Anyone remember these from Saturday Night Live (SNL)? I've always thought they were a type of laid-back funny. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go,because, man, they're gone.---------------------------------To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."---------------------------------If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting themdown? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.---------------------------------One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was goingto take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an oldburned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."
The odds of there being a bomb on a plane is around a million to one, if you want to travel safe, take your own bomb with you as the odds of there being two bombs are million, million to one.. be safe, wear a condom...
Pure logic, man. Pure logic.
Haha loved this one!
Loved those... Thanks for the smile.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
The boxing one is one of my all time favorites.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
Hahaha, that's a great one.
Have you ever noticed how anyone that drinks water and eats food eventualy dies??? Should we avoid these lethal acts??
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
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