Well then, we better mix it all up then, eh! No same-o's allowed here tonight! Here's a little smile maker for tonight:
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
Best part of my day was when my husband turned up the radio while I was watching the kids play in the yard-and we danced (slow danced) in the driveway. Until the kids noticed and quickly broke us apart-but it was a change of pace that was quite enjoyable while it lasted.
Millionaire was having a party and invited all his neighbors. At one point, he directed everyone’s attention to the pool to show off his fifteen foot alligator. “I’ll give anyone that wants, a million dollars to get in the pool and wrestle my alligator.” At that moment, the neighborhood redneck jumped in the pool, and the fight was on. Quickly climbing on its back, the redneck gouged the gator’s eyes, held his jaw back and covered its nostrils. The water splashing out of the pool, the redneck ends up getting thrown off and grabs the gator in a bear hug. Biting on its nose to cut off the air, punching it in the ribs, jabbing at its eyes, he keeps taking it under until it finally drowns. Swimming to the side of the pool, he climbs out as the millionaire approaches. “I guess I owe you a million dollars.” “Nah, that’s okay.” “What? You just wrestled my alligator! I owe you something. My Rolls? A Gold Card?” “Nah, I just need one thing.” “What’s that?” “The name of the sumbich that pushed me into the pool.”
After some pretty cold days and nights (especially for May - had to bring the pansies in for a few nights), I was absolutely happy to just be out on a beautiful, warm, day. (Now THAT'S more like May! )