Better Than My Plans

Better Than My Plans

Once upon a time I discovered that something was missing in my life;

Some constantly increasing and painful vacuum within me was urging me to fill it with anything that would make me feel good, useful and productive in this life;

And so after such realization, my mind started to wonder what I could satisfactorily fill in this vacuum within me;

I think and think all day until I had started imagining myself on what I want myself to be: these are thoughts on how I would look, on activities to preoccupy me, and on my chosen role to play in the society where I belong or in the society of my own choice to belong;

Then I decided to reinvent my life and started to make plans for myself: I planned to pursue education as my stepping stone to become the person that I am in my imagination;

Yet, even in this simple plan I could already see various complex difficulties; my age, financial constraints, my conflicting family relations and love life in my present life situation and location at that time were among the many blocks to sabotage my plans to pursue education for myself;

It looked like I had just thought of a good plan but the odds were against me; but the vacuum within me was stronger and more powerfully painful than the odds;

I told my parents and my husband about my plan so that they too started to think on ways to help me succeed in my pursuit to better myself and my life;

They too started discussing my plan to their friends, and then my Dad and husband agreed on a possibility for me to start making my plan in motion;

But even their plans which were meant to be in good will and intention were not acceptable from the depths of me so I rejected it to their dismay;

They suggested that I would stay in a boarding house near the high school that was located 10 kilometers away from our mountain dwelling;

That I would stay in the boarding house during school days and come home in the weekend to be with my baby;

We were living in that high mountain in which, to go down to the town where I was supposed to study high school was a 10-kilometer hike, no cars nor passenger cars because the stiff-sloppy, rugged, and unpaved road was dangerous even for big heavy-duty trucks to drive on;

It would be very difficult for me and the odds against my plan were so high; in my mind I knew that there was something better and easier but I didn’t know exactly what it was;

My fantasy was to study in a big university in the city as a scholar and as a college student then coming home every day to my baby; this fantasy was supported by my mind because I somehow had a strong conviction that I am intelligent and could pass scholarship examinations of any universities;

Then one day my husband and I had a serious fight that almost made me decide to break our relationship, I told him to go away and leave me for good; but he won’t leave me and our son, he instead decided to take me with him on vacation to the city;

While in the city with my ex-husband, his good friend, an important person in the government invited us both to attend his birthday party which was held in a night club; it turned out to be my first ever inside a night club where almost naked ago-go dancers performed on the stage and drinking men were entertained by prostitutes: I felt horrible watching them kiss and looking sexually-charged; I knew that these men were married, even the celebrant, important as he was supposedly, was also flirting with the prostitutes;

These lascivious activities inside the night club really infuriated me that I stood up and walked out after reprimanding my ex-husband;

The next day, the celebrant came to the house where my ex and I stayed for the time of that vacation; my ex asked me to apologize to him; this really angered me because my rationale says that it was he, my ex, who would apologize to me for taking me to such a horrible place;

My ex pleaded me to apologize and further explained that if I won’t apologize their friendship would be affected and that there would be bad results in his job;

For that reason, I said to him that I would just write down what I really think, and so I wrote:

Dear Eugene,

My husband urged me to apologize for my behavior last night but I would tell you this “Such place was a hell and those people who participate and enjoy in such a hell are not worthy of my respect. I am a wife and I hate husbands who betray their wives, for me those married men there were traitors, how can I respect them? No apology from me, I will only apologize to God if I actually had done something so bad.”

Sincerely,

Mrs. Jenny Lamurin

And then my ex gave this letter to Eugene. After reading this he told my ex why on hell was he hiding his wife in the big mountain when she is an educated, honest and sincere woman who he could live together in the city as she works in a certain office;

My ex replied that I was an undergrad, in fact had not finished high school. Eugene’s wife happened to be the Principal of a public high school and had access to certain government programs for out-of-school youths who wanted to pursue college education through scholarship examinations;

That was how my pursuit for education had started to unfold and everything was history;

Five years after that incident I graduated BSBA-Economics in Mindanao State University-Iligan Institute of Technology;

Yes, everything worked easily and much better than my plans or any others’ plans for me and my life.

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11 comments

Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi cat on a soapbox,

Thanks for reading my hub. Life has lots of bumps but courage invites miracles into our lives. My son is another miracle in my life. He brings joy into my life such as his 3 beautiful children. My eldest granddaughter is now third year college taking up Architecture in the oldest university in Manila. She is pretty and smart, am so proud of her. My new husband is an American, he is my true love and happiness.

Thanks for the encouraging comment. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi Globe...Such comment! You put into words exactly the logic of my story. Thanks for reading and the comment. You are always a blessing. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Globetrekkermel,

Hi Globe...Such comment! You put into words exactly the logic of my story. Thanks for reading and the comment. You are always a blessing. God Bless.


Globetrekkermel profile image

Globetrekkermel 2 years ago from CALIFORNIA

Cool Jynz.Lesson learned. YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK OR DREAM. There is an energy that drives you to whatever you want for your aspirations .Most of the time,He does not disappoint. He is called GOD.And you don't believe in miracles? LOL! THINK AGAIN.


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

I am happy that your dreams came to pass. God leads us in surprising ways when we are faithful and remain pure in heart. Congratulations on your graduation! ( I see from your story that you left your husband. I hope that you and your son are both together.) All the best to you. :)


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi MsDora ,

As ever, am happy to hear from you again. I do believe in a dream come true state of the mind. There is always a way towards the fulfillment of a goal if one is persistent enough to its pursuit.

Thanks for reading my hub. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi MsDora ,

As ever, am happy to hear from you again. I do believe in a dream come true state of the mind. There is always a way towards the fulfillment of a goal if one is persistent enough to its pursuit.

Thanks for reading my hub. God Bless.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Congratulations on following your plans, and seeing results. Thank you for sharing.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi Ericdierker ,

It's good to hear from you again. It's a good feeling to share some experiences where there might be some good lessons for the readers to see for themselves. This hub was inspired by a story I read from which I had picked the statement, "when God orders even the devil obeys."

Thanks for reading. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 2 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi Ericdierker ,

It's good to hear from you again. It's a good feeling to share some experiences where there might be some good lessons for the readers to see for themselves. This hub was inspired by a story I read from which I had picked the statement, "when God orders even the devil obeys."

Thanks for reading. God Bless.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Life is good. I am glad that you could write and share this with us.

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