Looking for Good Questions to Help Me Re-Aquaint Myself
Hey KCC, you opened up a door that could lead to many different places, because of so many different choices/decisions that can be made.
However, I would suggest you get back to basics. Such, pin-pointing times in your past, which you actually enjoyed doing. This will require you to be honest about that particular time and whether or not you enjoyed it.
If you are seriously concerned about what has happened to you, then I also suggest you accept your past, for which, has happened and then begin a new trial and error stage.
Like, if you want to go the movies, and even what type of movies you like. If you enjoy the company of the people around you, and if not(this is where hard decisions/choices come) then I would suggest weeding out the negativity.
You do not seem like a negative person, from our interaction, and your inability to stand up for yourself(as you admitted), is really a bad thing. It destroys self-esteem and most likely ruins self-confidence. Which, leads to a bunch of other things happening, most of which, you probably do not like happening.
Many people find life fairly complex, however, self-improvement is the key to finding happiness. When you stick to your guns about improving yourself, then you can restore your self-esteem and self-confidence. The fact that you are now just becoming more interested in yourself(self-interest) is a positive path.
Self-growth is what comes from being self-interest. Your single interest is improving yourself and your life. Thus, you grow as a person, gain self-esteem, while nuturing self-confidence.
I am not recommending you become selfish, by any stretch of the imagination, but always look for new directions to improve, either in your habits, health, wealth or hobbies.
I am not sure I can do much more, even though a lot of what I have said is written in more than one of my hubs.
Good luck with your new direction/path. I have faith in you that you will find the answers you are looking for.
I don't know if this is what you had in mind - maybe not yet, but it may start the ball rolling....
I read once that a good way to figure out what you want to do in life is to remember who you were and what you loved at the age of eight. For some of us (like me) that's longer ago than for others
, and that may make it harder to remember. But it might be one place to start.
Why don't you journal a little bit about everything you can remember about the year you were eight years old? See if anything you remember from that year causes some happy feelings to surface, and follow those feelings to see where they lead?that would be great. (for me from a selfish standpoint) BUT...so now you know two things you like, reading and writing.
When I forget who I am, I like to listen to music. Stuff from the past that reminds me of me. And sometime I find Ive grown and changed and its time ot live life and see what new things catch my eye. I like to go to the mall then, look around at whats new and get a large soda and sit somewhere to people watch. Probably weird? but I think its fun and it helps me to sort out my own issues.
oops, sory, I got so busy typing I forgot the original statment. hmmmm...a question to help you discover yourself.
What is your favourite colour, and why?thanks.
I guess fav colour isnt a big deal, but its one thing to start from, one little thing of what you like. i love green, because its the first live colour in spring.
I went through this too, after I lost my daughter, and then the divorce.
I like the advice about remembering your 8-year-old self, but I finally got back on my feet when I began to remember my 16, 17 year old self.
In those days, way back before everything went to hell lol, I loved writing, music, and screwing around on my giant desk filled with all sorts of pencils, pens, paper clips, drafting tools.... when I had extra cash I went to the office store, not the mall.
So now guess what - I have a new giant desk filled with office supplies. I even have TWO three hole punchers. hee hee All of this happened, hmmm, let me see, oh yeah. Right when I joined HubPages.
Nothing says nerd more than a hard core office supply habit.
So here is your question: what thing did you do as a young person that made you feel like a total nerd? What did you abandon when you "grew up", even though you loved it?I understand!
but if you take it a little further, you can ask yourself what you liked about playing alone? did it allow you more creativity, independence, quiet time?
why did you like to swing? riding your bicycle? probably because it was fun, it felt good, etc... a feeling of freedom, being outside...
those kind of questions.. then you can apply it to your life now.
do I have that in my life now? how can I adapt it to my life situation?I like this. You're right. I need to delve deeper into WHY I like those things and find more grown up activities that give me those same core feelings.
You're really good at this, you know?
Hhhmmm, I didn't see rebekaElle's posting from earlier. However, you know they say great minds think alike. But, there was no intentional conspiracy.
KCC you are having the same response that my friend did when she begin reading the book. Maybe I'm going to have to see if she will let me borrow her book. There maybe a nugget or two in there for me as well. Take care!that is the book I was talking about by Elizabeth Lesser!!
Broken Open. She is one of the founders of The Omega Institute.
http://eomega.org/
I am currently rereading it because it's so good. I bought it a couple of years ago because I liked the title. When I started reading it, her candid honesty about her life amazed me.
you're receiving some great advice in your thread! good for you for posting it! goodnight.
yes! a great book about self discovery. I loved it and then shared it and never got it back, one of those books that keeps getting passed on.
yes, do it!!
a-HA
You've felt guilty for buying yourself things that you want, in the past.
But now it's all about YOU. So, start feeling guilty when you don't buy yourself something you want.
Don't let yourself feel selfish about it either. You've earned yourself some happiness throughout the years, caring for others, and now it's your own turn.I really need professional help with this one.
You'll get there. Here's how I know:
You can see that there is something wrong. You're not happy, but you have a very good idea why, and you are reaching out.
It's all downhill from here! Just don't get in your own way, and you'll be fine.
Having spent 10 years as a massage therapist I met many people who did not like the idea of a massage. The body holds on to all sorts of things that you may not be consciously aware of and massage can help release those things.
If you genuinely want to get in touch with your self - try getting a few massages and see what they bring up. You might be surprised what you are hanging on to. You need a therapist you are comfortable with though.
And - although I do not know you "personally" either - and please do not take this the wrong way because I mean it in a constructive way - there is a big contradiction when you say:
"I am uncomfortable with my body"
followed by:
"I consider myself an extremely centered and well-rounded person."
I don't think you can be both uncomfortable with your body and centered and well rounded at the same time.
You are your body. It is where you live.Good for you. Put on a few pounds myself recently when I quit smoking.
The Omega Center sounds nice. I'm not heading to bed just yet. I was saying goodnight to RebekahElle.
KCC, might it be that you haven't really lost the "real" you, but that stress/exhaustion/some form of burnout may have moved in and separated you from the "real" you? Just as when we're in grief(but it's not as extreme) a lot of stress, general dissatisfaction in life, can cause a stress response. The stress respond essentially makes us feel "farther away" (I'm assuming that's because it involves a a response that includes making thinking clearly difficult. It's hard to be interested in the stuff we may otherwise be interested in, because all we're interested in having whatever is wrong in our life fixed (so we can feel better). It can be a chicken/egg thing.
We think we've lost who we are because we don't have interest in a lot of things, but we're really still the same person we've always been - only so preoccupied with dealing with one or more "issues" that are going on, it would be unreasonable to expect ourselves to be thinking about other interests. Abraham Maslow's heirarchy of needs come to mind. Essentially, unless our other needs are met, we're not interesting in "higher forms of thinking" and "fulfillment". I'm assuming that the stress response that comes when we're not happy with our situation causes changes that numb/gray up our thinking a little; and until whatever "general lack of dissatisfaction" we have is resolved, we're not likely to have our interests in other things.
I guess my questions for you would be:
Is there something in your overall life (and obviously, having lost a child there is, but other things)that you feel has to be resolved/fixed in order for you to feel like things are the way they're supposed to be?
Also, are there any "mindless" activities you could entertain yourself with at first? Just something that didn't require real interest but that's a pleasant way to get give your mind a rest? Sometimes mindless activities can lead to interest, and one interest can lead to another. A few years back I was in a major slump (still am, actually), and I would actually kill time making those online dolls. It was a good way to be engaged in something that I didn't have to think much to do. (I suppose that's why basket-weaving is something recommended for people as a way of getting them engaged without expecting/demanding to much of them.
Depression and/or tiredness/stress can make people uninterested in anything, so I guess I'm thinking if you can't muster up interest, aim for something mindless that doesn't require interest and only keeps you busy for a while. Mindless things can be surprisingly fun to do, and doing something pleasant/fun can change your brain chemicals. Maybe that could be the start of further changing how you feel.
Maybe something else to ask if whether there is a friend or two who, when you're with them, make you really feel more like "the real you" (and then ask why). Not long ago I listened to the music I used to listen to when I was fourteen. That was a big reminder that I'm the same me I've always been.
This sounds like psycho-babble, but I think you should ask if you need to give yourself permission to just be "the real you" again (at least sometimes). Might you feel like allowing yourself to get your mind off sadness/blues would, in some way, make you feel as if you're abandoning the "the you" you've become since you've had such an awful loss?
I'm going through a big lack-of-interest thing myself these days (and I'm not comparing my situation and yours at all). For me, though, it's not so much that I feel like I lost the real me. It's more that the real me was transported to some "foreign life", so I pretty much feel alien to the life I'm living. In my situation, I know the "whole real me" isn't ever going to come back; but I know that a big part of the real me is still there and would resurface if some things about my life
(over which I have little control right now) would change.
I guess I think you need to ask if it's the real you you can't find or the happy you can't find. There's a difference between "the real you" and the "happy you", and sometimes when we can't find the "happy us" we feel like we've lost the "real us", when we really haven't.
I do know that when we're not happy we feel "removed" from ourselves (probably because of the brain-chemical thing).
Finally, I think you should ask yourself (or the counselor) if you're expecting yourself to feel "regular" sooner, maybe, than you or anyone else might expect (after your awful loss). Then again, what you're going through may be as simple as being tired and feeling taken for granted by too many people for too long. That's not nurturing for "the soul", and, particularly someone who has had your loss needs soul-nurturing. I don't know if any of this is at all of any use or value. I just know what a challenge it can be not to really feel interested in too much, so I thought I'd give trying to offer something here a shot. There's one thing I do know, and that is if the people around us aren't seeing "the real us" that can make us feel as we've lost that "real us". So, maybe that's something to ask too: Are you around people who don't/can't see the "real you"? When that happens we feel like we're "shrinking down to so small" we get farther and away.
Either way, I think the lack of interest thing is a side-effect of something else, and trying to muster up genuine interest in the things isn't going work without addressing what's causing the lack of interest and feeling that you've lost the real you. (Of course, I'm the first to say I know nothing, don't know you, and am not a psychologist - so all of this that I've just written in an attempt to offer something may just be pure garbage.
)Hey KCC! Been a while, but I'm glad to see you.
I don't know what will work for you, but when I began mine, I followed a few simple steps to set myself up:
1. quiet time alone without any distractions
2. journal about memories that were the happiest times for you. Write what led up to it and what happened after
3. write about people in your life who "saved" you and how they impacted you in your life
4. write about people in your life who are not healthy in your life (negativism, controlling, dominating, disrespectful, etc.)
5. write about your dreams -- ones you have accomplished, ones you want to accomplis and the ones you did not accomplish though you tried. For the latter, write down why you didn't.
Bear with me, it's a lot of writing and soul searching, but without the foundation, it's hard to spread your wings in the right direction.
6. write about what types of events you dislike or would not associate yourself with
7. write about where you want to be in 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years
8. re-read what you have written. Find common threads of happiness, sadness, anger and elation.
9. These commonality threads will point you in the right direction of relearning about yourself.
Each day, take only one hour to yourself and become peaceful. Stop the noise in your head and feel. Don't think. Just feel. Everything about yourself will rise to the surface and you will rediscover yourself. Meditation is the best form of creating a bubble to find yourself. It's amazing how things will surface.
Good luck, and all the suggestions that hubber-friends have given are great.wow KCC, some great advice here by so many wonderful hubbers.
in regard to the pampering, I think every now and then, it really does a world of good, to sit back and have someone take care of you, plus it feels good. they usually massage your hands and feet first, even your calves with certain pedicures. I'm sure they would honor your gift certificate even though it has changed names.
the first time I had a 'real' full body massage, I thought I had entered another realm. I could not believe how a body is supposed to feel! a professional masseuse will make sure you are comfortable and won't go beyond your 'comfort' level.
I think sometimes we simply look at ourselves and think we're that person in the mirror. we're not. we are much more than a reflection. you are a beautiful person that no one else can be!
we play different roles in our lives, mother, sister, daughter, wife, husband, job title, but they're roles, you are you, the same you that came into the world to be you.
sometimes we get lost in our roles and let them define who we are. I think it happens to many people. this will be a special time for you.Thanks Money Glitch. I took the test and it was pretty accurate regarding my personality. Now I have to figure out how to utilize this info.
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