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How to annoy your shopaholic wife

  1. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    I received this e-mail from a friend of mine. Turns out this event actually occured in our very own Target?! Thought that this was hilarious. This is one bored guy who likes to play practical jokes in Target. Read on....

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.



    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.



    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and  have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.



    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.



    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals



    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.



    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.



    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.



    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION- WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.



    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.



    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.



    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.



    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.



    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of 20 funnels.



    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'



    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



    And last, but not least:



    15. October 23:  Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of

    the clerks passed out.


    Cathryn Doub

    1420-A  East Fire Tower Road

    Greenville, NC 27858

    Phone (252) 321-5021

    Extension 14228

    1. profile image0
      cosetteposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hee hee these are priceless! smile

  2. A2shley profile image59
    A2shleyposted 7 years ago

    Is this for real?  this is hilarious! 

    Pick me! Pick me!

    hehehe

  3. dohn121 profile image87
    dohn121posted 7 years ago

    This is too funny, May!  Now I'm jealous that I didn't come up with these ideas!  I love getting kicked out of retail venues.  It pokes fun of the seriousness of business and spices up what is normally mundane!

  4. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    lol I've read this before

  5. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    Hey, don't get any ideas guys! LOL

    1. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      LMAO you know you want to read in the paper that somewhere someone has done these things. lol

  6. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    That would've been awesome! Beats having to read them dreadful news!

  7. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    lol so true mayhmong so true. we all need a good laugh.

    hey dohn go out and do some of those things lol and make sure to get it online so we can read it HAHA

  8. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    I think his gf would kill him if he attempts any one of them?!

    1. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      darn that's right...I know I would kill my husband if he did any of these...maybe I should do them with my hubby lmao

  9. bayareagreatthing profile image82
    bayareagreatthingposted 7 years ago

    That is hysterical!  I loved it!

  10. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    Yeah in the hunting shop. Ask for some antidepressants wink

  11. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    oooo that would be a good one lol

    or if you go to a resturant ask for tums with your meal

  12. emievil profile image84
    emievilposted 7 years ago

    LOL. Makes me glad that my husband can't read this. He usually goes out of the store where I'm shopping. If he gets to read this...LOL

  13. imadork profile image82
    imadorkposted 7 years ago

    My wife put me in debt and then left me.

  14. Ultimate Hubber profile image79
    Ultimate Hubberposted 7 years ago

    haven't seen such hilarious thing in ages. Thanx for sharing.
    But its too short. sad
    would love to read more of these.

    1. imadork profile image82
      imadorkposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Mine is not funny...it's fucking true!!!!

    2. mayhmong profile image74
      mayhmongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      You got any more crazier ideas? hehe

  15. Lisa HW profile image83
    Lisa HWposted 7 years ago

    Very funny (all of them).  For some reason, the M&M's on lay-away particularly struck me.   lol

  16. SweetiePie profile image85
    SweetiePieposted 7 years ago

    Make her a handmade card for her birthday.

  17. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    imadork, sorry to hear that!

    sweetiepie, a handmade card would be sweet, but if its made out of something else...hmmm..

    1. SweetiePie profile image85
      SweetiePieposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      My sister is a holiday shopaholic and thinks I am cheap to only make people cards.  The way I see it people already have lots of material possessions they end up getting rid of anyway, so why add more to the pile?  When I made her handmade cards she was highly disappointed smile.

      1. mayhmong profile image74
        mayhmongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        She must be spoiled!

        1. profile image0
          sneakorocksolidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          The best way to end a womans shopping spree is to say everything she tries on makes her look fat. I wouldn't do it because my wife hits but I've heard it works.

          1. SweetiePie profile image85
            SweetiePieposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            My sister likes to buy people expensive gifts around the holidays, when she knows others are not going to do the same for her.  Once she bought a hundred and fifty dollar Irish storm lamp for my sister, and they bought her a bath soaps kit in return.  I know she enjoys being generous around the holidays, but then she always gets her feelings hurt because they cannot afford to do the same for her.  People with kids are going to focus on Christmas for them first smile.

  18. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    I love making my own cards! It's so much fun. i did once for my parents for a wedding card and after my dad read it he told me that I shuld work for Hallmark. big_smile

    Oh and something cool! they now make paper and bookmarks and other things out of elephant poop. big_smile

  19. profile image0
    Leta Sposted 7 years ago

    Nobody tells me how many shoes I should own. wink It's a divine right.

    1. SweetiePie profile image85
      SweetiePieposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Nobody should care how many shoes someone else owns smile.  Maybe they are just jealous smile.

      1. profile image0
        Leta Sposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I don't care, wink, lol.  It isn't their $$, so they have nothing to say!

        1. SweetiePie profile image85
          SweetiePieposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Exactly!

      2. profile image0
        sneakorocksolidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        If your feet have odifferous issues then more could be crippling.

  20. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    Elephant poop?! Ewww!

    And does this dress make me look fat? Yeah, I would've knocked ya out too

    1. profile image0
      sneakorocksolidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I talk big but I know my place.

  21. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    There's too much heat going on the forum! Let's take our mind on to something else?

  22. mayhmong profile image74
    mayhmongposted 7 years ago

    I wish I can goof off in Wal-mart, since I have to be here nearly 70 hours a week. Too bad I sort of work right in it. So I better not even try!

  23. Chloe Comfort profile image60
    Chloe Comfortposted 7 years ago

    LMAO!!!! You've just given me a few ideas :-) True or not - it's still hysterical!!!

  24. Jane@CM profile image60
    Jane@CMposted 7 years ago

    LOL - these are hilarious!  I can see my son doing some of these things big_smile

  25. WeddingConsultant profile image81
    WeddingConsultantposted 7 years ago

    They are hilarious although I can assure anyone wondering- it's not true.

    p.s., I've actually done the first prank at Wal-Mart when I was a kid. Ahh good times pranking people!

 
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