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Is it wrong to flirt if you are married?

  1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
    Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago

    I am a flirt, and so is my husband.  I like the fact that women find my husband sexy.  I think he feels the same way.  As long as it doesn't go too far.  What are your feelings on this subject?

    1. Misha profile image75
      Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      We have open relationships. As long as it is known and does not interfere with family duties much, any side is free to flirt/date/fuck at their will smile

      1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
        Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        That requires a lot of confidence in yourself and your relationship.  I respect that.  If it works for you, I say do it.

      2. Eaglekiwi profile image72
        Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        It was Misha response that drew me to comment in particular the last line, MM smile

        Flirting can be harmless and can be sexually misleading.
        And Ive learned slightly different in other countries ,just a teeny bit.

        I said the new neighbour was really cute ,an hubby was mad!!, but for me that means cute like 'childlike' so Im choosin my words better now. lol

    2. TrinaLynne profile image71
      TrinaLynneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      As long as it doesn't go too far and both parties are comfortable with it, I personally don't find anything wrong with it. If a couple can do that, more power to them. But its only my opinion

  2. AsherKade profile image78
    AsherKadeposted 7 years ago

    I think it's wrong....
    http://tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:PjKNIQimNKqOHM:http://www.loveiscomplicated.info/Cheating%2520Spouse%2520-%2520001.JPG

  3. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 7 years ago

    Oh, yeah, it does. Also it did require a pretty painful transition period. But now we have trust - real one, and it is worth every moment of the previous pain smile

    1. lrohner profile image84
      lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Oh, Misha, I would definitely imagine that the "transition period" was much more painful for her than for you. And I would also imagine that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, but is there for the sake of the family. So sad....

      1. Misha profile image75
        Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Assumptions are a very dangerous thing, you know smile

        1. lrohner profile image84
          lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Prove me wrong.

          1. Misha profile image75
            Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Umm, how could I? Do you want my wife's phone number?

            1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
              Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Monogamy in a marriage is just a pre-set standard that most people assume is normal. Marriage, itself, is somewhat antiquated, so why not change the rules to suit the person.  In the beginning, men didn't want their women having sex with other men because they wanted to be sure of the blood line of their children... as if they could really know back then.  Men were expected to have mistresses and the wives accepted it.  Now, if a man wants to have women, on the side, his wife should be awarded the same luxury.  I could never do it, because to me, "playing the field is like working the fields".

              1. lrohner profile image84
                lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                Davina, I agree to an extent. If it's just hubby and wife, whatever rocks their socks is fine by me. But Misha mentioned 'family' which usually means 'children' and I take a lot of interest in that.

                Misha - I really, seriously do not want your wife's phone number. But a straight answer would be appreciated.

                1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
                  Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  My child is not involved in my husband's and my sex life, so why should extra marital affairs affect Misha's children.  Discretion is the key. I am sure it is not as sordid as one might assume.  It is probably very civilized... or at least I hope.

                  1. lrohner profile image84
                    lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    Davina, the bad side to wisdom is that it generally comes with old age and experience.

                2. Inspirepub profile image86
                  Inspirepubposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  I have met Misha's wife and kids, and I can ASSURE you that is one seriously happy family.

                  Jenny

          2. onthewriteside profile image73
            onthewritesideposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            No really....Misha's telling the truth!  My g/f and I were with his wife last night...  lol

            1. Misha profile image75
              Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              LOL I am afraid you are mistaken, I know where she was last night smile

              1. onthewriteside profile image73
                onthewritesideposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                I'm just razzin ya my friend!  hehehe!

  4. Kelly Contrary profile image61
    Kelly Contraryposted 7 years ago

    I think flirting is wrong, so very wrong.  Nothing good can come of it.  If you respect your marriage, you won't disrespect your spouse by flirting with someone else.



    Ok, now that the wife went upstairs, flirting is fine as long as the chick is hot and I won't get caught.  Now, if my wife flirts with some guy that is so hot we think he's gay, that's a no-no. Unless he really is gay, then that's fine.  It's not so much a double-standard but my standard.

    1. Kelly Contrary profile image61
      Kelly Contraryposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      You guys, this was taking a far too serious turn and I tried to steer it in a fun way.  I am only one man.  I don't have an iron will.  From the fridge, I hear the cheese dip whispering sweet nothings. Nothing like eating late at night to pack on a few pounds.

      1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
        Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        ...so you're gonna go flirt with cheese dip?

    2. lrohner profile image84
      lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Kelly, you are DA BOMB! Everything you write brings a smile to my face, and (as Martha Stewart would say), that's a good thing.

    3. beautyrose profile image61
      beautyroseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I agree with you.  Because how about if flirting develops into something more.  oohh  O then a new problem arise.

  5. Eaglekiwi profile image72
    Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago

    If open means what I understand it to mean.

    Why be married?

    1. lrohner profile image84
      lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Unfortunately, Kiwi, it usally means "I have children".

      1. Eaglekiwi profile image72
        Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Like friends with benefits?
        Nah not for me
        I share everything, cept that smile lol

    2. Misha profile image75
      Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I don't know what you meant, but we married because I could not legally stay in US otherwise after leaving a 9-5 job in international organization, our first kid turned one year by that time smile

      1. lrohner profile image84
        lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Misha: Still so sad. I still luv ya, but a child should be a product of love -- not legalities.

        1. Eaglekiwi profile image72
          Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Hey its your life, and I guess ya do what ya gotta do smile

          I could do with a shot of wisdom myself there Irohner,you some to spare lol

          I just wanted to add though ,that it is flattering when someone has flirted with me....I know thats contrary ,but sure felt good!

        2. Misha profile image75
          Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Umm, not sure I understood you? I never said our kids are a product of legalities. They both were wished for and were conceived in love, and are loved. Don't see what this has to do with marriage or open relationships.

  6. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 7 years ago

    LOL Lrohner, the straight answer is what I said already - it makes both of us happier, because we KNOW we are the one, not just HOPE so. We have an experience of "affairs" not affecting our relations to prove it. smile

    I think you have a point in that it was harder for my wife to adjust to this - but she gets a higher reward though: I did not have an "affair" for the last several years, while she had at least two during the same period smile

  7. Kelly Contrary profile image61
    Kelly Contraryposted 7 years ago

    You know, cheese dip in the middle of the night is a wonderful thing.  Yes, I am having an open affair with cheese dip.  We've been having an on again/off again romance for years.  People can come and go, be faithful and unfaithful, shamelessly chase fashion trends and fall just slightly behind the curve, but cheese dip, my friends, has never let me down once.  Except for that time when I didn't realize the expiration date had lapsed before I finished it all.  Man, I felt so bad, I thought my wife had an affair.

    Ok, someone was really irked with somebody else a few minutes ago, and the conversation was deep.  Go on.

    1. lrohner profile image84
      lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Cheese dip? You're having an affair with cheese dip? I so do luv ya, Kelly.

    2. White Teeth profile image61
      White Teethposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Cheese dip in the middle of the night makes my ass look big...

  8. lrohner profile image84
    lrohnerposted 7 years ago

    BTW, Davina, I think you are one of the coolest people on HP. So please don't take what I say in the wrong way.

    1. White Teeth profile image61
      White Teethposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      A little off-topic, but I wanted to mention that Davinagirl3 and girly_girl09's pictures totally rock. That is all.

  9. andromida profile image75
    andromidaposted 7 years ago

    If you wanna flirt then why to marry.keep flirting without any commitment.

  10. Mighty Mom profile image89
    Mighty Momposted 7 years ago

    Is the topic flirting or extramarital affairs? Or are we saying there is no distinction?
    Anyone who claims never to use their feminine or masculine charms when interacting in the world with people other than one's spouse or SO is (IMHO) deluding themself. Flirting makes the world go round. It does not have to lead to anything -- it truly can be harmless male/female (or male/male or female/female) interaction.
    A heck of a lot of flirting goes on here at HP without (as far as I know) it leading to adultery! And, as Martha Stewart says, "that's a gppd thing."

    1. Ivorwen profile image84
      Ivorwenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I would have to agree. 

      My husbands whole personality is much more flirtatious than mine.  Compared to him, I never flirt, even now, but he thinks he is just being nice.  I have learned how not to come across as something broken off of a glacier, and it means flirting.  For me, flirting is not so much about sex/getting noticed, as it is about making the other person feel accepted/appreciated.

      1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
        Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I agree also.  I flirted at work, harmlessly, and I know my husband flirts at his work.  I flirt mercilessly here on HP, and that is where I got the idea for this thread.  The topic of adultery somehow evolved... as things do... from the original topic.

        1. lrohner profile image84
          lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          I am most likely the culprit, Davina, sorry. But if not me, then it's MISHA'S fault!  hee hee hee

      2. lrohner profile image84
        lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        That's an interesting standpoint, Ivorwen. However, kind of makes me feel like "hubby is gonna do what he's gonna do and I'll be a good girl and take it". I have no problem with 'flirting' per se, but more often than not, it's a misnomer for 'cheating'. I agree with girly girl. It's gonna have a bad impact on the family.

        1. Ivorwen profile image84
          Ivorwenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          I think you are taking it wrong, but then again, maybe we are talking two totally different subjects.  Maybe what I call flirting is not what you are thinking of. 

          I do not have alot of dating experience, and I have no patience for those looking for sex, but I do know that some forms of flirting are very innocent.  They are what make up friendly relationships and positive work environments.  My husbands ability to make each person feel 'liked' has always made him a favorite everywhere he has ever gone, with everyone -- everyone but the jocks who think their relationships might be in danger.  smile

  11. girly_girl09 profile image74
    girly_girl09posted 7 years ago

    I have no problems with married people flirting. Everyone flirts! It's completely normal. As long as it doesn't hurt your SO, then I see no issue. Be warned, that it could lead to other things, though.

    I would like to jump in and provide my insight about affairs. I never talk about this with anyone, but I do not mind sharing on an anonymous internet forum....lol (funny how that is)

    Extra marital affairs definitely affect children. I promise you that. Unfortunately, I know all too well. They affect the entire family, immediate and otherwise. I rarely speak to my father and have nothing to do with him anymore. Enough was enough.

    Now, I'm not sure what it'd be like to have parents with open relationships. Misha, that's very modern and I have no experience with it...so I have no opinion on that! smile

    But, I can tell you that one parent having traditional multiple affairs and a mother pretending to ignore it is very difficult to live with. I eventually sat my parents down and told them to get a divorce. I couldn't take it anymore. Maybe that sounds selfish of me, but things are so much better now. I know my mom is so much happier and so am I. We both got hurt so much.

    Unfortunately, I have serious trust issues when it comes to dating because of my father's extra marital affairs.

  12. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 7 years ago

    I know smile

  13. Eaglekiwi profile image72
    Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago

    I always said to my sons (and they rolled their eyes)!

    Never let the small brain dictate to the large brain smile

    Im going to bed now on that happy note. (from the last post ) mapquest lol

  14. dmarks profile image59
    dmarksposted 7 years ago

    In any relationship there are gonna be temptation. If both parties are open and honest, I don't think anything is wrong with it. Now on the other hand you are opening a door that can cause more harm than good. For example.
    I found out that my husband was having some very explicit chats with a young lady that he works with and I could tell that there were feelings there...Now even though he may say that he doesn't talk to her anymore and he wants our marriage to work, I don't know if I will ever trust him again.
    So flirting can hurt and can cause some unwanted problems..

    1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
      Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this


      You are totally right.  It is the secrecy that is the problem.

  15. apeksha profile image59
    apekshaposted 7 years ago

    It's a sign of a bad husband or wife.
    It's totally wrong.

  16. Pearldiver profile image86
    Pearldiverposted 7 years ago

    Everyone enjoys being complimented and flirting is very much a compliment.  If anything; I don't believe that there is enough of it in the world. smile

    Besides; Some of us are really, really good at flirting! big_smile

    Also, I believe: One should always do one's best in life with the skills one has. big_smile

  17. Lady_E profile image81
    Lady_Eposted 7 years ago

    We ladies will be ladies and men will always be men. Just know where to draw the line. smile

    1. Davinagirl3 profile image61
      Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      This is the smartest observation so far.  This is better than any thing I have tried to say all night.

  18. Lisa HW profile image83
    Lisa HWposted 7 years ago

    I think it depends on the personalities of the people involved.  I'm not the flirting type, and I didn't marry the flirting type.  Some people don't flirt unless there's something to it, so for people like that it's probably wrong if they're married.  If "everyone's a flirt and everyone else knows it", there's nothing wrong with, I guess.

  19. Davinagirl3 profile image61
    Davinagirl3posted 7 years ago

    I think I am a natural flirt.  My mom says that I flirt with everyone, men and women.  I guess I just enjoy being around people.  I am not talking about hard-core sex talk.  I just think that a little wink, or a look, can make someone feel beautiful.  It is an esteem thing.  When I see a woman flirt with my husband, and he blushes, that turns me on.

  20. Lisa HW profile image83
    Lisa HWposted 7 years ago

    I don't particularly have anything against flirting.  It's just that I'm "flirting challenged".   smile

  21. wannabwestern profile image90
    wannabwesternposted 7 years ago

    It sounds like I'm in the minority here, but my belief is that a marriage involves a monogamous commitment: mind, body, and soul. Flirting with others can give you a real ego massage, but in my mind, it can pull you away from the mind and soul part of the commitment in your marriage. That is my idea of marriage, and in that regard I feel it takes consistent nurturing to keep the spark alive. Anyone who tells you otherwise has been watching a few too many romantic comedies. Marriage requires an investment of both spouse's energy, so why not flirt with your spouse and feed the spark?

    1. Inspirepub profile image86
      Inspirepubposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Several people have said here, and I have heard people say elsewhere, that flirting with other people feeds the spark in their marriage. Lots of couples "party flirt" - split up, work the room, then head home together to ... er ... enjoy the buzz together.

      It happens so often that I have heard single people complaining about it - because they often don't realise they are wasting their time until it is too late to start over with someone new that evening.

      Personally, I think anything is unethical if someone hasn't consented - including party flirting, for example, if you don't tell the flirtee you are unavailable.

      It's all about honesty and transparency.

      Jenny

  22. wannabwestern profile image90
    wannabwesternposted 7 years ago

    Hmmm. Party flirting. Interesting idea. But I guess I'm going to have to stay boring and old school and flirt with my own spouse. But I respectfully take your point about consenting adults doing what works for them.

  23. Philipo profile image57
    Philipoposted 7 years ago

    The idea of flirting in a marriage is a condemnable act. I do not support it in any way.  Why should a married couple give node to each other to keep relationships outside of the marriage.  You could as well forget getting married and flirt to eternity.  The issue of a single lady dating a married man is also wrong.  You can be wasting your future unknowingly.

 
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