My daughter was up crying her eyes out to me till about three this morning about her father. She was telling me whenever she goes there all he does is drink and he keeps drinking and driving with her and her brother, an has almost wrecked the car on one occasion. She said shes scared to tell, she has watched her father hitting her brother in the face on several occasions, and he has even spanked her. He was also pulled over on fathers day and faith said the cop went easy on her dad because it was a holiday. grrrr, some cop. Faith had also said he was drinking before he go pulled over and she couldn't believe he didn't smell the alcohol. He recieved tickets for four kids in the car and none being in seat belts or car seats. I know I need to make a call yet I am so scarred of what hes going to do to me after I do. My father also died from drinking and driving, when I was one, and the last thing I could ever think of is my children.
This is really sick of him. your kids are scared of him and you should definitely take some action to prevent your kids visiting his house again. You don't know but such kind of scare in your kids could also led to personality disorder.
Your daughter is smart enough to know that she, and others, are in danger. I think you know you have to do something about this. Your daughter would not have told you about this if she did not expect you to do something to rectify the situation. It is your responsibility to take a stand on behalf of your children. Your ex needs to realize he has a problem, and this may help him do it. I sympathize with what you are going through. I had an alcoholic father, and when I was with him, I didn't feel safe. He was out of control. I went to my mother for help, and she didn't do anything. I started to believe that my mother was a weak person. All is forgiven now, but I lost a certain amount of respect for my parents for a long time.
Yes it would be a court order that would provide a restraining order and change of custody. When it comes to the protection of your children, you're right, you just have to get up the nerve and definitely do something about it.
I promised her that it wouldn't happen no more and that I would protect her. She is begging me not to make her go there again. I don't wanna take my kids away from him but I can't keep letting him scar them like this. I have tryed to help them before but whenever the protective services people would go talk to the children, they would be at his house and too scared to say a word because he was in the other room.
sweetie, this so hit me so hard....I know I dont know all the details..how old is she? could this be exaggerated? (I dont think so.)what has he done to you in the past? but I am sure that you need to get the nerve, now. Its so hard, and so scary...trust me I KNOW...Do not let them go there again. You should look into a laywer, if you cant afford it, look up your states offical website, most often you will find a group of laywers that work with you...He lives in another state, that will help. Get whatever order you have modified ASAP. Your thier Mom, you can do this!
No if you knew my daughter, she is not one who exaggerates. My son, yes, but not her and the tears wouldn't stop last night. I also know from experience what kind of person he truly is. She is 6 and my son is 9. She also said she is scarred what her fathers going to do when he finds out she told and that Dillon, my son is just going to lie for him.
Right. That is why the conversation needs to be on your turf. With the idea that afterwards, according to court order, he will no longer have the right to see them. That way they will feel they have the ability to tell the truth, without fear of repercussions from him. It is one thing if he is not a pleasant person, it is totally another if he is physically abusing and putting your children in danger. That's when it goes from being his and your children, to your children.
I just hope they will do something about it this time... This man also put me through five years of abuse with his drinking. When I was pregnant with my last child, I finally went into a shelter. And the NY courts favor him for some reason whenever we are in court. I just dont get it..
Well this time you have the ticket for not putting the children in seat belts. The numerous CPS reports, and your daughter's statement. Just because you've been discouraged doesn't mean you should give up. I know how frustrating it must be. As far as your son, I would maybe seek counseling for him ( I don't mean disrespect) children that have been physically abused should always get their feelings out, and he may not feel comfortable talking to you for whatever reason (possibly by influence of his father).
Oh no disrespect taken. I know my son is in serious need of some counseling. He flips out all the time. He has told me his father has been drinking and driving with them too but only after his sister told me. He tryed to lie at first, telling me I cant prove it. I calmed him down and explained to him what happened to my father because he chose to drink and drive, then he admitted he does it all the time.
Jenna-May, I feel like I am talking to someone without a Head, Obviously she is trying to get help, and as I know from my past dealings with your various entities, you are very, very, bigoted and biased. You will be pleased to see that she has never taken any of your Tax money I mean that she has shunned Welfare. I just came off a Tatting Site, and the Lady there asks for donations to maintain her Site. So what is she doing that is wrong. If you are attacking me, I would prefer it if you e mailed me and did so. either privately of I am sure I am in your address Book Somewhere Arrrggggh. Candice Choudhury
I spent five years with this man abusing me and he has promissed to make my life a living hell. He was arrested for domestic violence atleast 10 times. he had assulted me on several occasions. He tryed to run me over, threatened to kill me. I could go on and on of what this man did to me. But I left him 6 years ago when I was pregnant for faith and wasnt allowed to use it in my last court hearing because it was 5 years ago. I have spent thousands on my attorney in the last year just to go to court and they favor him. I don't understand it.
well, he sure is living up to his promise, huh? he hasnt killed you. be proud for your daughter, for coming to you. be proud of yourself, cuz your daughter knew she could trust you. How does he get the kids? do you go to the airport? drop them off? another familly member brings them?
I believe there should be a law for life time imprisonment of such people. You should take advice from some lawyer on this, BUT not just any lawyer, a lawyer who is a family friend or at the least some one you know for years because you wouldn't want some lawyer giving you wrong advice just to prolong the case and thus receive more fees.
With due respect, I don't understand any of this. I've read so many of your forum threads and even a hub where you mentioned that your husband does not have sex with you and you seemed to be upset on that account. I read a string of comments from all readers sympathizing with you and giving you some tips to turn the situation in your favor. Now, here you say that you separated 6 yrs ago and you don't even want your children to interact with him(for obvious reasons). Which version is correct? Please don't take it otherwise. It's quite possible that I misunderstood something.
kmackey 32, I feel for you. But I also feel for your kids and your husband. He is an alcohlic and deperately needs treatment. Alcohlics do not stop drinking until they hit rock bottom. Don't let that rocky depth arrive at your children's expense. Prohibiting those kids from seeing their father will be painful, ugly and tragic; but it must be done. Maybe thereafter your husband will arrive at "rock bottom" and the man will stop his destructive behavior. It is not fair to you, the kids and your husband to allow this to continue. You must do whatever is necessary to to put a stop to this. The shock will do him good; maybe. Alcoholism is powerful, cunning and baffling. How do I know? Just a few years ago I was just like your husband, in a downward spiral of drinking, never knowing how bad off I was. When they stopped me from visiting my kids intitially I was angry and bitter. But when in the throes of alcholic behavior, logic and reason go out the back door. However, after my self pity left, I realised the important things in life were unattainable because I made it so with my self abuse, which profoundly effected all whom I loved. I went to AA and thank God for it everyday. Make that call kmackey 32.
I'm sorry I didn't explain better but he wasn't ever my husband. THANK GOD I didn't marry him. He has always been an alcoholic since i've known him, about 10 years but he always hides it well in court. Ya know I'm not perfect but when you drink and do stupid things like put your kids lives in danger then he shouldnt drink at all around them, I drink here and there but I don't when my children are around.
ok. duh...you said where you live allready..but I am sooo bad at geography, forgot PA was so close to NY. whats the current order? sorry... ignore me if I am being too pushy... Its just that your current situation really hits home with me, (I am not at liberty to post it all here, on a public forum)...and I have a hard time being quiet.... I do know there are resources availabe. ways to hide. ways to get help. You do not need to be afraid. You MUST act, fast, for your kids. hard as it is, and even tho htey dont "rule" your life...I know you know youll never forgive yourself... I have to go now, to my nephews birthday party..email me if you want.. take care, ill be thinking of you and check back in as soon as i can...
good. thats gives you a month to get things in order...to be honest, I do have to go, like 10 minutes ago...research!!!! look stuff up!!! cases, laws that have been passed in your state, sorry if this sounds crappy..but I wouldnt jump right to social services...find out what else is available in your area...GET A GOOD LAWYER!!!! google google google read. Ill be back...
Oh kmackey, your story is distressing on so many levels. It is like you got away safely and this man continues to assault you through your children. They are innocents who do not deserve this. I wholeheartedly agree with lockenbar. The only way to get your ex-husband into the treatment he desperately needs is to take away his parental rights. He is endangering your children every time he drinks around them. CPS is definitely the agency to call. I don't know the details given there are 2 jurisdictions involved and he's in NY and you're in PA. But start with CPS where you live and they can advise you. With CPS involved they can demand he get treatment as a condition of seeing his kids. Until he gets that treatment he CANNOT be around the kids. He is playing Russian roulette every time he gets behind the wheel with them. Good luck. I will be talking to some women friends later today and if you don't mind (of course your identity is not known to me or them) I will try to get more ideas for you. Blessings and prayers. Stay strong. You have RIGHT on your side! MM
By profession, I'm a social worker. I've worked very closely with CPS. This must be your first stop, kmackey. It's free and they'll have ample advice. The process can be fairly rapid. Try this first, then let us know what happens. I'd be happy to guide you afterwards. So sorry for your troubles.
By profession, I'm a social worker. I've worked very closely with CPS. This must be your first stop, kmackey. It's free and they'll have ample advice. The process can be fairly rapid. Try this first, then let us know what happens. I'd be happy to guide you afterwards. So sorry for your troubles. [/q
Do you mean find a social worker or just call CPS?
Google NASW (National Association of Social Workers). You may also want to call a crisis hotline to get free social worker referrals. Finally, do you have Catholic Family Services where you live? They have a wealth of information and names. Hope that helps. When you talk to the hotline, ask for the names of sliding scale (some are free) family services.
My advice is that you stop posting about all this on the internet. If Google can find it, so can your ex... and any comments you make or details you disclose can be used in court.
The other thing is you really need to call CPS, now! If your kids get hurt by their father, and it comes out that you knew he was engaging in dangerous behavior and did not do anything, that's not going to help your end of the situation.
Just mark everything on the net as WITHOUT PREJUDICE I have been told those two little words mean that they cannot use that scrap of evidence in Court. Confidential adds to it. I would think it is the same in America applies almost everywhere else with the Law.
Oh I feel so much better. I called and told them everything. The thing the worker said to me is that how do they know he is drinking to the point of intoxication. PA has a zero tolerance for this and so should NY, but they don't. They are still going to investigate and within 24 hours a worker will contact me..
I am so proud of you. It is not easy to do what you did. I am so happy you made the decision you did. I cried when I read your original post. I know what it feels like to be in your daughter's position. Good job, Mom!
i am happy you atleast take some action. I am sure your daughter's statement will come into play. I am sorry your boy's statement will not be counted as he is suffering attention disorder( sorry for that).
I even told the man on the phone that I promised her I would protect her so I had to call them and that I will bring her to NY because she needs to talk to someone.
I am also not the perfect parent, we all have are own flaws but I would never put my children in any danger and what upsets me the most is my father died from drinking and driving.. It kinda ticks me off that the man on the phone didnt act like it was a big deal.. grrr
I want to make a note that you might want to talk to a psychologist about the children's emotional state. They need to know that they are worth more that how he is behaving and that is why you are taking action. This is difficult because you don't want to be too negative and seem like your attacking him, but at the same time talking about it and justifying their feelings is important. There is no easy answer but a councilor or psychologist maybe able to sort through their feelings.
Drinking and Driving with his kids in the car? What a dirtbag. That, my dear, is child endangerment and could be grounds for discontinuation of visitation rights. Unfortunately he hasn't been busted for it yet. You should contact your attorney to get full custody of your kids. This news makes me sad as those kids could get seriously hurt, mangled, or even killed by his actions. I hope you overcome your fear of retribution by him, and protect those kids.
I don't know what to advise because I have no experience of this sort of thing to draw on and I know very little about the laws in your country. However, what strikes me as the main point is that your children are in danger and your daughter is seeking your help.
That you have made that call is a definte step in the right direction I should think though and I sincerely hope you get this situation in your life sorted out! My thoughts are with you at this very distressing time.
No but when you say you are broke, and want $1.00 hand outs, I am pretty sure that booze costs more than a dollar. So nothing in the Paypal from me. Private life is just that not meant to be splattered all over a Writers Forum.
I would take the path of less resistance ... push for supervised visits.
My reasoning is that he will make you out to be a bad parent as well ... and him the lesser of two evils. As a parent caught in a parental feud as a child, I do remember this, and I also remember how my father drug my mother's good name through the mud.
By being willing to allow him supervised visits you take away any argument he may have that you are trying to pull the children from him out of vengeance ... and an added bonus ... if he's the alcoholic you say he is (and I believe you) then he will show up at one of the visits with booze on his breath and the courts will be forced to cut the cord between him and the children unless he offers to seek counseling (and goes through with it).
Being a single parent is tough enough ... you don't need the added burden of your children being endangered by the other half.
The system works, but only for those brave enough to force it into motion. If you become frightened in the process remember this ... those are your children, and they count on you for their protection.
For goodness sake, I am trrying to get my head around someone that has had some much grief from booze wanting to drink. I am Asian and my hair is Black, and before you say anything racist think about my Comment.
I am not your ex husband, he sounds a complete pig. I am writing to you not two people called ambition. But if you want to think I am whoeever, you may do so, afterall it is you sharing your life with the world and his Wife.
haha yea i know it. Every time she pops up with some stupid comment. I guess i'm just a person who is, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. But then that's out the window if someones saying it to me first.
I'm a little concerned-you mentioned you had your kids for the month...where are they now? Are you making the best of your time with them by spending so much time here on this forum? You asked your question and it has been answered multiple times. Call the authorities, report his behavior, contact a lawyer to have some action taken in court that will restrict his visits. Enough said already!
hmm people have children that work and people have children and get online. My children are also with me at certain times during the week. I didn't say thats all i will ever have them for was a month. And yes I did everything else..you say enough said, yet you are asking me questions like everyone else.
I think she doesn't realise you are also off the PC for hours on end. That Jenna-May whatever, if thats her real, is getting at me, she was on another Site I went on as Jenna-Mary name, then she was Jenny M, she is anti welfare, anti begging, anti most things,(Also easy to recognise) I got stuck into her once, only time I ever have because I thought she was a Stalker, she was everywhere.(But it was that she was in my time zone) She has disappeared now, and I think has turned up here, "as long as she behaves" She is an Indian I think, from the memory I have of her picture. So I wouldn't bother, people make their own minds up, and everyone always was giving her a hard time. Oh she doesn't like women that go to work, that is most of the world.
You aren't and I'm bloody certain, you would never be able to get any sort of donation from her. As you see I have put my last name which is also Indian. Although clearly I am a white-washed version, Take NO NOTICE.
She has left her old site, and Jenna isn't Asian, but Jenny is, and that I think was her original one. I first came across her when I asked about a Knitting Service that produced Garments, at a cheap price. This is about how it went. Me Does anyone know of a Cheap producer of Clothing, maybe in Asia, as i had Gooled a few and they all looked dodgy. She answers with, something like Why Asian, Why don't you get the lazy people bludging off welfare in your Country to make them. I stupidly put, That Asian was cheaper, and she let rip. Then she dissappeared, she spells badly when she is annoyed, so my guess, is she just types faster, Imake heaps of grammatical mistakes, when I type fast, as well. But I am a fairly good judge of people, and what would a man be doing on a Knitting bee Site, besides you kinda can tell Female from Male. I doubt it is Kmackeys Husband, he doesn't seem the knitting type, and this is her style.
KMackey, please accept my apology if my last post caused offense. It just seemed to me the replies were more about Jenna May than your original issue. I did not mean to critisize or sound judgemental. I understand that this month is not the only time you have with your kids and the time you spend on the computer is a personal choice you are entitled to. So, again please accept my apology.
By the way-any updates? Did CPS visit? Have you spoken with an attorney? I hope and pray everything works out for you.
I now have a domestic issue of my own I am delaing with between my neice and my sister. See my post about helping my neice. It's not the same issue in detail as yours, but I feel like I understand your situation a little better because of my own. Thanks.
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