I'd like feedback on my article: 5 Mistakes your Child will make in his first...

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   teacherwayposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article 5 Mistakes your Child will make in his first year in Secondary (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      greenmindposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi -- I found a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. I'm a teacher too and this is a helpful and wise article -- it's good to hear from someone who speaks from experience.
      Cut out the bold in the introduction, tighten up a few sentences (if you read over your writing a few times I think they'll pop out to you -- they always do to me, and I wonder how I made such a mistake when I know better).
      Welcome to HubPages! I think you have a future here.

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         teacherwayposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Hi Greenmind,
         Thank you for reading my article and found some issues.
         I will go through them again and see if I can improve it this time. I think that I make these mistakes because I talk in long sentences in Spanish...
         I need to revise my style again here.
         Thank you again,
         Regards

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   pen promulgatesposted 6 years ago

   Hi teacher way,
   About your article,
   Put the title in Title Case
   You have used too much of bold text. That's not required. Please proofread for readability. (You may have got a style tip while writing the hub)
   Punctuation is messed up.
   There are grammatical errors.
   Sentences are long, so they are difficult to understand. Example, Your little boy or girl has finished the Primary stage this summer and now at home you are having a hectic summer worrying about that moment back to school in September when your child will face alone a different school.
   
   The best way to predict the future is by...knowing what is going to happen next!  Why epilipsis (...)? There are more such cases.
   
   
   They find organising themselves a real trick, as they change from all their stuff in a classroom to move from one part to the other of many new buildings.  Why a comma after the word trick? The sentence is hard to fathom too.
   
   They are used to have a great teacher in Primary that keeps everything for them in nice colourful boxes but that is not going to happen anymore. Need a comma before 'but' they are two independent sentences that are closely related. Also make the sentence simpler.
   For example, In primary, they had a teacher who kept everything for them in colorful boxes. The situation, however, is not the same in secondary.
   
   Like these there are many errors.
   
   Your Amazon product is not related to the title or the topic of discussion.
   
   Your article needs reworking.
   Hope these help.
   Good luck.

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      teacherwayposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi penpromulgates,
      Thank you very much for taking your time in correcting so many issues in my article...
      I will definitely revise my style, maybe all these mistakes come from my Spanish native mind.
      Thank you very much again, I will try again using all your positive feedback and see what happens. I really want to use Hubpages...
      Regards,

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