I need what little mystery I can drum up this way - makes me much more exciting - and I like the ducky and the kitty and the cheetah and all that good stuff better than I like my sorry puss. hahaha! now leave it be.
I gotta go take a nap, getting testy - see ya in a while :
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is basebal l in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
A blind man walks into a dinner and sits down at a booth. The Waiter walks up to his table.
"What can I get you today?" says the Waiter.
"I have a kind of strange request." says the blind man.
"What’s that?" says the Waiter.
"Can I have the unwashed fork of the person you waited on before me?" says the blind man.
The waiter thinks for a minute.
"Um ok" says the waiter.
The Waiter brings the blind man the fork and the blind man slips it into his mouth. He sucks on it for a short time.
"The meat loaf and mash potatoes are delicious I’ll have that" says the blind man.
The waiter is grossed out but also impressed he was right about the dish. The blind man eats tips very well and leaves. The blind man comes back the next two days in a row with the same request and both times he was correct about the dish of the person before him. The next day when he arrives the Waiter notices him walking in.
"Jenny, Jenny" the Waiter says flagging down a Waitress he works with.
"This time I wanna have some fun with this fun. Here put this into your panties." He says as he hands Jenny a fork. Jenny giggles and does as he asked. He walks but to the table with the fork in hand ready for the blind mans daily request. The blind man as always asks for the fork of the person waited on before him. The Waiter hands him the fork fighting his laughter. The blind man pops in into his mouth.
"hmmmmm." says the blind man sucking the fork for a short time