Being a Psychiatrist
This isn't as much Being a psychiatrist, as it is WHY I became one.
Truth be told, I have no idea. I understand if non of you actually care to read this, but like my profile says, I will write about what ever the hell I want, when I want.
I didn't become a psychiatrist because I had some uncontrollable interest in the human mind. I didn't care that much for it until I started college. I didn't become a psychiatrist because I had some undesirable urge to help people, although I do now have the urge. A PART of why I am a psychiatrist is because I grew up with a brother who suffered (and still does suffer) from extreme schizophrenia, paranoia and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I guess after years of watching shrinks calm my brother down, a part of me found this exciting.
I do not regret the decision of practicing medicine in the field of psychiatry. But every now and then I wonder "Should I have done something different?". Why didn't I study business management or something? Or became a successful Hollywood actor? I always wanted to be a teacher. Why didn't I go down that road?
Also, a part of me decided to do this to, occasionally drop the M.D. bomb on people. People are trying to be better than me in debates, you can make them speechless by saying "I have an M.D., do you?"
Being a psychiatrist is awesome though. I'm in children and adolescent psychiatry, but take the occasional adult to my table. I work in the PICU (Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit), which means I handle suicidal (and more) teens who need to be monitored 24/7. But I'm studying Personality Disorders, so I should be well on my way to opening a practice soon.. I hope.
This is a horrific job though. I go to work, I counsel teenagers and they attack me. Or they threaten me. Or they do something worse. You know, there's nothing worse than having a 13 year old sitting in front of you with needle marks on his hands. Or even his face because he couldn't find any more veins in his hands. There's nothing worse than hearing from someone that they'll kill your whole family and rape your mother because you're trying your best to help them. It's not a good feeling to know that someone resents you enough to attack you when you literally beg them to stop using. I recently had a teen who beat his mother daily, to the point where she allowed him to anally penetrate her to stop him from beating her. It sickens me. But I'm not allowed to have opinions in those people, because I'm a medical personnel.
I cry. I never admit it, but I cry. It's the only thing you can do to get through this job. The residents try to stick together, so we can all go through this, but the fact is that we're all just a bunch of backstabbers. We're too competitive to actually care about each other. We all need to be the best. So the only thing you can go through this, without needing therapy, is to sit down every once in a while when you're having a shit of a day and CRY. Have a good cry. I do realize someone will call me a vagina or something for this paragraph, but I don't care. At least I can be honest.
I know this job can ruin you as a person. I know that. All of the older psychiatrists at my hospital have warned me this will ruin me as a person, and I will either end up with caring too much about my patients and start protecting them too much, refuse to see the problem and cause them more harm. Or I will end up with not caring at all when I see a problem, ignore it and cause the person more harm. It's a tricky situation. Which one of those do I want to be? Neither. But, apparently, I don't have a choice.
It's a horrific job in so many ways. You see anorexic teenagers who were trying to get thinner for a boy or because all the kids in their school were so cruel. A suicidal girl woke up in the ER the other day, looked up at me and said "Why the hell am I still alive?". She was 11, and her parents were going through a nasty divorce, and neither wanted custody of her because she has ADHD.
But also as you go through this job, it makes you wonder how the hell you can still have any faith in the human kind. The abysmal, disgusting things people do are just phenomenal. But then again, it can also completely restore your faith in the human kind when you see a progress so amazing, you can't believe it's anything but the good Lord in the sky.
If you're thinking about becoming a psychiatrist, I both recommend you get your degree now and join us. But on the other hand, I also recommend you stay the hell away from this hell.
It's your choice.
Thanks for reading.
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