More Bull About Hamster Generated Electricity v Nuclear Generation, and How To Accidentally Blow Up a Small City.

A Statistical Analysis of Guinea Pig v Nuclear Power Generation (Refuting Keith S' Flawed Reasoning)

I found the research in the recent Hub "Are Hamsters a better alternative than uranium for electrical power?" biased, incomplete and seriously flawed. I conducted a more conclusive comparison trial at home with Guinea Pigs (Hamsters) kindly loaned/ donated by neighbourhood children.(Some haven't even missed them yet!)With the uranium mass test I used a block of uranium 238 of the same weight of the average of ten Guinea Pigs (GPs) running nearby wheels linked to the hubs of Stirmly-Archer bicycle generators. Admittedly the GPs initially put out power with voltages in the 1.8 - 2.93 range and amperages of 0.13 - 0.67 while the uranium wheel showed no measurable output, but within a very few minutes the GP output dropped to zero, and shortly afterwards their fur dropped off, as did their flesh.I then moulded the 238 into a core rod and placed in a small breeder reactor that I'd knocked up in a friend's garage out of old refrigerator parts (Knocked up is a Kiwi term meaning to put together casually and in a hurry, a quite different meaning to that of North America, although the same description could fit.)I then rang him from home and got him to lower the rod. I assure you that the ensuing release of energy was far greater than that of ten Hamsters on treadmills and looked quite spectacular from forty miles away.(Come to think of it, I may have inadvertently used U235)

However, for fairness of comparison I stuffed ten further GPs into the core tube of another breeder reactor in my own garage (I've plenty of old 'fridges,) and nothing happened even though I left them there an hour. when I took them out at the end of this time the survivors bit me!

The third experiment that I conducted was to break the uranium into very small pieces and insert them into the GPs rectally. This really fired 'em up and I got as much power generated in the two minutes they lived as I would expect to get in 18 months of normal GP activity.A similar result was achieved with chilli sauce, which is of course far cheaper than uranium 238, and means that many of the GPs can be re-used after a suitable recovery period.

This last seems the best way to generate Hamster power although the cost effectiveness of selling used uranium loaded Guinea Pigs to Iran v having to dispose of chilli fired ones (which have virtually no commercial value) yourself needs to be explored.

I'm sure that Keith meant well with his Hub and it certainly opened the way for further research into what is rapidly becoming an urgent topic in this day and age, but as you can see it was cunningly manipulative in its bias. Any article with Photos of Dick Cheney and Al Gore opposing a move is a sure way to turn the majority towards that move.

For those of you who may consider my tag of Sex, Sins and Rock and Roll misleading, have you ever put two Guinea Pigs of opposite sex together? Disgusting! and ten minutes later you've got five million even more disgusting Guinea Pigs.

(You may care to check the following link

http://www.whatpowercrisis.co.nz/mini-home-fission-reactor/ )


My (late) friend has just lowered the uranium rod.
My (late) friend has just lowered the uranium rod.
Hamster-seeking uranium capsule inserting device. (Double  scale)
Hamster-seeking uranium capsule inserting device. (Double scale)
Hamster two minutes after being found by the above missile
Hamster two minutes after being found by the above missile
"Wait until I get my hands on *&^%$#@! who shot that rocket at me!!(The same hamster the next day)
"Wait until I get my hands on *&^%$#@! who shot that rocket at me!!(The same hamster the next day)

I consider the content of this hub trite, senseless, and an insult to serious writers in the way that it lowers the standard of Hub Pages.

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Comments 67 comments

countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Really funny hub and we need more humor writers....LOL :-)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

That was quick cw, I've only just published . thanks for the thumbs up.

Peter.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

TOF- You are always welcome. For some reason I still picture you with the mouse profile image...hehe :-)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

I'll see if I can get it back, - or the computer Devil.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Thank you, TOF, for making me laugh....


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

So you've been hiding in the Petrified Forest doing all those experiments to those poor creatures!! :D They look like they've been to hell and back. We've missed you and it's great to see you back!

Congrats on those 10,000 views and 100 fans. Sex, sin and rock n roll? Is that how you get those many views? I'm going back to redo all my tags LOL!


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

No Pete you are using he wrong GPs here if you were hoping to have them contribute to your home power supply. On the edge of BT forests (Northern Sector) there is a breeder of super GPs. They are quite different from norm as they have Twin Rectal Receptors.

Good Hub mate... please write some more. Keep up the experiments and Take Care not to loose any GPs in your socks!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Good God Pearldiver, it's been years since I've seen two arseholes on a camel, and they where both poms.

Thank you and the ladies for reading me.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

How cruel of you to disparage the people of Guinea. It's not their fault if they over eat. Surely there's a government program for that.


ralwus 7 years ago

Firm this was indeed quite a challenge for you to go to all that trouble for lil ol' us. hehe We need more scientists as your self, maybe one day you can come up with a way of converting GP poo into an energy source as they sure do a lot of it and it is already pelletized. I think I might have bitten you too for sticking something up my arse.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thank you for your thoughts nicomp and ralwus, even though you've missed the point as usual by speed reading. nicomp, These animals originally cost a quid and a bob. That thay came from Guinea and resemble politicians is a total coincidence. Charlie, I didn't put scraps of U238 up the rectal orifii of the animals used in the breeder reactor. That would compromise the experiment. I stuffed them into toilet tubes and then lowered them down the core tubes. As stated, nothing was generated. Therefore, a Guinea-pig will breed, but not effectively in a breeder reactor.

I hope that this clarifies things.

Cheers.


quicksand profile image

quicksand 7 years ago

Hi TOF!

U238 ... wow! :)


Porky 7 years ago

Please re-execute your experiments with the GPs from the new Disney Movie, G-Force. Those rodents rock.

http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/gforce/


ralwus 7 years ago

My mistake then. LOL cheers now and have fun. hehe I still would bite you were I one of them.


maven101 profile image

maven101 7 years ago from Northern Arizona

TOF...I have to ask...Aren't you just a little concerned that this Hub may be read by some Islamic terrorist and suddenly we have these little radio-active hamsters running about, spreading fear and panic..?

Funny Hub...Thanks, Larry


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

The pigs of guinea will be calling upon you soon. Leave the little doggie door open because they can't reach the knob.


ralwus 7 years ago

Look out nicomp he's sending them your way!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Porky: rats!!

Ralwus, apology accepted

malven101. How do you think that I get my finance for these experiments? I sell spent radio-active Hamsters to Islamic Freedom Fighters.

nicomp, ralwus: Oh goody, non radio-active, French speaking, nasty little rodents with a bad attitude. The neighbour's kids can have their rotten little pets back, French nuclear testing is about to start again in the South Pacific. (And I get to experiment on little French speaking pigs!)

I'll leave the cat door open, she'll have a ball - or two.

Cheers, TOF


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

I find this hub to be biased and disingenuous. I have recreated this experiment using the data provided, and discovered that you left out some vital information.

In the course of the experiment, the GP's mutated into uber GP's. They appear to have grown in size, and increased their leg count to 6 each. The new appendages have served to increase the output exponentially! In fact, 5 GP's are powering my home at this moment. And for the price of about 12 heads of lettuce per day.

I suspect that your experiment was a veiled attemp to create a radioactive foodsource for your 7,000,000 robotic electric eels on pogo sticks. But to what end?

This is not over, my friend...


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Your economics is more than suspect B.T. me old Jackass er Jackalope. The national grid cost of powering my home now, at the end of winter here is around two dollars a day. Lettuces cost over a dollar each in the Supermarket at the moment and seldom drop to below 80c, so your power costs around $10, to over $15 dollars daily to my $2, and you have to maintain a shonky system and shovel mutated Guinea-Pig shit continually. With thinking like that you'd have made an able puppet President.

Of course I'm not on the Grid. With seven million electric eels I've rigged up the whole community to the power generated by their drilling on the pogo sticks (An awesome sight, 7,000,000 determined eels in black drainpipe uniforms, stingray-guns at the present goose-bouncing past in strict precision, when I take the salute every morning!)

It turns me a nice little profit.

Tinkerbell the gay bear is SO pleased that you're still around, he says to expect to see him soon, - he OWES you.

Regards,

TOF


ralwus 7 years ago

I'd like to see those eels on pogo sticks. hahahaha goose-bouncing LOL now we have geese in it


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

No geese ralwus, just a security army of Neo-Nazi Spring-Heeled Jack eels, Jack-springing in bounce on parade.


ralwus 7 years ago

I'd like to observe it sometime nonetheless. LOL cheers


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder

What a fun read! Much better than the first article -- so glad you took the time to do these experiments yourself, and share the results with us.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thanks Ivorwen, I'm pleased that you enjoyed my little experiment more than the Guinea Pigs did.

Cheers, TOF


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America

Taking sustainability to new depths...er...levels. Simply brilliant and I think you should be awarded a grant about this...

Now everyone, Hamsters to arms!


Chef Jeff profile image

Chef Jeff 7 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

Hamsters? Why not use the excessive heat generated by politicians whre ever they happen to meet and drive a few wind-turbines from all that collected turbulance? LOL!!!

Laughing my rear end off...

Cheers, Chef Jeff


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Why thank you Patty, perhaps if I combine your and Chef Jeff's suggestions and build a bigger turbine for U235 activated politicians I could get a government grant.

I could start off with those in opposition, the gov. would be happy to donate them, then the lesser coalition partners, in order of nuisance value, and finally awkward backbenchers.

This should reduce our parliament to a manageable size and subtle hints of "You're probably next!" in the right ears should ensure substantial ongoing grants for research and extensive modification, during which time the generators will remain inactive.

Cheers,

Peter.


cally2 profile image

cally2 7 years ago from Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Loved it. LOL


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

Too funny and yet, informative. The best sort of hub!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Why thank you, kind lady.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Thanks for the laugh and the somewhat questionable economics lessons! GP shit must be preferable to politicians' shit though, or not?

Very funny Hub. Loved it - and the ensuing comments!

Love and peace

Tony


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Indubitably Tony, there's less of it.

Cheers old son.


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 6 years ago from UK

Hi TOF, I don't know how I missed this first time around. Our hamster went missing around a year ago, and we've never seen a trace of her since. I wonder if she was kidnapped by some scientifically-minded Brit eager to recreate your experiment?


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Sorry Amanda, this hubs not that old. She probably just went looking for a boy friend (randy little hussy)

cheers, TOF.


magdielqr profile image

magdielqr 6 years ago

Excellent Hub!


jiberish profile image

jiberish 6 years ago from florida

Funny! I heard Hot peppers work just as well, they used to use it in horse racing. I'm a Fan!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Life's a learning curve jiberish, thanks for the information.- I'll tell my horse owning mate at Bridge in ten minutes,

Cheers.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 6 years ago from North America

I just remembered! My father, having grown up on a farm and presumed to know better, always placed two male Guinea pigs in the same cage alone together. I remember the blood curdling mayhem very well now - actual screaming accompanied by slashing teeth and claws; and when these wore out, out came the tiny hatchets!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Funny, clever hub that was just too funny! Loved it!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thank you Ladies.


Pachuca213 6 years ago

How did I miss this knee slapper of a hub?! I love it...I especially love the last photo!~ JJ


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thanks JJ, Peter


ralwus 6 years ago

You just go on enjoying those strawberries my old friend, in your shorts and sandals all sunny and warm. Think of me as you munch on them, will you? Have a great day now, and an even better tomorrow. CC


Storm Rider 6 years ago

Chili fired GP's ! I laughed my ass off .


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 6 years ago from the bridge of sighs

Hello Old Firm.I see your still your same old self lol.


top rated treadmills 6 years ago

Neat piece of info, was useful for what i needed it for, hope to read some more from you if you have anything, always a pleasure to find information that is useful


The Old Hack profile image

The Old Hack 6 years ago

Anarchy rules, keep-up the good work.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Well team, it was a suppository tale.

Cheers.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

I don't believe you could find a toilet roll tube big enough for ralwus, but good on you. Maybe you and nicomp should add Charlie and B.T. to your stand-up act!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

RedElf, Charlie and B.T. have been my very bestest friends since way back when. cc riter would conceivably agree.

(I like the kitten much more sans raccoon)

Regards,

Joseph Stalin


a2z50 profile image

a2z50 6 years ago

Man,,, You are way over my head ! But great Hub ! Keep em comin.

Thank you! Much Respect

Ron

Also As Always Rprcarz50 Keep on Hubbing!

http://hubpages.com/politics/Asian-Carp-Activity


Granny's House profile image

Granny's House 6 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

It took me a few lines to see you were jokong. lo Very funny,well written


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thanks, G H


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

Which chilis did you use exactly? I believe you might have increased GP output had you checked the scoville scale...

erikso.com claims, " At up to 580 000 on the scoville scale (the Habanero) was long regarded as the hottest chili on this planet. But about eight years ago the Naga Jolokia was properly measured and is supposed to close in on 1 000 000 on the scoville scale. That chili could be regarded as something close to a weapon. Standard US grade pepper spray starts at 2 000 000."

Great hub. Thanks for the laugh!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Absolutely Hilarious. You are a comedic Genius. Thank you for making me laugh. :)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Hi there Minne 2, it's good to see that this hub still gets read. I'm gratified that you enjoyed it.

Cheers, TOF


lxxy profile image

lxxy 5 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

I literally could not describe this to K@ri, I had to make her come read it--I was too busy bowled over in laughter.

Glad to know what I can get away with saying should I happen to teleport to NZ. Think I'm going to knock up my Brundel 3000. I'm a sucker for such piffle. ;)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 5 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Good on you Ixxy, have a Merry Christmas.

Cheers,

TOF


ralwus 5 years ago

Another Merry Christmas to you old son. Hic hic


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 5 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thanks Charlie, same to you,

pip pip.


quicksand profile image

quicksand 5 years ago

Hi TOF, Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to you! :)


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Oh may! I'm glad you not living in the same neighbourhood with my cousin! She have 50 hamsters and remember all of their name. She really will starting demonstration against you if she find out about what you do! hehehe. Nice to meet you here, Sir. I'm happy to meet more funny writer. really refreshing.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 5 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thank you Freya, I'm sure that your cousin would beat me up if I even thought about harming any of her hamsters, so I promise to leave them be.

Best Wishes,

TOF


quicksand profile image

quicksand 4 years ago

Congratulations, TOF! Great victory by the All Blacks!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 4 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand Author

Thanks quicksand, it was a bit hairy for a while. They could have done with a few of my nuclear suppositories to give them a boost I think.

Cheers,

TOF.


quicksand profile image

quicksand 3 years ago

Merry Xmas, TOF! Happy times ahead!

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