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Why I Seldom Use the Forum and What It Means to Me

  1. Kylyssa profile image93
    Kylyssaposted 4 weeks ago

    I seldom use the forum because I frequently get treated with a condescending attitude or bashed no matter what I ask or say. For instance, the last time I used the forum, a long-time user decided to argue against my desire for hubscores to reflect the eligibility of hubs for the network sites by calling me irrational because of a question about the FAQ I posted had months before. That user and others who use personal attacks and a patronizing tone are the reason I seldom use the forum anymore.

    I see a very few others stating and asking the exact things I've said without a single soul attacking them or treating them like idiots. But I notice they are few and people who get treated like me are many. I couldn't even make myself go back and look when I posted I had reached 750,000 views because I regretted my decision to post, was in the middle of some awful life-experiences, and didn't think I could handle rudeness.

    I'm not even planning to read the responses to this thread because it's extremely likely there will be personal attacks. My personal world is in turmoil and I can't handle them now.

    What it means to me is that my world has become more silent.

    I am autistic. I used to have a forum like this one where I could talk to people daily without fear of personal attacks, now I don't. The Internet used to be this amazing place where no one cared what I looked like or that I'm autistic where I could have conversations like a normal person, but it's becoming just as big of a minefield to navigate as spoken conversation. I miss that feeling of being like other people, of being normal.

    In "real life" I don't get to speak to anyone but my best friend and my partner. Other people judge me by my appearance, assume I'm deeply intellectually disabled because of it, and completely ignore me or talk right over me. The Internet gave me a haven from that, a place where I could feel other people saw me as human. It gave me a place to get my words out and to pretend I'd been heard by someone rather than just talking to myself.

    As to why I'm posting this, I'm not entirely sure. I guess it's because my life is falling apart right now and I'm distraught that I can no longer hop onto places like this, talk about something distracting, and get to feel like a real, normal person for a little while.

    What you say online is said to people. They are real and have lives and feelings. They are no less human than you are.

    1. theraggededge profile image92
      theraggededgeposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      You've always seemed like a lovely person to me. Kylyssa, right from Squidoo days in 2009. I hope you are able to get through the next few weeks or months as unscathed as possible. Don't stop posting here.

    2. lions44 profile image93
      lions44posted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      We got your back.  Keep up the good work.  Forget the haters.  We all know who you are talking about.   Whatever you do, just keep writing.

      1. kenneth avery profile image82
        kenneth averyposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

        I join lions44 in helping to get your back in here and although "I" learned a hard lesson from this forum pretty much the same way you did, I vowed to myself it would have to be life or death--not mine, but one of my fantastic followers, before I asked anything else in here for how I was humiliated and lectured like I was an idiot.
        I would have understood if "I" had really been acting a fool or even been a fool, but my incident is so reminiscent of yours it is scary.
        To make things worse, the staff of HP do not even care about how "we" are talked to unless it is so severe, legal talk surfaces about seeking a lawyer, etc., which I do have a good lawyer, but I never bothered calling him about slander and being treated like dirt by three so-called "professionals" who obviously rule this forum or any forum I have tried to get info.
        You just say what you want to say and we will back you.

    3. sallybea profile image96
      sallybeaposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      Kylyssa you are have been extremely helpful in the past and are an incredibly eloquent experience writer who has so much to offer.
      I don't think you people should be allowed to behave badly in these forums.  It should be a place where people feel comfortable and able to express their opinion without fear.
      We should all get into the habit of reporting those who makes the lives of others a misery. 
      It is nice to have you back.

    4. Solaras profile image92
      Solarasposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      Many things come to my mind when reading your post.

      First and foremost, I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulties in your life right now, and feel that your world is falling apart.  That is a terrible emotion to experience.

      Another thing that comes to my mind is that I never think of you as being autistic, until you bring it up. There  is nothing in your writing that calls out my attention, "What? Why would she say that like that?!?"  Your articles and comments on forums do not bely that you have a different way of processing information. That perception is coming from your own self image - release yourself from these shackles.

      Your opinions and their expression are just as valid as everyone else's. As far as I can see we all respect you; sometimes when people write it comes across differently from how it was intended.  We are also from diverse cultures and backgrounds. What is considered spirited discussion in one country may be considered disrespectful in another. Also, some people are just rude to everyone; you can't take that personally (although it is difficult not to).

      I believe in the past we have had differences in opinion, and you felt that I was making a personal attack on you.  That was and is never my intention.

    5. letstalkabouteduc profile image91
      letstalkabouteducposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      Kylyssa -- I'm sorry you're going through such a dark period and Hubpages hasn't been bringing you any light. You have one of the most unique voices here and we'd never want you to go silent. You have so much to share and a different perspective than most. As the mother of a son with autism, I so appreciate that you acknowledge your condition. It breaks down stereotypes. There's so much ugliness on the internet, but I think, for the most part, Hubpages attracts people of intelligence and good will. Take care!

    6. gmwilliams profile image85
      gmwilliamsposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      Kylyssa, use the forums.  Don't let the negative behavior of some people deter you from expressing yourself & your opinions.  Some people will hate no matter what.  Don't let such people preclude you from exercising your forum rights.

      1. Will Apse profile image90
        Will Apseposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

        The chance that anyone hates Kylyssa is close to zero. People are going to say what they believe to be true, here, though, regardless of emotional pressure. Its up to us to live with that.

    7. Say Yes To Life profile image87
      Say Yes To Lifeposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      I rarely use the forums because people don't notice when I do.  They're far more likely to notice when I post in the question / answer section.

    8. promisem profile image94
      promisemposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      I saw one of the worst offenders make an obvious personal attack the other day. I reported it. Despite that attack and many others, she is still posting them. Nothing was done.

      I'm quickly losing faith.

  2. SimeyC profile image89
    SimeyCposted 4 weeks ago

    The Internet is just like real life; people will judge you superficially. People will try and force their opinions onto you and not listen to you - it happens on every forum, in every classroom, at work, in the mall - everywhere - it is not right, it is the way it is.

    At the end of the day focus on those who listen to you, who understand the gifts you have, who are able to objectively discuss things with you without attacking or patronizing you - there are plenty of people on Hubpages forums who will do that and will value your opinion, even if they don't agree with it.

    I've always had opinions and I've had times when people have done the same to me - I used to take it to heart, but I realized that I had the power to let them hurt me or not - so I simply stopped allowing them to hurt me and patronize me - when I stopped buying into their 'power' they stopped - as they no longer could touch me - it simply didn't matter to me any more.

    Kylyssa - don't stop coming here - you are a valuable member of this community - not everyone is going to agree with your point of view - but that doesn't mean your point of view is valid. I hope you do view this thread, because I for one value everyone's opinions and respect them - and I know there are many more people like me on these forums.

    1. charlesnuamah profile image85
      charlesnuamahposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      +1

  3. Solaras profile image92
    Solarasposted 4 weeks ago

    This was transferred to the food and cooking forum??? Who is moderating the forums? This is the second stupid move I've seen and I hardly ever look.

  4. Marisa Wright profile image92
    Marisa Wrightposted 4 weeks ago

    Kylyssa, you are such a valuable member of HubPages and I do hope you won't give up on these forums.

    I know what you mean about the changing internet.  I used to be a member of several forums and they have been gradually dying or even closing down.  Some of them are still active but populated by unhappy people.  It seems as though most people are using Facebook to  socialise which is a completely different space and one I don't feel comfortable with.

    1. kenneth avery profile image82
      kenneth averyposted 4 weeks ago in reply to this

      Kylyssa is a valuable member of HubPages. I agree with you, Marisa and I too hope that she does not give up or give in to defeat.

  5. Will Apse profile image90
    Will Apseposted 3 weeks ago

    PDS's post consigned to oblivion. This one returned from the cooking forum. All a bit odd. Neither has/had much to do with HP business.

    Anyway, hope Kylyssa is OK. And PDS too.

    The mods could have found a hole somewhere in topical to sequester PDS's hardly incendiary post.

    1. Solaras profile image92
      Solarasposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      PDS's post no longer exists.  Strange.

      1. Will Apse profile image90
        Will Apseposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

        One way to interpret PDS's enigmatic posts is that he feels he has been rendered a non-person. Not kind to reinforce that.

        1. paradigmsearch profile image88
          paradigmsearchposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

          Leastwise haven't been banned again. I'm pretty sure the next one will be permanent. You are right, things have been odd.

          I am not kidding when I say I am afraid of being banned permanently. I care more than one can imagine about this place. Seven years.

  6. lobobrandon profile image81
    lobobrandonposted 3 weeks ago

    This was the first forum I've ever been a part of and I've seen it change over the years. Kylyssa you have always been a warm presence around the forums and it would be a pity to see you leave because of a few people who have no bother in the world (or too many, causing them to lash out online).

    Don't let them decide what you should and should not do. However, if it's making you feel miserable, let it go. Just like all things in life. Don't let anything keep you down. I'd love it if you continued to stay though smile

 
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