I will be running for President of the United States of America in 2016!!
At first, I was reluctant to pursue the gig, but I can no longer decline the mounting pressure to throw my name onto the ballot. I do not seek or want power, but if it is to be thrust upon me, I must accept it for the good of the people (Incidentally, I usually don't like things that are thrust upon or inside me).
I will be running as an independent (I find the whole primary process to be tedious and time consuming.. and I have Hubs to write that must take priority). I will campaign (mostly via Adsense-infused email spam) on the following 5-pronged platform...
1) State-funded healthcare.. for everyone who 'opts in' While Healthcare is a touchy subject, I figure those who do not want to 'opt in' will end up dying due to lack of care, leaving the rest of us to enjoy medical assistance as required.
2) Mandatory nudity for all attractive young ladies living in the warmer regions of the country. I will introduce the "Bill Clinton visual assistance bill", and I am sure I will find enough pervs in Congress who will endorse it.
3) Fudge Free fudge for every man, woman, child and illegal immigrant.
4) Speaking of illegal immigration, I will solve that problem once and for all by invading and annexing Mexico. The result of this conquest will be that all Mexican citizens, living either in Mexico or the US, will automatically become Americans. thus ending the whole immigration debate once and for all.
5) To solve the problems with Islamic extremists, I will make the US an officially Islamic country, (My revolutionary version of Islam, however, will be exactly identical to Christianity (but please don't tell them that)).
In my journey to the White House (which I will be re-painting a light blue) I do face a small obstacle in that I am not a US citizen, let alone one that was born in the US. But I figure Obama got away with that, so why shouldn't I?
Finally, as you all know, modern campaigning requires money, and lots of it. I will be accepting all donations via PayPal, and encourage you all to donate until it hurts.... and I mean until it hurts A LOT.
It's about time someone with common sense ( and a hilarious sense of humor) runs for President....you got my vote, and about 10 others from some dead people whose names I found on a registry of voters in Florida..............
*From all appearances, Chris Christie will also appreciate your "fudge for all" pledge. (People: interpret that however you're going to. However, I can assure you that my sole intent is to celebrate a strong pro-sweets platform).
will you be seriously annoying foreign politicians by siding with inept opposition? Or will you be roasting the old chestnut of 'special' relationships? Or even better, will you be taking the traditional perspective of 'What's Europe and who cares?'
Hmm, your heritage concerns me. Or are you a Greek only in name? You silly man-your avatar solidifies your birthright. Other than that, GO, your platform screams democracy, as it should, so I'll be writing you in next Tues!
Just be aware of his newly released policy on aliens... he appears to have 'deeply probed' the alien issue... perhaps in an attempt to get in first, before Obama and Romney try to use this issue to capture Ohio and PA!
I would have preferred Donny Osmond but you can't have everything!
Which states in the USA will be States of Undress because of the climate? Definitely Florida. Definitely not Nebraska. Where will you draw the line?
Will young ladies be able to say they are not attractive and therefore keep their clothes on? Presumably Rush Limbaugh will be be appointed "Nudity Umpire" in return for supporting you from now to November 2016?
Curious as to what people who are against everyone having healthcare think should be done for those who really can't afford healthcare. What are the other options? Continue down the same road we are on now?
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