College Essay Example
I recently found my daughter's college admission essay. Now I know why she didn't show it to me for proof reading.
I consider myself a work in progress, which means I’m not quite done. Maybe I’ll never be done because I change my mind more often than I recharge my cell phone, and let me tell you – that’s a lot of times. What I want from college is to continue my education for as long as possible, thus delaying the inevitable death of personal freedom known as getting a job.
From your viewpoint, it means tuition dollars flowing in year after year and job security so that you can support your own deadbeat kids through their lifetime of learning too. It’s a win-win!
On a recent visit to your institution of higher learning, I spotted a bunch of students sleeping off a drunken stupor while lounging on a comfy chair in the oh so quiet library and said: “This is the place for me.” Nothing beats a nice nap and there’s nothing more annoying than a bunch of people talking while you’re trying to catch up on a few Z’s. Your school seems to know the value of serenity and I like it.
Speaking of “Like”, I also noticed that your students seem to be able to carry on conversations without excessive use of one of America’s most popular prepositions. Like, what kind of stuff are you teaching them? It is like, very clear that you need my help as much as I like, need yours (to avoid that job thing – remember?). Give me like, a few weeks and I’ll like, have them all talking like (used properly in this context) Jersey Girls and Guido’s. They’ll be like, so into it, that Snooki will soon be doing guest lectures. Kay, so whatever.
I know I’m supposed to like, tell you about a life changing event about how like, my grandmother’s dog won the little league world series or something but I have to confess, that my life so far has been pretty BOOOORRRRIIINNNGGG! So, I’ve decided that those life changing events are going to like, happen at your school.
Since my grandmother is 87, and her dog died years ago (sliding into second base I think) I’ll have to borrow some local old people and pets. I hope you have a good supply, cause that AARP crowd tends to drop like flies when they compete in contact sports. Oh, forgot to tell you, my like sport in high school is full contact golf. In Jersey we play for keeps, not like that Tiger Woods creep, who can’t even take his Swedish model wife even though she’s armed only with a golf club and he has a Buick – what a wimp!
Hold on, I’m like checking my word count to see if I got to five hundred words yet cause they said you like want exactly five hundred words in this essay – rats, I need a few more.
Anyway, like I said, I really think your college is for me so like write back right away and let me know. (that’s 500 – nailed it)
More by this Author
With the employment marking ever shrinking one option for the unemployed is to look to a political career. Here is how to do it.
If only religions didn’t preach intolerance and dislike of others who don’t believe as they do the world would certainly be a better place. Remember that religion is a business. Religion has brands just like...
While many feel that the information age started with computers - it really goes much further back.