I desperately need money, fame, traffic and fortune.
But I can't tell you all why I deserve it.
Otherwise I'll get snipped.
Thing is... I can't be assed to spend hours every day making small talk on the hope of attracting a friend.
Grateful for any suggestions.
Oh yeah. Tried Reddit - got banned. Done Facebook - no friends. Tried Twitter - doesn't seem to be anyone on there.
I know there's only three people on here but hey... three is not bad.
Write what people want to read. Give 'em what they want and you'll garner the followers and the rest will follow.
That's the problem. A bunch of miserable people, I say bunch I mean handful, wander in to my pages and immediately back arrow.
I had a complaint the other day that My How to Drill a Hole in a Piece of Wood piece did not actually tell the guy how to drill a ... etc.
That is the problem. They don't want to read it. Bastards.
I even tried doing a Good Karma Sale. That didn't work either.
I thought of doing a raffle ticket sale, but that's illegal unless you are a church or government.
Could be your avatar. Looks like you need to gain a little weight. Try humor. Folks seem to like a good laugh. Form your own religion and explain it in a hub. I myself am a Reformed Druid. Instead of worshipping huge rocks and trees we worship bushes and gravel. You might find some disciples
Try humor! Now you tell me. Right I'm off. If only I hadn't wasted my time on stuff like this...l
http://sites.google.com/site/onlysmalla … -best-pets
I went to your profile and a lot of your hubs beg the reader to buy your Amazon products and aren't really about topics I'm interested in. If you want more readers, use eye-catching photos and write about interesting topics that don't ask us to buy the things you put on the hub. You also want to have hubs that can be found on google and other search engines, but the titles of your hubs as they are now seem to not have those unique titles that would be one the first pages of a search. Good luck.
Name one that begs the reader to buy anything.
Huh? I just thought you wanted some helpful suggestions for increasing traffic. Sorry if I had offended you. I understand that the drill hub was supposed to be humorous, but I don't know how much traffic it will generate in the long run.
I don't think I'll comment on whether you wasted your time or not. Make me smile, grin or laugh out loud and I'm sold.
Encourage your current readers to promote the stuff they like?
Things like stumbleupon, facebook, etc... often work better when they're not promoted by the writer, but by people who genuinely want to share a great find to their friends.
I have to speak up about your little GS site.
1) I disagree on Hamsters being #2. They may be cute, but they can be vicious. If you have more than one, there's a chance of eventual hamster-cide.
2)You should NOT put goldfish in a bowl! Goldfish need space. Unless you get a giant bowl - one meant to act as a full tank - a regular bowl will be torture to them. The only fish that belong in bowls are bettas. Goldfish are also not any easier than other freshwater fish. They still need filtering, water changes, proper water treatment, proper food choices, etc... Bettas can be easier because many will do ok in water that hasn't been fully treated. If easiness and little interaction is what makes a fish best, then bettas - not goldfish - should be featured.
3) Where are the ferrets?
4) WHERE ARE THE FERRETS!!!!
5) WHERE ARE THE FERREEEEEEEEEETTTTSS!!!!!!???????
Thanks for your comments, and thanks for reading.
Hamsters can be vicious but only if handled. Left in a cage to rot they are usually manageable.
The ferret, magnificent creature though it is, came in at number eleven on my list.
Ferrets are evil little bits of fur and teeth that hide beneath furniture then rush to attack exposed ankles in kamakazie runs.
Making notation. Have decided to skip the ferret ranch idea...
I was (seriously) hoping to create a ferret-only shelter/hotel so people can play with adoptable ferrets or put their ferrets to stay in care while they vacation (obviously, hotel-care ferrets would be in a different location than the adoptable ones).
To get back on topic, I think one way to self-promote a hub would be to create a funny ferret hub and use stumbleupon. Stumbleupon people LOVE animals, especially if there are funny pictures with fake dialogue on it (ex: Cheezburger cat).
Then in that hub, Mark can recommend 3-5 other funny hubs, preferrably animal-related, that these new readers will want to see.
They attack with a full intent on living to strike another day.
The drill hub was obviously meant as a point-in-cheek hub meant to make fun of self-help hubs/articles. He's not really begging the reader to buy one, he's pointing out that in a real self-help hub, the marketing writer will try to find ways to convince people to buy the products featured.
To get back on topic too... (sorry), don't discount the facebook route... find some humour groups on there and join... post a few times and share some of your hubs. My personal account only has around 700 friends. The one I set up for promotion (which I rarely use) tops out at 5000... I really need to post some hubs there... but anyway, most of my "friends" on my personal are actually from groups that I have things in common with. I'm not aggressive with it, but when I do post a hub or another piece of writing, I can count on at least a 10 percent read and some reposts. If I did that with my promo account...err... Gotta go.
This reminds me, I only have one humor piece. I should write another one.
Also, affiliate-wise, humor won't get you many - if any - sales. However, it can still get views if you choose humor topics based on good keywords.
OMG (Yes, I said it) I have a great idea. For every great keyword I find, I should do both a real informational article and a humor one to see how they compare.
"I desperately need money, fame, traffic and fortune." Oh yeah Mark don't we all?
As I've said before ... just keep writing, just keep writing.
I really enjoy your quirky humour Mark, now what's all this about ferrets?
I really believe that the number of views and followers you have from HubPages doesn't make a lot of difference to your earnings - which is the bottom line. Most of my clicks come from Google or other searcher indexes - not from here. So I doubt if it would do any good to self-promote in these forums. No matter how much I try, my viewers from here don't click on the ads - so if that makes you feel any better . . . Meanwhile, ain't it fun to talk to all us hubbers? doesn't all this fun count for you, Mark?
Sadly, begging people to read is a huge turn-off. When I signed up at Redgage, someone from Indonesia wanted to "friend" me. I thought, "no harm." Then, the begging and groveling started. Unfriended.
The reason we are on hubpages is for entertainment. If we wanted to help others, we would volunteer at a food bank. If someone really needs money, they need to find family or seek help from their religious organization. Hubpages is a slow way to get help.
As I was always told, it is hard to convey humor through the internet unless there was a sign that said to enter here, there is humor. The internet is an impersonal place, and most of us do not articulate well enough to convey exactly how we feel. And someone somewhere will always be hurt by words on the internet, even if the intent was always that of humor.
After spending all of this time on Hubpages and other places for leisure, I will conclude that there are better ways to make money, if that is your goal. I would suggest going to Craigslist's gig section and see what there is in your neck of the woods. Passive income....maybe for a few.
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Avoid self promotion in these forums!
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