I arrived early, only to find 22 other people already in line, waiting for the doors to open. Hmmmm. How to get rid of three of them? I considered various methods. I could yell "Fire!" But that might be dangerous. I could run through the parking lot, randomly trying car doors, hoping to set off at least three car alarms....but then I'd have to run back to grab their spots in line, and last time I checked, my five-foot, 300-pound frame didn't like running too much.
damn right it does, and for a moment this sneaky naughty voice whispered in my ear "people dont like stinky smells either" no, no, no, but that would surely eliminate ms 'im too sexy for this line 'girl in front of me, just then ..
( as she picks herself off the floor,laughing hysterically)
speak in another language ,all the while clutching my chest and growing redder and redder in the face. So I try that and get attention but not quite what I had intended .Suddenly camera's were in my face and...
which in light of what followed next was minor,an generous old lady offered me her spot since she mistakenly thought the noise was coming from another direction, how could I tell her the truth. I slid closer to ms im too sexy for this line ,so close chanel no5 mingled with my pheromones blending and...
BOOM! I managed to eliminate not three, but 10 people from the line. Apparently Chanel #5 and my McDonald's grease-laden pheromones, when combined, form a combustible substance with the explosive properties of Dy-no-mite.
Now severely injured but number 11 in line, I was finally able to read the fine print on the ad. The "gift" was not quite what I was hoping for.
Who the hell needs that? I thought to myself. I'm in great shape! Why, only a truly healthy person could survive the explosion that annihilated 10 people, one of whom...I'd like to point out...was a very slim Ms. I'm Too Sexy for This.
But the reason they were called Cliff Bars is that they have a unique effect of shoving you off the "cliff" of weight-loss stagnation. Yes! A snack bar that actually burns more calories than it contains! IN FACT, 100 times more calories than it contained.
my vomit I sat in my car, staring at the golden arches which apparently were inside the building, and I thought back over the events of the day. Hmmm. When I raced out of the building, I reflexively grabbed a bunch of Cliff Bars from the free samples bin and stuffed them in my mouth while lurching to my car...and THAT explains how I managed to fit my no-longer-300-pound body into the Smart Car. Ok, except for the
Some of you know me on my main account, Shanna11. I've decided to keep my old, evergreen articles there and put my creative writing on this account. I really enjoy creative writing the most and I dug out an old short...