Awww, Mark! Thanks for the plug, my friend. I hyperventilate when someone feels 'badly.' But I think the one that hurts the most is 'conversate.' I hate it spoken and written and it makes me want to jump off a cliff.
When I was an x-ray tech, I constantly had to ask women if there was any chance they might be pregnant. One told me "No, I had a tubal litigation." My cohorts and I joked that this is when your lawyer sterilizes you.
A genuine smart a$$. I knew there was a reason I liked you. I don't get quiet rainy nights. Most of the time, I can hear the rain pounding on my windows of my room. It doesn't help my room is in the front of my apartment. Oh okay. I thought you were talking about it raining without making much sound. Thus, quietly raining.
Mine's not funny but I cannot stand when people use good instead of well. It drives me up the wall. My ex used to say we had the only 2 year old in the world that would answer "I'm well" when asked how he was feeling.
Like George Carlin once(or many times) said- I have never been "fine and dandy". I have been fine, but not dandy. I was once dandy, but not fine. But, when he recalled- he was fine and dandy for about 5 minutes, but no one asked how he was at the time.
My pet peeve is the word definitely, which is frequently misspelled as definately. Drives me crazy.
My other favorites result from stranger's versions of the word cochlear implant. We've heard "cocular implant" and "ocular implant." The first version reminds me of the George W. Bush "nucular" and the second would refer to an eye implant, not an ear implant!
Always hated it when patients told me they had "rotator cup" problems instead of "rotator cuff", or "corporal tunnel" instead of "carpal tunnel", or when a parent said their child was "artistic", meaning "autistic".
I hate that. "Begging the question" is a specific logical fallacy from the world of college philosophy classes. Until some dummy heard it and passed it around to all his idiot friends in television. Every time I hear that expression I want to smack somebody. And I'm usually against senseless violence.
Careful on the regional stereotyping there! Most of the southerners I know would say "er" for "or." I lived most of my life in the South and did not see that misspelling until I came to the Midwest (where I live now). Here, a lot of uneducated people write are when they mean our. I see it practically all the time, and I dislike it too - intensely (or is that intensively?) - no matter where the writer or speaker is from or where they currently live.
One of my favorite misspellings is a complaint about the "mill due" in a condominium.