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I'd like feedback on my Hub: 6 Ways in Which Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your B

  1. atpareek profile image61
    atpareekposted 8 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub 6 Ways in Which Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Body and Mind (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

  2. Sue Adams profile image95
    Sue Adamsposted 8 months ago

    Hi Ashutosh,

    I responded to your post because the hub covers a very contemporary and most interesting subject. So it has a very good chance of being successful. However, it seems unfinished. It needs some more work.

    The Title
    If the title promises "6 Ways in Which Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Body and Mind", then you must give 6 numbered text capsules, 1 to 6 which convey the promised  information. As it stands, you only give 4 (unnumbered) ways in which your cell phone affects body and mind: (1) posture, (2) eyes, (3) brain, and (4) sleep. What about (5) and (6)?

    Grammar
    First of all, there are a couple of grammatical errors here:
    1. An eight-year-old child weight about 50 pounds.
    An eight-year-old child weighs about 50 pounds.
    2. Text Capsule HeadingYou're Body Posture should read Your Posture. No need for "body". Posture is always about "body".

    Illogical Statement
    “When we are browsing the internet and reading text messages on a smartphone, we are adding pressure to the neck that is equal to about 60 pounds of weight.”
    That statement is nonsense.We are bending the neck alright but we are not carrying any weight other than the weight of the head which, incidentally, is between 5 and seven kilos. I suggest deleting this statement and the previous statement about the weight of a child.
    I would change this to something like:
    Your Posture
    “When we are browsing the internet and reading text messages on a smartphone, we are holding the neck in a constantly forward bent position. This puts a lot of strain on the back of the neck muscles and could permanently affect posture, possibly giving you a chronic stiff neck resulting in headaches and migraine in the long term.” [I linked "chronic stiff neck" to one of my own articles (1,261,189 views) on the subject].

    Mention Sources of Research
    “Studies have shown that …”
    Unsubstantiated claims. Always mention the sources of the research so the claims can be verified.

    I suggest you Google "health effects of smartphone use"
    I am sure you will find many more interesting facts backed up by concrete evidential research (which you must mention) to expand the volume and quality of this hub.

    Conclusion Missing
    Finally, the hub stops very abruptly. A conclusion is missing. Write a final paragraph summarizing the hub and suggesting behavioral changes to avoid the problems.

    Remember the golden rule about writing a good article:
    1. Say what you are going to say (Introduction)
    2.Say it (Content)
    3. Say what you said (Conclusion)

    Good luck.

    1. atpareek profile image61
      atpareekposted 8 months ago in reply to this

      oh god!!! and I was thinking the article was perfect. My bad...
      Thank you so much Sue.. You are awesome.
      The reason I received after the review was "Spammy Content". can you please tell me how content is spammy? I have added no links on this article.

  3. profile image60
    duggalposted 8 months ago

    Ashutosh,
    Your hub is very knowledgeable and as Sue said, it has a good chance of being successful, rather it deserves to be!
    But the fact being that grammatical  errors and the abrupt ending are preventing it from being featured. But in my opinion, you may need to make some more alterations:
    Your first paragraph should spell bound the reader ensuring that he reads forth, but it did'nt happen in my case. So you need to work on it.

    Then at the end of 'Your posture' capsule you mentioned " An average person spends 2-4 hours " while in the very next capsule you mentioned the very same figure to be 4.7
    Do check this contradiction of data.

    Moreover, at the end of your capsule about Nomo phobia you missed a sapce between the words nomo and phobia.

    Overall, I found your hub very useful and interactive but needs a bit of formatting, like breaking up in proper paragraphs to make it more engrossing.

    One more suggestion that I received from someone was to copy and paste your hub on softwares like MS Word to check for the grammatical and spelling errors

    1. atpareek profile image61
      atpareekposted 8 months ago in reply to this

      thank you Duggal for pointing those out. really silly mistakes...smile

 
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