The Secret to Hub Traffic

My daughter, Fauna (thrown in as eye-candy).
My daughter, Fauna (thrown in as eye-candy).

By Wes J. Pimentel

After being on Hub Pages for about two weeks now, I am an expert. Well, at least that's what my profile says.

During my long and rewarding career with HP, there has always loomed overhead, a mocking ambition. An intangible goal. That one thing that can make all the difference in one's day. I'm speaking...of traffic. Yes! Traffic! I love it. Simply typing the word intoxicates me. I love all the commotion and the comments and the praise and the discussions and the insults... I could go on.

After you've been bitten by this delicious little bug, you begin to need its sting like a heroin addict. You ponder what you could possibly write to draw everyone in. You end up reading hubs, like this one, that promise the secret of driving more and more people into your web. The need for traffic and the engineering of methods to generate it begin to take up more and more of your mind. You begin to wonder if from even the most mundane tasks you could render a great hub like, "I just made my daughter a bottle... I wonder if people would want to read about that..."

Part of the addiction manifests as the compulsion to obsessively check your account for signs of activity. Those little red triangles are like mini-orgasms. Little passion-red peaks, each testifying to your literary brilliance. Conversely, the blue ones are like mocking schoolchildren; so tiny, so infuriating, but insulated against any feeble attack from you.

It was during my last account-check that I came across the holy grail of Hub Pages traffic generation. There were many little blue triangles occupying my stats chart. Like a general looking over the battlefield at all the insurgents bent on my defeat, I surveyed the carnage for any signs of hope. One shining glimmer remained. Just there... so delicately triumphant. My only hope took the form of a hub I wrote long ago, before I ever even knew about Hub Pages. Ironic that it would be this particular piece, as its subject has caused me so much suffering over the years. It was The Vagina Diatribe; with its ridiculous amount of traffic. The Vagina Diatribe.

I wondered what it was about this particular piece that made it so alluring, so attractive to the passive reader. The answer was so painfully obvious I had to laugh. It was not my impressive wielding of our language. It was not my literary prowess. Although I would have loved to take the credit, I knew the answer was far more simple. Vagina. It has the word "vagina" in the title.

Upon realizing it I had one of those movie-villain-laugh-cries. The one where my body slumps over and you think I'm crying until I raise my tear-drenched face in laughter. It was then that I made my solemn vow. Henceforth, nary a single literary work would leave these hands without the word "vagina" in the title. The title of every one of my future hubs will bare the mark.

Crazy, you say? It can't be done, you say? We'll see, hubbers! I will have my revenge on your little blue bastards before long. Then, they'll know. EVERYONE will know! The genius of the Schwag will be touted from every mountain top! HAHAHAHhahahahahah......

OK. I got a little weird there, at the end. My bad, yo. Seriously, though. If you're worried about traffic to your hub, just put "vagina" in the title. It worked for me!

More by this Author

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    68

    This is a picture of my father, Robert, holding my daughter, Fauna. By Wes J. Pimentel My father is gay. This is the story of how I found out and the emotions I felt at the time and have felt since. I will then share...


Comments 106 comments

goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Looks like you're hooked. They're still in the experimental stages of rehab for this stuff, so my only advice is to try to walk away now, while you're still young.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I see that the bug has eaten into your system, no turning back now! Bwahahaha

Anyways, glad you decoded the message that those shifty triangles hide. Of course, no hubber in their right mind would volunteer to let you in on the secret - it's traffic so I hope you understand! LOL

Nice read :D


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Had a good laugh out of this one! :-) Besides "vagina" I think one could try "sex", "sexy", "lingerie", "hot babes", and see how that went! I wonder which of those would drag more traffic in, I'm betting it'd be a close call! Laugh!


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Uh, I just notice I'm not a fan. How come? I've read all your hubs! Going to fix that sad oversight on my part right away!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

GT - Thanks for the comment. Hopefully treatment is still an option at this point. Maybe they can wean me off with crack or heroin.

Cris A - You're an evil bastard and I hereby dub you my arch-nemesis.

Elena - Thank you for the commnts and the compliment. You are more than welcome in my fan club. Vagina.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Vaginaaaaaa --- that's the echo, Schwag!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Ahhh, the sweet sound of a woman...


ameliehub profile image

ameliehub 7 years ago from UK

Hi Schwag, I can't believe this. I am new (however old to you) to hubpages. but its unbelievable.

I was hoping there would be some tips like add photos use videos and bla-bla-bla. But here i got something else.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

ameliehub - I guess I fooled you. I'm sorry, but I just wanted to fish a bunch of people into reading this article and just get a laugh out of it. What is it that you don't believe?


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Superb writing. Very good advice. Choosing a good title is so important to generating traffic.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Thank you, sir. I enjoy your writing, as well.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I think I just did you a favor then - it's better the devil you know! :D


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

OK, Cris A. It's on, then. I think I got on this hero/villain trip after I saw "Watchmen" the other night.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

LOL which reminds me, i have to see it. i heard it's good if not quite long. what do you think (without giving a spoiler)?


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

I think I'm going to write a review of it. It is awesome. The only thing I will tell you is that it's 2hrs 45min long and I could have watched it for another hour.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

So it is long! Which is a good thing for me as I want good movies to go the extra mile (or hour in this case). Thanks, I'll take your word for it. Besides I can always get back at you if this is some sick joke (by way of flagging of course! LOL) Thanks :D


Laila Rajaratnam profile image

Laila Rajaratnam 7 years ago from India

Schwag.. Enjoyed your hub! Mine has that blue triangles ever so often but now I know how to view them-like a general at insurgents..lol!:)


Amy G 7 years ago

Oh St. Schwag. I do enjoy sarcasm such as mine... the only thing more effective than YOU putting Vagina in all your hub titles would be ME putting Vagina into all of mine! Got you there, didn't I???

Nice hub, and you're right about the addictive nature of it all. I prefer to call it CrackPages. Thanks for the read.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Cris A - Yes, please see it and let me know what you thought.

Laila - My pleasure, and please feel free to borrow my visualizations, anytime.

Amy G - Your ploy will work, as long as I don't replace my profile picture with that of a bikini model. Take that! (BTW - It sounds funny when you say "putting vagina into all of mine," - it's like putting your heart into it, with a twist).


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Hawkesdream -Thanks for the comment and the compliment. I think that would work nicely. Or you could do "FREE from SEX addiction". That would be cool. I think you meant Bloody good laugh. A bloody God laugh is something different, altogether. Morbidly divine.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Hey Wes, I'm sorry to inform you that you have just missed out on seeing your medal for 1K views! So would I be right in saying that your account is peppered with little orgasms as I wirte this? Anyway, congratulations! :D


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

How funny!!! Congratulations and the word "vagina" must not be forgotten!!Lol:)


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Cris A - Not sure what you mean by "missed," nor what you mean by a medal? What did I miss? What medal? Did someone receive it for me, like a stand-in actor receiving an Oscar for someone else? Thanks for the congrats. Yes, I've been viewed over 1,000 times. PEEPING TOMS!

AEvans - Thanks, homey. Did I trick you as well? Vagina.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I believe you certainly did!!!Lol:)


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Awww. Don't feel bad. We all want more traffic.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

mmmm.. Check out "Naughty in the bedroom it is certainly getting traffic from outside sources...:) Just thought I would share. :)


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

OOoohhh. I can see why that title would garner some activity. I will go right now. (Please don't tell my wife I'm running to your bedroom). Oops! Hi, honey...


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Spoken like a true Hub Junkie!! Welcome to my world! I am obsessed!! I get soo excited when my traffic is increasing, and get mad, and wonder what I did wrong when it goes back down again. I keep updating, changing things around, just hoping that there is some magical combination of capsules that will drive my traffic through the roof!!


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

My masturbation Hub was brutally cut short but was on its way to bigger and better things!

Boobs, ass, vagina, sex, hot women, college co-eds, blah, blah....It is all in the title...


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Yes, it definately met a rather premature end. So sad, I had hoped it would last longer. How often I am disappointed...


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

AMB - Thanks for the comments. THe commentary on this hub has felt like an AA meeting from the beginning. Hi, I'm Schwag and I'm a hubaholic...

Pest - I was wondering if you intended on editing and re-releasing your masturbation once again (disgusting pun intended).


Amy G 7 years ago

Oh Schwag~ Are you implying that i have a bikini model on my profile??? That's me, YO! I'm proud of that chit, too! Do you recognize that bay? You better be able to name that bay.

And ya, now that you mention it - I could have worded that whole vagina thing a little differently...


Amy G 7 years ago

Okay. The pic on my profile is really pest. He asked me not to reveal, but I feel you're on to me...sorry pest, I'm a terrible friend.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Amy G - OK, first, I made that comment before you changed your profile picture to the one of you in your swimming attire. I simply meant that if you're going to play the "I'm a girl, so when I say 'vagina' it's better than Schwag saying it" card, I might counter with the old "I'm a guy, but on the internet I'm a sexy little vixen" card. That's all. Now, about your new pic - you are obviously an attractive woman, but this pic is not sexy in any way. What is that? Islamic porn? I can barely see your shoulders! And your kid is in the picture, c'mon! About the bay - is it in Hawaii? If so, I'm not familiar. I've only been here a couple of months. Holla!


Amy G 7 years ago

lmao!! now i have to change it again! Guess that one went right over my head, eh? Islamic porn? lol! It wasn't meant to be sexy anyway, pumpkin. And yes, it's Oahu. Hamauna Bay. I'm gonna go change my pic now that you've riddled it with thoughts it didn't want to carry! ... dammit. Guess we have to go back to children of the corn.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

I hate those little blue triangles too! They are annoying!

By the way, Beautiful child!


Amy G 7 years ago

There, smartass. I replaced it with my "I wonder if I could do Islamic Porn" expression.

And I agree with Tom - wicked cute kid.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Tom - You are the first hubber to comment on my little girl's picture, thank you. That's the other high-traffic secret; you gotta have a hot chick on the picture. Screw blue triangles!!

Amy G - Duh, dork. I know it wasn't meant to be sexy. That was my whole point. Don't worry, ain't nobody thinking about you, dang. I got a man! I mean... wife. Sorry, I got a little too "urban" female there.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Amy G - I just lookeed at the picture you put up. HA HA. I friggin laughed out loud. That shit is funny. Now, every time I look at that picture I'm going to be hearing middle-eastern music and picturing you flashing your wrists and ankles. Woo Woo!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Hey Schwag, check out The Girls and Aunties Holy hub. That is some weird shit!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

OK, I will. I'm writing right now, though, so not til later. I'm working on my next hub. Wanna know what it's about? NEVER!!!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

I don't get it. Are they trying to do some sort of mail order or date thing?


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

I'm going to sleep. Good luck writing! :)


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Paint porn?


Amy G 7 years ago

Here's what you said:

"this pic is not sexy in any way. What is that? Islamic porn?"

Here's what I said:

"Uh, ya genius...it wasn't supposed to be." Don't worry, nobody's lookin at you either! I'm signing off, comment twister - it's just too late on the mainland for this confusion!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Yes. I'm writing about paint porn. Whatever the hell that is.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Amy G - I like you. Let's be friends. I take it back. I like your shoulders. and your kid, and your corn. See? This is why I have no friends.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Once in a while HP "honors" achievements (is 10th hub, 100 fans, 1000 views etc) with medals that run through Hubtivity along with the comments, posts, fanning etc. :D


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

AAAaaaahhhhh. OK, I got it. I just published the Watchmen review. Check it out!


raiderfan profile image

raiderfan 7 years ago from Arizona

dude your wierd.


Amy G 7 years ago

Schwag~ Fine, we can be friends. Frustrating little shit.

raiderfan~ Ya, he's weird. But that's why we like him.


Abhishek87 profile image

Abhishek87 7 years ago from India

What a secret :D 

Working on it right way :P


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

raiderfan - Thanks for the comment. You sound like another hubber who got tricked by my title. Sorry, figure out your own methods for traffic generating.

Amy G - Frustrating little shit...Hmmm, where have I heard that before? Ah, yes. That's what my mom calls me. And my wife. And my older brother. And that guy at the store...

Abhishek87 - Yes, let me know how it goes for you.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

This is really fun, better than comedians ,think I'll visit your sites loads.

Oh and I did mean,'bloody good laugh' lol


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Hawkesdream - Thanks. Please do stay and explore. I have a lot of content that is reportedly a riot. BTW - what did you mean by "comedians"? Did you just mean comedians in general, or is there a section on HP that is for comedians?


DarleneMarie profile image

DarleneMarie 7 years ago from USA

Welcome to Hubpages Schwag. I Love your writing style and can't wait to read more!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Darlene Marie - Thanks for the welcome and the compliment. I'll be checking out your work.


AshleyVictoria profile image

AshleyVictoria 7 years ago from Los Angeles

Schwag - Hilarious Hub! I have found it funny that the hubs I write for a personal giggle often get the most traffic as opposed to hubs I write when trying to be serious.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

AshleyVictoria - Thanks for the comment and the compliment. I hear you about the unexpected traffic. It's crazy what will drive up traffic. Interestingly enough, this piece here is doing quite well. I guess that "traffic," like "vagina" is a hot topic for hubbers.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Well Schwag, this hub is a hubnugget nominee! So vagina does it again! LOL Do click on this link to vote and ask all your vagina friends to come and vote for you too. http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March19-... Of course, the more the merrier. And if you get to be on the top 5, you will have the chance to have more traffic. So hopefully the blue triangles will turn red. :-) Have fun and congratulations!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Hey Schwag, enjoyed your hub, gave me a giggle and your little girl is gorgeous!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

Boy, I must be boring! My best viewed hub is a flan recipe, maybe flan means vagina in another language? You should do a hub on the 10 best vagina songs, you know like, "My Vagina" by the Knack!

Oops, I went to get you the link from YouTube and of course it's "My Sharona"...however, the first fits well also :))

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVdnqEyToqg

BTW I got a really good laugh from your hub!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

ripplemaker - Thanks for the heads-up on the nugget business. I was wondering what the hell a hubnugget was. So, as I understand it, it's a sort of people's choice hub, right?

cindyvine - Thanks for the comment and the compliment. My greatest joy is making people laugh. I must agree, my daughter is absolutely breathtaking (thanks).

k@ri -Your name generates a hyperlink. Strange. Anyway, thanks for the comment, it was really funny. From now on my wife are going to refer to vaginas as "her flan". I just checked for vagina songs on YouTube. Wow. There are tons of them. I might do a hub on it.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

I don't understand the hyperlink, can you explain? I am glad I gave you a laugh! I laughed out loud when I read your reply! My son wanted to know what I was laughing about, I couldn't answer, but it made me laugh more.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

k@ri - What I mean is that when I type the "at" symbol, the computer interprets it as an email address and makes it a hyperlink within the comment. Why couldn't you answer your son? Why not just say, "Mommy's laughing about Schwag's vagina colloquialism joke." He might get a chuckle himself.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

This hub has been nominated as this week's HubNugget. For a review of all the nominees, check this out and vote!!

http://hubpages.com/community/Spring-HubNugget-Rev


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

Congratulations Schwag, you deserve it..well done


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

You are right, he probably would have laughed! Thanks for explaining hyperlink...as long as it's not something bad, I'm good.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Hawkesdream - Thanks! I feel honored

k@ri - He would probably ask about the word "colloquialism," rather than vagina.


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

True, very true :D


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Do you think it would be a good idea to do a weekly nugget review?


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Soooooooooooooo, now I know why my hubs have not all gotten a lot of traffic. They have been missing the magic word! Thanks for the heads up! Ha!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Peggy W - No problem. If you liked it, please make sure and vote for it, at the hubnugget hub:

http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March19-...

Thanks!


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

I think doing a weekly review is a great idea! I wish I had thought of it, although I doubt if I could write the extremely constructive reviews you have written! I felt like you gave very good feedback, and I've reread a couple trying to see from your view point. I've already identified a couple of mistakes I make by doing this. I really wish you would keep doing it


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

It's decided, then. Where do I go to find each week's nominees as soon as possible?


RKHenry profile image

RKHenry 7 years ago from Your neighborhood museum

Look at you go. Your hub is great. Your comment section makes me jealous. How did you get such a high hub score on this already? Fantasic job! Now do I have your permission to hate you? I'm just kidding!!! I am very jealous of your success. I think its AWESOME! Congrats. Your daughter is too cute.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Thanks, fellow hubber. I can't take all the credit. I'm sure a lot of this hub's success comes from the fact that it was nominated as a hub nugget. Have you voted? Thanks for the comment and the compliment and the hate!! I love it!!


britneydavidson profile image

britneydavidson 7 years ago from united kingdom

thanx for sharing your view....you are right such kind of topics get really popular.like i have seen some hot (lol) pics of some beautiful actress that hubs get really popular...well anyway that means have to work hard....thanx for sharing your views...thanx


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

britneydavidson - For a second I thought Jessica Alba read my hub. It's funny what gets traffic around here. If you liked this, you might enjoy my other stuff. Don't forget to become a fan! Are you familiar with the HubNuggets thing? If so, and you haven't voted yet, please vote for me and I'll lower your taxes. If you're not familiar, it's basically a contest between a few of the top hubs. This hub here was nominated. If you dug it, please vote here:

http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March19-...

Thanks!


supercibor profile image

supercibor 7 years ago from Dominican Republic

This Vagina is like a train everybody want to be on board. It works but I still believe that researching and placing the right keywords in your hubs can get you more traffic slowly but rewarding at a long term.

It was fun to read your hub.

Congratulations

Hector


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

supercibor - QUE PASA, VIEJO!?!? Aunque es Dominicano, todavia le agradezco el comentario. Just kidding. Thank you for the comment. Obviously I agree with you about the methods for traffic generating. This hub is merely a joke, although a joke that has generated plenty of traffic, itslef. I like the sound of your hub about generating traffic using video for one's site. I'll check it out.


IIIIZ 7 years ago

Hey Crackhead

Throwing in a vagina doesn't make you Lenny Bruce!

Psych!

Keep up the good work.

Dad


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Thanks, Dad. I wonder if you figured out how to vote.


Broadsider profile image

Broadsider 7 years ago from United Kingdom

What's a vagina?


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Broadsider - According to the hub titled "The Vagina Diatribe," "the human vagina is the most dynamic body part in all of creation."


imadork profile image

imadork 7 years ago from St. Peters, MO

I'm going to insert "Fleshlight" into all my hub titles. Then I lean back in my office chair with a cigar in my mouth, laughing heartily at the sight of all those red triangles.


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Damn! Why didn't I think of that?! Next time write something about condoms. ;)


Lwelch profile image

Lwelch 7 years ago from USA

I love your writing style. Seems more blod than hubpage but I love the use of your words... Do you write outside of your hubs? I suspect you might from you use of words! So, what I have learned is that I need to rename my pages to "Broccoli is bad for me? Questions and answers about Coumadin and how it affects your vagina.", "Factor V Leiden, not a vaginal disease", "Factor V Leiden and Hypercoagulation, A Cause of Multiple Miscarriages, Clotting, and High Risk Pregnancy- when your vagina might need some help.", Blood Thinners: Anticoagulants, Thrombolytics, and Antiplatelets - drugs that don't affect your sex drive or your vagina.", "Recessions, the Great Depression, and Now (Why We Should All Be Optomistic and not worry so much about our vaginas", Sticky Blood? Questions And Answers About Pulmonary Embolism, Deep Vein Thrombosis, Clotting, and Factor V Leiden information for a healthy body, lungs, and vagina", and "What The Heck Is Thrombophilia? Will it affect my vagina?" I wonder if I should add penis in there... it might add something. Maybe penis is more attention grabbing than vagina. Okay, enough silliness, off to other things....


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

imadork - Enjoy all that red. What's a fleshlight? OH! I get it. FLESH-light. That's great.

mayhmong - I wouldn't write about condoms. I'm kind of a loose cannon, so I don't believe in too much safety.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Lwelch - Your comment was hilarious. I assume you're some sort of medical professional. Thanks for the comment and the compliment. I highly recommend renaming all your hubs. Then, just sit back and watch all the mini-o's pour in.


imadork profile image

imadork 7 years ago from St. Peters, MO

The Fleshlight is a male masterbation device.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

imadork - OK, now I remember hearing about that thing. My wife has threatened to buy me one for when she gets deployed.

Mighty Mom - That's hilarious. You don't talk like a mom. Are moms allowed to say, "hot vagina?"


imadork profile image

imadork 7 years ago from St. Peters, MO

If the girls can have their toys, why not us guys?


Rudra profile image

Rudra 7 years ago

I just leave it to the search engines.


dagny roth profile image

dagny roth 7 years ago from Neverland

LOL! Very funny. I especially enjoyed the conniving "Villian" laugh! I am eagerly awaiting more of your "Vagina" Hubs!


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

imadork - It just seems a little high-tech to me. I'm a man of simple tastes. I don't even use lube. Pest puts me to shame.

Rudra - Thanks for the comment.

dagny roth - Thanks for the comment. There already is one, entitled The Vagina Diatribe. HAve you already read it?


Lwelch profile image

Lwelch 7 years ago from USA

Almost was a meidcal professional but I failed my Occupational Therapy clinicals... oops. So, now I sell cars. Live near Ohio? I'll sell you one. Despite that though I am very comfortable with medical research and after surviving blood clots I have begun to share my knowledge with the world.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Lwelch - Thanks. Well, I'm sure we all appreciate you doing your part. Is Hawaii near Ohio?


Whikat 7 years ago

Thank you for the good laugh out loud that I really needed at the moment.

I can relate to what you are saying. While looking for vids to put on my hubs, I noticed that the videos at youtube with the highest rankings and traffic were unfortunately the ones that had the most obscenity, go fiqure. Great hub.

Sincerely,

Whikat


Lwelch profile image

Lwelch 7 years ago from USA

Well, Ohio is in the same country as Hawaii.... does that count?


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Lwelch 7 years ago from USA

Okay, on a whim I have added "the effect on sex drive" to my Warfarin/coumadin page title. Lets see what happens. I had 8-10 hits a few times a week - other times 1-3. I swear the load speed of hubpages affects google SEO or something... anyways... was time for a funny experiement.


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Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

Whikat - Thanks for the comment. It's crazy, but it's so true. Sex sells and there is no argument against it, because we keep proving it true.

Lwelch - Let me know how that goes. We need to identify a "hot list" of words to include in our hub titles. People might abuse the power, though. We'll end up with hubs titled "Hard Drive Upgrade for HOT SEX!!" and "Awesome Cupcake Recipe for NAKED COLLEGE CHICKS!!"


fatty448 profile image

fatty448 7 years ago from texas

yo p that was a trip, but i dont see the bubbles.wait, do you mean the one im writing in now. Oh snap.I think i got it 


fatty448 profile image

fatty448 7 years ago from texas

oh yeah the only reason I said" what vagina commericals" is because I wanted to act like they did'nt exist. Thanks ass ho. I got to go, lifetime is having a special on the benifits of pads with wings.

post script:your daughter is vary beautiful.


Schwag profile image

Schwag 7 years ago from Clarksville, TN Author

fatty448 - DIRTY!!! What's up, man. You found me. Sweet. I love you, man. I'm just getting established here in HI, and will soon have a little nook where I can draw. If you still need designs, I'll be able to help. So, did you vote, bum? You better.


Joe 7 years ago

C'mon who doesnt know what a fleshlight is... geez. Check out my site and you'll find out more than you want to know :)

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