Fractured Fairy Tales - Once Upon a Time in the Mines

Warning: Here be bad puns

if you don't like horribly bad puns, run away now.

Otherwise, hang on tight and let me know if you get it.

Once upon a time in a far away land there was a small mining town. The citizens toiled long and hard to wrest a living from the riches hidden deep underground. Please don't confuse this type of mining with the happy-go-lucky digging performed by Snow White's dwarves; this was dirty dangerous work that only desperate locals with no future would sign up for.

One particularly dangerous mine produced huge amounts of clay. Miners harvested the wonderfully valuable mineral, packed it into boxes, and shipped it off to more enlightened parts of the world, where it was fashioned into pots and sold to upwardly mobile tourists. The most dangerous part of the process was the packing machine (the machine was powered by dragon's breath, so technically this is still a fairy tale). Many a hapless machine operator lost focus and paid a heavy price for it. Day after day, the packing machine produced box after box of raw material. Day after day, the injuries mounted.

One tragic day the entire shift of packing machine operators was sucked into the mechanism (the dragon was not involved, honestly). Box after box of horribly mangled miner/clay was churned out before Homer the Safety Officer could shut down the mechanism. The townsfolk were horrified. They dearly wanted to provide a dignified burial for each of their fallen comrades, but no one could identify the remains. Finally a forensic scientist was brought in from the neighboring town (he rode in on a dragon if it makes you feel any better) to assist the heartbroken families. The scientist used scientific techniques to scientifically determine the contents of each tragic box. Each fallen miner was given a proper funeral and burial. The dragon lived happily ever after.

The moral of the story: It takes a really smart person to solve a cubic rubes puzzle.

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Comments 14 comments

Georgiakevin profile image

Georgiakevin 7 years ago from Central Georgia

This is a bit macabre but very funny~


Dave 7 years ago

All I can say is "WOW"


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Dave: WOW good or WOW bad?


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 7 years ago

Ouch!


jiberish profile image

jiberish 7 years ago from florida

Thanks! :)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

That makes the machine a malfunctioning boxer that cases us (in) clay?

(Float like a Dragonfly, squash like a slug.)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Was the shift foreman coincidentally called Ollie Stone? Then when he went through the Stone crusher he would have been a Much-hammered Ollie.

(And if he was George he would have been a George Foreman pressed.)


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Draggone it! Mine pot might be an urn???!!!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Miners urn - a dolts wodge?


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

A silica samovar perhaps? :)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Shalini Kagal: I am learning so much! I never heard of a samovar -- I had to look it up.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Shalini: A sand-piper?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Love bad puns so this one is now at the top of my list. If you like atrocious word definitions, here's my gift to you:

How do you define, "benign"?

Answer: what you be after you be eight.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: Thanks! An awful definition, I agree. ;)

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