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Ask and Ye Shall Recieve

  1. sunstreeks profile image84
    sunstreeksposted 8 years ago

    Everyone has their reasons for why they do the things they do. There are just some people in this world that irritate the hell out of us. Someone that irritates and infuriates you may not do the same to someone else. My cousin for example is one of them. I can't stand her and yet we must both attend family functions and be in the same room a few times a year.

    Instead of ruining the party for everyone, I choose to ignore her. We do not speak. I play with her kids, she plays with my daughter, but her and I do not speak. That is how I deal with someone who makes my skin crawl. I have no choice but to co exist with her because she has just as much right to be at christmas or easter or family birthdays as I do.

    I could say well she stole from me repeadtly and beat my self esteem to a pulp when I was a child. This does not give me a right to ruin family gatherings for the sake of lashing out at her. She was the reason for my eating disorder as a preteen, still I can not scream at her at christmas. She did some pretty major damage, and yet I go to holiday functions, bite my tongue and try to enjoy myself the best I can.  Disruptive behavior should'nt have to be, but it can be tolerated.
    Some people are not as smart as you, some people are smarter. Some people do not have the social skills that you do, some people have more. There is always going to be someone that in your eyes fails miserably at what you succeed.

    I will not justify someones behavior. How someone effects another person can never be understood completely by a third party. Perhaps an individual crossed lines, even repeadtly. What goes on between that person and the others who he may have directly caused issues with should be dealt with between those people on an individual basis. Outside, impartial mediation would probably be helpful.

    But to join together as a group and publically decide that someone is not welcome in a public place is in bad taste.

    Its easy to attack someone if everyone else is already doing it. It not only becomes acceptable but it becomes the cool thing to do.

    Whatever you got what you wanted. I respect you all for many different reasons, but I think it went a little too far.

    1. embitca profile image81
      embitcaposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      I understand why it may seem distasteful, but honestly, group shunning is generally the only way to go when it comes to getting someone to get the hint on public internet forums.

      But we probably just handle things differently. Because if I felt the same way about a relative the way you feel about your cousin, everyone would know it and be forced to choose sides wink

  2. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 8 years ago


    I can easily relate. I have some pretty difficult relations with my younger sister starting from the very first day she was brought home from the hospital... Even in our forties we still did not sort everything out - but we are working on it, and hopefully will. The fact that we both are willing to do the work encourages...

    The case you are refering to here looks different to me, and you analogy does not seem to model the situation properly. This guy managed to alienate most of the active members of the community. Once he apologized already, and his apology has been accepted, and everybody were really kind to him trying to help.

    However, his behavior today crossed the boundaries of what could be tolerated. Using your analogy, one of your family members got robbed (god forbid), and the family gathered to help her. Your cousin comes and starts making fun of this robbed family member, in the process insulting several others... I think some reaction from the family is in order...

    That's how I see what happened...

    1. sunstreeks profile image84
      sunstreeksposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      To a degree I can see why people are upset about his involvement with hubpages. I read the forums but I'm a newb and do not know the history of the situation. Had I been involved perhaps I would have been just as angry.

      I also agree that some reaction should be taken by someone, I just do not think it should be by members and so publically. I think the way to handle a situation like this should be report the issue to the powers that be in a private message then ignore the problem. With any kind of official site forum that allows the gathering of many individuals there should be a moderator or group of moderators. This has always been the case in other forums I have participated in. The mods can stop this outcome before it happens

      Perhaps the frustations of the hubbers by not having a moderator led to what was felt as the only choice. Still I think that there are other productive ways of handling things.

      I'm hoping off my soap box now, I have horrible balance anyways. smile

  3. Stacie Naczelnik profile image89
    Stacie Naczelnikposted 8 years ago

    The analogy is also different because you don't attend a family function every day.  This cousin is no longer doing all of these things to you every day.  She is an occasional annoyance.  If she ever did lash out at you in front of your family, as a certain person has lashed out at others in this forum, I certainly hope your family would support you.

  4. Stacie Naczelnik profile image89
    Stacie Naczelnikposted 8 years ago

    Sunstreeks, we did do the things you mentioned.  Things had gotten better.  Then, there was another downward spiral.

  5. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    These forums are unmoderated, and if members don't take care of themselves - nobody will smile

    This is just our communal immune system at work - not pretty, but necessary...

    Frankly, except for this guy and the other girl that has been silenced yesterday, I don't see any target for the immune system on the horizon. If those two don't make any comeback, things should be calm and rosy around here - as they were before, and as we all prefer them to be smile

  6. gamergirl profile image60
    gamergirlposted 8 years ago

    Uh oh Misha! What other girl?  Did I miss something?

  7. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    One that pretends to be a boy - CP smile

  8. embitca profile image81
    embitcaposted 8 years ago

    Sunstreeks, the Hubpages team have made it pretty clear that have no real desire to moderate the forums by squashing arguments.  They're working on the Usenet model. The users self-moderate by harnessing social pressure. I know a lot of people on the web are used to being babysat on forums, but I for one prefer a little more freedom of expression. It's worked on Usenet for over 20 years.

    (But man, I'd really love to be able to killfile. *hint* ignore feature *hint*)

  9. Isabella Snow profile image88
    Isabella Snowposted 8 years ago

    Sunstreeks, you havent been here long enough to even know the situation.

    This thread is just as much a turn off as anything youve described.