Welcome to the HubLoyalty Program

Are you loyal? Sure you are.

By now, your designer snakeskin wallet should be bulging with loyalty cards. Each time you purchase a hamburger or have your cat dewormed, thoughtfully forward-thinking vendors offer to scan your card, creating a permanent digital record of your participation in their business. Somewhere in the Internet Cloud resides a database commemorating your fealty toward those who would sell you stuff.

Eventually, after sufficient scans, you receive discounts on goods and services. Either that, or the business is bailed out by the government and your account resets to zero.

We don't want to miss out. This craze could end tomorrow if society collapses and gold becomes our only fungible asset. It could happen: the Mayans predicted it.

What is HubLoyalty?

Each time you read one of my hubs, you earn loyalty points. These points can be redeemed for valuable rewards such as browser cookies and other stuff we have not thought of yet. Eventually we hope to partner with major corporations in order to provide you, the coveted reader, with a plethora of desirable goodies. Look forward to earning time-share rentals, Windows Upgrades, and HubMentoring, just to mention a few of the more exciting items on our list.

Why is HubLoyalty?

Here at the Institute of the Painfully Obvious, we crave your eyeballs. We want you reading our hubs. We desire for your Home Page to point to us. If you're not reading our articles, you're not loyal. Be loyal, OK?

To that end, we contrived the HubLoyalty program. As with all HubPages come-ons, it consists of the word 'hub' prepended to some other word, creating a new word intended to confound the search engines.

How does HubLoyalty Work?

We already told you how it works, but this hub is too short anyway. HubLoyalty points accumulate as you, a faithful reader, read more and more of my hubs. Simply punch a hole in your loyalty card after completely absorbing a hub. Skimming doesn't count, leaving a vacuous comment that gives no indication whether or not you actually read the hub doesn't count, perusing the first and last paragraphs doesn't count. If you're not willing to commit to a total commitment to the hub, feel free to browse over to the collected works of Stan Fletcher or go look at some funny videos on YouTube. Subway doesn't consider you loyal if you stroll in and order a cup of water: don't expect lower expectations from us.

How do you enroll in HubLoyalty?

Simply download and print the HubLoyalty card, included below. Completely fill out the card and you are officially enrolled. Failure to fill in every field on the card may cause you to lose points or be unenrolled from the program. Try to do your best.

Here is your free HubLoyalty card. Cherish it.
Here is your free HubLoyalty card. Cherish it.

How do you participate in HubLoyalty?

Upon downloading your Official HubLoyalty card and completely completing all the required fields, take a digital photo of yourself cherishing your card. Email the photo to HubLoyalty@gmail.com. If you are accepted into the program, your photo will be posted here for enshrinement into the HubLoyalty Hall of Fame. If you are not accepted into the program, expect to get really depressed because we plan to accept everyone who applies.

FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions about the HubLoyalty Program

Q. How do I redeem my HubLoyalty points?

A. Don't be greedy. Have patience, grasshopper. Participation in the program is its' own reward.

Q. What is the best way to cherish my HubLoyalty Card?

A. If you have to ask, you are not worthy of the program. Go and read some hubs by Ryan Kett: perhaps that will teach you to appreciate what you have.

Q. Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?

A. Henry Aaron.

Q. Is participation in the HubLoyalty program mandatory?

A. No, but all the cool kids are joining.

Q. Does the HubLoyalty Card include discounts or special offers in any other loyalty programs?

A. We are in the process of negotiating excitingly special deals with Stoples.com, Amazen.com, and Macrosoft.com.

More by this Author


Comments 16 comments

CrazyGata profile image

CrazyGata 4 years ago from Puerto Rico

Funny thing you said "grasshopper" I found your Hub by hopping. No need to punch my card, I lose them after a while anyhow. I gladly pat myself in the back for stopping by!


Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 4 years ago from SE MA

I have too many punches. There is nowhere left to make a hole.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Can I use the card to fly or maybe get a toaster?


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Hilarious and great fun to read. Voting this Up and Funny.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I made up my Loyalty card, nicomp, as you suggested but I couldn't convince my bank it was a valid I.D. for check cashing.


SEXYLADYDEE profile image

SEXYLADYDEE 4 years ago from Upstate NY

Was having a bad day. Thanks for making me smile. Btw I prefer loyalty cards I can attach to my keychain (yes Realize that's bad for my cars ignition) and I would rather you keep track of me by keeping my old phone number in your system (so when u decide to call you won't get me!)

Dee


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

That was some of the most hilarious writing I've read in a while. I'm still laughing. where is you say I redeem these points? LMBO

The Frog


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

To all who have commented: your attempts to curry favor have earned you additional loyalty points. Please punch another hole in your HubLoyalty card.


Derdriu 4 years ago

nicomp, Am I too late in currying favor or may I hear the sweet sound of yet another hole in the punched round of loyalty points?

Respectfully, Derdriu

P.S. Do I get anything extra special for voting up + checking all above?


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 4 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

This was too funny. I'm still giggling! Brilliantly creative. Voted up and checked across the board.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Derdriu: You have earned another punch in your card.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Be loyal, my friends.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

This hub is currently being 'evaluated.' Stand by...


Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 4 years ago from SE MA

Ahh, "evaluation". Does humor have any place at HP now?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Evidently the eval process initiates whenever a hub is edited.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

OK, this hub passed the evaluation process. Whew.

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