Dumb and Dumber-You can't take road-kill home for supper and more dumb laws in the U.S. part 7

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We have come, finally, to our final Dumb Laws hub. All I can say is, God Bless ….

Texas:

It’s illegal to sell one’s eye.

What happened? In Texas they follow the rule, “an eye for an eye”. Buster Johnston took it a step too far when he popped out his eye and asked Stud Muffin if he would be willing to buy it for offenses he was sure Stud was about to commit.

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (oddly enough, several states have this same, exact law)

What happened? The North going Zax and the South going Zax climbed aboard, they were tired of standing.

It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story window of a hotel.

What happened? It was too late to pass the “don’t shoot a president” law, so the befuddled lawmakers did the best they could.

Criminals must give their victims 24 hours notice, either verbally or in writing, explaining the nature of the crime to be committed.

What happened? Brilliant stuff, brilliant stuff. The lawmaker’s found out about South Carolina’s Missile permit” law. “That’s stupid!” declared Dufus Buttzinger. “That law won’t stop anything at all!”. Zelda Knownothing agreed, and together they decided to write a bill that would take care of any and all loopholes. The crime rate in Texas is, of course, non-existent, due to the efforts of Knownothing and Buttzinger. Our hats are off to two fine, fine lawmakers!

And finally, before we leave the great state of Texas, we have just one more…..

The Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

What happened? Encyclopedia salesmen didn't have as much pull as the bootleggers.


Utah:

It is against the law to fish from horseback.

What happened? The guys on horseback started catching all the fish leaving the guys fishing from their trucks hungry and just a little jealous.

It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.

What happened? Oops, I believe there was a little typo here. The lawmakers meant to say, “It is illegal to DONATE any nuclear weapon.” Donation of nuclear weapons cuts down on job stimulation.

Women may not swear.

What happened? Hell if I know.


Vermont:

Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

What happened? Bucky Longtooth liked the fact his wife was toothless, for reasons I will not go into at this time. Bucky had some pull with the local lawmakers as his wife was not very faithful, and they, too, enjoyed her toothlessness.


Virginia.

No animal may be hunted for on Sunday with the exception of raccoons, which may be hunted until 2:00 AM.

What happened? If only Jimmy the Raccoon hadn’t crashed that church service… and if only when he did, he’d had the intelligence NOT to run up the leg of the preacher’s wife…. Tsk, tsk, look at ya now!


Washington.

Destroying a beer cask or bottle of another is illegal.

What happened? They take their drinking seriously in Washington!

It is mandatory for a motorist who plans to commit a crime to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police before he enters the town.

What happened? All these brilliant crime-reduction bills just make me so proud to be an American! This came about because someone broke a lawmaker’s bottle of beer… but not soon enough, it seems.

It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.

What happened? I knew it was cold and a little depressing up in Washington, but really? Maybe we should just give them their beer back.

So many, many…. Many to choose from in Washington, here’s one last law….

You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.

What happened? Sarah Bigbutticuss proved she had assets that were useful to criminals wanting to rocket launchers. She smuggled one too many. Her last attempt ended tragically as the bean burrito she’d had for lunch came back to haunt her.


West Virginia.

Road kill may be taken home for supper.

What happened? As you can imagine, Bucktooth Bobby and his sister became tired of being arrested for bringing home good meals to their children.

Also…

Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.

What happened? The lawmaker’s didn’t have a lot of extra spending money. As a matter of fact, I believe it was just after this law passed that the idea of “lobbyist” came in to play.


Wisconsin:

(I think it’s important to note that, while I will not be commenting on them, there are a vast amount of laws in Wisconsin relating to the substitution of margarine for butter, and the necessity for cheese with pie along with certain licenses necessary for the making of various cheeses. I mention this only because it is important to note that should you visit Wisconsin you should leave your butter-substitutes behind, and be prepared to bow down to any and all cheese products)

It is illegal to wave a burning torch around in the air.

What happened? When running strangers with fat-free butter out of town, the townsfolk like to be coordinated. The pitchfork people are supposed to wave their pitchforks, the burning torch people are supposed to stand still and look menacing.

In Milwaukee, It is illegal for offensive looking people to be in public during the day.

What happened? The Milwaukee lawmakers were tired of having to answer for their actions. After the passing of this law, all their meetings could only lawfully be held late at night.


Finally, we come to the end of our journey. We are in Wyoming, where, oddly enough, there are no interesting laws concerning buffalos or cowboys. I’m incredibly disappointed. As a matter of fact, Wyoming has very few “dumb laws”. They’re probably too busy ropin’ cattle to be bothered with whether or not a person has an ice-cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.

Regardless, I did find a couple worth mentioning. Here they are.

Wyoming:

It’s illegal to use a firearm to kill a fish.

What Happened? They used to lasso the fish. Once that became illegal they tried using a fishing pole. Fed up with the amount of time wasted for one little fish, Cowboy Charlie bought a machine gun and stocked fish for the winter.

You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without a permit.

What Happened? Rabbits lose a lot of their fur during this time, causing the pictures to fall under the “animal pornography” laws.

And with that, I breathe a sigh of relief, as I have never taken a picture of a rabbit during the winter or other times. Thank you for traveling this great country of ours with me. I look forward to new politicians who will get elected on the basis of getting rid of laws instead of making them!

It’s been real. It’s been fun. It’s just been weird. I’ve got to go get my donkey out of the bathtub now. See you soon!

More by this Author


Comments 22 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

"Women may not swear". I am in big trouble!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Breakfast pop- they said women couldn't swear- not that they couldn't drink Bloody Marys. Can you imagine??? The horror!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

For those who need their daily vitamins,roadkill is a part of a heathy diet,lol.;)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I am at a loss for words...This was very funny and I will have to go and read all them now.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mentalist- I'm so glad you see this for what it is... a health law. Let me pick the opossum out of my teeth... I think it may have been a cross-eyed opossum.. are there more vitamins in those guys?

Oh, by the way.. I saw this this morning and thought of you...

http://news.discovery.com/space/ready-to-see-the-u...

If you haven't already seen it.. you should check it out, then write a hub about it so I can understand it better!!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

My sister moved to yankee land (New York). She forgot to take her road kill cook book and of course, they didn't have one in NY, so I had to make a special trip to the bookstore to hunt one down and mail it to her. It was so expensive that I had to sell one of my eyes to buy it for her. I broke several cussing laws on my way to the post office. I had to wrap it in a plain brown wrapper because of the naked rabbit photos. I made her send me a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica for the beer recipe, though which was better than shooting buffalo from the upstairs window although not as much fun until the beer is actually ready to drink.

Cheers!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan-Thanks for stopping by. I was going through yesterday and making a list of people's hubs I needed to stop by, and yours was among them! I'll be reading your stuff later today as well!!

Thank you for the nice comment... I can't imagine you at a loss for words. I'm going to go with that being a good thing. :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin- you have been a VERY bad girl!

I love it! If I ever join a militia, you're getting picked first for my team!!!

Bring the naked rabbit pictures.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Good grief! If only I'd known about the train thing - how much easier would those "train A leaves Penn station at 8am travelling 35 mph" questions, at some point it will meet another train so the answer to when it arrives is never.

And the 24 hour notice thing - GENIUS!

"HI, I'm Tex, I'll be your mugger this time tomorrow, have a nice day y'all" giving you the option to not turn up...

Of course Washington has to go one better with simply calling the crime in beforehand, if you are in a car that is...

Is this a great country or what!

Chris


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 5 years ago from Florida

Sueroy, these hubs of yours have been so much fun! I loved Austinstar's comment.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Sue, I'm so glad you told me about not being allowed to shoot a buffalo from a second-storey hotel window, though I find it very odd that you can't.

I guess I'd better take my eye off ebay too....

How civiised is that "criminals must give 24 hours notice"...? Gee I wonder why that law isn't it place everywhere? I can see it now:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to inform you that tomorrow evening around 10 o'clock I shall be entering your house via a rear window in order to steal your jewelry and computer equipment and may or may not be bludgeoning you to death, depending on circumstances.

Yours Sincerely,

A. Criminal and Associates.


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

Great job, Susan. I bet if you took this trip again, you would find even different laws that cause a lot of thought and laughter.I enjoyed the entire series.

Voted up and funny.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- leave it to a teacher to find the up side to the train stand off!!

I think the 24 hour calling ahead rules are real winners. I like the fact that in your world criminals are named "Tex". I think that says a lot about Californians.

Thanks, as always, for making me think, and laugh, and laugh again! My hubs are always better when you drop by!!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

mysterylady- thank you so much! They've been a lot of fun to write.

Austin is certifiable. I love it too!


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Wonderful and very well written. I really enjoy reading this hub. Thanks for share with us. Vote up. Take care!

Love and peace, prasetio


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Lol, this is hilarious.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Jane- it is odd about the buffalo. I'm thinking maybe there were too many misses and they were encouraging people to go up to the roof, or better yet, just shoot the suckers at point blank.

I'm sorry to hear about you removing your eye from ebay as I had already bid twice on it. I think you may have gotten some serious, albeit illegal, cash. Rumor has it that you have a really good eye for buffalo hunting.

It was nice that in your world, the criminal also gave a description of the possible pain he may inflict as well as the items he would take. Very considerate!!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pixienot- mom, if I ever take this trip again, I promise to bring you with me! Thanks for enjoying the ride vicariously! (Oh, and I didn't even use spell-check on "vicariously".. lookie there!)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Prasetio- I always enjoy seeing you and your beautiful mind in my twisted corner of the world. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. You are very kind!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Qudsia- I'm also so glad to see you here. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I'm planning on going to your site later to read more of your hubs. You are an amazing person, with an incredible burden on your shoulders, eased by your heart of gold.

I truly believe the world would be a better place if we all had more of your outlook on people and life.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Sue - Hasn't this journey through Loopy Law Land been a trip? It was for me, too. Will add your link to my 5 hubs this day. Well, before nightfall at the very least.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Drbj- It was a lot of fun, although sometimes I got a little carsick... OK, rule-sick. While it was a great trip, I would completely be lying if I said I was sad I was finally done!

I have an article on duct tape that's been calling my name for weeks now... dang ol' laws kept me from my duct tape!

Thank you so much for putting a link on your hubs. That's really nice of you, I'm honored!! :)

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