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I'd like feedback on my Hub: Romance on the appalachian trail

  1. willmcwryter profile image60
    willmcwryterposted 17 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Romance on the appalachian trail (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. SheilaMilne profile image89
      SheilaMilneposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      I think you've been watching YouTube again....

      1. willmcwryter profile image60
        willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        i do spend allot of time on youtube and that is how i found hubpages.

    2. Kylyssa profile image95
      Kylyssaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Your story doesn't need to be longer, it just needs to be written with a lot more care for grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation, characterization, dialogue, and plot.

      You can probably get it past the QAP if you fix the grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation, but it's unlikely to be shared by readers due to its other problems.

      1. willmcwryter profile image60
        willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        thank you for the feedback. i should capitalize more words at the start of the sentence. i think my punctuation is pretty good but everyone has room for improvement.  but what do you mean about dialog and plot?  its got a great plot and snappy dialog.  and two characters.

        1. Kylyssa profile image95
          Kylyssaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          You have way too much story told (rather than shown) in far too few words. A short story needs a tightly-focused plot. The shorter the story, the tighter the plot must be focused.

          The dialogue doesn't move the plot along or show much about the characters. You have no room for filler in a piece so short.

          As to punctuation, I'd suggest you start by giving yourself a refresher course on the use of quotation marks and then go on from there.

          And yes, you have two characters. I'd recommend looking up the meaning of characterization so you can work on improving it.

          1. willmcwryter profile image60
            willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            ok as i said thank you for you feedbacks but it is published now so the editor thinks my story is good just the way it is all i had to do was fix my grammar because i admit that part was bad.

  2. relache profile image87
    relacheposted 17 months ago

    Your flash fiction is only 239 words, and there isn't a single sentence that doesn't contain some sort of grammatical, capitalization or punctuation error.

    The reviewers are looking for 800 words or more, that a reader would find useful or helpful.  This site does not want material that resembles random blog entries and blurbs.

    1. willmcwryter profile image60
      willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      well thanks i guess for reading it and providing your feeback but i have to disagree about what this site wants i have read lots of flahs fiction and even shorter poems with lots of comments.  A couple of buddies of my read the story and they think it was great. different strolks for different folks as they say.

      i bet they unpublished because i didn't put the tags. i read about tags.  i don't kwno what tags are. do i make a new section with the subtitle Tags and list some keywords?

      1. sallybea profile image97
        sallybeaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        Could I make a suggestion!  Try downloading the free Grammarly, it should be a great help when replying to comments or preparing your articles for publication.

        The writers here are giving you good advice, they have been at it for a long time and know what works and what does not.

        1. willmcwryter profile image60
          willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

          okay i should work on grammer it is not one of my strong suites.

          1. theraggededge profile image94
            theraggededgeposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            Sounds like 'myshortstories'. Is your name Andrew?

            1. willmcwryter profile image60
              willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

              My first name is William but McWryter is just my pen name.

              1. theraggededge profile image94
                theraggededgeposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                How old are you, William?

                Edit: Love your pen name!

                1. willmcwryter profile image60
                  willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                  18 are you interviewing me smile smile

                  1. theraggededge profile image94
                    theraggededgeposted 17 months ago in reply to this

                    No, I'm just trying to gauge how to respond to you. We've recently been through a 'difficult' experience with a young writer.

                    So, one thing you need to do is to listen to hubbers who have been here a while. It may feel as though they are being harsh but they aren't. When people offer advice, take note, then go check out their own writing if you like.

                    You need to know that HubPages is not a great platform for fiction these days. It's mainly for magazine-type articles that show up in search engines. To earn any money here you need plenty of traffic, and fiction doesn't usually get very much. You might find it more profitable to set up your own blog, where you can add Amazon ads (such as blogger) to earn a bit of money.

    2. DrMark1961 profile image92
      DrMark1961posted 17 months ago in reply to this

      This is so bad that it must be one of those reincarnated trolls trying to anger those that waste the time reading it. Surely no one could make that many mistakes by accident.
      "But wait", he argues, "me and a few buddies sat around drinking and they stopped watching funny videos on YouTube long enough to read this. They told me it was one of the best stories they had ever written. Wheeee!!!"

      1. willmcwryter profile image60
        willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        it is fine if you don't care for my style but i have not insulted anyone so why are you insulting me.

        1. DrMark1961 profile image92
          DrMark1961posted 17 months ago in reply to this

          If you are not the person who was here last week then I apologize. Your writing style looks a lot like his though, and that person tore through here offending all the writers who bothered to give any help.

          1. SheilaMilne profile image89
            SheilaMilneposted 17 months ago in reply to this

            I think it's more likely to be one of the people who discussed the HubPages video from years ago, but I can't remember which thread that was.

  3. willmcwryter profile image60
    willmcwryterposted 17 months ago

    OK guys thank you for the feedbacks. I used MS Word spell checker and Grammarly and made all the sentences start with capital letters and added punctuation marks because I had been missing allot of them and I didn't notice and I spelled more words correctly too.  Now it has really good grammar and I resubmitted it for publication.

    I don't know about another writer that some people think I am.  Who is this person who writes like me?  I would like to read his stories.

    1. sallybea profile image97
      sallybeaposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      A vast improvement and well worth the effort.  May I suggest that you do the same with your profile page now.

      1. willmcwryter profile image60
        willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        yea thank you mrs. bea it is published now.

    2. SheilaMilne profile image89
      SheilaMilneposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      "There was nobody Dwight and Carla would rather be with than Dwight and Carly." Are they and/or you having identity crises?

    3. SheilaMilne profile image89
      SheilaMilneposted 17 months ago in reply to this

      Dwaine → Dwane → Duane → Dwayn → Dwight → Dawn

      Carli → Carly → Carlie → Carla → Carlos

      or did I miss a proper Charlie?

      1. willmcwryter profile image60
        willmcwryterposted 17 months ago in reply to this

        I don't understand what you are trying to say.  My hub is now published so it was the grammar that was the problem not the keywords or other peoples opinion about my writing style and the story line.  i am a hubpages published author now.

 
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