A woman's sex drive peaks at 36 - a man's peaks at 18. If your spouse is around your age, then when you hit your 30s you are going to have a desire mismatch.
Yes, emotional stuff can affect a man's sex drive, as can medical stuff, but natural hormone levels are usually the main driver of this phenomenon.
Yes, force him to talk about any suppressed resentments, but don't expect that to resolve the problem entirely. I went through this with my husband, and while we now have our emotional relationship at a stellar level, he just genuinely doesn't mind going a week or two without sex.
A healthy woman "of a certain age" needs two or three men of the same age to comfortably meet her sexual needs. Or one 21-year-old, of course, but there are other downsides to that, if you only have one sexual partner.
Of course, adding a younger lover on the SIDE can be a good solution.
Or, you can be patient. Your hormone levels will drop, and in about 15 years, you won't care so much ...
One of the basis of stronge relationship is to compromise. If both of you want sex = OK If both of you does not want sex = OK If one of you wants sex = CONFLICT (To overcome this conflict you or your husband have to compromise sometimes and you (husband or wife) have to do it against your will).
Maybe he has something wrong and doesn't know how to discuss it. Honestly you should not post about it especially since you use your real pic. Someone he knows may be reading this and you are humilating him by doing it. How would you feel if he told the entire World there was something sexually wrong with you? I would certainly think that you would be mortified.
It hurts women's feelings more than men's I think--I mean when the guy doesn't want to have sex. Men grow up expecting to have to wheedle you into it so I don't think they get upset as easily if you don't want it unless it happens constantly. Then they get upset.
Here's a tip, take it or leave it:
If your guy doesn't want sex with you, tell him you understand and you think it would be good for both of you to go a couple months without it. Tell him you need the break too and make it clear that, while you are available for cuddling and affection, no sex. It's just gotten too stressful for both of your and so forth and so on and so forth. Be sincere and convincing.
I personally have never made this agreement and had the guy make it through a single day.
Seriously though, I'm really worried about the original post. If she's really trying to solve a genuine problem, then humiliating her husband by posting on this forum is the worst thing to do. Of course he's going to laugh if he sees it, what else can he do? It doesn't mean he's not hurt inside.
The only way to fix this kind of problem is to talk about it. If the two of you can't communicate, you might as well give up and walk out now - your marriage will fail eventually.
If he's had an affair before, it doesn't sound like the problem is a low sex drive. He either has a problem, or he's having an affair. Either way, advertising it all over the internet is only going to make it worse.
I know my husband would be super mad if I told the internet world he didnt want any. Becuase its personal. He would be mad if I said he had cheesburgers last night. I dont think men really think women want it. Im gonna guess there is a reason. Your going to have to talk to him.(Cant jsut punish him, even tho its more fun and easier)..I know when it happend to me,there was a hell of a reason....
He'll probably be really mad if he finds out...but that could be a good thing....an argument might bring things to a "head" (no pun intended).
If its not a "working too much" reason or a physical problem, there is probably some underlying problem (like he's mad at you for some reason or sleeping with someone else).
Good luck with this. I had (note the past tense) a non-sexual husband. Actually he only wanted to do it with himself if you know what I mean. It was very frustrating and I left him because I wanted sex more than 3 times a year (and didn't want to have to beg for it).
Men who deny sex to their women (and I believe that there are a lot of them out there) don't realize how it hurts a woman's self-esteem. Even though I was only 27, 5'3" 120 pounds with a great figure and a good job, his lack of desire for me made me feel ugly and unattractive and worthless.
I agree it's private, and I would never discuss such matters publicly. Of course, I use my real name,location and picture. You don't use your real name so maybe he won't find out. But I would think about his feelings.
if her husband finds out or read this discussion he should dump her , if he doesnt he is cheating on her for sure other prospective u remember the friends episode where carol changed he sexual preference suddenly after 4 yrs of marriage
She is frustrated. Being frustrated she is looking for an outlet. Just because she is frustrated does not give her husband the right to dump her. She is looking for a better way to communicate. Good for her to try and help her marriage.
Other perspective: Carol did not "suddenly" change her sexual orientation after four years of marriage. She had feelings before her and Ross started dating and did not choose to act on them until Ross brought up the idea of a threesome
1st prospective : i was kidding and she is not at all communicating with her husband but with useless hubbers<including myself> 2nd prospective : carol must not be a lesbian initially it happend after she started hangin out with the other girl suzana final prospective : marriage n all stuff suck . livin reationship is much better
Just to let you know, I can appreciate your situation--why do ya think I divorced six wives in a row? (No, no! It wasn't me not wanting sex enough; it was them...but then I WOULD say that, wouldn't I....)
Hm. I may have to rethink that...6 in a row...could be it wasn't SEX they didn't want; it was ME they didn't want? Maybe I should've read a book or something....
Hmm, tough question. Um... yeah it is wrong to post such a question on a forum. For crap sakes, what are you really after? Your husband may not want to have sex with you for several reasons. Talk about it. Find out what is going on with him and why the lack of interest. Furthermore, men have emotional needs too. And the lack of emotional fulfillment could become a cause for lack of desire. I hope you understand the importance of "Not hanging your underwear out to dry" in public forums. This course of action will never help any relationship issues.
But, it is true that if a woman were to stop having sex with her husband, the husband might try to find alternate means. I am sure that if she is posting this, she has tried some form of communication. Anyone who knows KM, at all, knows she is not afraid of a conversation.
Come ON--Is nothing sacred when it comes to marriage or relationships anymore? I cannot even imagine posting this type of problem on a public site, nor can I imagine how terrible I would feel if my husband did.
If you have problems, talk about them between the two of you--I'm pretty sure that's what wesleycox is trying to say(please correct me if I'm wrong, wesley)
I don't know how old wesley, or Aevans, or even Pete Maida is, but I'm pretty sure this is not a "generation gap" issue...I've felt like this my whole life, and I know I am not the only one who does...
Call me old-fashioned all you want, but at least what goes on in my marriage--STAYS in my marriage.
I agree, personally, but I am not going to chastise KM for her original question. I am looking at it objectively. I don't know her husband and hopefully she will, if she hasn't already, get to the bottom of her dilemma. I am not knocking anyone's opinion. I am guessing there is some anger in her choice of forum... and she may have gone about expressing her anger in a way that others' disagree with, but I still say if it were the other way around, her husband would be angry, too.
Good. I knew you had probably talked to him already. I started a thread about adultery, and I had people sending me emails about my "problem". My husband laughed because it was just a general question.
Misha--Obviously it isn't the best recipe for everyone, lol. It's just that I feel that if she really wants to solve this problem, going about it this way is not the best way. Of course, what do I know--I've only been married, very happily, for almost 21 years.
Davinagirl--I'm really not trying to chastise anyone--sorry if it seems that way. I usually don't even get into the middle of this type of thing, but as you can tell, I feel strongly about this topic. I just wish that I could get through to KM and make her see that if she wants to make her marriage work, then she, and her husband, need to talk, talk, and talk some more.
I probably should have just stayed out of this one, I guess, because I don't think it's going to do any good, trying to help--I feel too strongly about it to be very objective.
Well, she might have nobody else to ask for advice really. This is looking from your perspective.
From my perspective, making sex questions a taboo, or more widely family relationship questions, don't really benefit anybody. The more we discuss them widely, the more open to one another and less fearful of one another we become, which does benefit us all IMO.
I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree here, Misha...
I have seen more marriages break up from bringing in another person, or persons, into the mix than I can stand to think about. It happened in my first marriage, and it taught me an important lesson--keep what happens in your marriage, IN your marriage. Of course, I don't mean if there is abuse, or anything like that...
Like I said, maybe I'm old-fashioned, and maybe my husband is too, but if that's what it takes to give us the happiness we've had all these years, then I think we're doing something right. That's why I am trying to share what we feel is the best way to deal with family issues!
Don't sweat it. Sometimes people think you are angry if you disagree with them. They might feel like there might be a confrontation if they post back. It is hard for some people to deal with confrontation. Don't take it personally.
I totally agree I always myself address the good with the bad, i know where you are coming from, I got so upset with someone the other day, because I posted a comment in defence of Misha, they could not bother answering me, as I had a conflicting opinion.
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