Witchsmeller: [talking about ordeal by axe] The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck — so we burn him. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.
Friar Bellows: Perhaps a motto for our enterprise? "Blessed are the meek..." [The rest grumble in disagreement.] Friar Bellows: "... for they shall be slaughtered!" [The rest cheer and rush for the door.] Edmund: But the plan! You've forgotten the plan! Sir Wilfred Death: I thought that was the plan! Sean, the Irish Bastard: Let's get those meek bastards now!
A nun is taking a bath when someone knocks at the door. She asks who it is, and the person says, "The blind man." So she lets him come into the bathroom. The man enters the room and says, "Nice tits. Where do you want me to put the blinds?"