Family Melodrama and Histrionics, Part VI-The Last Chapter
The Intricacies of the Family-The Tangled Web Families Weave
Manipulative siblings also view their siblings as pawns regarding accomplishing their agenda. This manipulative behavior often continues to adulthood. Many manipulative siblings, especially if they are more accomplished, use their means to have their siblings do their bidding. If the siblings doth protest, the manipulative sibling would state look at what they are doing for the sibling, adding that the sibling would be in dire straights without them and how unappreciative they are!
There are the abusive siblings. These siblings think of nothing to denigrate and diminish the self esteem of their other siblings. There are reasons siblings are abusive toward another sibling. There are some siblings who are abusive because they want to exercise their power and upmanship toward the other sibling. Again, they believe that might and power equals right. They feel that they are superior either because of birth order status, talent, beauty, and/or other attributes and they believe that because of these attributes, they have the right to abuse their siblings.
Conversely, there are siblings who are unfavored and/or scapegoated who in turn abuse and denigrate their siblings to alleviate their own feelings of inferiority and ostracization. Oftentimes, the sibling who is unfavored and scapegoated by their parents often abuse and denigrate the sibling who is perceived to be the parental favorite or the sibling who is perceived to possess the more positive attributes.
Many abusive siblings are envious of their more privileged sibling. They feel that since they are in a debased status, they intend to make the abused sibling feel as debased as they are. Because of their disfavored familial status, these siblings are often confrontational and emotionally unavailable to their other siblings. These are the siblings who have the most negative and dehabilitating relationship to their siblings. Oftentimes, as adults, the abusive siblings often become estranged from and cut off all ties with their siblings and other family members.
In conclusion, family can be the most positive, nurturing, and positive of all experiences. In many families, there are negative experiences. Many family members have their own agenda which all family members are expected to adhere to. Many parents view their children as their individual appendages to be molded in any way they see fit, not realizing that their children are individuals in their own right.
There are parents who view their children's individuality and different characteristics as an affront to the family dynamic and family unity. In fact, these parents believe that their children's individuality and unique personalities would reflect negatively upon them as parents. Their mantra is what would others think of them if they allowed their chidren to develop as individuals. These children are not valued nor appreciated for their individuality but are molded to be what the parent wants them to be as this would be more comfortable to the family and societal dynamic.
Many parents practice differential and preferential treatment of their children thus creating an unequal disparity among their children. Oftentimes, such treatment causes resentment within the family circle which affects the children throughout life. Differential and preferential treatment often causes contention towards siblings which often negatively affect the sibling dynamic.
Besides the parental agenda and dynamic, there is the sibling agenda and dynamic. Even though the majority of sibling relationships are positive and joyous, there are others which have their own agenda and roles. Many siblings relate to each not as individuals but based upon their individual birth order dynamic. Many oldest children are viewed as the responsible one with the most responsibilities even in adulthood. Middle children are often viewed as appendages of either the older and/or younger sibling instead of their own individual selves while youngest children are viewed as babies incapable of complex activities long after they reach adulthood.
Then there are siblings who believe in using power ploys against each other in order to establish their supposed superiority. The family dynamic is such a complex one with a combination of positives and negatives. It is the duty of family groups to establish a positive dynamics in order for each member to develop their utmost individual human potential.
© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams
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