Don't be so hard on yourself. Why do you think you fail at everything?
Well, everything is a really BIG word and it's impossible for someone, especial a human, to fail at everything.
We are adaptable. We can conform, transform and create our own life. We have the ability to bestow faith in ourselves, so we can form strengthened beliefs about understanding life.
We have the capacity to learn. Thus, absorbing knowledge and wisdom, when the knowledge is truth.
Since, you are human. It's impossible for you to do as you say.
Maybe, it's the knowledge you have, that you don't grasp? It could be a number of reasons for failure, but failure is to be learned from in and of itself. So, as to not repeat.
I'm not exactly sure what your problem is but I'm sure it looks much better than you're making out to appear.
Just a thought.
I think making a thread about it pretty much seals the deal.
That is a terrible thing to say about your self. Perception creates reality!
Actually, incorrect. Reality exists outside and free of thoughts, ideas, will, or wishes.
One's perspective or perception doesn't alter reality. It only alter one's way of thinking.
I am quite serious actually. You have no way of knowing that reality exists outside of your comprehension.
Do you live life like this? Are you always like this? Just curious.
I ask, because again, you make no sense. You asked such a ridiculous question. Baiting the knowledge of human existence, so as to what? What exactly is your intention?
Please do tell.
My intention was to correct your incorrect statement
Cagsilly, Your inability to understand something does not negate the truth of that something
reality as a subjective thing, as one experiences it at an individual level is, imo, different than the objective reality that exists outside of our minds. in fact all that we perceive are simple electrical impulses in our brains, our eyes do not see, our brains do. i'm sure you knew that.
in that way, i agree with misha, there is no way to define reality out there beyond our subjective perception, which is a reality in itself. in fact the only reality we can really ponder since its the only one we know.
so reality, or a reality outside of our perception may exist, but once one has mastered perception and thus the their subjective reality (the one they personally experience) the reality out there doesn't MATTER. it may exist, but perception of reality is all that matters.
i can never experience YOUR reality and you can never experience MINE, despite the objective reality we *may* share.
and hi cagsil. i am doing well, though i feel guilty i have yet to message you. many sorries.
Glad to here you doing well. I guess I'll have to explain myself a little bit more clearly next time. However, when I do it will most likely be a hub. So, with that said, I'm going to leave this alone, because it's already too far off topic.
So, I agree to disagree.
WOW, nicely stated, I think I wrote the same thing somewhere, once or twice, maybe not quite as well as you have here.
*Two people seeing the same thing, see it differently, because of their perspective...
Again, profound and deeply true.
A very wise friend once said this to me:
"Reality is for those who can't handle drugs."
I won't elaborate more than that.
Please just chuckle. It's better that way.
Sounds like you could be suffering from depression even if this is the first time. Talk to your Doctor about this, and if it helps look at my hub on the symptoms of depression and see if you are experiencing a number of them.
Good luck, and don't worry, if it is depression you can ease the problem with the correct medications, lifestyle changes etc.
its your attitude and your deep down held beliefs...
likely you learned a lot of how you feel about yourself and your capabilities from your parents or key adult figures growing up.
you have to figure out what in your mindset is limiting you and change those things. the rest will follow.
the first thing to do is to stop defining yourself as a failure.
we all make mistakes and honestly, the most succesful people fail THE MOST. the difference is succesful people don't let the mistakes or obstacles turn into massive, life-derailing failures.
you are a magnificent human.
now start making your mind believe this and watch your life blossom like a miraculous lotus flower. <3
I read some of your hubs and you are a very good storyteller-- that's got to count for something.
I know things appear difficult sometimes. Its awful you're going through such a hard time. If this 'failure' is simply related to how you're doing on hubpages, then do not feel this way!
In the end, its just hubpages. And you shouldn't feel so discouraged because its something you can improve upon !
Thank you for your kind words. No of course I am not worried about hubbpages money etc.
I am already feeling so much better after getting such kind messages.I think I was just having some kind of mid-life crisis.when I wake up tomorrow I will be renewed.
Perhaps you are setting unrealistic, unobtainable goals for yourself. Try setting smaller goals that are easier to reach. With small successes under your belt, you can then proceed to ones a bit larger... Maybe?
Also: Failures are only learning processes that help you to succeed at the "big ones" later on... At least you are trying! You can never succeed if you never try! You are doing better than you think!
When I saw your question indicating you feel you fail at EVERYTHING, it became necessary to see what you've written before commenting. Since your hub on your fear of mice is written extremely well, it would appear that "EVERYTHING" is something of an exaggeration.
Curiously enough, this seems to be typical for folks who suffer from self image problems. My own wife is, intermittently, one of these. My late father was another. In Pam's case, the wording might be,
"Why do I do EVERYTHING wrong?"
This despite the fact that she was in high school an Olympics-qualified athlete, graduated at the head of her high school class, garnered a 5-year pharmacology degree at one point, worked as a licensed pharmacist, raised 3 kids to be functioning adults, and a whole host of other sometimes remarkable accomplishments.
My Dad was a World War II veteran, a cattle rancher, owner/operator of a mining corporation, and likewise (with Mom, of course) raised three of us who all eventually picked up college degrees and who have contributed to society in various ways without ever going to prison. Yet when his health began to fail and he couldn't cut his own steak one day, he commented to my sister (who was cutting his meat for him),
"I'm such a burden."
Harriet firmly disagreed, of course. But the point in all three cases (Dad's, Pam's, yours) would seem to be that a mindset is in operation that can take a single setback (or "failure", if you prefer) and magnify it a thousandfold until it seems overwhelmingly obvious NOTHING is working out.
Pam, on a really bad day, will even say something like, "EVERYBODY turns on me sooner or later." Yet she'll agree--when pressed--that EVERYBODY does NOT include me, her younger half brother, her son, my two sisters, the better of her two daughters (the other one's a real witch), our friend in Georgia, and/or a number of other people.
After saying all this, it pains me to admit I don't know a surefire cure for the problem. However, I DO know that the PROBLEM ITSELF is not a failure in action or behavior or even results, but a failure in perception. Thus, the answer lies in figuring out the answer to, "How do I see good sides of my life when all these alligators in this here swamp are biting my butt?"
If I come up with an effective alligator repellent, I'll surely let you know...
1. I'm sure that's not true.
2. This thread is a success!
I was talking to God the other day and he told me why.
Also,he told me what you should do to FIX it.
First you must s#*T% and then p*&@&% to the f*^#*$...
This Damn computer is acting up again...*%^@#^%g*& D%^*mn th*^$%...
God promised me a new computer if I say ALOT of prayers.
Soon as I'm done I'll come back to this thread and tell you what he said...
Because you didn't put heart in it.
Because you made mistakes and decided not to acknowledge them.
Because you prefer to be blind to reality.
Because you don't love yourself enough.
Because you decided to punish yourself.
Because you didn't ask for help before all the above became chronic.
Not failure, you just found another way not to do something.
“I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work”
“I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process.”
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
All above quotes from Edison
Why do you slam yourself this way? You probably aren't, you know, really. You have something you like to do and do well. I know you do. That means you ARE NOT, I repeat, NOT a failure.
There. Feel better now?
I feel obligated to do this.
Everyone has these down moments where they feel like they can't do anything right, and life is miserable. Believe me, I've been through this more than enough, and I still go through this, and I'm a mental health professional. We all get those setbacks where we feel like we're no good and we don't deserve to live.
The trick is to not let those thoughts get through to you, because if they do, you're just dragging yourself and your own self esteem down. If you drag yourself down, you know what you've done? You've made yourself the monster. Right now, you're lowering your own self esteem. If you don't have a very high self esteem, that's okay. You can get through that, just like you got through birth, grad school and probably college as well (if you are that old).
If you are constantly thinking like this, I suggest you talk to someone. I'm not suggesting you go see a psychologist or anything like that, I'm suggesting you talk to an understanding friend, a parent, a counselor or something. Just talk to anyone close. Don't you think it's time to have a reassuring pep talk with your mom?
Drag yourself up, buddy.
All of us feel that way sometimes and our news stated that those who are always on the internet suffer from depression, well all of us must be very depressed which is highly unlikely. Believe in yourself, keep your head up and all will be o.k. here is a smie.
I really do wish I could help you. I know just how you feel, I've felt that way from time to time, because I get frustrated easily and want everything to go well and to get it right the first time...
Sometimes (Casgil said this WELL!) we learn a LOT more from our failures than we do from our successes, and patience is one of the things we have to learn.
Nobody likes to feel stymied, stifled, stopped...
Nobody enjoys feeling like a failure...
In spite of that, there is a valuable experience in it for you if you can figure out how to go on from here and improve matters, yourself, for yourself. It's hard, I know. You just want to give up. You just want to throw in the towel, saying, ok, I'm a failure, so what? Who cares, I don't, I'm not gonna try anymore cause I'll just f*** it up.
Try anyway and you'll be AMAZED at the pure satisfaction you have when you find you've SUCCEEDED!
Thank you for writing this. I wish I could understand why I am feeling this way. I am crying now and i know it is for no reason. Just feeling sorry for myself. I know I have made a complete fool of myself.
Hey, my friend, been there, and still do it sometimes.
I've learned when I'm dead-set on being a victim that I have to just let it be what it is, and let it pass as it will. Hopefully not more than a day or two. Used to be much longer. It's a storm in the mind. So in a storm, you come in where it's warm and dry, make a little soup, read a book or something, and usually just go to bed and rest.
But we are victims of nothing, really. The only way to change your future is to change right now. Do one thing that will help get where you want to be.
You are capable of learning, growing and going in life where you want to go.
Question: Give a few examples where you are failure.
Here is the generalized theory that I started follwoing once I felt this way:
Thinking that you are a failure is the extreme state of mind. Seems you try things that are out of your capacity and try hard to get them.
The easy way is to indulge into things that are up to your capacity or just little above. This way you would stay calm, focus more and increase capacity to be successful over time.
I have failed as:
a human being
a christian ( sorry didn't mean to bring this one up.Catholic upbringing)
And a gambler.
Not possible. Just living is success as being human. Waking up in the morning is a success of being human. Recognizing you have a problem is a successful part of self-evaluation. Self-evalation process is the hardest part.
Since you know you've failed, then you know why you failed. Therefore, you should be able how to figure out to fix the problem. It's easy, look at it from the opposite perspective?
Again, you've recognize there is a problem, this is half your battle. Now take steps to correct.
This is only your ego talking. There is no reason for you to be pressuring yourself to be the breadwinner of the household. If you don't like your situation, then look for opportunity to improve.
I'm not particular to religion or it's upbringing of children. So, I'll leave that one to you to figure out.
This is a simple matter of self-control. Learning will power over addiction. You might benefit from seeking help, if it's already more than you can handle. By the sounds of it, your gambling might be the cause for all the other problems.
It's unknown if that is the case, unless you confirm it. And, if that is the case, you're already beyond oneself's control and require professional help.
I hope you seek out the help you need.
You can't fail at being a human being unless you suddenly transform into an animal or a plant.
You can fix the situation with your children. Tell them you love them, spend more time with them.
Sometimes relationships just aren't meant to be. This doesn't mean you are a failure. It just means you weren't right for each other.
As long as you are trying your best to make money and pay bills, you haven't failed. Whomever you are trying to win "bread" for should, perhaps, pull their own weight a bit more as well.
The only thing I have to say about you failing as a Christian is that it is, once again, impossible to fail as a Christian because Christianity is not an exact definition of being. As long as you believe Christ is your Savior, you are a Christian and have not failed (or so I am told).
Gambling? No one EVER wins at gambling! Going to a casino means that you should prepare yourself to LOSE money, don't expect to win... EVER!
As other people have said before me, you have not failed until you have stopped trying.
may be you were not meant to be like that. May be there is something different that this world needs from you. I would take just one from you. How do you think you have failed as a dad? Would you be comfortable sharing with the hub-mob?
I'm so sorry. Crying might help. Everyone here is really nice and helpful. Last night it was me crying in the forums.
I understand how you feel, really I do. I wish I could help you feel better or make you smile
Thank you for your kindness. I will go to sleep and try hope to wake up feeling my old self. I had to take a lot of criticism today. And it was justified. So I have got to change my ways.
Everybody makes mistakes. EVERYBODY!!! Never forget that, and stop beating the crap out of yourself. There are plenty of other people who will do that for you without you doing it to yourself. When you make a mistake, recognize it, forgive yourself, understand that you are human, and try to do better next time. You can not retrieve spilled milk. But you CAN move past it, and try to do better next time.
No one is a "failure" just because they messed up a time or 2. We ALL do it. Small steps, little by little. God will help you if you just ask him to. You are not a failure as a Christian, you just did not make time to rely on God. There is still time to do that.
I agree with Misha....how do you know reality exists outside your comprehension? All you know is your perspective.
Because how many prayers go unanswered? If thoughts had anything to do with reality, life would be completely different compared to it is now.
Just a thought?
Prayers are desperate attempts to have someone/something else fix things for you. Not really the same thing.
It's thoughts, it's perspective and perceptions, built on by humans beings. Since, the desire result doesn't come to be, then thoughts, desires, will and wishes have nothing to do with reality. It has no affect/effect on it.
How do I know? I learned, like every other human being on the planet. I've also learned to question things I learn, so as to not be ignorant on the subject/knowledge.
You or anyone else don't want to believe science is truth in life, then you're welcome to it. However, if it wasn't for SCIENCE, civilization wouldn't be were it is today. The medical advancements wouldn't exist. Cell phones and computers wouldn't be around, if sciences were part of society's truth.
I use science in the broadest term. It covers all knowledge learned. All knowledge known to humanity comes thru some science field or another.
@KCC, this entire rant wasn't just for you. I'm sure Misha had a reply to my other post. I wasn't trying to offend you. Just trying to make a point, I find very important.
At work last week my boss was trying to call me, but since I was screwing around with the coffee pot in the kitchen I couldn't hear the phone. Then I missed the voice mail alert because I was screwing around with my radio.
He e-mailed me. There was no message, but the subject line said: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR PHONE
I was completely embarrassed. But, I used this philosophy as a cover-up.
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound?
I thought it was a successful dodge, but he replied:
Eventually, everybody knows everything.
This is why he is the boss. and this is why I'm so paranoid at work now.
seanorjohn: Don't call yourself a failure. Let other people do that for you.
I don't say that to be mean; just don't decide for yourself what somebody else might be thinking about you.
You are your own worst critic (as are all of us) so don't sweat it. If you define yourself when you are in a low place, that will stick to you when you are up again. That's how a person winds up feeling like a complete failure when in reality, it is not true.
I didn't take it personally Cagsil. I'm equally passionate about how we create our own reality. It's easy for someone to argue it can't be so if there is at least one thing they have thought about that they haven't received. But, it's a bit more complex than that. I agree with science being important. Have you ever seen "What the Bleep?"
Guilt will kill you and maybe it is the first thing to move beyond, not easy I am currently getting professional help for exactly that. There are some things that are beyond personal control or become so as life moves along. It is great to say wake up every morning being thankful for being alive but hard to do when the prospect for the day is another serving of pain...it overshadows the positive things, the sunshine, the breeze, fragrances and music. It saps your soul so much that even though you know there are things you could do which you would enjoy, you literally can't get up the energy to do them. You have multiple issues, so do I, I only suggested guilt as the first. I think maybe you do need help, I have no support base and so my professional is paid support but we are being practical and working on my life. Maybe you need to seek the same if you have nobody to talk to? Looking at my post lots' of maybes huh?
You could try this website, there are exercises to work through, it takes time but I am finding it helpful, I started just going to the website but it is better to print it off if you can.
I wish you luck on your journey and that is what it is going to be,no quick fix for such a devastating question.
One step, you took that by posting, and then so onwards and upwards.
Be kind to yourself, you are the only you there is.
Seanorjohn, you have made the first step toward your recovery. Acknowledging that you have made some mistakes is step 1. Now, doing something about it is step 2. All the good intentions in the world don't count one diddle-squat if you don't do a turn around. Sitting there feeling sorry for yourself does no good. Nobody likes to be around someone who is having a pity party. And pity parties are disgusting!
Tomorrow will be a better day because your attitude toward yourself, your family, and your goals in life are going to be clearer to you. You will know what is really important, and will do your best to get your life back on track.
And let me tell you something great about you, you were able to figure out how to write your stories on this hub. That is an accomplishment that has proved to be unsurmountable for me.
So, start writing another hub and bloom where you are planted!
You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree -- now take your own advice, Grandma. (I'm a grandma too)
All the good intentions in the world don't count one diddle-squat if you don't do a turn around. Sitting there feeling sorry for yourself does no good. Nobody likes to be around someone who is having a pity party. And pity parties are disgusting!
Grandma Jan.......Good intentions and hope DO count but sometimes they take time to bubble up or require constructive help. Was it constructive to call someone disgusting? To say nobody wants to be around them?
You obviously had enough compassion (want) to read this forum and the thread screams pity?
Slapping people out of it doesn't always work and I think it is a little inappropriate based on limited knowledge of the situation.
People who feel ostracised or disgusting are prime candidates for suicide.
Life is a series of ups and downs, just don't get too down and temper the highs. Remember when you have mental stress go for a walk or ride your bike it always helps. There's a lot of good people here who are your friends when you need one.
Failure is something that comes first. Success comes in second. When success comes, it kills failure. So that is the sequence of events. You really have nothing to worry about! Cheers
My next forum question is " Why am I such a brilliant success story"
Failure?!? i think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. why would you say that about yourself? are you going through a lot of personal and/or financial problems? look, we all feel like losers sometimes. heck, even me. there are days i wish someone would come by and shoot me in the face. however, then i realize that i'm not a loser and i do have people that support me. as one good friend once told me, in order to start feeling confident, then you need to stop saying negative things about yourself. every time your about to say something like, "im a loser or whatever." just stop yourself, and take a deep breath. then say something positive about yourself. it worked for me, and im sure it'll work for you too. just remember, "always look forward, never backwards." anyway, i hope that helps.
This must sound strange, but take it for what it is:
1. NEVER, ever put such thinking in your head! You are NOT failing at everything!! How is it possible? Look at the number beside you: You have 409 followers! Is this failing as well??
2. Always think positiv! When you receive negativ messages, be happy and remember, then you will be able to change the things you did wrong! Be happy that someone tells you, then you are able to change your way!
3. I wish I knew you, then I guess I had more to say to you about this. If you want to get happy quick: Help someone that needs help! I love to help others, gives me a wonderful feeling and joy!
I wish you a happy day when you start the day! Take Care!! :-)
TO quote Conan O'Brien when he left the Tonight Show:
"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
This thread caught my eye - Can't imagine why....When you ask an open question like that in a forum of so many, it shows that you have no self esteem and not only are you cheating yourself but you leave yourself open to the additional stress from the comments of others - further turning your own innate power into nothingness. The thing is that we all have those days, weeks, months or years when we feel as though nothing we do is right or up to par. The fact that you write says something about your nature because I feel that many writers are both extremely open as well as darkly overwhelmed with so many thoughts. Success and failure mean different things to different people and while I do have the gloom and dooms at times, it shows it my writing, I also have those moments of clarity where it all makes sense. As long as you know of one true thing that makes you happy - which should be your writing, then a failure you are not my dear. Further, do not listen to negative or cynical comments despite the fact that they are probably meant to give you a jolt into confidence; not to mention that self-loathing is not a particularly positive trait. Look at it as though you are a work in progress and go from there - After all, we all are....works in progress.
Some great books you might read:
"The Shack" Wm. Paul Young (was NYT #1 bestseller in 2007) - a nun gave me and it is awesome - will clear up spiritual angst;
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy - The Art of Loving and Being Loved"
A primer on relationships
Another book, by Pearson, which I found to be very inspiring when in a down mood, is "Awakening the Heroes Within". A very good book.
It tells some of the history of myth, and where the "hero" expectations come from, and how we grow and develop. We each are the hero of our own life story, and by reading this book, you can see where you are now and where you want to get to and how to get there from here, if you're dissatisfied with the current status of your life.
Each human life is important and has a purpose. Yours, too. Believe it!
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