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Tell me a joke!

  1. tritrain profile image78
    tritrainposted 5 years ago

    Write your favorite jokes here.

    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fssshhh.

  2. Bellamie profile image61
    Bellamieposted 5 years ago

    here's an oldie.....
    What's green and red and goes vrooom! vroom!?

    A frog in a blender!!

  3. Bellamie profile image61
    Bellamieposted 5 years ago

    How can you tell when a dumb blonde used a computer?

    There's white-out on the screen!!

  4. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 5 years ago

    Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?

    Because they've experienced pain and purchased jewelry.

    What is the best thing about a nudist wedding?
    It's easy to see who the best man is.

    What happened to the man who took Viagra, Levitra and Cialis all at the same time?

    He had a hard attack.

  5. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 5 years ago

    An electrical fire caused a man's barn to burn down one night, so the next day his wife called their insurance company to file a claim.

    "We had that barn insured for $50,000 and I want the money," she told the agent.
    "Now hold on a minute," the agent replied.

    "Insurance doesn't work like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth."

    After a long pause the wife replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy I have on my husband."

  6. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 5 years ago

    One evening a man walked into a bar and proceeded to order one martini after another. With each one he would remove the olives and place them in a jar he had brought with him. When the jar was filled with olives and every martini had been consumed, the man got up and prepared to leave.

    "Excuse me, sir," a patron said. "I have to ask because I'm so curious----what are you going to do with all of those?"

    "Take them home to my wife," the man replied. "She sent me out for a jar of olives."

  7. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 5 years ago

    One evening when he was working late, a business executive managed to persuade his secretary to bend over the back of the leather couch in his office and allow him to have sex with her. When he finally arrived home later that night, his wife was waiting up for him.

    "And just where have you been all night?" she asked.

    "At the office," he replied, "working like a dog."

  8. Mikeydoes profile image80
    Mikeydoesposted 5 years ago

    My favorite to use.. That is clean and great for kids..

    What doesn't Tigger shake hands? Because he plays with pooh!

    Obviously better if you say it.

  9. Cagsil profile image83
    Cagsilposted 5 years ago

    One afternoon a professor of mathematics sent an email to his wife that said, "Overall I am happy with you as a wife, but as a man I have certain needs, and given that you are 54 years old new, you are no longer able to satisfy those needs. Subsequently, I will be spending the evening at a hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I hope you understand. I still love you and I will be home by midnight."

    In response, his wife sent him an email that said, "I received your email and I understand. I too will be at a hotel tonight--with our 18-year old pool boy. And being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you will surely realize that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18, so please don't bother to wait up."

  10. paradigmsearch profile image90
    paradigmsearchposted 5 years ago

    If you are from Vermont, I feel your pain. smile

    Not a joke. Real news item.

    "Squirrel terrorizing neighborhood BENNINGTON, Vt. (AP) — A Vermont neighborhood is being stalked by a renegade gray squirrel. Several people in Bennington say they’ve been attacked by a squirrel over the last few weeks. read more"

    1. Mikeydoes profile image80
      Mikeydoesposted 5 years ago in reply to this

      My aunt had a bird in her back yard.. And any time you walked near her nest she would attack you.