jump to last post 1-10 of 10 discussions (41 posts)

Complete this sentence...

  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
    DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago

    Take this old line that begins so many gags, and make it your own...

    "A guy walks into a bar and..."

    1. Jodah profile image86
      Jodahposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      ..receives a bad case of concussion.

      1. cam8510 profile image93
        cam8510posted 2 months ago in reply to this

        good one, John

        1. kenneth avery profile image79
          kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

          "make it a Lite beer for I am dieting."

        2. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
          DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

          Hahahaha---much like the one my hubby came up with;  A guy walks into a bar, and says, "Ouch!"  wink

    2. Ashish Dadgaa profile image79
      Ashish Dadgaaposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      a guy walks into a bar and orders h2o :p wink

    3. profile image0
      Review Wizardposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      ... fills his cup and sips his doze of wilderness.

  2. cam8510 profile image93
    cam8510posted 2 months ago

    A man walks into a bar....ok, so he isn't a man, he's a length of rope. Anyway, he walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind in here, so get out." The bouncer throws the rope into the back alley. The rope gets up, undeterred and brushes himself off. To disguise himself, he ties his head into a knot and messes up the ends of the rope fibers on top. He goes back inside and steps up to the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the rope I just threw out of here?" The rope answers, "I'm a-frayed-knot."

    1. Jodah profile image86
      Jodahposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      love it, Chris

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
      DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      ROFL--**groan**  LOL  good one!

    3. kenneth avery profile image79
      kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      the author of the rope joke should think seriously
      about a career in stand-up.

      1. cam8510 profile image93
        cam8510posted 2 months ago in reply to this

        I heard the one I shared at the same time I heard this one.

        Jokester: Knock knock.

        Sucker: Who's there

        Jokester: The interrupting cow

        Sucker: The interrupt........MOOOOO (Jokester)

        That is by far the stupidest joke I have ever heard, and I love it.

        1. kenneth avery profile image79
          kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

          Alas, the Best bartender joke thus far . . .
          A skeleton walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What can I get ya'?"
          Skelton replies, "a beer and a mop."
          Ba Boom!

          1. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
            DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

            ROFL!  That's a good one!

            1. kenneth avery profile image79
              kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

              @Dzy,
              One last classic bartender joke.
              A baby giraffe stumbled into a bar and managed to get his
              front hooves up on the bar which got the bartender's attention.
              "Something for ya', pal," the bartender asked.
              "Oh, how I wish I had a Long neck," the baby giraffe said.

              1. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
                DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

                lol

                1. cam8510 profile image93
                  cam8510posted 2 months ago in reply to this

                  A Jewish Rabbi, a Baptist Preacher and a Muslim Cleric walked into a bar. The Rabbi said, "Is this a joke?"

                  1. kenneth avery profile image79
                    kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

                    LOL, cam8510

                2. kenneth avery profile image79
                  kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

                  @Dzy, thanks, thanks. Oh, I will be here all week. Be careful driving home.

    4. Nell Rose profile image89
      Nell Roseposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      LOL!

      1. kenneth avery profile image79
        kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

        @ smile Nell Rose, I thank you and I am assuming the thank you was at me? If not, I love you anyway.

  3. Luke Holm profile image85
    Luke Holmposted 2 months ago

    ...obtains first person omniscience whereby he scolds the author for assuming his gender.  The author quickly changes the joke to include an androgynous character walking into a multipurpose lounge.  The character reverts back into the story, thereby obtaining its androgynous qualities, and finally orders a drink before reveling in its 21st century political correctness and witticisms.

  4. asifahsankhan profile image59
    asifahsankhanposted 2 months ago

    http://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/13367143.jpg

    .........and I happened to take the perfect snap at the perfect moment... big_smile

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
      DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      Oh, my goodness!  That's an "ouch" moment for sure!  yikes

      1. asifahsankhan profile image59
        asifahsankhanposted 2 months ago in reply to this

        Yeah! big_smile

  5. MizBejabbers profile image88
    MizBejabbersposted 2 months ago

    Heard about the termite that walked into a bar and said:

    "Hey where's the bar tender?"


    Sorry, couldn't come up with a man.

    1. asifahsankhan profile image59
      asifahsankhanposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      It's good enough! big_smile

  6. bluesradio profile image27
    bluesradioposted 2 months ago

    Oh I thought we playing Limbo, no one told me it was a track meet...

    1. asifahsankhan profile image59
      asifahsankhanposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      A guy walks in to a bar.....
      and guess what?
      http://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/13369211_f248.jpg
      It's T-1000 from Terminator 2 : |

  7. cherylone profile image91
    cheryloneposted 2 months ago

    A man walks into a bar and asks "who put that there?"

    1. kenneth avery profile image79
      kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      @cherylone,
      smile super joke, my friend.
      A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a vodka martini. The bartender thinking that the gorilla is just a dumb animal says, "that'll be $20 sir." When the gorilla hands him a twenty, the bartender, a wise man, thinks, I had better get him to talking and he won't notice the high price of that martini.
      "Uhhh, we don't get that many gorillas in here," said the bartender.
      The gorilla took a sip of his martini and replied,
      "At these prices I can see why."
      Ba Boom!

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
      DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      lol

  8. cam8510 profile image93
    cam8510posted 2 months ago

    A dog walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve dogs in here, get out." With that, the bartender pulls a gun out from under the bar and shoots the dog in the foot. The dog left, but later returned. He sauntered up to the bar, glanced one way, then the other. "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

    1. MizBejabbers profile image88
      MizBejabbersposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      Great one!

      1. bluesradio profile image27
        bluesradioposted 2 months ago in reply to this

        His paw was totally devestated, and wanted to know whether it was his Ma that had committed this crime.....

  9. asifahsankhan profile image59
    asifahsankhanposted 2 months ago

    A man walks into a bar............

    .................and orders three beers.

    The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

    He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

    The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

    The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

    The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image92
      DzyMsLizzyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      ROFL!!

      1. bluesradio profile image27
        bluesradioposted 8 weeks ago in reply to this

        Got to love that cute story....

  10. cindyvine profile image86
    cindyvineposted 2 months ago

    and splits his pants as he sits down, after hastily apologizing for knocking over the drink of the beautiful buxome blonde on his right.

    1. kenneth avery profile image79
      kenneth averyposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      . . .not realizing that the buxome blonde is really an undercover ATF agent doing a stake-out on that area's most abusive bartenders . . .

    2. bluesradio profile image27
      bluesradioposted 2 months ago in reply to this

      Who wants to know whether he could have at least ordered her a gin and tonic, instead of the cheap budweiser

 
working