My mother and my cousin made it known to me a couple of weeks ago that they had bought my 17 yr old daughter something for her birthday. Her birthday was the 8th. My cousin opted to leave the item(s) at my mother's house for my daughter to pick up. A few days ago, my mother called me to chew me out for not coming by to pick up my daughter's presents. I was given the guilt trip about how my mother doesn't drive and how we never come to see her and never check on her, etc.
In the meantime, today is my birthday and I went out for a few errands. While I was out my cousin sent me a text msg to tell me Happy Birthday. She was at work (and works at Wal-mart). I went by Wal-mart on my errands and stopped to thank her. Before I could even get it out of my mouth she blasted me in front of her co-workers and customers asking if I had gone by mother's yet to get my daughter's birthday stuff.
She told me that at least she went to see her mother. I replied, "Well I guess that makes you a good daughter then". Her co-worker quickly chimed in that I was a good a daughter too. She could tell it stung. My cousin then told me that she guessed she would just have to go by mother's a pick up the stuff she had given my daughter and just use it herself. I told her that was up to her. I left.
So, after my husband, daughter and I went to eat and the movies, I called my mother and told her I'd come by for a little bit. She decided to cease the moment to chew on me some more and then told me that my cousin had been by earlier to pick up my daughter's gift and took it back to her house. She told my mother to tell me that if my daughter wanted it she would have to come by her house.
I just don't understand how any of them think this is a situation that makes us want to come around. I couldn't care less about the gifts. I don't come around because I'm busy.
I can identify with you because there are members of my family who act like that. They are passive aggressive and try to take things out on me...I finally learned to let them be that way to their hearts content, BUT I do not allow them to make me feel bad. They want you to feel guilty, as if you have done something to them...(that makes it their problem). I would turn it around on them. Tell the cousin thanks but no thanks. If she wants to give the gift to your daughter fine, if not, that is fine also, but you will not be treated like that by her ever again. I would tell your mom the truth. One of the reasons you don't come over more often is because of the way she tries to guilt you out and control you with it. You don't need that in your life, and if she wants you to come over more often, then she needs to be respectful. I think if you do that it will make them sit up and take notice that if you aren't treated with respect they won't see you very often, and you certainly won't be controlled by their passive aggressiveness...anyway, that is just my two cents worth:-) Have a Happy Birthday:-)
I've always been chastised by my mother and cousin because I don't call them enough or come around enough. My cousin and mother live within 2 miles of each other. I live 15 miles away from them both. My cousin only works parttime and my mother doesn't work at all. I work fulltime and write fulltime. Essentially, I have two jobs and maintain a household. I don't have sit around do nothing time. I'm not someone who sits on a couch in front of a TV saying "I'm bored" looking for a program to watch or someone to call on the phone like they do. They are always sitting around calling someone. I never call ANYONE. I've told them for years not to get upset that I don't call often. I do check in on my mother. But, often get chastised for not checking more often. I do remind her that the phone does dial to my house as well.
I don't take their crap and tuck my head between my knees. I do stand up for myself. But, it doesn't keep them from trying it again. They honestly won't be happy until I completely stop coming around so it seems.
That's the thing. I don't want their gifts. I didn't ask for their gifts. If they insist on giving them, I will be gracious and accept them and thank them, but I just don't understand them dangling them and then treating me like crap because I don't run to get them. Then I don't understand having the gall to chew me out about it. It really doesn't make me want to come to visit.
its okay. besides, we all need to vent every once in a while. if you keep that stuff repressed it'll eat you up inside. trust me, i should know because i've had that problem my whole life, so i know how repression can feel for someone.
My husband and daughter probably wouldn't argue about it, Elayne. LOL I've always considered myself lucky because I'm an only child. That way I don't have siblings to fight with....so why do I have to have a cousin to jump in a do it? LOL
Happy Birthday, KCC! I'm so sorry that your mother and cousin felt the need to mar your birthday. The tactic I take with my family is to remain aloof from all the drama, and just live my life, without excuses or explanations. Although it's difficult to remain unaffected when the people who should be closest to you behave badly, I've found that engaging in their silliness just makes it worse. I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving!
LOL I thought that's what I was doing too. Generally, that works ok, until they want to play the blackmail game with the gifts. I could have easily texted my cousin back and say thanks for the birthday wishes, but since I was at the store she works at, I decided to swing by and thank her in person. I never realized I was opening the door to abuse. Then, I thought going by my mother's would appease her, but again I opened the door. LOL It'll be awhile before I go back around.
I'm not sure you guys and gals caught in an earlier post in this thread, but I saw "A Christmas Carol" in 3d with Jim Carrey. It was an excellent movie. I highly recommend it. It was entertaining and the graphics were incredible.
I just went to your hub and left a comment. My husband thought it might be too scary for young kids too. You may be right. I loved it. It sure made my husband homesick. He's from England and flying over the rooftops was fun for us all.
Thanks KCC, another Brithday of mine (although not as bad), was when I lived in Tenerife with my ex (see my hub on living with a control freak). He was a singer, and just to spite me he announced there was a Birthday in the house at the venue he was singing at. It turned out there was a girl in the bar whose Birthday it also was. He then sang Happy Birthday to her, and ignored the fact it was mine completely.
Ouch. That's horrible. I hate that my husband has an ex-girlfriend whose birthday is today too. He also has two former girlfriends by the name of Karen as well. It's like I can't have anything to call my own.
Hey Sweetie, Wishing you many many happy returns of the day. Sending you warm hugs and best wishes that will last not only today but the whole year ahead. You have us hubbers who are your very own. Sending you something to cheer you up.
Happy belated birthday Torimari! I'm sorry it was lonely. If I had known I could have sent my mother and cousin to see you. Guess that wouldn't have worked. They would have just called you and demanded that you come see them.
I have had some good moments this week. It's not all bad.
KCC Happy Birthday and just ignore your cousin. I can't believe she took her present back! In the spirit of HubPages I'd give her a 3-day ban. And tell her if she can't act better, she's getting 30 days.
She just called my bluff when I called hers earlier today. When she said she might as well go pick up the gift and keep it, I told her to go ahead if that's what she wanted to do. She didn't waste anytime doing it. It bothers me much more than it does my daughter.
LOL... thanks Nelle. She evidently tried to call me on my cellphone while we were at the movies. I had my phone on vibrate and never heard it. She didn't leave a message so I didn't call her back. I don't plan to either.
Funny thing is, she had also bought me a couple of blouses at a garage sale recently and left them at my mother's house too. She left those there and took away my daughter's gift. My guess is she didn't want the clothing back because 1)it wouldn't fit her and 2)they smelled of smoke because my mom smokes. LOL She's just being spiteful. I don't care to play her games.
Thanks Flread. My husband is from England and doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving and my daughter goes off with her father for his family's Thanksgiving because he comes from a large family. No Thanksgiving trimmings here today.
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