Wanted: Tips for coping with empty nest syndrome

1. 68

   cindyvineposted 14 years ago

   How did you or your parents get through this time?

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2. 56

   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   I asked my parents that question too since I am nearing the empty nest phase they said it is a interesting time because it's like starting at the beginning all over again yet a sense of secure continuity...n my mom calls me as soon as she is feeling lonesome for me moreso than my brother or sister...but as a single parent now...hope I am not a single parent when the nest is empty? lol

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3. 68

   cindyvineposted 14 years ago

   I bguess technology and the internet has made it easier to keep in touch.  He'll be in a different country so I'll have to make sure he gets skype on his laptop.

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4. 56

   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   O yes get him to have a webcam n you 2 will be set. It is a difficult process tho...even I get twinges of dread or something n mine aren't all gone yet, lol

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5. 78

   cashmereposted 14 years ago

   My parents speak with us every day, but they also have a lot of activities that keep them out of the home.
   Mom has a cards club, a mahjong club, an arts class and so many other friends who just drop by. It makes it easier if you are busy I guess.

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6. 61

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I knew their college stage was coming, so I was mostly ready for it.  The only thing was the week (and particularly night) right after they left was far more depressing than I had ever imagined.  It passed, though, and I told myself they'd be back for breaks.  In general, it wasn't a big problem.  There was the thing that I was happy they were getting to do what they wanted to do (and what I wanted for them).
   
   As often happens, these days, though, I've had some comings and goings a few times.  One son returned for a while while his sister was in college, after he and his roommates went in different direction.   Then he left (this time it was a little harder for me, in fact, out-and-out depressing; because I saw it as more permanent than when he was in college).  Then, however, his sister came back because she wanted to finish her last year of school where she could attend a second program, which is only available in our area.  So now, she's back but planning to get an apartment.  On the other hand, my son's roomates are changing again; and just the other day I reminded him that if he has to, he can always come back until he finds his own place without his roommates.   My other son is older, so he's past the swinging door phase.
   
   In general, I've found my nest changes inhabitants more than it gets empty for too long.  It's nice, though; and in the meantime, I have my own interests.
   
   Just a note, though:  The day my daughter (the youngest) went off to college I was incredibly, incredibly, depressed.  My friend invited me over, and it seemed like a good idea to go.   I'm not a "big drinker" at all, but my friend kept pouring the little glasses of wine, and we had "a fine conversation" for hours.  This is very unlike me, but as the evening wore on I noticed I was having a little trouble making my mouth speak as quickly as it usually does (if you know what I mean). I was, by no means of course, drunk.  Still, the evening had been made far more pleasant by my friend's choice to serve wine, rather than tea.   

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7. 0

   MangoGirlposted 14 years ago

   I totally agree with the people here. You've got to keep yourself busy, which you do, anyway. But this is a natural stage. You actually can't do anything that would be an instant cure. Do you really think there is anything in the world that would make you forget and miss him? No, because that would be ridiculous. Even women who are a lot older than you can't do that.

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8. 61

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   Just an extra thought to all the mothers of teens, though:  I've noticed that Nature almost takes care of how we're able to "let go" as kids get a little older.  For me, as each one went from, say, 18 into early 20's and then (in the case of 2) reached 25; I noticed that the "additional" letting go after 18 just came gradually and naturally.  I hadn't "progressed" as much when they were 20 as when they were 23, for example.  I figure that since Nature makes people not fully mature until around 25 (whether that's their brains or skeletons, etc.), it seems that parents are truly ready to just completely let go as kids get to be 24/25.  Before that, there's still some heart-tugging going on (even though it gradually loosens up between 17 and 20, for example).
   
   In other words, Cindy, hang in there and do your best.  Nature will take its course over the next few years.   

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