

EYEAM4ANARCHY 7 years ago from Las Vegas, NV.

Now I'm gonna have to go back and edit the title of my last hub again to add HUSSEIN.


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

SEX!!!!

Ha! Got your attention!

Thanks for the advice! That is all soooo true!


jayb23 profile image

jayb23 7 years ago from India

HAHAHA, so true and so very funny


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

I cna hradly wait fro YOUR REPLY to my comments on you hub...I will try my very bests to use your suggestyuns in my next hub.

Thanks for great informations - was very funny adn poorly writen LOL

(looking forward to the next one!)


deepestwisdom profile image

deepestwisdom 7 years ago from England

Lol funny hub! I am new to hubpages, but I can see how these would bring in some attention ;) I'll stick to doing what I'm doing lol.


Risa Attrell 7 years ago

Very funny! But i wonder... are you serious? Should we really do this? Or are you just kidding?


LizzyBoo profile image

LizzyBoo 6 years ago from Czech Republic

Excellent hub! Well done!


Rose Ella Morton profile image

Rose Ella Morton 6 years ago from Beverly Hills, Michigan

You are so right. My hubs have good taste but my typing is terrible. I like hubs because you get to say what you really think. But in person you have to be polite.


varonny profile image

varonny 6 years ago from TORONTO

lol I kinda found this hub weird, but it is true that people pay more attention to these things than well written and researched useful information. I don't get why though.

but if I had any doubts of your advices, I sure don't have any after reading this extensive list of comments. It sure works.


Karanda profile image

Karanda 6 years ago from Australia

Shame on you ProfoundPuns for not following your own advice, 19 comments and no reply from you! I hope you are well and still able to write or I would be devestated with the comment I have just made, but as you say the more devestation the better. Human nature really is far too curious for its own good.


ProfoundPuns profile image

ProfoundPuns 6 years ago from Maryland, USA Author

Oh, Karana, you are so right. Shame on me. Shame shame. I'll blame it on my job... they have rudely blocked HubPages from the company internet.


Mandy M S profile image

Mandy M S 4 years ago

You know this is so true! I think if you ran an experiment and followed all of your advice you would find that it would work perfectly.... hmmmm....

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