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Can you be too nice?

  1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
    wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago

    Once I got dumped for being too nice at the time I thought it was a weird thing to say. However as I'm getting older (and more sceptical) I'm thinking maybe you can be too nice. Maybe it's seen as a bit creepy. Was just wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this. smile

    1. Himitsu Shugisha profile image78
      Himitsu Shugishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      It has been my experience that women want a nice guy, but they don't want someone who they perceive to be a "push-over". It's a fine line.

      1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
        wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I agree it is a fine line and actually I think it's probably worse for men. smile

    2. rebekahELLE profile image91
      rebekahELLEposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      wow, what a creep to actually tell you he dumped you because you were too nice.

      although I do think sometimes people are not assertive enough in their lives. not sure what the guy was referring to, but if someone is always agreeable and goes with the flow even if you feel different about something, that could be perceived as being too nice. people are raised differently and if someone is raised being told to not say anything unless it's nice... they may never learn how to be assertive and respectful at the same time.

      and then there are those who take it the other way, and they're just plain jerks, saying whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel. that's not assertiveness, that's rudeness.

      I would rather err on the end of being labeled nice rather than rude. the world has too many rude people.

      1. alexandriaruthk profile image54
        alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        nice take

      2. wrenfrost56 profile image82
        wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        He was a jerk and as it turned out it did me the world of good in the end. I agree with you there are to many rude people around and actually there are ways to disagree and give constructive critisism with out being mean. smile

    3. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      yep that means he isn't nice and needs someone like him. You are too good for any jerks like that, wren!

      Rebekah hit me all in what she said...sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm rude, and other times I don't assert myself. and I too have been dumped for two of them...being too nice and not asseriting msyelf.

    4. dejajolie profile image60
      dejajolieposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Too nice is possible, I always say "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness". You want to be nice while not being a door mat. Personally when I date I am attracted to those who are generous but not push-overs, have a backbone but donn't be selfish, it's a thin line but some people (myself included) master it.

      1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
        wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I like what you say about not mistaking kindness for waekness. Glad to hear you've mastered it, I think I may still have some way to go. Got any tips? smile

    5. profile image61
      C.J. Wrightposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      The part where you say "it's seen as a bit creepy" is the telling part. Some folks have no sense of social norms. You know the people who consistently invade anothers personal space. Those who are really touchy feely and can't pick up on the non verbal ques that its making the other person uncomfortable. I have seen some were it appears deliberate and others where the person simply appears socially inept.
      Sneek makes a good point on the possessiveness as well. Sometimes true feelings/intentions are best camoflauged with kindness.

    6. selfdeprecate profile image59
      selfdeprecateposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Can never be too nice.  Kill 'em with kindness *evil grin*

  2. profile image0
    sneakorocksolidposted 7 years ago

    Unless you're gushing over someone and smothering them I don't think it's possible. Sometimes "too nice" might be considered possesive.

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Good point SRS, it could be viewed as possesive and I guess being  being too agreable doesn't always fare well.

      1. profile image0
        sneakorocksolidposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        You're plenty good just the way you are, I personally like the attention but everyones different.

        1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
          wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Thanks, I like a bit of attention too, may even put my pic back up again this week. smile

  3. profile image60
    BadCompanyposted 7 years ago

    Nothing wrong with being nice, the person that dumped you was the creep. Stay true to yerself !

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thanks BC, good to have you back smile

    2. Cagsil profile image60
      Cagsilposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Agreed.

  4. charlybell profile image60
    charlybellposted 7 years ago

    I used to get the same thing with me, I'm the type that likes to make everyone happy and sometimes it just comes across as being "soft" and not confident. 

    Like someone said earlier, theres definitely nothing wrong with being extra nice (god I wish MORE people would be that way) but it just may not be someone's taste in a partner.

    Stay true to yourself though, being nice will pay off eventually :-)

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I wish more people were nice too charlybell and your right I think you can be perceived as 'soft' I have been before.
      I also agree with you and BC, be true to yourself, that works best. smile

      1. profile image0
        Justine76posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        yes, stay true to yourself. That is all anyone can do. It is a hard and lonely world....but if you believe in who you are, eventualy you will find that other peroson who does too!!!Like I said before, there is a differnec between being nice becuase its who you are, and being nice to the point hat it hurts YOU.

  5. profile image0
    Justine76posted 7 years ago

    When I was in school, everyone used to say.."umm...she is 'nice' and they woudld say it like it was horribly distasteful. Like, nice was gross. I think maybe nice people make selfish people feel guilty...and it is possable to take nice to far...when you are actually hurting your self for others for the sake of being nice...its too much.

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I know what you mean Justine76 and good point about others feeling guilty because of it. I also think if you being nice is at detriment to you, it's too nice! smile

  6. profile image0
    Poppa Bluesposted 7 years ago

    I don't think one can ever be too nice! However in the bedroom a little naughtiness, and perhaps even some evil can go a long way to keeping the flames of love burning hot!

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol Naughty but nice, I second that PB!

  7. AEvans profile image70
    AEvansposted 7 years ago

    I have never been dumped for being to nice I don't believe anyone is to nice all of us have a mean streak in us but if you are a man sometimes you have to be a little more firm. smile

    1. wychic profile image79
      wychicposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Firm men are always a good thing, I do have to agree with that wink

      Alrighty then, extracting the mind from the gutter now...

    2. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Your right AE, everyone has a bit of a mean streak even the nicest of people. smile

  8. prettydarkhorse profile image65
    prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago

    good day everyone, I have been too nice all my life and it has advanatages but some will take advantage of it, we should make sure we love ourselves first,

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      So true PD people can take advantage of others good nature and we should love ourselves first. smile

  9. wychic profile image79
    wychicposted 7 years ago

    I can think of a few ways in which someone might be perceived as being too nice; for instance, I know I've been too nice in many non-romantic relationships in constantly giving people another chance when they didn't deserve it, foregoing my own needs in an effort to make others happy, and so on.

    However, in the context of a romantic relationship, I can think of things that may be perceived as too nice. My SO loves me to death and will do anything in his power to make me happy, which is completely awesome, but occasionally can cause problems too. For instance, if I ask him his opinion on something, he tends to tell me what he thinks I want to hear rather than what he actually thinks. It has happened a couple of times where I was indifferent as to what the answer might be, but he still said what he thought I wanted to hear while he really thought the opposite. I didn't realize until later that his answer was just an effort to try to please me and that he was really quite upset about the situation. In this I think he can be too nice...certainly nothing I would break up with him over, but it can add some completely unneeded stress to the relationship.

    Maybe someone could also be considered too nice if they absolutely refuse to give constructive criticism. Some people crave approval in everything, but others want to hear how they can do something better. Those who need constructive criticism, or think they need it, from a partner may get irritated at not being able to get it.

    Personally, I don't think there's any form of "too nice" that is worth a breakup. My own first thoughts at reading the OP is that maybe it was someone with a "bad boy" or "bad girl" fixation and couldn't stand someone who is responsible, well-mannered, and who treats others well...in these cases it's just a bad fit and certainly no reflection on the nice person, so go and find someone who appreciates "nice." smile

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Great points, thanks for the reply. Truth is he actually he did me a favour. smile

  10. NunezWillLearn profile image60
    NunezWillLearnposted 7 years ago

    Hello!
    You know what people thinks you are stupid and idiot when you act too nice. Moreover, people will try to take advantage of you when you be too nice. Specially, in my school days i used to be too nice (it was just the effect of the moral science classes). But now as I grew older and mature it seems like going by the bookish knowledge will only fetch you tears and pain. and people will try every means to rise above, making you their ladder. Now I have stopped being too nice. instead am just nice to people who are nice to me and rude to people who are rude to me.

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Treat others how they treat you. That makes sense. smile

  11. Tom Cornett profile image55
    Tom Cornettposted 7 years ago

    It depends on whether or not they are being a nice person because they are simply that way .....or they are sucking up to get something they want.  smile

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      So true, TC. Theres nothing worse then insencerity. smile

  12. Jane@CM profile image62
    Jane@CMposted 7 years ago

    I've met several woman who are "too nice" to your face!  I decided once upon a time I needed to change, thought if I became a really nice person all the time my life would be different.  Wrong.  I'm nice - to a point.  I don't do fake. 

    My husband, by nature, is nice, a sincere type of nice. 

    Naughty and nice do mix well smile

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I have met people that are nice to my face, then back stab me, it's awful. I thought about changing but I can't help who I am but I think your right you do have to draw the line somewhere. smile

      1. wychic profile image79
        wychicposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        That's a good point, I had a number of those even within my own family. Until recently I continued trying to give them more chances because hey, even though I know they're smiling through gritted teeth, they're family and I should try to get along with them, right? Possibly the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm glad that I've learned now.

        My SO likes to remind me about a lesson that we learn from the Russians. No matter who tried to fight them, they always had the option of just digging in and waiting, because eventually the Siberian winter would take their enemies without a fight.

        So there's no reason for us nice people to contemplate trying to get back at those who intentionally hurt us and walk on us, because if we're willing to get ourselves out of harm's way and just sit back and wait, the Siberian winter known as karma will always overtake them eventually.

        1. profile image0
          Denno66posted 7 years ago in reply to this

          The best revenge is success, too big_smile

        2. rebekahELLE profile image91
          rebekahELLEposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          how very true. then it's their own karma coming back to them.
          I like that analogy.

  13. K Partin profile image60
    K Partinposted 7 years ago

    There is nice, then there is "Eddie Haskel" nice. yikes

  14. alexandriaruthk profile image54
    alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago

    you can be nice and naughty sometimes, nice people are usually patient people but once they reached the point when it is already too much, it is the end usually,

    1. K Partin profile image60
      K Partinposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Now naughty is nice! LOL smile

      1. alexandriaruthk profile image54
        alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        yes morning K

        1. K Partin profile image60
          K Partinposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Morning how are you? Guess what finally some snow flurries here. YEY smile

  15. BeccaHubbardWoods profile image84
    BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 7 years ago

    My dad's girlfriend is sickeningly sweet all the time. She comes off as rather phony. I think too nice is unappealing because people actually like drama. Keeps us on our toes.

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this


      I can understand that, being too nice, to ameable can can be a sign someone is fake and a little drama keeps things interesting. smile

  16. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    I guess I am too nice because family think they can walk all over me.

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I hear ya CW, used to happen to me all the time. I have learnt to say no when I need to now. It's made life alot easier. smile

  17. Ivorwen profile image84
    Ivorwenposted 7 years ago

    I think there is definitely a 'too nice'... it usually comes with someone who thinks they should always get their way, because they are nice.  Also, people like this are not afraid to tell you they are nice, or that you should like them, because they are nice.  I find people like that very creepy.  I also find that they tend to stab everyone in the back.

    Hope your not that kind of 'nice.'  smile

    1. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Ivorwen I am nice...like me! lol Sorry need a perk me up right now smile

      1. Ivorwen profile image84
        Ivorwenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        LOL! lol If you were that kind of nice, you would never let us know about your SIL!

    2. rebekahELLE profile image91
      rebekahELLEposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      there's a word for that, manipulative!!

      'bad' nice. hmm

      1. profile image0
        Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        HEY that's my sister-in-law...and she ain't even nice. lol she is just manipulative and whiney and wants everything her way *gag*

        1. alexandriaruthk profile image54
          alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          immature crap

          1. profile image0
            Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            AMEN Alexa! big_smile

    3. mega1 profile image80
      mega1posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I have known several people (coworkers) who used "nice" as their way to control the world.  They were always the first to send around sympathy cards for example, they were in charge of everything in the office, their conversations were always about "nice" things.  They wore sweater/skirt sets for criminee's sake!  Creepy and manipulative and just awful.  You could not say anything about how irritating they were because you would find yourself wanting to complain about the ultra-nice thing they did.  can't do that.  mustn't ever let them see that they are getting to you! lol  This is not the kind of nice you are - I am sure!  But I could see someone breaking up with someone who uses "nice" as a controlling thing - but that would be the reason, the control issues.

  18. Haunty profile image84
    Hauntyposted 7 years ago

    Anything can be taken too far. And most of us do it all the time. smile

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thats true and sometimes without even realizing. smile

  19. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    Hey wren didn't say this either but love the new profile pic too. Very pretty!

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thanks CW and right back at you. smile I've changed it now but I am thinking of changing it back.

  20. profile image0
    lynnechandlerposted 7 years ago

    Wren it sounds like you are a giver and he was a taker. The two can be meshed but it is a difficult road with the giver often feeling put upon.

    Find yourself another giver that enjoys you for who you are and leave the taker behind.

    1. profile image0
      Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lynne has such nice ways of putting things. smile

      1. profile image0
        lynnechandlerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Aw, thank you CW.

    2. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thnks LC, being a giver can sometimes feel like you are put upon, I find it easier to say no as I have gotten older and I know there are other givers out there, which is encouraging. smile

  21. profile image0
    Crazdwriterposted 7 years ago

    *HUGS* just keep your head up and don't change the way you are!

    1. wrenfrost56 profile image82
      wrenfrost56posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      *HUGS* big_smile Same to you CW.

  22. lorlie6 profile image86
    lorlie6posted 7 years ago

    I have found people that considered my 'niceness' a weakness.  It is not the case, but for many years I tried to be an a****e.  No go!
    Now I am who I am, and I really don't care who thinks I am weak.

  23. myownworld profile image81
    myownworldposted 7 years ago

    more important than just being nice, is having intentions that are good and well meant. A truly sincere and well meaning heart is more important than all the apparent 'nicety' in the world! smile

    1. Jeffrey Neal profile image87
      Jeffrey Nealposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Well said!

  24. profile image0
    Denno66posted 7 years ago

    Some people are too nice, but that is not their problem; it's the one who takes advantage of them that has the problem. All others just benefit from their kindness.

    1. myownworld profile image81
      myownworldposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      you were always a good sheep at heart!!
      ok, occasionally a wolf wink but mostly quite harmless!!
      ((hugs)))

      1. profile image0
        Denno66posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        If I could purr right now, I would big_smile

        1. myownworld profile image81
          myownworldposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          if I could pat too I would.....! wink

          (also, smile @ jeffrey..thanx!)

    2. Jeffrey Neal profile image87
      Jeffrey Nealposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Yes, I like this one also. smile

      1. profile image0
        Denno66posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you smile

    3. mega1 profile image80
      mega1posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      So don't I look nice?  Wouldn't you want to take advantage?

 
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