Fokk University

Fokk University

Fokk University is often referred to by its graduates as "Fokk U." Now I am aware that a similar-sounding statement is often made by longshoremen, desperate housewives, and our Congressional representatives.

In fact, it may be one of the most widely known epithets some folks use from time to time. But are you aware of the real Fokk U? Do you know the story of its inception?

Prospective Student - No, I don’t believe this. Are you putting me on?

Putting you on? Why? Are you a garment? Sorry. Just read the following and judge for yourself. Once upon a time in rural Fokksburg, Germany lived the Fokk family who were the founders of that bucolic village. Herr Manfred (Manny) Fokk and his charming wife, Lotta, created a fortune growing hops for the famous German bock beer.

Soon they began manufacturing their own brand, Fokk Bock Beer. You may have heard of their most well-known competitor – Buttweiser. Fokk Bock became so successful that the Fokks established the Fokk Foundation, the fortuitous fiduciary for Fokk University. There are now satellites of that renowned institution on six continents.

Prospective Student - Right! Six continents. Which continent lacks a Fokk U?

Antarctica, of course. Those penguins were so busy marching they never had time to attend classes.

Prospective Student - So where is the main campus?

Fokk U’s main campus is located in a large four-story, recently renovated warehouse in beautiful downtown Detroit, Michigan. The extensive campus is located on the fire escape.

Prospective Student - I’ll probably be sorry I asked, but is there a mission statement for this institution of higher learning?

Of course. To provide an accredited institution of higher yearning - that is not a typo - for every single student who matriculates at Fokk U.

Meet the Fockers films

Prospective Student - Don’t tell me there’s a school song.

Yes, we chant it at nerdball games: “Two, Four, Six, Eight. We can’t wait to graduate! Eight, Six, Four, Two. Fokk U … Fokk U … Fokk U!”

Prospective Student - I’m becoming intrigued. What types of courses are offered?

Fokk U offers courses impossible to find in any other institution. Here are just a few from the current curriculum:

• The most popular course which is always oversubscribed because so many students sign up for it is "Communication Skills" offered by the Department of Redundancy Department.

• The Mathematics Department offers three separate levels of math classes;

a – "Math for the Neurotic Student" – 2+2=4 – and they just can’t stand it

b – "Math for the Psychotic Student" – 2+2=5 – because they demand it

c – "Math for the Superior Student" – 2+2=22 - that's how they planned it.

Prospective Student - Are there any other unique courses?

Of course.

• The Oxymoron Division of the English Department offers coursework in "Military Intelligence."

• The Psychology Department offers "Personality Theories of Freud, Jung, Adler, and Dear Abby."

• The Geology Department offers "Oil Spills and Resolution." There is currently a vacancy in that department; resumes of candidates are being accepted.

• College of Law offers "You Can Fool All of the People All of the Time" taught by Professor (former Illinois Governor) Rod Blagojevich

• College of Medicine will soon offer "Universal Healthcare Rules and Regulations for Medical Students." You can purchase the books, workbooks and documents for the class at the college bookstore for only $17,345.

Prospective Student - Does Fokk University use guest lecturers?

Absolutely. Since Fokk University has such a prestigious reputation, visiting professors who supplement the Fokk U faculty have included such esteemed luminaries as Tiger Woods and Jesse James who alternate in teaching "Sexual Repression".

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan conduct team teaching classes in "Benefits of Alcohol" and "Encouraging the Paparazzi".


Prospective Student - Are Fokks still involved in the administration of Fokk University?

Of course. There will always be a Fokk at Fokk. The current president is Gottfried (Gotta) Fokk and the Dean of Students is Bitta Fokk who also chairs the Human Sexuality Department.

Prospective Student - Has anyone famous ever attended Fokk University?

Oh, yes, we have many graduates of distinction who have made names for themselves. To name just a very few: John Wilkes Booth, Roman Polanski, O. J., Charles Manson. Oswald and Sirhan Sirhan.

Prospective Student - Is it expensive to attend Fokk University?

Not at all. Tuition is practically non-existent and consists of merely a pledge to consign your first-born. Extra credit for first-born twins.

If you have any other questions, see me after lunch at 5:00 pm.

P.S. - But it's only 12 noon; you're taking a five-hour lunch break?

Of course.

Psssssst! Is Prospective Student gone? Did he leave the building? Good! He's not suitable Fokk material - poor attitude!

© Copyright BJ Rakow Ph.D. 2011, 2013 Rev. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So."

Learn to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview confidently, and negotiate salary successfully. Includes chapter for older workers.

More by this Author


Comments for Fokk U are appreciated, desired, and welcome 135 comments

nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

Please accept my application as a transfer student. I submit my transcript from The University of Feenix. My parents will also be donating a building to the law school: it will have a maximum security wing named in honor of Professor Blagojevich.


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

Hey drbj..do they offer long-distance learning online? I'm too lazy to get off my butt and find the nearest fire escape. Besides, they'll never know when I'm slacking off. :)

You sly fox you. Trés amuse Ms. bj.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

If they offer distant learning, as there are no fire escapes in this town -- only back doors, I do believe I will be signing up for a course in superior math. I could really use that type of planning. It would be very beneficial to my check book.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

nicomp - Fokk will be delighted to accept you as a transfer student. As you know, tuition is negligible but there are a few fees you must pay up front: Transfer Fee - $500.00. Filing of Transfer Fee - $150.00. Correcting Erroneous Information on Filing - $75.00. etc.

However, because of your parent's generosity in donating the new Law School building, the C.E.I.F fee is herewith deducted.

And Rod is delirious with the honor accorded him - it may be a first.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Yo, timorous, I do love your avatar. Yes, online learning is available since Fokk formed a consortium with the U of Feenix and 27 or 28 other online colleges. Several of which are in foreign countries with names that are too difficult to spell.

A Slackers Club has been formed recently and you are most welcome. Attendance, of course, is not compulsory. Nor is anything else at Fokk.

Thanks for the compliment. Been a long, long time since anyone called me a sly fox. Merci, mon ami.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Oh, Ivorwen, you will be such an asset to the superior math class.

And I know you will be delighted to learn that among the subjects covered in said class is "101 Creative Ways to Reconcile Your Checkbook," and "Kiting is More than just an Outdoor Sport."

You might want to take a look at my "How Can I Be Overdrawn" tee shirt at Zazzle. It just may be applicable.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

drbj, Very creative facility for higher or at least mediocre education. I've decided I'm too old for more education.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Thank you for the laugh, Pamela. But I won't share that mediocre adjective with the administrative staff at Fock U. They are highly sensitive and might start demanding that we actually pay them money for working at Fock U.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Rock em', Sock em', Fokk em' Sounds like my kind of U. And I wasted all those years at a second rate journalism school while continuing my experience in the medical field of Immunohematology. What was I thinking??? Oh yea, blood and guts.

Well, sign me up for the Communication Skills class because I am too lazy to dot my iiiiis and cross my eyes.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

..you inspire me with your sense of humor and open-mindedness and perpetual good nature - and your hubs are wonderful and full of your love and knowledge and passion - so what then is left to say - but the fact that your poetic comments and support keep me going and going and going ..like the Durcell Battery Bunny - or is it Everready?


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

And to think I wasted my time at the University of Moose Jaw!! when I could have been a fokker. No wonder my life is so fokked up. Lynda


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Wow, If only I had received brochures about this school. Who knows what I could have become!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Any chance for a 100 year old? Refresher course hahaha


FGual profile image

FGual 6 years ago from USA

Thank you for this explanation of the Fokk U curriculum and course offerings. Perhaps we should send some members of congress there.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

I didn't see a class of 'What to do after you've Fokked up in so many ways', I bet that class would have a 10 year waiting list!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA

Good Doctor bj - Question: Do they offer all three degrees, B.S., M.S., and PhD (B.S., More of the Same, and Piled Higher and Deeper)?

Gus :-)))


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Really? Do you think that I could possibly matriculate at Fokk U.? What are the entrance requirements?


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

There for a minute, I thought you were kidding. Seriously, this place sounds too good to be true. I would love to have a sweatshirt or a ballcap! LOL! WB


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

@lorlie6: No, you can't maticulate at Fokk U. They don't have a separate girl's washroom. LOL


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

I object!!! This is just too much!

As a graduate of Fokk U, I must object to this infantile treatment of a serious, nay, a holly institution. How is it possible for an institution of Fokk U calibere to inspire this exhibition of feeling I do not know, but I find the result to be singularly repellent!

Well known philosophers amongst the elite of international learning institutions have been known to meditate endlessly on the limitations of human effort when they wanted to heap praise on the one and only Fokk U. They have universally declared Fokk U to be the ultimate aid to to a contented mind!

We graduates of Fokk U have a shrinking horror of the deeper emotions, but this orchestrated attack on a holly institution brings us all together and we all proudly shout in one voice, to the envy of those who may have been unfortunate to have graduated only from a Harvard or an Oxford,

Fokk U, Fokk U, Fokk U for ever!!!!!!!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

This sounds like a rollicking good Fokking place to pick up fellow Fokkers to Fokk around with off the campus. No kidding why did I attend McGill when I could have had a Fokking good time at the higher learned Fokking institution of Fokkers. I am so Fokking tired now that I am going to Fokking bed and hope that this was just all a dream:0) No Fokking kidding, good nite fellow Fokkers.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Oh, Lela, You have missed your calling. Spending all that time in blood 'n guts 'n cuts (immunohematology) when you obviously excel in creative spelling.

I'm still chuckling, many comments later, at your dotted eyes and crossed "i's." Fokk U's English department needs you.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Colin - I am overwhelmed by your generosity of spirit as well as your positive, ineluctable verbiage. You light my fire - such as it is.

I am delighted to be able to offer my small comments to your hubs of poetic beauty. Thank YOU for the privilege.

BTW, the anthropomorphic pink rabbit, as you mentioned, IS the Duracell bunny. May we two as well also keep going and going and going ...


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

You had me at the title, Fokk U sounds like an awesome place to learn. Learn about life's pleasures that is. Very funny drbj. Keep on Fokking!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Lynda - Even though you are an alumna of the University of Moose Jaw, an awesome institution (also with an unique name), I hereby grant you honorary membership in the Friends of Fokk. Consider yourself a "fokker" forevermore.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

You are so right, bp, my dear, if you had received advance notice of this prestigious institution, why by now you could have been - dare I say it? - President of our fair land. You would be in the Hot Pink House (White is so bland for the House) and ruling wisely our fair nation. And what's his name, the guy who is surgically attached to a teleprompter, would be just another "organizer." Life can be cruel!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, hello - your timing is impeccable. How did you know we have an opening for Professor of Geriatrics? As a 100-year-old, you would be perfect in the position. And you do not need any further credentials. Reaching 100 is good enough for Fokk U. Your desk is awaiting your arrival. Just bring your favroite rocking chair.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

FGual - Thank you for your insightful comment that perhaps we should send members of Congress to Fokk U. Several have already applied since reading about our distinctive institution, but unfortunately they could not pass the Entrance Test. Or the Ethics Test. Or the Honesty Test. Or the Intelligence Test.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Yes, susie, the class that offers Fifty Ways to Fix Your Life A.F. (After Fokking) has been oversubscribed. But don't despair, new classes will be offered next semester and O.J. Simpson is scheduled as the instructor.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Gus, Thank you for the creative descriptions of BA, MS and Ph.D. Yes, they are all available in many disciplines at Fokk U as well as a new and distinctive degree.

To wit: an undergraduate degree of C.O., Community Organizer (who knows where that knowledge may lead?)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Can you matriculate at Fokk U, lorlie6? I certainly hope so. The entrance requirements are simple. Can you answer Yes to the following questions?

1 - Can you write your name? Legibly?

2 - Do you have a personal checking account with access to unlimited funds?

3 - Is there an airport close by?

If you answered Yes, grab a plane and come on down - or up? Fokk U welcomes you!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Wayne, Yes, I know, Fokk U does sound too good to be true but isn't life often an illusion? Shouldn't we grab what we can while we can?

Ask yourself, where else can I take advantage of an education at such an unique university? The answer is Fokk U!

Since you mentioned it, t-shirts and caps are available with the Fock U insignia. I changed that appellation to Fokk U in order to be Hubworthy.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Oh, that timorous. Such a wit. Fokk U is a coeducational institution and nearby dorms are also coed. But restrooms are not. Yet.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

So happy someone has taken the time to honor Fokk U as I'm one of the fokking alumni who has long awaited a fokking review of our fine establishment... So to you and all the other Fokking lovers I say Fokk U in honor of the spelling adjustment to allow this tribute!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dearest Dimitri - What a pleasure to hear from you - Fokk U's first, foremost and most famous graduate. We haven't forgotten. How like you to take up the gauntlet in our defense.

We haven't forgotten that football game in which you scored the winning touchdown in the final two nano-seconds. Nor the basketball game Fokk U won when you made the winning points from forty feet away - blindfolded. Nor the fencing competition that you won. That was just a small blip that you forgot your epee was loaded.

And we still use your slogan: "Never Mind Harvard, Never Mind Yale, All those schools can go to . . . Hail, Fokk U!

Best of luck, Fokk U.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

BJ - I think I've learned at this institution (or was that I should be institutionalized)? I never can remember.

That is one bit of hilarity and you had me reading every word and laughing merrily along out loud. I think this gives new meaning to the term 'what the Fokk', etc.

I love that the..... College of Medicine will soon offer "Universal Healthcare Rules and Regulations for Medical Students." You can purchase the books, workbooks and documents for the class at the college bookstore for only $17,345 - aren't we just 'fokking' lucky?

Your wit and humor are treasures - thanks for all the witty putdowns on our system such as it is. I need to print this off for all my friends and family - and I gotta check out those tees!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

saddlerider - so good of you to spend some time with the illustrious graduates of Fokk U. You are forgiven for attending that other school, McGill, since we know you would have chosen to be surrounded with fellow Fokkers if only you had known we existed. You might be interested in some of our illustrious graduate programs - you will be receiving emails four times daily in the future so you will always be up to date re Fokk U.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Welcome, MPG. Had you at the title, eh? Then you are perceptive, wise, insightful and exactly the type of illustrious person that Fokk U welcomes. One with a sense of humor and money in your pocket???

Can we put you down for a donation to the Fokking Founders' Fund?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dearest katie - As a Fokking graduate, I know you would be the perfect candidate to help us promote out illustrious school worldwide.

We are searching for volunteers who can spare just 3 or 4 hours a day to make Fokk U calls to our tepid call list. People on this list have indicated some interest and been solicited only a few times before (maybe 8 or 9 times) so they are no longer cold calls. This is a rare opportunity to improve your pleading skills.

And you are so right - spelling adjustments are good!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Funny you should say that, dear Audrea, I always get institution and institutionalized mixed up, too.

You have made my day by mentioning that you were laughing out loud while reading this fertile, frivolous bit of fluff. I approached this hub with trepidation not wanting to create onerous waves and trying to stay within the limits of good taste.

But then I said to myself, probably out loud as well, what the Fokk, I've transcended those bounds before. Do you know what is really most appealing to me about all these terrifically humorous comments that those I like to think of as Hubbuddies have made?

I'm thinking how wonderful it is to have a platform like this (unabashed recognition of Hubpages), and how fantastic to know that we all can rise above the pettiness and almost constant bad news that surrounds us.

So here's to Fokk U and all us happy, madcap Fokkers.

Thank you for your most gracious as well as funny comments, ak, and check out the tees by all means. There I may have gone over the top!


chirls profile image

chirls 6 years ago from Indiana (for now)

I would like to submit my resume for the position of Fokking career advice. Like Saddlerider, I made the mistake of going to McGill, a shadow of a school in comparison to Fokk U. Despite this flaw, I think I have a lot to offer Fokkers in their Fokking future. Thank you for enlightening us about this wonderful school!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

As the Chairman of BP said on National TV (another failed applicant to Fokk U), he was sensitive to the needs of the “Little People of the American Public”, so do we, the Original Graduates of Fokk U are sensitive of our responsibilities to the those who came after us. Something like the Mayflower passengers feel towards their offspring, and as a descendent of Oceanus Hopkins De Greek, I think I know my duty when it comes to honoring traditions.

And may I take this opportunity of giving the lie to the spurious rumor about my epee being loaded? I won that match fair and square through sheer fencing ability and proof of this is the fact that three months later I came 321st at the annual Hungarian fencing competition. So there.

May I also say that you have surprised me by your apparent inability to comprehend my reference to Fokk U being essential for a contended mind? This is not a Fokk U grduate's performance.

In conclusion, may I just thank you warmly for closing your comments to me with the traditional Fokk U cry, and in response I say FOKK U TOO!!!


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Raah raah cis boom baah ... LOL!!! Funny post!!!


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Put me on the fokking call taskforce, we'll fokking tackle the world! Go Fokk U!


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

It seems that ALL of our politicians graduated from the prestigious Fokk University and attended an intensive course on “how to master the Teflon technique”, proudly thought by Rod and masterfully implemented by his legal advisers.

No doubt the financial committee firmly believes in the proven theory that 2+2=5, while blaming our deficit of 2+2=22 in the fact that we do not understand simple mathematics, so it is time for “back to school” for us, ignorant people.

I would be very interested in attending a course in Foreign Affairs as soon as a reputable teacher becomes available to share invaluable knowledge, personal experience and supreme wisdom. In the meantime I will check Fokk’s University journalism courses and apply for a position with the trustworthy Media department who definitely needs some help on reporting the overwhelming accomplishments we can all see without magnifying glasses.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

chirls - it would be a pleasure to have you join the Fokk U staff. Now that you have been enlightened we can forgive your lapse at McGill. You can put all that behind you, so to speak.

Our career counseling department is located a short distance away - in beautiful downtown Burbank, CA. You will be given a map and clues as to its location. Our reasoning: If you can find our secluded western U.S. campus, then you can find jobs for our graduates.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Dimi, Divinity of Diversion, we at Fokk U are also sensitive to the needs of the little people which is why we did not renew the contract for the BP Chairman as head of the Geology Department.

We are aware of your feats of derring-do at the Hungarian fencing competition and will refrain from mentioning that you won your last match, not with an epee, but a derringer!

I missed your "contended" remark in your original comment because your spell check changed it to "contented" and contented is what we strive for at Fokk U. Sincerely, Fokk U


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Chris - thanks for re-visiting Fokk U - it is always heart-warming to hear from former Fokk U fraternity leaders. Your fraternity members from Ima Alpha Male salute you!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

I knew we made no mistake, katie, in selecting you for the Fokk U task force. You are herewith appointed as Head of this august body. Go forth and apprehend appropriate applicants. Here's to your success, Fokk U.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

It must be Kismet, Petra, that we at Fokk U have heard from you at this point in time. Our Search Committee, Winkin (Obanana), Blinkin (Joe what's-his-name), and Nod (I'll have what they're having) could not find a suitable candidate, so we would like to offer you the position of Chair for the Media, Marketing and Mixed Drinks Department at Fokk U.

Since you indicated an interest, as recompense for this responsible position, we will waive any and all tuition and fees for you to take our new Foreign Affairs course which will be taught by Monsieur Sarkozy. Welcome,

Fokk U


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Oh My Drbj I had no idea that DeGreek went to Fokk U as it is my alumni as well, he must have gone YEARS!! before me though, maybe he was in the same class as my father but my dad didnt graduate he actually said FU to Fokk U so there you have it. And I seem to recall that our school song actually went two, four, six, eight, we cant wait to fornicate! At least thats what I remember..lol. THanks for making me laugh today, cheers.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

You're a Fokker, too, ladyjane? What a coincidence. I believe I remember your dad. Wasn't he the guy who .... No, on second thought, that was your grandpa. He was the cat's pajamas.

Yes, we modified the school song since our brochures are often read by youngsters. And very, very old people. Delighted you had a laugh today. Only one?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

DRBJ my hair is standing on end! LadyJane was at our U and I did not know it! Of course I should have known that it was inevitable, since I used to share a room with her dad, so she was boud to follow in the old footsteps.

Fokk U Forever!


kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

Gee, thanks for making me swear repetitively, Dr. BJ. Thank goodness I didn't read this aloud - especially since I'm sitting here in the computer lab. I really don't know what else to say... I'm still laughing. :D


Bohemian rhapsody profile image

Bohemian rhapsody 6 years ago from New york

Couldn't stop laughing drbj. Please do more do more hubs in the same vein. Excellent.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I plan to apply for the position of teaching piano. Since I said "fokk U" to playing that instrument at age 8, I think I am a perfect candidate.

LOL - great hub!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Well, de Greek, I always say, "Hair standing on end is better than no hair at all!" I'll bet you were a B.M.O.C. at Fokk U.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Golly, gee, kal - I'm glad you didn't swear repetitively out loud, too, or we might have lost our college accreditation. Wait a minute, not to worry, we don't have one.

Thanks for visiting AND laughing. You make my day.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Bohemian rhapsody - your name is music to my ears. Bet you hardly ever hear that. NOT!

I will do more of the same if inspiration strikes. That's the hard part. Thanks for laughing and commenting. I always did love a beautiful rhapsody.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

mystery lady - you would be perfect in any position in our Music Department. A background like yours is hard to find. Imagine that at the tender age of eight, you realized that your piano lessons could one day lead you to us.

Apply today. Sincerely, Fokk U


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

drbj,

Great intro! I enjoyed the joke about putting me on as if I was a garment. Manfred and Lotta Fokk! I was rolling after that one! Buttweiser! That is just too funny. I had to say "WHAT?!" at the campus being located in the fire escape, and that school song will be stuck in my head for days!

The Oxymoron Department! The Redundancy Department! Gotta and Bitta!

Nice wrap up of the end as well! I totally agree, that prospective student asked way too many questions! He wouldn't have fit in at Fokk at all.

Thanks for the laughs drbj! I really needed it right now, and I now have a feeling I can come read one of your hubs whenever I'm feeling down, and you will always put a smile on my face.

~AC


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear AC - Since you are obviously more discriminating than most and more appreciative than many, we at Fokk U hereby offer you a post as Dean of the School of Ludicrousness.

Anyone who can pick up on and pick out samples of our humor and ridicule without assistance is a person we want on our estimable staff.

Delighted to have provided titillation at no cost. Please feel free to visit said hubs any time. Start with the 5 Crazy Laws - then Popular Proverbs Interpreted - and don't forget to take the Pig Personality Test.

Thanks for the visit and the "wunnerful" comments.


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

drbj,

I will gladly accept that offer. Of course, as a young girl I dreamed fondly of ludicrousness, and so this is far and away my ultimate dream job. I imagine part of my duties will be to get people to say "That's ludicrous" multiple times daily. Luckily, I have some experience with that. I work with kids. We will be learning a new vocab word on Monday....

I will definitely check out those hubs you mention. The Pig Personality sounds especially ludicrous.

As a dean, am I aloud to invent new words? I believe things are not adequately ludicrous unless they are absoludicrous.


ek 6 years ago

Great hub. Very original.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, ek, thanks for the "original" comment. It ain't easy being creative! :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Dear chair of the rescuing cumintea of the Fokk U Detroit, I was recumanended by one of your gratifications, De Greek, to present myself as able to extend your cumriculum with music, in particular a sexion for sexephone tuition. I am, everhow, a tib dislectic, but who cares, nobody is perfetc.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

And here I was, thinking Fokker was a legitimate name, one that inspired silly movies! Turns out to be a much coveted title! Oh the world of academia! :D

Thank you De Greek for directing me here. Most enlightening hub! :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Martie - so good to meet you. We can always use an accomplished sexophonist in our Music Department, and you appear to also have the qualifications for Guest Lecturer in our Human Sexuality division.

By all means, sumbit your remuse. Any friend of De Greeks is a person to be reckoned with ... and investigated. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

We are delighted to meet you, too, Feline Prophet. Seems De Greek has been actively proselytizing again. Happy that you find the information about Fokk U enlightening and it would be a pleasure to welcome you into the world of Fokkers.

Yes, we bear an old and revered name which goes all the way back to the original Fokker, A.Damn.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Sign me up for the Lohan/Hilton courses. Their students can get Fokked, Fokked up and Fokked out of a good education all at once!


wavegirl22 profile image

wavegirl22 6 years ago from New York, NY

drbj - oh how I needed this moment to unwind. Something you are a pro at helping me do. I am ready to sign up for Fokk U. While I am filling out my application, is there any way I can order a FOKK U sweatshirt, or any other Fokking Gear to show off to my friends. Please forward any and all info ASAP!

Like Shades I Fokked it up and around and every which way possible!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia

That's it! I'm going back to school! How can I resist an opportunity to be a Fokker and get a diploma that says I'm a Fokker? It's too sweet of a deal! ;)

Thank you for such a huge laugh! This is too funny, and I'm passing it on. I should have scrolled through your comments though. De Greek's comment along with Saddlerider's and some others got me so tickled that I can't remember everything that I wanted to say in my comment. Thanks a lot you guys! ;)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Epi - Important correction. The pink bunny that keeps going and going 'ad infinitum' is the Energizer bunny. How could I forget? I find there are three variables that remind me of advancing age. The first is loss of memory . . . . . . . and I can't remember the other two.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Shades - you're at the top of the enrollment list for the Lohan/Hilton classes. Fokk U will supply the futons; you only need to bring your equipment!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Shari - you are exactly the outstanding type of applicant Fokk U is searching for. Beautiful, clever, creative, and in possession of spending money.

Yes, tee shirts and caps are available in many colors with the appropriate messages thereon.

Go to http://zazzle.com/drbjtees or click on the Zazzle link above.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Pam, I'm tickled that you enjoyed this read and yes, I think the comments are even funnier than my original post - almost.

With Hubbuddies like those who have commented, how can I fail? Really appreciate your distributing this hub to whomever wherever.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

You think I went to Fokk U as often as I proclaim it, but no one ever thought I was simply saying the name of my alma mater. Now I know what to claim if I am accosted because of my turrets-like utterances!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Just goes to show, Christoph, how foremost Fokk U is in the minds of most folks even if they don't know its acclaimed history.

If you're accosted just mention my name. Then again ... maybe not. Thanks so much for the visit; I'm delighted to meet you.


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

It is interesting how this University is so in the minds and hearts of alumni and even strangers, they spontaneously shout the name of this esteemed institute of higher learning--particularly in moments of stress. It is almost as if Fokk U invokes a state of peace and tranquility...... Someone even greeted me by shouting the name of this place when they perceived me as having taken a parking spot they wanted.

(Thanks for the laugh, drbj--it was just what I needed today!)

Mike


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

The pleasure is all mine, Mike. Delighted the laugh came in time!

Yes, you are spot on - Fokk U is uppermost in the minds of Fokkers and non-Fokkers alike. And as you so perceptively state, the mere utterance of its acclaimed name appears to provide an oasis of transcendent calm in an otherwise stressful world. May it ever be so. Cheers, Fokk U.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

This marvelous telling reminds me of an esteemed institution of higher learning right here in the US, where I did my graduate work in English. Although it has a tradition of excellence going back to the early 1900s, we cannot shout its name with the same vigor or hear it shouted with such expectation of reaction as Fokk U-ers can, because it changed its name about 10 or so years ago...from Beaver to Arcadia. A victim of the Internet and its attending screening of suggestive terms, the college was unable to communicate with potential young applicants who simply couldn't access "Beaver College" on the Internet. *sigh*

(You might have to delete this comment, drbj, as Google may flag it for obscene content.)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

I know it must be sad to lose your graduate school to the vagaries of online communication, Sally, but take heart. There will always be a place for you at Fokk U.

With your eminent background, would you consider a position in our Englitch for Furrin Lurners Department?


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Been there, done that, doing that...but a Fokk U salary offer might be of interest. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Ah, Sally, you are a woman after my own heart. "Show me the money," comes first!


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

What? THE Fokk? lol. Perhaps Fokk U was as a result of too many of those Fokk'n beers? Don't tell me, the secondary campus is called Fokk U 2? Hmph. :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Well, it's about time, Jim. I expected you three Fokk beers ago. How did you know? We are thinking of establishing a second campus in Norfokk, VA. Fokk U Two is the perfect name. Would you be interested in an adjunk, I mean adjunct position there?


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

I just had to come back and read it one more time after getting so many "thank you" e-mails from the friends I sent the link to. What the Fokk; greatness is meant to be shared, right?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Your friends, Petra, are obviously individuals of class and perspicacity who recognize a superior higher institution of learning when they see it. Yes, greatness as you so accurately put it, should be shared.

We are pleased that you have chosen to spread the word, Fokk U, around.


Putz Ballard profile image

Putz Ballard 6 years ago

How did I miss this one, Fokking Good Hub


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Putz. Delighted you finally discovered Fokk U. We are graced by your presence and your awesome comments.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

I had no idea you were a comedic genius. This is wonderfully witty. Very funny. Very good. Thank you for this pleasure.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

"Comedic genius"? Now you know you have just become my bestest best friend. Thank you for the lovable comments and it is my pleasure. Especially for a fellow Fokker. :)


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Sadly I was unable to get accepted at F. U. Maybe they might make the entry system easy I would so like to attend Fokk U. Funny and clever hub!


Rod Marsden profile image

Rod Marsden 6 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

Reminds me a little of the college I attended at Bathurst, NSW in the '80s.

Not bad hub.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Gypsy, you have come to the right place. Fokk U is an equal opportunity university. If for any reason your application is not accepted by our Admissions Department, simply send $1,500 cash to me and I will see that you are enrolled. Post haste. We need more perceptive students like yourself who recognize funny and clever when they read it. Thanks, m'dear.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Rod. You might have attended our sister-in-law college.

That's a label for an institution that doesn't quite measure up to the level of sister college.

Thanks for the (?) accolade!


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

Nice one drbj. I remember well the movie "meet the Fokker" and of course this Fokker U is Fokk U, hehe, Maita


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Maita, so good to see you here. Those were two really funny movies with Ben Stiller and I believe there is a third one to be released soon.

Thank you for the visit. And in case you didn't know, foreign students are welcome at Fokk U. Student housing is available on the outskirts - in a newly erected tent city. :)


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

lol. I'd be an honorary fokker then? Or a bonafide Fokker?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

For you, Jim, nothing but the real thing. Accept the adjunk, I mean adjunct position and you become a bona fide, card-carrying member of the elite - a genuine Fokker.


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore

What I love about Fokk U is that you come out feeling well and truly Fokked. Fokking great. I did my Arts major there...Fokking Around on the Internet,Units 1, 2 and 3...and may I say I came out with a high distinction in this subject!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

You earned high distinction in FAI, Jane? Wunderbar. You would now be the perfect person to teach our advanced courses Units 4 through 500. We try to keep out students aboard as long as possible. We believe once you are Fokked, you become a Fokker forever.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Note: The below comment was made by frogdropping and inadvertently deleted by me.

"drbj - I'm delightedly enlightened as to my attendance to Fokk U. Or maybe I'm less enlightened and a lot more informed. Uniformed. On form.

I always wondered what Fokking U was all about.

I believe, on reflection, that I spent one semester (or mayhap there were two) on the Fokk Wit unit. I remember an awful lot of Fokk Wit moments - most involved imbibing and a liberal dose of wild abandon.

Actually, I remember very little. I definitely acquired a Fokking 'A' certification of attendance though.

Fantastic - an intelligent and incredibly original hub minha amiga. Impressive, expressive and utterly brilliant :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida Author

Welcome back to Fokk U, fd, you made an indelible impression here with your indefatigable intellect and incendiary impropriety. Who will ever forget the insightful, incendiary insignia you implemented for the Fokk Wit unit?

Thank you for those incredible comments - may we expect you back for another semester soon? Everlastingly yours, Fokk U.


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago

Dear Fokk U,

I thankyou you for your Fokkish appreciation of my presence. I would love nothing better than to revisit and yet again plow my way through another Fokking experience. I would like to think, as it stands - that I'm on the Fokking Unforgetable Wall Of Shame.

Yours - FD


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 5 years ago from Los Angeles

Can you believe I came back again (for the 3 time?!) I just can't get enough of it - comments included. Too Fokking funny


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

I know what you mean, Petra. Fokk U seems to have this insidious pull on our emotions. Don't fight it. You are always welcome to return - any time. Remember the Fokking slogan: "Universitas optimum in mundo." That's Latin, you know. No one can say we don't have class.

And thanks for the Fokking plug in one of your hubs. You and it are much appreciated.


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

Had I known about Fokk U I woul have gone there instead. I'd love to tell an employer who asks me where I went to school and I can say "Fokk U"- lol.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Very sharp of you, izettl. That's one of the advantages we advertise in our PR material. The ability to say truthfully, "Fokk U," to anyone who asks about your educational background.

And it's never too late. We still have a few openings in our Master's program.


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Oh, FOKK me! I missed this first time around and now hope there's room next semester! I have my eye on that communications course but Military Intelligence is hard to pass up. Wow - all these little FOKKers doing so well is heartwarming.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Alexandra - For you, we will always have room. There is even a double major you might be interested in: Communications for the People (2 and 3-syllable words) and Communications for Politicians (1-syllable).

Yes, indeedy, former Fokkers are making their mark.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I understand there may be an opening in the FOKKING PhysEd department of FOKK U. I have amazing credentials of FOKKing being the best Fokkerball player in all the FOKKerball world.

Fokkerball is essential for all students dexterity and FOKKING balance in their fragile lives. S I beg of you to give me serious consideration, I promise not to Fokkin disappoint you Dean.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

The word does get around quickly, Ken, there is an opportunity for a Fokkerball Coach at Fokk U. We did have a winning season last year until the last game. Our coach was hit in the head by a Fokking ball and hasn't been released yet from the sanitarium. The cheerleader responsible for that misdemeanor has been absolved of all guilt. She was merely protecting her honor.

So submit your resume and qualifications forthwith within the fortnight.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hey Doc, I started my transfer--well was going to start my transfer process from my proud Almost Mater of Procrastinational University--affectionately known as PU. That was a few years ago and occasionally I get a rebellious urge to actually start again but the fine training here at PU has effectively squelched any action. As our founder Mark Twain said: "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." or as my favorite PU professor, Steven Wright says: "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."

I will start my application as soon as my professors get around to grading my almost completed papers from my Freshman and Sophmore years. I have a few more things to add and should be back to do so by Leap Year since that seems to be the only time I get things done.

Since it is rare to have any student at PU become excited about anything, you have accomplished that rarity, the putting on of a put off. I would say I can hardly wait, but we all know no true PU'er could ever say that with a straight face. =:)


vox vocis profile image

vox vocis 5 years ago

Strange that the story begins in Germany! I moved to Germany a year ago and I am still trying to find my way...


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

So good to hear from you, winsome, and it would be an honor to have you join us at Fokk U. We have long considered a consortium arrangement with your almost alma mater, Procrastination U, but have yet to hear from them since we contacted them two years ago. P.U. is certainly living up to its name.

We have been trying to lure your eminent professor, Steven Wright, to join our esteemed faculty at Fokk but he also seems to be imbued with the P.U. philosophy so that may take some time to finalize.

In the meantime, do take the entrance exam which you will find at "Fokk University Entrance Exam". Loved your comment - the putting on of a put off - you have made our day. Sincerely, Fokk U.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Yes, vox, the story began in Germany, home of the Fokks. I too, had difficult finding my way the last time I visited Germany. Was driving on the freeway/highway and couldn't find an exit. Lots of "eingangs" and "aufgangs" but no exits. Be patient, it takes time.

Happy you found us though. Don't forget to take the "F.U. Entrance Exam." Thanks for stopping by.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

I'm with Wayne, I want a Fokk U ball cap.

DR, you've outdone yourself on this one. Hysterical. REALLY well done. I've been looking for a good psychology school, and have often thought that Dear Abby didn't get the recognition that she deserved. I'm having my transcript sent over from SKROO U. (Their masket is a kangaroo, probably because it rhymes.)


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

I didn't know you were a graduate, Stan, of Skroo U. What a coincidence. Skroo U is our sister institution.

We are working on the Fokk U cap to match our already available tee shirts available at Zazzle.com/drbjtees. Sales are picking up now that Christmas is approaching.

Thank you for your "hysterical" comment - it's the way I usually feel when reading YOUR hubs.

Yes, the kangaroo is very appropriate for your institution - your graduates are always jumping from one job to another.

We're thinking of changing our mascot, too. The dung beetle is just not a class act.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

I would consider a vegetable for your mascot. Maybe a cucumber. Or if you want to use an animal, I don't think anyone is using a ferret yet. The Fokk U Ferrets. Has a nice ring to it.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

A cucumber, Stan? Naughty boy . . . I think!

But I adore the idea of a ferret. Perfect! Fits in so well with our modus operandi. Thank you!


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

Drbj - Great Hub - I wonder..... I have been actively engaged in a home study course for over 7 years. The course has been intense. The topic I've studied is "the art of debate."

I recently graduated and am now a full fledged "Master Debater". Will Fokk U have an opening for me to fill? As a high paid teacher of course! I do hope to be able to display my talents to many female students and witness their progress! Is Monica a student at Fokk U niversity?


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Your timing is perfect, Neil. We at Fokk U are always on the lookout for masterdebaters. If you have credentials as well, we would be delighted to examine your aberration, er, application for not just a teaching assignment but an adjunct professorship.

Yes, Monica did spend a short time with us a few years ago, but went on to bigger things!

Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, Fokk U.


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

drbj-This was a joy to read, and quite fortuitous.

I recieved my advanced degree in Non-Communicative Obfuscation from Fokk U, having attended the satellite campus in Maine, fondly referred to as Fokk ME. I'm sure you're familiar with the school song "What Was I Thinking?"

I was recently alerted by Petra to a Foreign Affairs teaching vacancy at Fokk U and would like to offer my services. I have acquired quite a reputation in the area of Foreign Affairs, and I would love to share my knowledge while fighting extradition.

I am also cerified and current in Domestic Affairs, my dedication such that I've been known to bring my work home with me...after circling the block twice and keeping an eye out for her husband's pick up truck.

I'll be anxiously awaiting your call. Let it ring twice, hang up and call back.

Thanks.

CP


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Dear Christopher,

How fortunate for us that you contacted us after receiving your very relevant degree at our satellite institution, Fokk, Me.

A position in the Communications Department has just presented itself. We are seeking suitable candidates to present seminars in "Translation of Obfuscation in the Procreation and Propagation of Communication by Political Representation," or as it is commonly referred to: "WTF Are They Proposing Now"?

It is also to your credit that you possess dedicated experience in both Foreign and Domestic Affairs. As you might suspect, there is constant turnover and brisk activity in those areas.

We will follow your instructions re contact and look forward with the greatest pleasure to further relations.

With anticipation, Fokk U.


marwan asmar profile image

marwan asmar 5 years ago from Amman, Jordan

That was an excellent Fokk U read


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Nice to meet you, marwan, thank you for the kind words. Would you be interested in a faculty appointment?


Textured Ideas 5 years ago

Oh dear what a hilarious hub! Makes me wish I'd have gone to looniversity now ;-) I always wanted a joint degree in Archery and Time Travel, maybe they will do a course at Fokk University hehe where do I apply? Great hub, I'm giggling.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

Hi, Textured Ideas. Welcome to the Admissions Department of Fokk U. It's never too late to matriculate at our looniversiy as you so quaintly put it.

Let's see, you mentioned interest in a joint degree in Archery and Time Travel. You're in luck. This semester we are offering for the very first time: "Ye Olde Archery as Practiced in Camelot." So you can spear two birds with one arrow. We anticipate your application. And thanks for the giggles. We live for them. :)


Textured Ideas 5 years ago

hahaha that's so funny! I only wish I had that degree written on my CV. How hilarious that would be! =) Apparently my IQ (Insanity Quotient) was at a high level so I'm pleased to say I got in. I can't wait to start at Fokk University! teehee


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida Author

T.I. - We are pleased to have you aboard at Fock U. You may want to use your superior I.Q. - both kinds - to take our entrance exam. See our hub, "Fock University Entrance Exam." In the meantime, 'Illegitimi non Carborundum' - our official motto. Signed, Fock U


habee profile image

habee 4 years ago from Georgia

Will my credits from Valdosta State University transfer? I'm thinking of getting a post-grad degree, and it sounds like I'd fit in well at Fokk. I could be a Fokker! Really enjoyed this - danced on your buttons!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Valdosta, Holle? Isn't that where the Scandinavian gods reside? Oh, wait a minute, I think I mean Valhalla. But if you attend Fokk U. you could quality for that, too.

Yes, you would fit in perfectly at our esteemed institution and I use the word loosely. Anyone who can dance on buttons is a winner to me. Looking forward to seeing you, Fokk U.


Springboard profile image

Springboard 4 years ago from Wisconsin

Rereading this, it's just as funny as the first time I read it. Rated up (again), and likewise shared again. Keep on hubbing.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida Author

Ah, Jim, you are a true Hubbuddy. Thanks for the up re-rating and the revisit as well. We share the same mindset, you know. I just reread this, too, and found it was funnier than I remembered when I wrote it.

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