You know you’re an old married couple when you make more noise getting out of bed in the morning than you ever used to make going to bed at night.
For many, poverty and wealth are defined merely by the speed at which money moves. Make $50 a day and spend $50 a day = poor. Make $1,000 a day and spend $1,000 a day = wealthy.
Some say: A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Oh, to be wise, journey to rickzworld.
Isn’t a carbuncle that older male relative who just went on the fad diet?
I have a friend who is 3 parts Irish and 1 part Scotch, except around the holidays, when he’s more like 2 parts Scotch.
Got anti-bacterial soap? There are about 1,000 species of bacteria that thrive on the surface of human skin.
Considering the molestation scandals plaguing the Catholic Church, it seems that priests should’ve been wearing those tight black-and-white collars a little lower.
If you order a short half-caf, and add plenty of half-and-half, and decaf coffee is really only 95% caffeine-free, but you only finish 3/4ths of the cup before it goes cold, how much caffeine did you really ingest? And why do we worry about such things? Don’t you think we have just a little bit too much free time?
I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy.
If you’re worried about your gas mileage on your 50-minute commute in your leather-upholstered über-SUV with GPS and DVD and Bluetooth and grandé latté with the air and stereo at max, then — there’s no getting around it — you are just thick.
F. Scott Fitzgerald preferred but one Christmas gift — pipe cleaners.
If a man has an opinion, and there’s no woman around to correct him, is he still wrong?
Think you have an eye for art? Some pigeons can distinguish between paintings of Picasso and those of Monet.
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Take it from me: the world hasn't been straight with you.
Here are a few handy snippets to help you through your times and troubles.
Make uniform patterns and repetitions readily and surprisingly easily.