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For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this piece doesn't work

  1. TessSchlesinger profile image94
    TessSchlesingerposted 3 weeks ago

    About 5 years ago, I spent some three or four months getting rid a massive bedbug infestation (it was in the apartment I moved into). I read everything, studied it intensively, and eventually got rid of it. I know for a fact that half the products and stuff written on the web is complete balderdash.

    In the hub written below, I did everything from check the lifecycle of bedbugs, what works, what doesn't, etc. I think it's probably one of the better articles on the web.

    Why isn't it working?
    http://hubpages.com/living/Best-Bedbug- … ation-tips

    1. lions44 profile image94
      lions44posted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      What do you mean by "doesn't work?"  HP editors are saying that?  No traffic?

    2. Athlyn Green profile image94
      Athlyn Greenposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      I would add more pictures. And add a poll.

    3. gerimcclym profile image87
      gerimcclymposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      I think you should begin your article with the words or even the entire paragraph you wrote in your post: "About five years ago, ......"

      I think that would make for a strong introduction, since readers will know from the beginning that your article is based on personal experience.

      1. Marisa Wright profile image92
        Marisa Wrightposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

        Good point.  I think I'd say "A few years ago", as you don't want the advice to sound outdated.

        1. TessSchlesinger profile image94
          TessSchlesingerposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

          Valid point.Thanks. smile

  2. Marisa Wright profile image92
    Marisa Wrightposted 3 weeks ago

    OK here's my take.

    The title is too long.  Always remember that Google shows less than 70 characters of a title in the search results, so anything longer is superfluous.

    Solaras has some good advice in this post:

    http://hubpages.com/forum/post/2852249

    What strikes me here is that you promise to tell people how to get rid of bed bugs, but within a paragraph you're talking about how to tell whether you've got them.   Some people will get impatient with that, thinking, "I already know I've got them, tell me how to get rid of them!" - they will click back to the SERPs and look for a more helpful article.

    So, decide whether you're writing a Hub about getting rid of them, or about deciding whether you have them.  Maybe it's worth two separate Hubs? 

    I'm laughing right now because I tried typing "Do I have bed bugs" into Google and got "Do I have bed bugs or fleas?" (which sounds like a good title for a Hub, I can imagine that's a common question) but I also got "Do I have bed bugs or am I paranoid?"!!

    Notice that if you edit this Hub, it will probably be unpublished because you include a steam cleaner without saying why you recommend that particular model.  Ditto the bed bug spray.

    Overall, I feel the Hub needs to be reorganised as it doesn't flow in a logical order.

    1. TessSchlesinger profile image94
      TessSchlesingerposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

      Thanks Marisa. I guess I was trying to cover everything. smile

      Will rewrite.smile

      1. Marisa Wright profile image92
        Marisa Wrightposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

        There's nothing wrong with covering everything. It's the ORDER in which you do it that's important.

        The important thing is to meet people's expectations first.  Give the information you promised, and don't waffle around with other stuff.

        If, AFTER you've met their expectations, you want to go into the background of the subject or offer further help on other aspects - that's perfectly fine.

        1. TessSchlesinger profile image94
          TessSchlesingerposted 3 weeks ago in reply to this

          Okay, thanks. smile

          You are absolutely right. I guess I was so emotionally involved in the topic, that I wasn't looking at that. I normally do.

          I'll rewrite and re-order the stuff over the next week or so. smile

  3. TessSchlesinger profile image94
    TessSchlesingerposted 9 days ago

    Hi everybody!
    It's done.

    When I read it through with a more critical eye, taking into consideration what everybody said (Marissa - big thanks), I was appalled at how bad it was.

    I've shortened it, rearranged the order, and put in bullet points for ease of reading. People can now also scan down and read quickly without having to read through the waffle.

    Many, many thanks.

    Much appreciated.

    http://hubpages.com/living/Best-Bedbug- … ation-tips

 
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