Dumb and Dumber-No using slot machines in an outhouse, and more dumb laws in the U.S. part 6

Are you ready to explore some more of our great country? I hope you brought you boots; some of this gets really deep!!

Our first stop is…

Ohio:

It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.

What happened? This law was made during the height of whale fishing season. The good people of Ohio were catching so many whales that the lawmakers feared they might become extinct. They actually added to this law, and now goldfish crackers are off limits on Sundays as well.

More from Ohio:

It’s illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.

What happened? What I really want to know is who gets to decide what’s of great importance. For one person this could mean, “don’t knock your wife around”, for another, it could just as easily mean, “don’t forget to wax your car ”.

Still in Ohio

You may not install or use slot machines in an outhouse.

What happened? This is a difficult one to track. The story goes like this…Mom, pop, and sis were all lined up with their legs crossed jumping up and down while brother was inside the outhouse shouting, “I did it again! I win! I win

Oklahoma:

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have “relations” with a buffalo.

What happened? The buffalo was tired of being led on. Either step up to the plate, or leave the buffalo alone.

Another one from Oklahoma

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.

What happened? This was another concession for the buffalo.

Oregon:

Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.

What happened? I’m thinking “inbreeding”.

Another one to prove my point:

Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.

What happened? See above.

Pennsylvania.

It is illegal to sleep on a refrigerator outside .

What happened? In Pennsylvania an outside refrigerator is a block of ice. Janice Joplin was passing through Pennsylvania one day and became tired. She fell asleep on block of ice, which just happened to be the outdoor refrigerator for the town’s Boy Scout Troup.

For weeks afterward, the boy scouts were trying to help dogs cross the street. Acid and boy scouts don’t mix.

Rhode Island.

It is illegal to bite off someone else’s leg.

What happened? First of all, I believe it’s important to note that it is perfectly legal to bite off your own leg.

Rhode Island is a cold place. Winters are long, and sometimes boring. People often hook up with the wrong person. When people sleep together in Rhode Island they often throw their leg over the other person. One day Craven Dufus woke up to find that the number ten from the night before, when viewed with sober eyes was a negative two. Not wanting to disturb her, he bit off his leg.

Dufus sorely regretted his decision. The lawmakers knew Dufus. They knew he would get drunk again one day, and Sally Bagugly was still on the market for a man. Fearing that the next time he would bite off HER leg, they quickly passed this law. ‘

Good Job lawmakers.

South Carolina.

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

What happened? This law came about to counter the “It’s OK, we’re getting married” line.

Also…

A permit must be obtained to fire a missile.

What happened? The lawmakers scratched their heads, banged their heads on a wall, bashed their heads into concrete blocks, got concussions, and figured out how to cut down on terrorism.

Last, but far from least, we have the often overlooked….

South Dakota:

(The following laws are what happen when people forget your state exists.)

No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

What happened? Obviously too many horses walked into the Inn without pants and ruined it for everyone else. Ingrates.

If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.

What happened? This was a sneaky way for lawmakers to get around having to pay up when they lost at poker.

If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

What happened? Playing Cowboys and Indians never ends for the people of South Dakota. Also, once you’ve shot 2 of the 5 on your property, this law gives you leeway to keep on shooting!

Finally, today, we come to Tennessee. The intelligence of these people is underwhelming.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

What happened? It was a cold day in December 1812. Bubba and BillyBob were down by the lake. They had a bet to see who could catch the most fish with a lasso. Ironically, they both became fish food later that night when, overcome by hypothermia and stupidity, they fell into the lake.

A side note, the lawmakers understood the need for fishing. They compromised and wrote a bill allowing hunters to shoot whales from their car, thus keeping this hypothermic incident from ever happening again.

Next time we'll be visiting Texas. Texas is an awesome state... I wonder if we'll find any dumb laws there. Probably not.


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Comments 31 comments

tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

Sueroy333, Another fine hub! Most enlightening and encouraging...I loved it from start to finish! ..."inbreeding" indeed! You are a hoot!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Good thing the no fish lassoing is in South Dakota,as it's a great way Louisianin's catch Gar-Fish and Gators...Lasso-Nets for Gar and actual lasso's for Gators,lol.;)


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Arizona has its own goofy laws:

In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.

In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American..

In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.

In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I am shocked. Now I can't misuse anything of great importance. What a bummer.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

There is just no end, sue, to these fascinatingly dumb and stupid laws. What I find very interesting is that you and I without knowledge of each other's choices, picked some of the same dumb laws to examine. I guess it's great minds and all that.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

tenderheart- Thank you for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed all the inbreeding. :O)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mentalist- I don't reckon I knowd that 'bout Louisianna. That must be why y'all throw people in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator. It's alright if you lasso 'em, just don't go grabbin; 'em and shovin' 'em in a box.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Willstar- Thanks for the heads up! Next time I'm in Nogalas I'll be sure not to wear suspenders


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

breakfastpop- I feel for you. This will be a huge detriment to you, as you see the importance in everything! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

drbj-that's hilarious! I didn't read yours yet specifically SO I wouldn't duplicate without meaning to! (prepositional ending)

I love the thought of great minds, but I'm pretty sure it's more a case of "slow brain steps into thoughts of great mind.. scientists are baffled". :)


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I am so annoyed. I have a fabulous slot machine in my outhouse that keeps me amused for hours. Now I find out it's illegal...


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

breakfastpop- I've heard that the lawmakers can be bribed. Make it a double-seater and you can rest easy!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Oh Oh Oh, can't wait for the Texas one! I think it may be legal here to carry babies on the running boards of cars! How else do you dry them after a bath?

This is so funny and probably a never ending source for hub writing! Loved it!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin- I can see you drying off your little ones on the running boards.. but not of cars, what were you thinking? This is Texas we're talking about! Those babies will be drying off on the running boards of 1 ton pick-up trucks!!

I'll bet some Texans even tie the little ones to the tails of their horses. Makes sense to me!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Dumb laws seem like a bottomless pit of humor ready to be mined. Thank goodness you are out there digging for the rest of us, so we can sit back, relax and have a chuckle at everyone elses absurdity.

I just want to thank you for donning the helmet, swinging the pick and finding us these nuggets, and for those enquiring minds, who decides what is of great importance or not, this is where you need a Monarch. I am happy to be your King.

C


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- Thank you for the offer! You may, of course, be KING OF THE STUPID LAWS.

Sounds good, doesn't it? Yep, it just seems right. Of course, maybe we need to take off the word "laws"....

I crack myself up. I'm just glad that I don't mind laughing alone!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue.

That hurt my feelings and made me cry. My mum says you shouldn't use the "s" word to people, even girls, and you just said I was the king of the stupids and I'm telling and you are going to be in so much trouble, so there, and anyway you're the king of the kaa kaa poo poo heads, and I don't mean that in a nice way, an' my friend says that there is a law about being mean to people, even if they were left on the running board of a car when they were babies. I'm so upset I could bite your leg right off....

C


granniesharon profile image

granniesharon 5 years ago

these are really funny


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

A permit must be obtained to fire a missile. Why didn't the CIA think of this? If we had missile permits, and planes flying into buildings permits, and cutting people's heads off permits, terrorism would grind to a halt. And we could have a permit czar and further expand the government.

Funny stuff!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- I feel just awful. I don't know what got in to me! It must be all that Whale I ate after a good afternoon of shooting them from my car.

You are KING OF THE FUNNY. I knight you as such. I'm using the leg I bit off- since you biting off my leg would be illegal, and the KING OF THE FUNNY should not have to start his reign in jail!

I thank you for my title of KAA KAA POO POO.. it was so generous of you to give me a title even after I had been mean.

Mom said I have to ask your forgiveness or you wouldn't play with me any more! So I'm super-duper sorry, KING OF THE FUNNY.

Do you have a lasso we can go fishing with?? Huh? Do ya Huh??


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Thanks for reading, Sharon! Thank you for taking the time to leave a nice comment as well!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Stan- I'm with you. I don't know why this hasn't caught on. I have no doubt that once the CIA finish reading your comment on my hub they'll slap themselves silly and have a sit-down with Obama to develop the permit committee.

Chris L. should put in a bid to be the permit Czar, his househusband duties have rendered his mind mush enough to be qualified for government work!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

I feel much better after shooting my beebee gun at some imaginary Indians and lassooing some whales, well a really big goldfish, and thinking some pretty mean stuff about girls and stuff.

Unlike you, my mom does not know about the internet, so you are always going to be in more bigger trouble than me.

And I didn't really cry, I just had a thing in my eye, and honest, you really are the Queen of kaakaa poo poo, but now I mean it in the bestest way possible


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- awww. Shucks. You're just sayin' that! :)


Pixienot 5 years ago

Very funny! I especially like the horse with pants.

Just wanted you to know I read your hub. Heading to bed now. As usual, you did great. I wish I had your sense of humor.

I enjoy the comments almost as much as I do your hubs. Keep up the good work kiddo!


GetSmart profile image

GetSmart 5 years ago

This was really funny - thoroughly enjoyed the read!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

PixieNot- Thanks mom. You're completely biased, but I love you for it! :)

Getsmart-Thank you so much for coming by and reading and leaving a comment to let me know you liked what I wrote. I appreciate it very much!!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

Those laws had me laughing as they were so ridiculous. I mean a slot machine in an outhouse? And how can it be illegal to wear your boots to bed, I mean who knows. Thanks for the great laugh. Voted/rated funny!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pamela-They are ridiculous aren't they! They give me some great stuff to write about, however! Thanks for laughing!

I'm actually in the middle of reading your hubs about heart attacks and women (which are really good, by the way). I'm a complete hypochondriac, so I'm going to go take an aspirin and my blood pressure, then finish reading! :)


Silver Poet profile image

Silver Poet 5 years ago from the computer of a midwestern American writer

Those are some pretty weird laws! Slot machines in the outhouse. Hmm.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Siver Poet- I think we both know that without laws like these, you would totally have a slot machine in your outhouse. Actually, you would have an outhouse JUST FOR the slot machine!

Thank God for our government! :)

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