Interesting question. To be feared can create a lonely existence. To be loved is knowing that people accept me for who I am. Now, there is a time to be feared -- such as when a wild animal looks at me as supper. However, when it comes to people, being feared is, IMHO, the same as being hated. And why would one choose to be hated? I look at some world leaders and cannot grasp why they have chosen a life of being feared. Sure they have power, but what does that do to their spirit? To have power and be feared is one of the most destructive things in the world. I do believe that some world leaders must actually hate themselves and have no interest in growing spiritually.
To answer the question: I would rather be loved by people. JanShares always has something to say that I am in total agreement with: "The greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."
I find it strange that anyone would ask such a question. Surely only a psychologically disturbed person would choose the second one?
If you are feared, then you are at the top of the pyramid - but you're alone. Only a megalomaniac is going to get enough satisfaction from that. Anyone else would feel isolated.
You mention the example of being feared by a dog. I would hate it if my dog obeyed me out of fear, cowering in case I hit him. The benefit of owning a dog comes from the unconditional love a dog gives its loving owner.
As both of those choices are really up to the people around me, I'm going to focus on my actions and what feels right to me and those outcomes, and people can decide for themselves how they wish to feel about me.
I know there are people who feel both ways about me, both in virtual and meatspace.
Thank you all of you for taking the time to think and reply. I asked this question, because even though it may seem like a simple one [of course 'love' !], in fact it is not. And it goes deeper. I will answer only to the "I choose fear" because as I see, you all chose love and gave reasons. Well, I choose fear, because it is better to be feared than loved. Because someone who loves you, can get mad at you, can hate you in the same rate that he loved you, and maybe just maybe he will kill you. Someone that is afraid of you? He will do nothing except following you around like a well trained dog.
ps: I do not say this is the right answer, I do not say that you are wrong. To this discussion there is no right answer, I am enjoying all your answers.
I disagree. People don't like to live in fear, so they seek to overthrow and conquer that which seeks to control them. If loved, you wield control even though it may not be your intent at all, simply because those who love you, seek to please you. Your expressed concerns are not valid regarding those who truly love you.
This is a good point too. My intention is to warm up the discussion. This is not what I think though. This is what I have heard from others, and I wanted to discuss it with you, to learn your own view points.
This link you just posted reminded me of a movie: The green light I think, where Black Lively and Ben Affleck were the main actors. The story was that of: Worlds in other universes used different feelings and emotions to generate power and energy for their planet. The movie is a great example of how will can conquer fear. I hope that love can do it too.
I think it also depends on how you define fear. I wouldn't want people to be morbidly in fear of me, but fear doesn't always have to be negative. For example one definition of fear is reverential awe. Also there are healthy forms of fear. To illustrate, because we love our parents we wouldn't want to do anything to hurt or displease them. A healthy fear at times also might help us to take necessary precautions and avoid needless risks when faced with dangerous situations.
Going back to the question of which is better, I actually feel that true love can include a healthy fear (fear of not wanting to hurt or disappoint). So my answer would be both.
My point is, that one definition of fear includes the aspect of respect (reverential awe). So it depends on how you define fear. Fear doesn't has to be morbid and negative (unless of course that is the definition you choose to use). Also fear of not wanting to hurt someone that you love is certainly a positive thing (once again, not a morbid fear).
Once again, it depends on how you define fear. Morbid fear is always negative. Having a reverential awe (or respect) for someone isn't. Not wanting to hurt those that you love is certainly not a negative.
Maybe, but I am not talking about the type of fear we would have for an enemy. The definition of fear I am referring to is the idea of reverential awe. You generally don't have that type of deep respect for an enemy.
I wouldn't say that, but the use of Biblical language does interest me. Also words that we use generally have more that one definition (that is definitely the case with Hebrew and Greek that was use in writing the Bible).
"Deep down we all fear each-other." ? Who informed you of that fallacy? I know more and more people these days who are listening to their soul and following their heart -- doing their best to bring peace to the world and save Mother Earth -- that is love.
Great question ,To be loved is the most wonderful thing that can happen, and love can cover many subjects ,but as humans we want to be loved,and many people make it mutual . Fear can be unhealthy or healthy. The fear to displease the ones you love even though you have the power to act different. Fear can be unhealthy in the since that you fear a dark room .because you do not know what is there. So you can love and have a normal fear of hurting some one you love. That is how both work together.
Niccolo Machiavelli said: “it is much safer to be feared than loved because ...love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.”
You got me wrong. I did not say that as long as I mention something you have nothing new to add. It is a question in the end. So I wrote that response to emphasize the fact that someone finally understood why some choose fear instead of love. Do not take it the other way.
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