DO NOT GET YOUR FISH DRUNK OR FLICK YOUR BOOGERS IN THE WIND

SILLY LAWS

Do not get your fish drunk, or flick your boogers in the wind, especially if you live in Ohio or Alabama.

Believe it or not these are actual laws still on the books. I doubt that they are enforced, at least I would hope not.

I don't know why I began researching "dumb laws"....probably something I read. Anyway, here are some that cracked me up. This list is not complete and does not include explanation.

ALABAMA

•(1) Issue of incestuous marriages not deemed illegitimate.

•(2) It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

•(3) Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

•(4) Boogers may not be flicked in the wind.

•(5) It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

•(6) You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Alaska

  • (1) It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

ARIZONA

•(1) Hunting camels is prohibited.

•(2) Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

•(3) When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.

•(4) You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

ARKANSAS

•(1) School teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

  • (2) A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

CALIFORNIA

•(1) No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

COLORADO

•(1) Tags may be ripped off pillows and mattresses.

CONNECTICUT

•(1) In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.

•(2) It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades

FLORIDA

•(1) It is illegal to sell your children.

•(2) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

•(3) Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

•(4) You may not fart in a public place after 6:00 pm.

GEORGIA

•(1) It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroner's office.

HAWAII

•(1) All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.

ILLINOIS

•(1) The English Language in not to be spoken.

INDIANA

(1) The law stated that the value of Pi is 3.

(2) Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

(3) A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

IOWA

(1) One-armed piano players must perform for free.

KANSAS

(1) Pedestrians crossing the highway at night must wear tail lights.

(2) If two trains meet oh the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

LOUISIANA

(1) Fake wrestling matches are prohibited.

(2) Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with false teeth is "aggravated assault."

(3) It is illegal to gargle in public places.

MAINE

  • (1) You may not step out of a plane in flight.

MASSACHUSETTS

(1) It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.

(2) At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.

(3) Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

(4) No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

(5) Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.

MICHIGAN

(1) It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber.

(2) A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

MINNISOTA

(1) A person may not cross the state line with a duck atop his head.

(2) It is illegal to sleep naked.

NEBRASKA

•(1) If a child burps during church, his parents may be arrested.

•(2) It is illegal to go whale fishing.

•(3) It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

NEVADA

•(1) It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

NORTH CAROLINA

•(1) No one may be a professional fortune-teller, and if one wishes to pursue the practice as an amateur, it must be practiced in a school or church.

NORTH DAKOTA

•(1) It is illegal to lay and fall asleep with your shoes on.

OHIO

•(1) It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

  • (2) It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.

OKLAHOMA

•(1) It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo

•(2) Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of 3 or more on private property.

•(3) Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.

•(4) Whaling is illegal.

•(5) It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.

OREGON

•(1) Dishes must not drip dry.

•(2) One may not bathe without wearing "suitable" clothing.

PENNESYLVANIA

•(1) A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

•(2) You may not sing in the bathtub.

SOUTH CAROLINA

•(1) It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the courthouse steps on Sundays.

  • (2) It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

TENNESSEE

•(1) Driving is not to be done while asleep,

  • (2) It is legal to gather and consume road kill.

UTAH

•(1) Birds have the right of way on all highways.

•(2) No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.

VERMONT

•(1) There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt" practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.

•(2) You may not engage in business on Sundays, with the exception of almost every industry.

WEST VERGINIA

  • (1) Whistling under water is prohibited.

WISCONSIN

•(1) Margarine may not be substituted for butter to students, patients or inmates of any state institution. Violations of this provision may be fined $100.00 to $500.00, or imprisoned for up to 3 months or both.

WYOMING

•(1) It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.

•(2) You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit.

I feel reasonably safe from prosecution, arrest, or fines in most of these states. However, I can't guarantee that I will never substitute margarine for butter in some state institution while in Wisconsin.

I thought these laws were a hoot, and I wanted to pass the laughs along.

More by this Author


Comments 27 comments

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

This hub is a hoot.  I can see each of the "laws" being a hub in and of itself.  And if you do that, Ana Louis, then you already have your personal HubPages TOC right here.  Thanks for the wonderful laughs!  (Minnesota #1 gets my vote for best.)


annemaeve profile image

annemaeve 8 years ago from Philly Burbs

Oh, no! I can't sing in the bathtub in my own home state? I just did that this morning! *Looks wildly around for the bathtub police*

Thanks for the great hub, Ana!


Rob Jundt profile image

Rob Jundt 8 years ago from Midwest USA

I think I may be in trouble. :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

I had no idea that Nebraska and Oklahoma had such serious problems with whaling. And not crossing the state line in Minnesota with a duck on your head seems an obvious law to me. But the best one of them all for me was "if two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed." THat's just genius of the highest order.


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 8 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thanks all for your comments, sorry I have not responded before now, but you would not believe the life I lead - or maybe you would. Hey, maybe I'll write a hub about it.

Sally, glad you got some good laughs. I'll have to think about your suggestion.

Annemaeve

Well, if your singing is anything like mine, no one could identify it as such, so you might be safe.

Rob,

I think we all might be in trouble.

Shadesbreath,

The longer I live the more genius I discover...what a wonderful world.


sschilke profile image

sschilke 8 years ago

Ana,

Last time I tried to whistle underwater I almost croaked. Thank goodness someone had the common sense to outlaw this foolish and potentially fatal behavior.

Interesting hub.

Sschilke


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

One question...is it more offensive to the moose for being pushed out of a plane or to the person's car the moose lands on?


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 8 years ago from Louisiana Author

Sschilke,

Thanks. There is another good law. If the economy becomes too bad we can all make a road trip to West Virginia and live off road kill. Yummy.


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 8 years ago from Louisiana Author

Hi talented,

Good question. Why even put the moose in the plane if you're just going to push him out.

I'm wondering, if the people who put a farm animals hind legs into their boots, are wearing them at the time. It didn't work for me.


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

What you need to do is buy one shoe size higher than what you normally wear and then you can only use sheep or goat legs. Most people mess that up by trying to use cow legs.


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 8 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thanks talented, didn't think of that. But you gotta watch those goats, had one once and it ate the vinyl off the top of my Lincoln Continental(that was some years ago), I think that goat ended up in someone's barbacue.


Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

Killroy was here :)


We3Kings profile image

We3Kings 7 years ago from Atlanta

I wonder what made Mass. outlaw gorillas in the back seats of cars?? Seriously too funny!


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 7 years ago from Louisiana Author

We3Kings, thanks for stopping by. I'm sure some dope thought it was a good idea at the time, but I bet somewhere along the way the police became involved. How long do you thing a gorilla would be content to sit quietly in the back seat of a car? I can only imagine the chaos and havoc that ensued on that road trip. Now that I would loved to have seen.


talkingcellular profile image

talkingcellular 6 years ago from Weston, Florida

Jeepers, those laws were totally unreal! Kind of frighting, one must ponder what were those law makers thinking about.


BrookeMyes 6 years ago

Heyyy Ana i Visit this site weekly i swear. Always Like re-readng the random laws people make.. Serously did they have no life back then...i promise the law makers sat around a big table thinkng of what they can outlaw :):) what a grand job that would have been...Its like No U Can Not Eat A Barbeque When The wind is blowing south because the air may pollute the bbq. :) That Would Be my Law


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

Sorry I have been rather absent from hubpages for awhile. I really appreciate your visits. It seems the dumb laws are pretty popular...they are funny.

BrookeMyes, how wonderful that you stop by so often. I guess it doesn't take much to decide a law against something is necessary...why use common sense, right? I sometimes don't think much has changed over the years.

I hope to get a new article up soon. Hope you stop by again.


WebSurfer 6 years ago

what? people in indiana are not allowed to bathe for half a year? lol!


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I hope you enjoyed the hub.

It does seem like a silly law, but it seems that it

applied only during the winter months. I suppose at the time heating a home was a major undertaking and bathing in freezing cold proved unhealthy for most people. Probable thought they had good cause to pass such a law. It is hard to imagine in today's America how difficut and time consuming a simple bath could be.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Now I know why those people in Connecticut are so on edge, they have all those used razor blades all over the house. They can never go barefoot and are running out of room to bounce their pickles. Btw, have you written under another name on HP? =:)


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 6 years ago from Louisiana Author

lol. You are funny. I hear ya. I wonder what people were supposed to do with all those old razor blades? I have no idea when the law was passed, but I bet it was before recycling came into fashion.

No,I don't even have time to write as Ana. Someday....

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.


thany 5 years ago

lol, so i can have sex in the back of an ambulance. unless of an emergency call. i can't.

:x

hahaha


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

Hi thany, sorry it has taken so long for me to respond. Thanks for checking out these crazy laws.

I guess a little hanky panky in the back of an ambulance is not that uncommon, hense the restriction.

Who would have thought?


kime mcintosh 5 years ago

Im from Scotland and OMG... I can't imagine not being able to go out for a drink with my fish. must be a hard life in Ohio. And wow no singing in the bath i'd be sentenced to life in jail by now. Im going to forward the snoring one to my dad maybe tell him a sound proof room would be much better lol. had a great giggle at these :P xx


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 5 years ago from Louisiana Author

Hi Kime, thanks for reading these crazy old laws. I am glad that you got a "giggle" as you read. I bet Scotland has some silly old laws too. Might be fun to check them out. Good luck with your dad.lol


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

I sure am thankful for the law in Florida that says men may not wear strapless gowns. Great hub.


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana Author

Thanks Koffeeklastch Gals. This was the my first hub, just a novice on hubpages...still am in a lot of ways. I laughed myself silly putting it together. So glad that you and so many others have enjoyed reading some of the old laws that are still on the books in almost every state.

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