I Need Validation

Maybe I'm pathetic. Maybe I'm just lame. Maybe I have low self-esteem. Maybe I just want to feel I matter. Maybe I'm just competitive. Maybe I'm lonely. Who knows? I rarely feel the need for validation, but HubPages has changed that. I find myself constantly checking my hubs for comments. I even check my comments on other people's hubs for responses. I also constantly check my Hub Score - I think 96 is the highest I ever got. This drives me crazy. Why can't I make 100, like some of the other people? Am I just that much lamer? What am I doing wrong? Should I give up? Does a number really matter?

My entire life has been about setting goals and achieving them, yet I seem to be failing with HubPages and writing, in general. Perhaps what I have to say is really not that interesting. Perhaps my style sucks. Perhaps I have a lot to learn still. Perhaps I need to sell out. I don't know.

I started HubPages as a learning experience, yet it has turned into another "job" for me. I feel obligated to HubPages. I initially thought HubPages could help expedite my retirement, yet I've only made $1.01 so far (in five weeks!). Hmm. Is this yet another failed endeavor on my part....another Amway or MonaVie?

Why do I constantly follow trends, like HubPages? I should be the freakin' HubPage creator. When did I let external forces diminish my capabilities?

Do I need validation? I really don't and never have, until HubPages. I wonder if people are my fans because they just want me to be their fans? I wonder if they really like me? I wonder if I'm a poser with fake fans and fake comments? As corianderstem said, maybe I should just runaway:

http://hubpages.com/hub/runningaway

My existence has been minimized to on-line validation of my musings by people I don't really know. Have I become a lame soul?

k@ri's hub on "Life is a Choice" helps put things in perspective:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Life-is-a-Choice

I love the video she included in her hub:

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Comments 14 comments

TheMindlessBrute profile image

TheMindlessBrute 7 years ago from Orlando,Florida

No.I think you are a great writer and you've been bitten by the hub bug.This forums design is brilliant and the algorithm impossible to figure out,I've read the hubs of the people who have tried.It has a lot to do with the amount of hubs in the forum and right now that number is skyrocketing with the 30 day challenge.You asked more than 10 questions in this hub...so I don't know... do you need validation? ...or simply more paitience,it's only been 5 weeks.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Kea I value you.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Kea you are a wonderful writer and I believe the challenge is getting the best of many of us, it takes time to build the money in adsense so focus on your what you enjoy doing most which is writing. Stop worrying about the hubscore it certainly doesn't make one better then another. My highest score has been 99 and it can't seem to hit one more point. If you focus on all of the other issues, then you will lose focus of what you want to accomplish. :)


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@TMB - thanks for the comment! Yeah, I'm not very patient. I'm a go-getter and expect immediate results! Stay cool.

@RB - thx. I value you too and I love reading your poems!

@AEvans - thanks a lot! I simply want to make a difference and be heard - the lame AdSense money is nice, but that's not my main motivation! The Hubscore is perplexing to me....I'm the dude that got straight A's in school, and I look at the HubScore as a challenge, yet I can't figure out the damn algorithm.


ParadigmShift... profile image

ParadigmShift... 7 years ago from San Jose, CA

You're doing just fine. Forget about the hub score, that thing goes up and down like the stock market.

I think you need to figure out what exactly you want out of writing hubs. Do you only want a 100 score? Do you need comments? Or maybe you simply want people to read them?

As far as the money goes- as far as I can tell- that takes time also (like anything else that makes you money- Monavie, for example) so just stick it out, have fun, and learn as much as you can. Every hub you write should be a learning experience in itself!

Oh, if you truly need validation, I've got a hub for ya'. I'm sure you'll find it. Look for the number 15...


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Guess what? I just recently hit the 100 hubber profile score and I've been here like forever! So just ignore it for the meantime and it'll come when it comes. And I'm sure you like surprises - but not in the waking-up-with-Frosty's-head-blown-off-with-a-shotgun kind of way!

I truly like your hubs because in my personal opinion your are one of the most honest hubbers around. For real. :D


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@ParadigmShift - thanks for the excellent comments! I figure I'll just write what I know and like and see what happens. I will look into your mysterious "number 15" hub.

@Cris A - congrats on hitting 100! I figured you would have hit 100 a long time ago. I really enjoy reading your stuff. Thanks for the compliment.


corianderstem profile image

corianderstem 7 years ago from wide open fields

Oh you awesome little linker!

I enjoy your stuff tremendously!!!

Rock on!


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania

Correct me if im wrong but I reckon youd be heaps of fun camping , lol full of freindly chatter and nuggets of information to share.

BTW im curious how you came up with the name Kea?

Take courage from that bird ,hes strong ,mischievous and rules the apls....


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@corianderstem - thanks! I think you're the first hub I've linked too! Keep up the great work.

@eaglekiwi - thanks for the comment. I travelled to New Zealand - the South Island in December for a 14 day hiking trip and was fascinated with the Kea. I also read the book - "Charlie the Cheeky Kea" while doing the Milford Track. I wrote my first hub on Kea:

http://hubpages.com/travel/Cheeky-Buggers


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania

oh that makes perfect sense to me , I used to teach pre-school and I know that book well! The Milford track oh my you were not far from where I was born...Fiordland is another world indeed.


lxxy profile image

lxxy 7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

kea, you rawk. I've made a special message for all hubbers...

http://tinyurl.com/lxxyspeaks2 listen to it as many times as you need. ;)

I, too, pine to see comments, great comments at that. Hopefully I just left you one. ;)

In Lightspeed,

lxxy


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@lxxy - Thanks for the comments. You rock too! Great message! I've read things about the old days of how Hubpages used to be before this HubChallenge thing and everyone made it sound like HP was cooler and more friendly before the challenge. We'll see. I'm often too tired to put together a creative hub these days, so I may not make the 30 in 30, but it's good motivation to force me to search for interesting things to write about or look at the world in a different way - as potential article material!


Megan Mahajan profile image

Megan Mahajan 5 years ago from Salt Lake City, Utah

I LOVED this Hub, and I think a lot of us (myself DEFINITELY included) are constantly running back to hubpages to check our scores and such. It's like we put so much out there with our writing that we truly do need to be validated. We need to know that people are appreciating what we write- and that all comes down to a little number in the corner of a box.

Thanks for sharing what so many of us feel- I put a link in one of my hubs to this one so that hopefully even more people will find and read it and know that we all feel the same.

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