I'd like feedback on my Hub: Russian Bear 10000 Weight Gainer Review

1. 72

   aminebombomposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Russian Bear 10000 Weight Gainer Review. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 60

      Fiction Tellerposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hi aminebombom,
      
      I think you should start by improving your English language skills. At HubPages, they're pretty strict about not allowing grammatical and punctuation errors.
      
      The more you read and write in English, the more you'll be able to write like a native English speaker. I think with a lot of practice (both reading and writing), you can do it!
      
      Here is an example that I hope will help you:
      
      Your text:
      "Being a kind of skinny guy wasn't the look I ever wanted for me, but the one can change for the better, it’s not easy but it worth it."
      
      This sentence is not grammatically correct, because it is a run-on sentence. To fix it, I think you should rewrite it.
      
      How do you rewrite it?  Well, in your native language, I think you are able to write complex sentences with perfect grammar.  But it's tricky to try to write that way in a second language.  So I suggest that at first you keep your sentences simple and short. It will be much easier for you to see any errors.
      
      How does this sound as a rewrite of your text?
      
      "I used to be skinny.  I wanted to change that. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it."
      
      It may sound to you like a child wrote that, but to be honest, that is how a lot of good writing sounds, because it is clear and easy to understand.
      
      Now let's try fixing this part:
      
      Your text:
      "Before I came across Russian Bear 10000 weight gainer, I was weighing around 150 lbs, and my height is 6.1 feet tall, because I was taller than average the first impression people get about me is “he’s skinny” so I was excited to put some size on, and clothes can fit me like never before."
      
      Cutting that up into simple sentences, we can get:
      
      "I weighed around 150 lbs and I was 6.1 feet tall. I was taller than average.  People thought I was skinny. Then I came across the Russian Bear 10000 weight gainer. I put weight on. Now clothes fit me like never before."
      
      No, it's not perfect, but the short sentences make it easier for your reader to understand what you are saying.
      
      Also, with simple sentences, it might be easier for you, yourself, to see if you're missing any small, important words like "an" and "the" and "a" and "is."
      
      I hope these examples help.  Best of luck!

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      1. 72

         aminebombomposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Great tips from a great man, I salute you for taking time to read my hub, you are right having English as my 3rd language isn't helping much, but I try my best.
         Thanks again

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      2. 72

         aminebombomposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Fiction teller I made those changes you told me and added some others to down content the scale is now 72 rather than 71, so they acknowledged the change, still it's not featured, if you have time could you enlighten me.
         I really appreciate it friend,

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2. 60

   Fiction Tellerposted 8 years ago

   Hi aminebombom,
   
   It's looking better. I think you're doing a great job. It's a lot more readable.  But the punctuation needs a lot of work still. English is one of those languages where punctuation changes the meaning of things a lot. If you don't get it right, it's confusing to read. HubPages has gotten really strict about that.
   
   The first thing I recommended was that you improve your English skills.  Until you get to the point where you are fluent writing English, I think you'll have a hard time getting it featured. Do you have more advanced English writing classes you can take? Online learning classes? Critique groups?
   
   I think you can do it.  I admire people who have learned to speak English as a second language. That's hard enough, but learning another language to the point of written fluency takes a LOT of dedication. If you keep honing your skills, you can do it. But I don't think there's a fast way to speed it up. At least, I've never heard of one. 

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   1. 72

      aminebombomposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Fiction Teller thanks a lot for your wonderful tips, I will try as much to improve my English writing,

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