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Could I have feedback on this hub?

  1. Faye Rutledge profile image84
    Faye Rutledgeposted 10 days ago

    I need help getting this hub to qualify for Spinditty. It was suggested I seek help on this forum. There are issues with title/subtitle capitalization, spelling/grammar, and the Amazon product. I think I've fixed everything, but I can't be sure. We did buy this drum set for my grandson and the hub is only about that, so not sure why the Amazon product is a problem. I didn't have any description in the capsule, so that may have been it. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
    http://hubpages.com/technology/gammon-j … set-review

    1. lions44 profile image94
      lions44posted 10 days ago in reply to this

      Hi Faye, I just read it through. I was a drummer as a kid, so it was a labor of love.
      1. Too personal.  First paragraph starts out "My grandson..."  You have to have an intro paragraph and talk about drums or drumming or music.  Be funny about it.  "Drums are not exactly a quiet way to spend an afternoon..." Then introduce why you needed to shop for drum sets. 

      2.  It does read like an ad but I don't think that was your intention. Just talk about drum manufacturers and not sales/online outlet.  Maybe towards the end. "You can find these kits at..."

      Overall, the hub is concise and the photos are good, but add a few more drum set pics. 

      Keep us posted. Good luck.

      1. Faye Rutledge profile image84
        Faye Rutledgeposted 10 days ago in reply to this

        Thanks so much for your quick reply and for the ideas. I'll try to rewrite this and post it again in a few days. Thanks.

        1. Marisa Wright profile image92
          Marisa Wrightposted 10 days ago in reply to this

          Before you do, Faye - I disagree completely with Lions44. 

          When you get an email from an editor telling you your Hub is eligible for a niche, you get an email.  That email starts with a long standard section - which may not apply to your Hub at all.   Then at the end there is a sentence or two that tells you the specific things you need to address.

          That last section tells you what you need to work on.  It's not a good idea to tamper too much with anything else.  After all, the editor likes your Hub the way it is, except for that section - if you run off and start rewriting the whole darn Hub, you may delete the very things that made the Hub attractive to the editor in the first place! 

          So the question is, what did that last section say?

          As for Lions44's comment - HubPages tells us that having personal experience of a product is a great thing in their eyes, so you certainly do want to mention your grandson, and your opening sentence is fine.  It lets the reader know that you've actually bought this drum kit and therefore you're qualified to talk about it. Perfect.  And don't move the Amazon ad to the end - Amazon capsules at the end of a Hub never, ever make sales. 

          Lion44's suggestion to have a general intro about drumming is a dreadful idea, too.  Readers online are impatient - if they've arrived at your Hub looking for a review of the drumset, that's what they want.  They don't want intros and they don't want funnies.  If they have to scroll down too far to find what they want, they won't do it - they'll click back and find another article.  For that reason, I'd lose the section about the elves and the package arriving.   

          But I don't want to say too much more until we hear what the editor had to say.

          1. Faye Rutledge profile image84
            Faye Rutledgeposted 10 days ago in reply to this

            Oh, thanks for this reply. It certainly makes sense. At the bottom, the editor said to take out the extra white space in the last capsule, which I did.

            I will definitely resubmit before I go and rewrite it. smile I will take out the section about the elves. And, check my capitalization with the link sallybea mentioned. Thanks so much for your help. I'll keep you posted.

        2. lions44 profile image94
          lions44posted 9 days ago in reply to this

          Faye, Ms. Wright and I are different hubbers.  She's a "business" hubber and I'm an informational hubber.  But I think we can all agree that her condescension is quite enjoyable.  Cheers.

          1. Marisa Wright profile image92
            Marisa Wrightposted 9 days ago in reply to this

            Lions44, that's not condescension.  I'm an Aussie, if I see a spade I call it a spade.  You are an experienced writer, but your experience is in the print world not the online world, and this is the second time I've seen you give advice that is completely wrong for an online article.

            Yes I'm a "business" Hubber, which is a Hubber who writes to attract the maximum number of readers and therefore earn an income.   I do that by providing good information that readers will enjoy or find useful, in a format that online readers want - which is not the same format that suits people reading a print book, magazine or newspaper. 

            By providing the information in a way that pleases online readers, I keep a lower bounce rate and encourage readers to share my work, both of which please Google, and that means my Hubs rank better, and therefore I get more readers, and . . .

            I'm not sure what an informational Hubber is.  I write informational Hubs too.  If you mean you write about serious subjects, then I don't see how that makes any material difference.  I'm sure you still want maximum readership for your Hubs and that means writing with an understanding of online search and reading habits.

      2. sallybea profile image97
        sallybeaposted 10 days ago in reply to this

        There are a couple of headings which don't follow the APA guidelines - you could try cutting and pasting into http://capitalizemytitle.com/ I find it really helpful.

        1. Faye Rutledge profile image84
          Faye Rutledgeposted 10 days ago in reply to this

          sallybea, thanks fo much for this link! I've read the rules, but it's hard to get it right sometimes, obviously. I'm sure this will be so helpful.

  2. Faye Rutledge profile image84
    Faye Rutledgeposted 9 days ago

    lions44, Marisa Wright, sallybea: Since there are some differences of opinion, I did a little of both. I did change the intro, but not completely. I tried to make it a little more professional, yet still personal, since it is a personal review. I added more photos. I checked the spelling, grammar and capitalization. (thanks again, sallybea) I appreciate all of your help and advice. Here's the remake, if you want to look. I'm going to resubmit it and I'll keep you posted.
    http://hubpages.com/technology/gammon-j … set-review

    1. Marisa Wright profile image92
      Marisa Wrightposted 9 days ago in reply to this

      Looking great, good luck!

      1. Faye Rutledge profile image84
        Faye Rutledgeposted 9 days ago in reply to this

        Thanks. smile