My Journey with Aspergers

Living with Aspergers

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and life is a little different for us, but it is the world we know. Life is different for everyone, I guess, but those of us with Aspergers can be rather eccentric and considered a little odd at times. Some of these behaviors overlap with High Functioning Autism, which is a part of the autism spectrum.

This is what my life is like with Aspergers, the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult. All in all, I wouldn't change it for anything, but I don't like change, so there you have it.

Absolutely, this is a must. I don't like change at all. I don't rearrange my furniture. I don't like clutter. I'm not spontaneous. I am driven by routine. Now, I'm not one of those people who run themselves ragged cleaning every little spot in the house. I mean, that's boring, and work. I have kids, and kids are messy, so if I want to totally stress out, I'll try to pick up every single little crumb. Not going to happen. I've learned how to deal with a little clutter, change, and when they move my favorite TV show to a different day. Why do they do that? It's so irritating, but that's probably true for everyone.

A day in my life is nearly the same from day to day. I love the routine of it. I don't have many friends, but I like it like that because they might come over, and that just irritates me. My home is my sanctuary from the chaos of the world, and if someone drops by, even family, they throw a wrench in my routine. My kids get me, and we get along really well, so when they come over, they are not offended if I stick to my routine. If I disappear at 11:00 to shower when they come over, they are okay with that, but if my siblings or parents come over, I secretly can't wait until they leave. Not because I don't like them, I do, but it is stressful. I know its kinda mean and selfish, but I'm just telling the truth here, which is something people with Asperger's Syndrome are known for, their honesty.

Yes, that is really my living room, simple, clutter free, and very relaxing. I love it!

Okay, I've since had to move, and my house is still being built, but when it is finished, it will probably look much the same.

Wow, I hope my family does not read this, odds are they won't, and I'm considering removing that part about wanting them to leave, but that's something else those of us with Aspergers sometimes do, we say what ever pops into our heads without thinking it over first, no matter how tactless it is. It isn't our intention to be mean, it just seems that way.

I hate driving, and I will not drive in the city unless it is almost a life or death situation. I can't handle the chaos of traffic and lights and sounds associated with driving in the city. It's like seeing, hearing, and focusing on everything at once. The sensory overload is excruciating. My brain just wants to shut down. I will have nightmares about city driving. I have no problem walking in the city, just driving. Needless to say, I don't go places often. I do most of my shopping in the small town where I live, or online. I hate to shop anyway. I don't ask for a ride anywhere, because I hate being on someone else's schedule, and this is my affliction, so I won't ask someone else to put up with this weakness of mine. I hate asking for a favor, and will avoid it at almost all cost. Mainly because I hate the thought of owing someone anything. Honestly, I really wish I could drive in the city, and I did celebrate my daughter's 16th birthday at a hotel for the weekend, and traffic was horrible, but it was that important to me. It's just so ridiculously hard...and my head is starting to hurt just thinking about it.

Most people with Aspergers are over-sensitive or under-sensitive to sensory input. I'm definitely in the over-sensitive category.

Hyperlinked photo courtesy of kcjc under CC license.

Speaking of driving...

Some people with Aspergers can get a bit obsessive over things, negative and positive. One of the things I obsess over is the tires on my car. Yeah, silly, I know. I have very good tires on my car, but I hate the way they sound on the road, so I have to turn up the music to drown out the sound. I also obsess over the air in the tires. I keep thinking they are too low on air, and they aren't. Every time I approach my car, I'm looking at the tires. Gosh, they look flatter than they did yesterday, and no, everything is fine. I keep imaging them falling off my car and rolling down the road. No, it's never happened, but I still imagine it. Then there's the flat tire. I've never had a flat tire while I'm driving, but the thought of it bugs the heck out of me.

There's my car, a Hyundai Sonata which has never given me any trouble.

Talking to myself

Wow, if only there was a hidden camera or microphone in my house, not that I encourage it, but you'd think I was a little nuts. I talk to myself a lot, and I mean...a lot! As a matter of fact, I'm repeating aloud much of what I'm writing at this time. Why do I do this? I have no clue, except maybe it's practicing for the real thing. I guess I like communicating, and I don't have to worry about what I'm saying being misconstrued or considered rude or boring.

I also comment aloud about what's happening on the TV, even when there's no one to hear it. To be honest, and you'll think I'm teetering on the edge of insanity, but I'll also hold imaginary conversations when no one is around. I'll imagine scerarios and hold the conversations aloud. No, I don't speak for everyone in this imaginary scenario, I only speak for myself, and imagine the answers of the others. What would you think if you heard me going on and on to someone who wasn't there? She's nuts! But what's wrong with having an active imagination? It can be a lot of fun! I'm not the only one with Aspergers Disorder/Syndrome who does this. I found that living a fantasy life is a common thing among Aspies when I was on the Wrong Planet forum.

Actually, I rarely talk to myself when someone else is around to hear it. I don't want to be committed and drowned like poor King Ludwig II,( many think he was actually suffereing from Aspergers Syndrome). Now, I don't think we can blame Aspergers for that rumor about his penchant for midnight campfires around which danced naked men, but really, who can blame him? That sounds like my kind of campfire.

Many people with Aspergers frequently talk to themselves.

Oh my, I would spin for hours up until I was about 20 years old, and even now, my favorite carnival rides are the ones that spin. I was also a rocker, not the musical kind, but I would sit and rock back and forth almost every time I sat down. These motions were so comforting to me. It was almost a compulsion. I love rocking chairs, although I don't own one. My son is a spinner and rocker, and I notice that he does it when it gets too loud somewhere, or when there is someone he doesn't know well around. He also does it to music, and just zones out for a while. I totally get that! Today, As I got older, I've switched from rocking to bouncing or shaking my legs. I can't just sit, I have to move something. I don't know if it is the Asperger's, or just something I just have a compulsion to do for no real reason. I also have a hammock in my front yard, and I don't lie down in it, I sit up and swing in it almost every day, unless it is too cold outside. It is so calming.

Spinning, rocking, repitive hand movements and the like, are classic for those with Aspergers.

Hyperlinked photo courtesy of izoom under CC license.

Extreme interests in selective subjects

I like medieval history and certain sciences, but I am not obsessed with them, they are just too broad as subjects. My obsessions are that I can sit and play solitaire for 6 hours straight, no joke. I can also fix a jigsaw puzzle from morning to night, without even remembering to eat. Don't dare come and try to help me though, because I didn't ask you to, and it will just irritate me unless I invite you (which I do only to be nice, not because I want your help). I play the exact same scenario in Heroes of Might and Magic over and over. I use the same characters, get the same abilities, and play the same map. I've played the same one hundreds of times, easily. I don't understand why. I just do.

Yeah, we get quite involved with our interests.

Now, I'll talk about medieval history because that's an interesting subject to me, I'll talk about astronomy, geography, the paranormal, or just about anything that is educational. I like having deep conversations, even when I don't know much about the topic I'll be an enthralled listener, but the idle chatter? Why? I can do the chatter thing long enough to be polite, and if there's humor, I'm totally thrilled, but I just get bored with hearing about your bridal shower, and I'm just pretending I want to see a picture of your latest boyfriend. I guess it sounds like I'm a total -----, but I'm not, I'm actually really nice, and I understand you are proud of your wedding and your boyfriend, but I need you to understand that I just don't get why you are telling me these things..

Many people with Aspergers are seen as aloof and arrogant. We just don't always need the kind of social network other people do. There are those with Aspergers who really do want to make friends and belong, they just haven't learned the accepted social norms, so they are teased, or called rude. They have a lot of trouble with social interactions. I did at one time, but I've learned how to interact within the norm, my problem is that I get easily bored with them.

People with Aspergers have a peculiar relationship with language. Some have a highly developed language, but can't use it adequately. Some have a problem with metaphors and take things literally. Some stutter, or did as a child. Some have a problem understanding sarcasm or humor.

Me? I can be quite sarcastic, understand metaphors, (although my first thought is the literal meaning), and have no problem with humor whatsoever, dry humor being my favorite type. What I have a lot of trouble with is putting my thoughts into words. I have trouble describing anything. I think in pictures and images, and the words don't come to me easily. I wish I could just transfer images to you, and not have to find a way to describe to you how I'm feeling or seeing your question. Most people just want a quick answer, so I've learned all the accepted responses.

The weird thing is, I know a lot of vocabulary, and can understand a lot, but I tend to use the same adjectives over and over, like: cool, awesome, amazing, weird, a lot, (which I noticed after reading through this). It takes a lot for me to talk to a person and express what I'm thinking, the vocabulary just doesn't come to me. Writing is easier because I can go back and re-write something so that it is better understood, or pause while trying to come up with the right word, but talking to someone on the spot...I usually have to really think about what I'm going to say.

Hyperlinked photo courtesy of nofrills under CC license.

Where I put my furniture is where it will stay for the rest of my life, unless I have to rearrange it out of necessity. My dishes will stay in their place, not moved to a different cabinet. I will park in the same spot unless it is taken. I really hate change, and you can imagine how being a foster child was so incredibly difficult for me, not that it is easy for anyone, mind you. Actually, I think being in foster care exacerbated some of the Aspergers behavior, but it also forced me to keep a lot of it hidden. Now, I don't completely freak out over change, but I have to allow myself some time to absorb it. I was a military wife for 16 years, and things were changing all the time, but there was notice beforehand, so I was able to put myself in a certain mindset. I actually looked forward to seeing new places and experiencing new cultures, but the move was crazy stressful. Once settled, I drank in the beauty of these new places and did not want to leave.

My ex used to invite people over for dinner and surprise me with only a couple hours notice, or allow our kids friends to spend the night nearly EVERY WEEKEND! That would drive me nuts!

Hyperlinked photo courtesy of danshouse under a CC license.

It has been said that some people with Aspergers have problems with empathy, and sometimes it has to be learned. They say if your child has Aspergers, you may have to teach them empathy and compassion. I'm not exactly sure what the criteria for my empathy and compassion is, but I have to be careful not to let it consume me. Sometimes, I believe I am cursed with compassion, and it takes a lot for me to let go of it. I can walk a thousand miles in another man's shoes if I choose, but I have to be so careful, because I have trouble taking them off, and that can be damaging to the soul. I try not to watch the news or read the newspaper for this reason. I still think about things that happened years ago.

I have just come to the realization that I show no empathy or sympathy when I am around people. I become detached, and I believe it is because I cannot handle the out-pouring of emotion of others. I think this is why many believe those with Aspergers are incapable of empathy/sympathy. When I am alone, I can cry over a silly commercial! I actually cried once because of how they were treating the caveman in a Geico commercial. Yeah, I realize that's kind of weird, but welcome to my life.

My son has Asperger's and I've seen the same thing in him. I've seen him struggle to control emotion when around other people, especially negative emotion, and then he'll shut down and show no emotion, and go about his day. It doesn't mean he has no capacity for the emotion, but that it becomes overwhelming.

Social cues

Many people with Aspergers don't understand body language, voice inflections, and other social cues. They have trouble looking someone in the eye, or just the opposite, they practically stare you down. I probably had trouble with understanding the body language, but being a foster child taught me how to read people. Becoming withdrawn and watching people like a hawk taught me a few things about body language. I'm not sure if it is exactly the body language or if it is that I feel what they are thinking or how they are receiving me. Perhaps it is a combination of several things, but a man in Panama came up to me out of the blue and said he felt that I had the gift of discernment, so maybe it's that. I do feel things about people.

I think those of us on the autism spectrum may be more intuitive than we are given credit for. Perhaps that is nature's way of making up for the lack of abilities in other things, like understanding social cues, or maybe it is something we develop out of necessity. Of course, that doesn't mean we know how to react to those intuitive feelings, or what to do with them!

Some of us with Aspergers have trouble focusing on just one sound. If you are talking to me while two people beside me are holding their own conversation, you need to really speak up, because I am unable to tune them out, or any other sounds that may be around. You have to speak loudly enough to drown out the other sounds. Don't mumble, because I won't be able to understand you. I hear the wind blowing through the trees, the leaves rustling, the birds singing, the sound of my own breathing (at times), and I have no idea what you are saying. It's worse in the restaurant. I have to focus so much on what someone is saying while the microwave is beeping, the fries are sizzling, the cooler is running, the cacophony of yakking voices, the sound of people walking on the tile floor, the dishes rattling, and a slew of noises I can't distinguish. Believe me, I'm not trying to lay my head on your shoulder, so quit grinning, I just can't hear you.

Some people with Aspergers can focus so intently on a sight or sound that all else completely fades away. I can't do this.

Hyperlinked photo courtesy of surfzone under a CC license.

Alienating people

I have quite the talent for this. I am kind (unless you REALLY irritate me), intelligent, and confident, but I probably will not talk to you unless I have something I need to say. I usually don't want to meet new people in person, however, it doesn't bother me online, because I know you won't surprise me by showing up at my door, uninvited. Hosting is something I'm terrible at, and it is so incredibly stressful for me!

So back to the alienation. I am not much of a chit-chatter, so I will just sit quietly and listen...maybe. If there are more than two of you, then I will probably leave and stand somewhere alone. Many people think this is arrogance or shyness. It is neither, since the more people there are, the more talking and over-talking and chaos. I just don't like it, unless it is a truly engaging conversation. I used to work in a restaurant in small-town Alabama, where there weren't very many in-depth conversations. By the way, I hated working in the service industry. It chipped away at my soul. So loud and chaotic...

Touch

I am sensitive to touch. I don't like shaking hands and I don't like hugs at all. I do it because of social convention, but it is very uncomfortable. Touch is just so personal. It is like being touched by someone's entire being. It is like the buffer between us is gone and our personalities have touched and something is exchanged. I can't explain it well, I just know that it feels very uncomfortable. I would never be able to go to a spa. The idea of a massage is horrendous. There have been a few times when a hug was perfectly okay. Like when my son is sick, he will sit in my lap and I will put my arms around him. (He has Asperger's and also hates hugs. That is him in the picture getting a hug from his sister.) I have even had a few hugs from my friends that has been acceptable, but it was at a time of fun and sharing in one's excitement. Perhaps it was the sharing of an equal emotion with someone I was comfortable with, so there wasn't an awkwardness or disorder in it.

I remember as a child when I would have to sit next to my siblings, there were 5 of them so it happened a lot, I would smash myself up against the car door, or arm of the couch, or whatever, so they wouldn't be touching me. God forbid I would have to sit in the middle....what horror.

Other things I contribute to Aspergers

There are a few other oddities that I attribute to Aspergers, like how I have to eat one thing at a time. Put three items on my plate, and I cannot take a bite of this, and then that, and go back and forth. I don't like the tastes changing from one to the other so quickly. I eat all of one, and then move on to the next.

Many of us with Aspergers are ruled by music. OMG! I am all about the music. It just moves through me, around me, over me, it can give me chills. It's as if I feel it on my skin. I get lost in it. On the other hand, if I really don't like the song, it grates against my skin.

Don't tickle me or I will hurt you, and laugh in your face while you bleed. Really. I HATE to be tickled. My senses are over-sensitive, and that includes touch. If you really want to piss me off, tickle me. Now, if it's accidentally, okay, you're forgiven, but don't you dare do it purposely after I've told you not to.

The beauty of nature is enchanting. We see, hear, and feel it all at once. Not that other people don't, but when there's a colorful sunset, I'll be the only one at work who will stop and stare at it. Do they not see this? It doesn't matter that it was just as beautiful for the past 1,000 days in a row, I am still enthralled by it.

I used to work in a restaurant and could finally quit after 7 years. I had always hated it. The constant chaos was exhausting. This was the only thing I could do that would allow me a flexible schedule, but I dreaded going to work. Dealing with some of these ridiculous people was enough to make me wonder if the restaurant emitted a beacon for those who sit at the bottom of the gene pool. I did have a few co-workers who made my day easier. I had built up a working relationship with them over time, and actually have a few I call friends. If it weren't for them, I don't think I could have stayed as long as I did.

I don't like extreme tastes. Nothing too sweet, bitter, sour or salty. I rarely use salt. Honestly, do they have to put so much salt on french fries and potato chips? I'm not a cow, I don't sweat like a horse, so I don't need a salt lick.

Hyperlinked photos courtesy of cutiegonebad, Page Dooley, and parl under a CC license.

Learn more about Asperger's Syndrome

Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence
Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence

Drawing from his own experiences and gaining information from his teenage brother and sisters, he wrote this enlightening, honest and witty book in an attempt to address difficult topics such as bullying, friendships, when and how to tell others about AS, school problems, dating, relationships and morality.

 

Do you share some of these traits, and how do you deal with them? Now, I'm sure most people share some of these to an extent, and some of them overlap with other disorders, or no disorders at all, some may just be a person's particular personality trait, but if you share most of these, then maybe you are one of us!

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What about you? 106 comments

anonymous 7 years ago

Debra, when you share something--you just do it. I'm Tip's sister and saw you visited and squidooed over. As I read your story, I had several. "I do and don't do that also" moments. I don't think I've known anyone with Aspergers Syndrome, though I have heard that it does challenge the lives of many people. I wish I had some profoundly wonderful statement, but I just don't. I do plan to immediately email this lens to my friend Jean, who works in Special Education at a highschool. She will appreciate your insights. Thank you.


anonymous 7 years ago

My God,that could have been me....apart from the bit about clutter.I have Aspergers,but it wasn;t picked up till much later in life.I found school stressful and hated change.I am still the same,but not as bad.

I find when I am on the subway and it screeches to a halt I seem to be the only one covering their ears.I also find it hard to show an interest in people,or talk to someone about something unless it is something that interests me.Small talk bores me senseless.

As for the bit about nature....God,that is so me.I absolutely sunsets and too could never tire of them.When flying to America last year,and flying through the sky and seeing the sun setting amongst the clouds creating that beautiful orange glow that I could stare at for hours.

I too think in pictures and know what I want to say but find it much easier to think of it in a picture,than describe it.


anonymous 7 years ago

I eat one thing at a time too. When the ketchup touched my pearly white mashed potatoes I was ruined for life. I hate change. I hate chicken talk. I can relate to what you have written.


KathyRobinson1 profile image

KathyRobinson1 7 years ago

Debra - that is just beautiful writing. Thank you. There is so much of me in there that I now truly feel I am Asperger too. I have wondered but with my husband and son having Aspergers, I've always felt I've had to be the 'normal' one to hold the family together. Sometimes it can be so hard to do. I obsess about things - if I need to lose weight I'll download pages of weight loss recipes then not look at them again. At the moment it's icecream. I must eat it every night even though I'm diabetic. I cherish my silence when there's no-one else home. I can be lonely in a crowd but never when I'm on my own. I have acquaintances, not real friends and have been like this all my life. I had no friends at school and was beaten up regularly at high school. Surprisingly I enjoy amateur theatre and will play roles and wear clothes onstage that I would never dream of wearing down the street.

I am also adding this lens to my own about my son.

Thank you again for allowing me to see myself.

Kathy


LouiseKirkpatrick profile image

LouiseKirkpatrick 7 years ago from Berkshire, United Kingdom

I've emailed this page to my son who has Aspergers. I know he struggles to understand why people find him "different" in some ways and I think your words will be a lot of help to him.

Thanks so much for putting your thoughts into words :)


GrowWear 7 years ago

Methinks many more folks suffer from this than are diagnosed. Great read!


jimmielanley profile image

jimmielanley 7 years ago from Memphis, TN, USA

Such a wonderful description from YOUR very special mind/heart. Thanks for sharing. I was so fascinated by your insights into your own ways of thinking and feeling.


anonymous 7 years ago

Nice description. Very similar to me (36 year old male Aspie).


graphictruth profile image

graphictruth 7 years ago

A must read - and as an aspie, I concur with much of what you say of the experience. I'm adding this to my lens on the subject. It's a lovely antidote to all the money-grubbing hysteria on the topic that squidoo is overrun with.


poutine 7 years ago

Thanks for explaining the Aspergers syndrome so well.

I didn't know anything about it before but now I do.

I share a lot of those symptoms also.


religions7 profile image

religions7 7 years ago

Great lens - you've been blessed by a squidoo angel :)


indigoj profile image

indigoj 7 years ago from UK

I recognise myself in so much of what you say. I enjoy every word that you write. Can't believe I've only just discovered your lenses.


julieannbrady 7 years ago

My dear my heart goes out to you! Blessings to you my dear. Our experience with aspergers is through our neighbors across the street whom we will spend time with today going to a musical at their church in the afternoon -- and probably tomorrow since we have no plans for our Christmas. Their child Christina has warmed up to me and is quite talkative and communicative. It is through her struggles that I have a warm understanding. Merriest of Christmases to you my dear -- your friendship is deeply valued! Happy New Year -- rock on.


Spook LM profile image

Spook LM 7 years ago

I like having deep conversations as well. Here's wishing you a Happy New Year. Blessed by an Angel.


HikiCulture 7 years ago

Great lens.

I favorited it, gave it a star and am now following you.

I have Asperger's.


AlinaWarner 7 years ago

Great lens 5***** and favorited too! Happy 2010!


TanyaWhaley 7 years ago

Truly Awesome lens! 5 *'s and favorited! Happy New Year! Wish you all the best!


KarenTBTEN profile image

KarenTBTEN 6 years ago

You tell this story beautifully and with such voice.


anonymous 6 years ago

OMG, I feel exactly the same way you do about city driving. Total sensory overload. I don't have enough time to take it all in. It just goes by so quickly, it's like watching everything in fast forward. I tried explaining this to my former girlfriend, and she is totally unempatetic and says she doesn't know what I am talking about and that nobody else has the same problems I do with it...


anonymous 6 years ago

You did a great job with this lens! I could sooo relate to just about everything you wrote and I really enjoy your work.


anonymous 6 years ago

Very interesting post! I'm an Aspie, too (I refuse to say I "have Aspergers"; I consider it an innate trait) and I could relate to much of what you've said... although I don't have as much difficulty with change (I also grew up in a military household, and I've travelled/lived in several countries) - and I find myself unable to speak rather than say whatever is on my mind. However, there are a few subjects I'm wildly passionate about, and I find myself unable to multitask. We are all different, and yet we are all spectrum inhabitants. :)


indigoj profile image

indigoj 6 years ago from UK

I found this lens enlightening in many ways, and it is also beautifully written and attractively presented. Leaving a well deserved *~*~ Angel Blessing ~*~*


anonymous 6 years ago

I'm 24, and I can totally relate to every single thing you wrote about in this article, except that I don't have kids and I love spicy/salty food. It's almost like if I wrote it myself. I even have the same obsession about the car tires!


mich1908 profile image

mich1908 6 years ago

Thank you for your enlightening lense about Aspergers Syndrome. Though it is quite new to me but I find I shared some traits! I don't like change and social situations especially in a room with strangers are pretty stressful to me! If it's up to me I rather not attend any office meetings or any parties. Idle chatter is tough but I write pretty easily to just about anyone..You express very well and I think you have coped well despite all..


LouiseKirkpatrick profile image

LouiseKirkpatrick 6 years ago from Berkshire, United Kingdom

One of my sons has Aspergers. This lens does so much to explain what it's like to be an Aspie - thank you so much for writing it :)

Blessed by a Squid Angel :)


anonymous 6 years ago

OMG a lot of what I read freaked me out because it sounded a lot like me, lol. I thought I was the only adult who held conversations with figments of my imagination. I thought I was the only one who got supremely irritated by a knock on the door, lol. I HATE having people over to my house. My daughter is an Aspie and I wonder if I am, too.


Kylyssa profile image

Kylyssa 6 years ago from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA

My psychologist said she didn't know whether to classify me as high-functioning autistic or low-functioning Asperger's. I share many of those traits except I seldom speak aloud, even while I'm alone, unless I'm practicing a new life script to handle a new situation.

The really weird thing more than one roommate has caught me doing is holding a printed page of facial expressions and practicing them in front of the mirror in the bathroom. I've discovered I need to brush up on expressions now and again or my smiles start looking creepy or constipated and I assume my other facial expressions also take a dive.

Oh, and I'm super good at alienating people. It usually has to do with them getting mad because I fail to initiate communication enough or they don't count written communication as communication or I miss their subtext.


LisaAuch1 profile image

LisaAuch1 6 years ago from Scotland

I worked with a child who had Aspergers, he taught me a knew way of understanding, and I learned so much from him. He was a wonderfully talented child, although he had had a difficult upbringing. It was hard to gain a trusting relationship where he eventually felt safe enough to seek me out within the school if he was becoming distressed, once we managed this he did not get into "trouble" but all the "trouble" was, was no-one understood, or had taken the time to understand him, I hope the time we spent together meant as much to him as it did me.

Thankyou for sharing your story.


Stuwaha profile image

Stuwaha 6 years ago

Very well written, covering all the bases. This is the sort of stuff that they should pass onto anyone who needs a better understanding of Asperger's, especially employers.


anonymous 6 years ago

Thank you for an honest view of life with Asperger's. I've added to my favs.


Sheryl Polomka profile image

Sheryl Polomka 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing your story. My son possibly has mild Aspergers although he's never had an official diagnosis. It can be difficult to live with as nobody really understands him, I see many similarities of myself in him and yet I still struggle to understand him as his symptoms are much worse than those of my own.

Anyway, it's nice to read your story, I can certainly relate to much of it.


yourgoldenfuture 5 years ago

this page is wonderfully real... i have a handicapped daughter with many of these behaviours...what made it very hard to live as family..f.e: we went with family in the city center...there was "normal music" and she started to scream as being tortured to death... you can imagine the peoples angry faces...200m away or so she was nice and sweet...

after we found a doctor to give the right diagnosis....she learned and we learned live better together...


youthministry profile image

youthministry 5 years ago from Birmingham, Al.

Great lens. Really opened my eyes.


anonymous 5 years ago

I hate complex problems that are the result of bureaucratic reality. I get really ticked when I get a speeding ticket or something like that. I almost always ignore these types of things until push comes to shove (or a family member bails me out.) Then I feel weak because my family helps me. I'm very preoccupied with the stupidity of inefficient systems that I simply can't be bothered to comply with them.

Anyone agree?


Cinnamonbite profile image

Cinnamonbite 5 years ago

I totally understand dealing with the public. I totally understand not wanting kids over at the house every weekend (even 1 night is more than enough for me). People coming over bothers me because my house is my privacy, my sanctuary. I don't answer the door or the phone 90% of the time because I don't want any--any anything from anybody, LOL. If it's important, leave a message and if I think it's important too, I'll call back. On the bright side, you have a name for why you like things your way. People can say, "Ah, Aspergers, of course. Not her fault. It's the disease." I have to make excuses and tell half-truths because it's all me and my personality and they think I'm crazy because I'm not just like them.


jamesnodturft 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing at such a personal level. My son, too, eats only one food at a time.


anonymous 5 years ago

Thanks for that extensive and very clear report :) You look like a very beautiful person, never doubt about it. I am an Aspergers too, yet I don't know to what an extent - for example, I have no problems with metaphors, yet I do always take things too literally... particularly offences!! :D) and yes I am over-sensitive, but in my own style you know... for example, I love, LOVE really hard mint candy like Nuke Fisherman's Friends or something (lol) and spicy food... I Love it! And sometimes I hold a piece of ginger in my mouth as if it was a sweet... yet maybe, now that I think of it, maybe it is a way to numb my sensitivity... you know, I really can't stand bad breath, even the slightest hint, and this gives me a lot of trouble with men who are not as obsessed with cleanliness as me - which, by the way, unfortunately are the very most.

As for the social interaction, you know, I feel like a sort of Gattaca character LOL :D With time I have become really, really good at adapting and pretending, yet I can't help feeling like a hypocrite slut at times :S I just can't believe why or how people really do enjoy so much being false and playing stupid and senseless social games... which are very easy to get, by the way, yet they are so false, dirty and disgusting...

As for language, absolutely no problem, rather on the contrary. I am a good writer (and poet!) both in English and in my native language, and thanks to that I earn my daily bread - not that I am a professional writer, unfortunately... but a teacher. Fine enough for me...) Yet this is true: I must distrust my rampant imagination, for things - and people - generally are not so flourishing ideal or creative as I see them. This truly hurt me during my youth... I saw infinite potential in every human being! It was almost mystical. Yet years teach you that most of that was a mental image of my own and, unfortunately, no more. One needs to be careful with that, particularly with some types of men that are looking for a naïve nerdy girly to idolatrate them no matter what they do. Quite intelligent for their part, by the way.

Well, to sum up, I love being an Aspie :) I love how I perceive life. My only sadness is my family... they are Aspies as well but completely oblivious and out of control, and, you know, talk about emotional distortion! And there's nothing I can do about it... yet I trust God and put them in His hands for this matter, I have absolute faith in the spiritual powers and I have always felt protected by them, regardless of any sense of religiousness.

And that's all! Thanks for sharing your experience, yours is the best page I have found on the web that explains and comments of Aspergers symptoms in an approachable manner. Good luck in life, my friend!


anonymous 5 years ago

I like having Aspergers. The one thing I dislike is how bloody difficult it is to interact with other people. My mother is always pushing me to talk to people because she thinks I'll be cured with a little practice, and it's just painful. Painfully awkward too.


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 5 years ago Author

@anonymous: I know exactly how you feel. Chit chat is so boring, and not everyone has a passion worth discussing. What we have is not a sickness, it is a different way of thinking. Pushing someone into making 'conversation' isn't going to help anyone, and can even be counter-productive.


sidther lm profile image

sidther lm 5 years ago

I needed this so much today! I share almost every one of these traits. I have had a few rough days dealing with the realization that someone who I had thought was my friend is actually afraid of me and now rewinding the videos in my head, she had been demonstrating that the entire time I knew her- I was just too excited to have a friend to see it. I too hated food service- all of the sounds and the movement and awkward lighting just about drove me nuts- the first day I got so overwhelmed I started rocking and cried in the middle of the restaurant! I quit 2 weeks later and stocked shelves at night where it was quiet!

This was beautifully written!


nuestraherencia profile image

nuestraherencia 5 years ago

What a wonderful lens. Thank you for sharing. Except for the spinning, I could have written this myself. It is stories like these that parents need in order to understand their kiddos with autism/asperger's etc. and I am thrilled that more of "us" are telling our stories. By the way, I couldn't agree with you more...I would NOT trade it for anything in the world. Rolling this to my autism lens.


anonymous 5 years ago

You have just described my 12 yo son and given me a little insight into what he's feeling and how he's thinking. As a non-Asperger I have a hard time relating with him. I also have a hard time talking to him, but I'm working on this. Thank you so much!


blessedmomto7 profile image

blessedmomto7 5 years ago

Excellent lens. You have given us a glimpse into life with Asperger's, something so true and honest. I appreciate your writing style too. Blessed by a squid angel.


mysticmama lm profile image

mysticmama lm 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing ~ Autism researchers are debunking the no empathy myth ~ We actually have too much empathy & it overwhelms us, which is why we often shut down & appear to not have empathy...it's just another one of the many sensory overload issues we on the spectrum have to deal with ~ I run an excellent support group for Adults with Aspergers on facebook called Aspergers Adult Support ~ I'm going to share you lens with the group & you are welcome to join us if you are on facebook ~ Blessed >*


luvmyludwig lm profile image

luvmyludwig lm 5 years ago

I can relate to almost everything here, not exactly the same, but I caught myself nodding along while reading. I can totally understand crying over the caveman, and if I watch that extreme home makeover show It takes all day to recover...I am just totally drained afterwards. I seem to feel emotions much more deeply than most people. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar, but don't think it fits. I am learning more every day over on facebook at the Aspergers Adult Support page, and the more I learn, the more I think I have Aspergers. This page was posted there. Thank you for writing this, there will be so many people helped just by knowing there are others out there.


anonymous 5 years ago

I have wanted to write something that really explained who I am and why I do the things I do, but I could never put the thoughts to paper. Too much would try to come out at once and I couldn't break it down. Thank you so much for writing my words for me. Quite literally everything in here, with exception to moving furniture which I love to do, is exactly what I do, feel or say. I feel as though you are living my life too. It is so odd. Thank you for this. Finally I have something on paper that I can share with those who need to now. Thank you Thank you!


yayas profile image

yayas 5 years ago

With unbelievable clarity, you have described so much of what I recognize. When you say that you hear the sounds an' they are overwhelming, I know exactly what you mean. Sounds, to me, are painful. There are other things you say that touch my soul an' I thank you for helping me to un'erstan' so much. You really have a unique gift for sharing your thoughts an' emotions. I look forward to reading more of your pages. :)


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 5 years ago Author

@anonymous: You are most welcome.


stephanieelizabeth 5 years ago

Thanks, great article. I'm going to feature it on one of my lenses :-D

Do you know what the differences between Autism and Aspergers are? We have a family friend who is Autistic.


virgoansun 5 years ago

Great lens. Summed up my life!


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 5 years ago Author

@stephanieelizabeth: I'm not really sure what the differences are, because the definition of High Functioning Autism and Asperger's seem to change from year to year as more information and research is done. From what I gather, people with HFA have more extreme symptoms and have problems with language.


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 5 years ago Author

@yayas: Wow, thanks.


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 5 years ago Author

@mysticmama lm: Thanks for sharing this lens, I'm honored. I'll see if I can find the Facebook page.


anonymous 5 years ago

Jeez! like looking in a mirror. I mean I never actually considered myself an Aspie but a lot of what you just said pretty much applies to me.


Lindrus 5 years ago

Great article and a very good description of Aspergers. It makes me understand so much better. Thanks!


anonymous 5 years ago

My son has aspergers, and as a twelve year old the one thing that conserned me was that he seems to have to much empathy. Someone being teased at school will make him sad for days. Right now he has been reading on babies in china and the problems there. In his mind we have already adopted and saved this little girl from not being loved. He probably wont let this go, and it will upset him for as long as we don't have her. I have read all about the lack of compassion and empathy in aspergers and was glad to hear that his overdeveloped compassion is normal. Thank you so much.


MintySea 5 years ago

Technically, Aspergers Syndrome is when the person had no speech problems High functioning Autism is when they did have speech problems as a child even though as adult they might not.

said to me often there is little difference between Aspergers Syndrome and High functioning Autism its just a label.


mrducksmrnot profile image

mrducksmrnot 5 years ago

Wonderful lens. Thanks so much for sharing and helping others understand AS. I don't have AS but I do have a hearing problem and wear hearing aids and can relate on what you say about hearing someone with all the other noise around. It is very very difficult. Sometimes the noise which i often miss gets so loud I just turn off my hearing aids to block it out. Thanks for the visit to my lens 'buy it now before it's gone'. Hope you found something you liked. If not contact me with suggestions. You might like my Music lens also. Check it out and let me know of songs you like. Keep up the good work and again Thank You for sharing your life with AS


anonymous 5 years ago

@dc64 lm: Here here!!!!!


cheezfri profile image

cheezfri 5 years ago

Great lens! I was never diagnosed as Aspie but I have definite tendencies toward it, especially in childhood. I can relate to many of the same things you mentioned, especially the "flat tire" fear! Some things I'm completely opposite of you, such as the need for routine and orderliness.

My son is an Aspie, but luckily it's fairly mild. I noticed he has entire conversations with himself, but only when alone, luckily! Right now I'm struggling with his inability to do what I tell him, no matter how specific I am or how many times I say it. He had way too much empathy as a toddler but now at age 13 he doesn't seem to understand that his actions affect other people, especially my stress level as a mom with a job and many responsibilities besides him. Or maybe that's just being a normal 13 year old :-)


anonymous 5 years ago

I do not have AS, but have close friends who do. Your stated difficulty with verbal communication is more than compensated for through your clear, informative, succinct, witty, and open manner of writing. That combined with your great eye (love the images) furthered my understanding of the above mentioned friends.

Thank you!


flicker lm profile image

flicker lm 5 years ago

Great lens! You've done an excellent job of describing some of the characteristics of folks with Asperger's.


anonymous 5 years ago

This is a wonderful lens. I have learned a lot about Aspergers from my visit here today. Thank you for sharing this personal and informative lens with all of us. I wish you all the best.


anonymous 4 years ago

I feel like I'm looking into a window of my own life. I've felt this way all my life and I never knew why. I constantly talk to myself, holding conversations...I'm in love with romantic and classical piano. I have this obsession with collating a bunch of information. And my writing skills were very pronounced at a young age. I can, and have given AMAZING speeches on many topics. And the social awkwardness, I've cried so many times because I always fail at them. I don't know when people like or dislike me...don't know when people want me to go or stay. And I also have something others with Asperger's have, an extremely high IQ...154 to be exact. Right now I'm getting a B.S in Biology with an Emphasis in Biotechnology and plan to get an MD/Ph.D from Stanford...hopefully haha. It just makes me feel good to know I'm not some kind of freak. Also I don't lie...I obscure the truth, but lying makes me feel dirty. And I hate being late to things...makes me feel guilty.


Lady Lorelei profile image

Lady Lorelei 4 years ago from Canada

We are all so different. I find the titles today to be so strange and only hope that children will be allowed to be the individuals who they are born to be. I sometimes wonder where I would have been classifed if I were born in today's world as I was so shy as a child that I shied away from others as much as I was able to throughout my life. My one daughter was very hyper active and as a child is still very hyper active.


anonymous 4 years ago

My Aspergers is quite a bit milder than yours - and only recently diagnosed - BUT the part of your story I REALLY connected with was the bit about tickling! ... for as long as I can remember I have told people that if they tickle me expect me to kick, scratch and bite ... whatever it takes to make it STOP!!! ... when I was younger I used to to have 'tickle nightmares' where someone would walk up behind me and tickle me under the ribs and I'd be powerless to do anything!


Pam Irie profile image

Pam Irie 4 years ago from Land of Aloha

Wow; I've learned so much about Aspergers and a little about myself too. I think you're right when you say most people probably share some of these traits to an extent. haha (I thought I was the only one who would sit at an information desk and always wanted to say to the approaching person BEFORE they even spoke....."now, if you're going to ask a stupid question, please think about it first. THEN ask me after you've given it some thought." Like I never asked a stupid question? haha)


indigoj profile image

indigoj 4 years ago from UK

Just came back for another visit to this amazing lens, which is one of my all-time favourites on Squidoo. I particularly like that you explain that Asperger's doesn't necessarily mean a lack of empathy and can mean quite the opposite, it's just that the empathy is hidden and any expressions of empathy aren't consistent with what Neuro-typicals expect and require.


anonymous 4 years ago

Every Aspie is different, of course.

Most have similarities, though.

I have Aspergers Syndorme, nothing major, but I cover My ears when I'm in a gym, a theater, a cafiteria, and ect. Why? Because I'm hyper sensative to sound. That's one of the symptoms some of the Aspies have.

I get easily distracted if I'm not interested in something, such as math. I don't like math, I think it's boring, so therefor, I get distracted, and often zone out.

I rock back and forth. Some days I do it most of the day, some days I just do it when I'm super anxious, nervous, sad, angry, or when I feel I need to calm myself down.

I tend to fovus on one subjet, and I've always been like this.

When I was a little kid, I was obsessed with horses, I'd even act like a horse.

Nowa days, I'm obsessed with the subject Mental Health. I think it is so interesting. My favorite topic would be Aspergers Syndrome, High functioning Autism, and Autism.

You can ask me probably anything about it, and I can answer. Well, the facts of course.

I'm someone who prefers to be alone. Not that I don't like to hangout with my friends, but just because I can do what I usually do, and not get told I'm rude, and weird.

I often get told I'm rude, when I think I'm being polite.

I don't understand metaphores, or sarcasm.

My friend told me the other day "The grass is greener on the other side."

And I looked over the fence. -_____-

And I once asked my friend if she had a dryer (for clothes), and she said no, and I said then how do you dry your clothes? Put them outside? And she said I was being sarcastic, so yeah, I'm not really good at understanding metaphores, or sarcasm.

I have always looked when someone pointed at something though.

I dislike bright lights. They distract me, and I have to squint my eyes.

Anyway there is way more, if you have a question about Aspergers, Autism, or anything similar to that, then email me.

lynnlee129@yahoo.com


wheresthekarma profile image

wheresthekarma 4 years ago

VEry interesting. Just getting our of relationship (sort of) with someone i believe who has this..Its nice to see your point of view!!


Scotties-Rock profile image

Scotties-Rock 4 years ago from OREFIELD, PA

My son has almost all of these traits. It was nice to hear another perspective. I try to get him to talk to me about how he feels and he can't. Our dog passed away last week and for the first time in so long he did show some empathy to me and even cried. Blessed!


dc64 lm profile image

dc64 lm 4 years ago Author

@Scotties-Rock: Thank-you for the Blessing. My son also has Asperger's and he doesn't like to show emotion, especially sadness and hurt. When he does, I make myself available if he needs comfort, but do not pressure him. I'm lucky because I understand how he feels.


anonymous 4 years ago

Wow. You basically just described me....... except for the specialist subjects. I get obsessions, but they are usually very focused, like listening to the same song over and over for hours while I do something, or making 10 batches of scones or something, only to find i've filled the airtight tubs and have to go and visit someone to give them away >.< grr.


JimDickens 4 years ago

Been there and done that. After 60+ years of living this differentness, I finally found a name for it. That does not help me now but hopefully it will help others. I most identify with the lack of being able to identify the social cues and body language of others. Friends close to me have berated and made fun of me for missing those clues, they don't understand that it is like making fun of a blind person because he can't tell the difference when the red light is on or the green light is on or no light is on -- we just plain and simply don't see what others seem to see with ease.


Gypzeerose profile image

Gypzeerose 4 years ago

Great lens - thanks for describing this so thoroughly. I think you helped a lot of people. Angel Blessed and pinned on my board "This I want you to Know."


memyselfandiam 4 years ago

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in August of 2008. Since then I have been on a mission to learn all that I can about this challenge he has. I really hate using the term disability because, in my opinion, he is just different â not disabled. There has been a lot of discussion lately about whether to do away with the term Aspergers Syndrome and just use the Autism diagnosis instead. There are pros and cons to both but I am leaning towards no.

Aspergers is considered by many as high functioning Autism although they are really very different. While they both fall on the Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD) scale, they have some vast differences. Typically, Autistic people do not want to socialize while Aspergerâs (Aspies) do want to be social but they just donât have social skills. One of the other differences in the language delay, those with Autism are typically delayed in developing language skills while Aspies are not.

One of the biggest issues is the amount of aid you receive from schools and government. There is not nearly as much for Aspies as there are for those with Autism. My sonâs school only recognizes the Autism diagnoses so he has all the benefits in special education that he needs. However the state I live in, AZ, separates the two diagnoses and there is not much assistance for him. Now since he has insurance it is not too big of a deal except in one area. Aspie kids really need social skills training. They can learn these skills. The problem is that there is not a lot of training or classes available for this. We have one here in Tucson that is offered by the University but it is $35 an hour and the classes are weekly and they do not take insurance. You commit to a semester at a time just like a school semester. This can be really rough for many parents. There is also a waiting list to get in anyway. I could go on but the bottom line is that there are many more options and assistance for parents of Autistic children than for parent of Aspergerâs children.

So here is the question I pose. Do you think Aspies should be classified as Autistic, even though that really isnât accurate, so that there would be more benefits and resources available to parents? I would love to hear what you think.Daily life jorney with him http://www.angmoore.com


renee-martinrhea 4 years ago

This describes me perfectly..I have been so consumed in getting my 6 yr old son diagnosed..that I never stopped to put all the pieces together! I have been telling my husband all this time that I thought he carried a lot of the AS traits when all along it was me! This really puts my life in perspective...bitter sweet, now I understand myself a little better.....Thank you ;o)


SecondHandJoe LM profile image

SecondHandJoe LM 4 years ago

You have a way of writing that is not boring. Great story. I have already read your lens and I come back now for a re-read (saw your post in SquidU about your interview) and realize I must have been so involved in it, I forgot to 'like' it. You should definitely put a 'like' reminder at the end.


NatureLuver profile image

NatureLuver 4 years ago

Very nicely done. I have to claim ignorance on the subject until today. Thanks for teaching me.


anonymous 4 years ago

I read all of this, and I'm really interested in it. It was very informative. I'm going to be tested soon to see if I have Asperger's. My family recently found out that my sister has AS and they only found out 2 months ago, and my youngest brother was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3.


anonymous 4 years ago

WOW! You sound almost exactly like me. It's spooky, really.


anonymous 4 years ago

Naturally every person is different and while I can't relate to all of these things a lot of them make complete sense. Thanks for being so informative on a personal level. Makes me wonder about myself, really.


anonymous 4 years ago

I've just done my own squidoo page http://www.squidoo.com/asperger-s2?showme. I've just been diagnosed aged 53 - now I know why? Why I've had certain social problems and many other traits.


Beth Buckley profile image

Beth Buckley 4 years ago from Portland, OR

Thanks for this informative lens about living with Asperger's. I have experience with this syndrome and am happy to read about your experience, Debra.


Sara Krentz profile image

Sara Krentz 4 years ago from USA

I kept nodding my head as I was reading your lens. Much of what you wrote could have come straight from my own thoughts.


Lady Lorelei profile image

Lady Lorelei 4 years ago from Canada

We are indeed all so very individual in who we are. I think in the old days we just accepted someone for being a little different for just who they were. Times really have changed.


anonymous 4 years ago

It's just incredible, reading through the post was like seeing a reflection of myself. I think a share around 70-80% of all these traits even though having lived all my life with highly sociable and extrovert individuals has really had an impact. I think that the best way to cope is probably to sometimes forget about our condition. Don't misunderstand me I believe it's important to know ourselves but also not make too much fuss about it. Accept who we are but also try to improve those areas we can improve. What I do most of the times though is trying to imagine myself living in a comedy and take things with a smile!


anonymous 4 years ago

Hi, My daughter has Aspergers, and from learning about it, I am questioning whether I have, I have always been "different" and reading your story, I can relate to 80-90% of what you say, I really think I need to do something about it, thank you for sharing your story


anonymous 4 years ago

I am exactly the same about car tires! thank you! 66 years old, just found out my husband of 20 years has AS, it took two more years to realize I have it too, explains everything in my entire life!


anonymous 4 years ago

Just my take on things.. Have you ever heard of the meyer briggs personality test? Aspies tend to fall into two categories of INTP or INTJ. I would assume you are INTJ. These letters represent the following Wikipedia entries:

Inference

Intuition_(psychology)

Consequentialism

This one is J or P ----> Objectivism_(Ayn_Rand)

Such traits can be viewed forming through natural occurrence:

Object_relations_theory

The theory of mind argument only applies to the subconscious and is quite untrue for the conscious mind. Many more complex emotions of hate, lust, altruistic feelings of good all stem from subconscious compulsive thought rather than impulsive conscious thought.

There are many personality types whom employ psychological suggestions through subconscious means. As a defensive action the quietness instinct kicks in much so like a rat that just got the scent of a snake. Just your body prepping for physical conflict. Very acute adrenaline reactions hence a strong sense of right and wrong.


anonymous 4 years ago

Thank you for this! Much of what you have described is exactly like am man that I am trying so very hard to have a relationship with. This helps me understand so much more. Thank you!


anonymous 4 years ago

my musical obsession makes me consider aspurgers. i can never do too much resaerch on why music is the way it is with me. i need help finding out why im obsessed with music and going the musical direction in life. im obsessed with what ive created out of music... an escape


anonymous 4 years ago

Thanks for writing the article. I found it very interesting given how I am still trying to work out what's wrong with me. I liked the comments too. Mucho bueno.


anonymous 4 years ago

...how is Asperger's diagnosed? Reading this is eerie. I'm going to read more about it online now...but it makes be believe that some of my idiosyncrasies might be linked to something. Touch, order, people "dropping by", small talk, music, hearing when there's more than one thing to listen to, empathy/compassion...and tickling. Another thing for me is when my leg is "waking up". It's not funny to touch me. Don't do it. I'll want to throw up and chop your hand off at the same time. That might just be me though.

I think you've portrayed it brilliantly. I found your lens through your bio page, that from a search on foster care. I daydream about being able to foster children one day. My heart broke for your childhood and that of your siblings.


Tamara14 profile image

Tamara14 4 years ago from Zagreb, Croatia, Europe

I admit I didn't know a bit about Aspergers syndrome and I'm so glad to have read this lens. I'm glad to meet you through this reading Debra and I truly admire your strength.


anonymous 4 years ago

I have a huge problem with eye contact and portaying thoughts into words (when speaking). I noticed my eye contact thing after I was diagnosed, so now I end up staring down people instead, weird I know.


SororPeregrina 3 years ago

As a child in the late 50s, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. If only they'd realized that what I really had was severe Aspergers, with which I was finally diagnosed in the 90s! (too late to really make any difference, but it was still nice to know what it was) The symptoms were the same then as they are now: I hate, hate, HATE to be touched, I'm a disaster with other people and social situations (which I avoid like the plague, also being afflicted with on-and-off agoraphobia), have no empathy whatsoever, and eye contact gives me the jitters. Clutter in my own home I can deal with because it's MINE; confusion and noise anywhere else is anathema to me, both because I can't control it and because it gives me the physical willies. I don't understand how people can go to places like nightclubs, which would drive me insane.

But oh boy, I'm with you on feeling music. There have been single notes in long works that were so... WOW!!... that I'd listen to the whole thing just to get to that little bit. My thing is to put headphones on and play the same favorite piece of music over and over (and over and over and over and over) again. I often do that when I'm writing.

And talking to myself? LOL I'm an Auto-Conversation Master of the Universe!! Nice to know I'm not the only one.


Karbyn 3 years ago

Really nice article, well done. Thanks.


Loretta L profile image

Loretta L 3 years ago from Chilterns, UK.

This is a great article. It explains really well, and educates. I don't have Asperger's but after reading this I have more understanding of it. I do have ME and spend a lot of time on my own - and I do mean a LOT of time, so I also talk out loud a lot! At the computer, at the tv, especially to God. You have had some extraordinarily difficult times. All credit to you, you are a real survivor. I really hope that all the bad stuff is over for you now, and the rest of your life will be full of good things.


dean_w 3 years ago

I have to thank you for writing this. Our grandson, in the 5th grade, has AS and ADHD. Until we had a diagnosis it was very difficult for all of us. We obviously didn't know without the diagnosis so we weren't able to understand him or his behavior. It is almost amazing that he hasn't turned bitter over so few people really understanding him now. But he has a kind, compassionate, loving personality....when it's able to come through.


anonymous 3 years ago

i have wondered for a few years now if i have asperger's, ever since i found a book about it at the library. i have asked a few therapists and doctors if they think this might be me but none of them thought so, pointing out things such as, you show too much empathy and express too much emotion and other things. But i have kept wondering and researching, and found this article today. i feel as if i could have written it.


anonymous 3 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this. I think my 14 year old has Aspergers but he is VERY empathetic, he has no problem reading body language, loves metaphors, has a sarcastic wit and is very intuitive. He also talks to himself ALL THE TIME. He doesn't spin or rock but instead wraps himself up in a blanket and rolls around...if he doesn't have a blanket available a floor rug will do. He's got some sensory integration issues and issues with spatial awareness and so on. But every time I hear someone describe people with Aspergers as not being empathetic or not understanding fantasy play, sarcasm or metaphors I get confused. So thank you for presenting this condition in a realistic way, verses how it's presented in text books. It really helped clarify some things for me.


anonymous 3 years ago

I loved your post. Very warm and to the point and honest. It captured it all very well. It often amazes me reading blogs and posts about asperger's from people who live with it; how different it feels than when reading from 'experts' who do NOT have it. The experts, while having some basic clinical guidelines that make sense, seem to completely miss the understanding aspect that I think is most important. As a group, the Asperger's Circle of members is very impressive. If only it were easier to deal with a handful of particularly annoying aspects. But then ... everyone has something about themselves that they don't like, I suppose. NeuroTypical or otherwise.


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delia-delia 3 years ago

Do I share some of these traits? Absolutely, but don't think I have Aspergers...reading this lens made me realize how much we have in common.

But I believe all my compulsions and behaviors are do to my own choices, well...most are ;-) Thank you for sharing this very interesting lens....you are beautiful inside and out!


aledaj 2 years ago

I am in my 60's and just discovered that I am an Aspie. What a relief. Your article helped with that diagnosis and with the positive feelings about it. I was always made to feel that I was 'being difficult', now I know that my confusion was real and I was 'having difficulty'. At this point I've learned many of the coping skills needed to live happily but it would sure have been nice to have had the support to be able to learn them as a youth rather than pick them up a bit at a time in middle age. Thanks to everyone for sharing!


Hamada 23 months ago

Often many mental bailogocil disorders are hard to distinguish. People confuse autism with social phobia or agoraphobia. The truth is all three are close related. Other than that autism does not always has fear as symptom but more confusing and (social) akwardness. Also autism in most cases (mostly very young) can never be cured. There are therapies and medicine for the other two. Still, I really believe ALL mental disorders can be cured by the right (Chinese) herbs, diet and therapies.

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