Make Me Over! (please)

1. 91

   kimh039posted 13 years ago

   In terms of quality, I would like to achieve the 100 rating as a writer and keep my hubs above 90.  I would really appreciate feedback on my writing style, skills, strengths, weaknesses, etc and suggestions for improving. 
   
   I did just learn from another make-over that I should wait awhile before publishing.  I usually prepare the hub in MS Word, then cut and paste into the capsules pretty quickly.  In other words, most of my editing is already done when I go to publish.  If it makes a big diff, I could just leave it unpublished awhile.
   
   I still have questions about earnings, rules and etiquette, and when I can slow the pace a bit, now that I have some initial hubs published; and would like feedback about these issues as well.  Mostly, I want to write quality hubs over time at a more comfortable pace.
   
   I REALLY appreciate that someone is willing to do this!  Thank you.
   
   P.S.  I've seen conflicting comments re whether or not to delete some lower scoring hubs.  Thoughts on when and what to delete would also be appreciated.

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   1. 83

      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      where's the link to the hub you want feedback on?
      
      Sorry, I can't answer your questions, but someone will come along who can. 
      
      Whether or not to delete lower scoring hubs is a personal decision.  I personally don't (I've only been here 3 months and understand my poetry will be low scoring/low earning)

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      1. 91

         kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I didn't know if I should leave a link - thought they'd go to my profile.  If needed I suppose http://hubpages.com/hub/Johari-Window , http://hubpages.com/hub/Relapse-Prevention-Skills , or http://hubpages.com/hub/Thoughts-Feelings-and-Actions are representative of my best efforts and purpose for writing.  If only one, then I suppose in that order.  Thanks for the heads up Rafini.  I appreciate it.

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         1. 83

            Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            (I think I was being lazy last night...sorry.  Links to the hubs or someone going to your profile - either way works)
            
            I'll go check it out

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            1. 86

               Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Well, no, it doesn't really - unless you only have two or three Hubs.
               
               It's not reasonable to ask other Hubbers to read through 15 Hubs and give meaningful comments.  Kim, you did the right thing by posting a couple of links instead. And it doesn't matter how old they are.
               
               My comments on the Johari window:  terrific subject!  However I felt the introduction was far too long. I would revise it to concentrate on what the window can do for you and how to use it.  Then you can finish off with "to learn more about the history and rationale behind the window..." and link to another Hub on the background and other discussions about the window, for those who are interested.
               
               Steve has a point in that you're an excellent business or academic writer, but you need to learn to loosen up a little for HubPages.  Imagine you're talking to your readers.
               
               Others may disagree, but I don't think the RSS feed with links to your other hubs is a good idea.  A RSS feed to your other related Hubs would be great, but you don't want to dilute your keywords with irrelevant links.

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               1. 91

                  kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Marisa, thanks so much.  I see what you mean about the intro.  I deleted the whole 2nd paragraph - sounded good at the time, but it was long and unnecessary really. 
                  
                  "A Story of Two Hubbers" was my last hub, and was light.  I did have fun with that.  As a rule, though, I do read non-fiction and read for information.   I rarely read fiction, and avoid editorials and opinion articles.  I'll consider the more conversational tone though, and will pay more attention to that when I read other people's hubs, and see how others do that. 
                  
                  I took the RSS feed out of this hub altogether for now; will consider putting some back in.  Also, just noticed the new karma rating. That will help.  I'm just beginning to learn about keywords, but diluting them doesn't sound like something I'd want to do!
                  
                  Again, thank you Marisa.  I really appreciate the tips.

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                  1. 86

                     Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     Maybe conversational is the wrong word.  The point is, you don't want to sound like a text book - if you want to make money, anyway.
                     
                     You make money when people arrive at your Hub looking for a solution to their problem (and preferably that solution will be in one of your ads!).   When you write, you need to keep that audience in mind.  If you bamboozle them with science, sound too high-falutin' or wander off the point, you'll lose them very quickly.
                     
                     For instance, I recently wrote a Hub on what to expect after cataract surgery. I picked my husband up from his op to find he hadn't understood half what the surgeon had told him, and he'd forgotten the other half!  So I got on the net and did the research - then thought I might as well make it a Hub. The language in my Hub is far more straightforward than most of the research articles I found online.  It's getting traffic, too - no doubt because my hubby isn't the only person who doesn't understand doctor-speak.

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                     1. 91

                        kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

                        gotcha!  That makes sense.  That's exactly what I was trying to do in some hubs - put some of the new research out in lay terms.  Apparently, I'm not there yet!  I like the idea of thinking of the hub as a solution to a problem someone might google about.  The story about your husband helped!  I think I'll use more storytelling like that too.  Thanks!

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         2. 83

            Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            okay, I checked the Thoughts Feelings Actions hub.  I don't understand why you're asking for feedback on a 2 month old hub....but it looked fine to me.

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            1. 91

               kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

               thanks rafini.  I must have misunderstood what an extreme makeover is.  cancel my request please.

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2. 72

   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   I think you canceled the request here, but I could not just ignore the fact that I read three of your hubs.   Johari Window, Relapse Prevention Skills, and Thoughts, Feeling and Actions.
   
   I feel that I owe it to myself as a reward to comment on your hubs. 
   
   I am not any kind of expert, I don't even like poetry, so take what I say with a grain of salt.   Also, if I am so smart, then why aren't very many of my hubs in the 90's?
   
   Oops!  That may have been a little of the negative self talk you were talking about.
   
   Here is what I think of your writing:
   
   It is excellent and perfect and just right.   But it seems like it is oddly missing something.   It is like I could get no feeling of the author, and from a hub I like to get the sense that I am having a conversation.   Rather I got the feeling that I was reading a text book.   Everything right, everything correct, everything nice and good.   The piece has authority but shares no heart.
   
   The Johari Window was not very interesting. I am a counselor so I may be less inclined toward the theory of the day.  You did an amazing amount of work to set this page up but I would not come back to it.
   
   The same thing happened to me that always happens when I read a text, encyclopedia, or scientific paper, my head began to nod.   Sorry it took me forever to read your hubs, they were too long, too pedantic.
   
   Now there is no guarantee that you will up your numbers, but I would be attracted to something that could express the content and let us know the author.
   
   Look at how selfish I am, I am mostly telling you these things because I don't want to have wasted my time reading your hubs.   Will what I have said help you?  You never know.

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   1. 91

      kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Steveo.  I did cancel the request, but I thought I had misunderstood...........If you took the time to read them, I definitely appreciate that, and am glad you went ahead, if only for selfish motives!
      
      As mentioned in the response to Marisa, I'll look at that conversational piece for awhile, the heart thing, and see what happens. 
      
      I had to look up pedantic!  (pedantic adj. Characterized by a narrow, often ostentatious concern for book learning and formal rules: a pedantic attention to details.)  I was surprised by that; will keep in mind.  Was that pedantic or what?!
      
      I always nod off when I read!  It helps me remember what I read!!
      
      Re videos:  I'll be mindful of the length.
      
      Thanks again SteveoMc.  Appreciate it.

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3. 72

   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   Oh, I forgot, 12 minute videos and 8 minute videos?  Are you serious?  I couldn't even press the button just in case I might be sucked in to a 10 minute distraction.
   
   I think a minute or less would be much better.

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4. 86

   Marisa Wrightposted 13 years ago

   Glad it made sense.  The things to avoid are passive voice, impersonal constructions and jargon. For instance, your Johari window Hub says:
   
   "It is a communication tool that is helpful for dealing with personal issues, and demonstrates the value of self disclosure and feedback."
   
   What does that mean to your reader?  It says to me that professionals use this - I'll have to find an expert to use this "communication tool".  And what the heck is self disclosure?
   
   If I were writing the Hub, I'd say something like, "You can use the Johari window to understand more about your personality and reveal things about yourself you weren't aware of".

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   1. 91

      kimh039posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I see.  "The Johari window can be used...." is passive vs "You can use the Johari window."   Ok.

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