9 Characteristics of a Real Man: Traits of Choice


Have You Seen This Man?

Everyone today has an opinion of what a real man looks like. I respect that. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and because they are and I respect that I want to take this opportunity to share my opinion, for what it’s worth. But before I do, I would like to provide some perspective, so here is one man’s opinion, chosen at random as a result of his SEO on the Internet. This is one writer’s Top Ten Traits of a Real Man. I encourage you to read the article in its entirety. http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98_mafia.html

A Different Viewpoint

My rebuttal to this article is in no way intended to be a critique of the article or a judgment of its content or its author. My intent is simply to express another opinion from which other men can gain perspective and draw their own conclusions. I will say the article is well written and it is quite provocative and entertaining. I enjoyed the read.

In the spirit of competing, I too have a number to attach to my top characteristics of a real man. However, I must already concede that I have been outdone. So with humility, I offer my Top 9 Characteristics of a Real Male.

My version of this list is based on the perception I have in my mind of the type of men with whom I would want to associate socially, do business with professionally and marry off wholeheartedly to my daughters. I see these men as representatives of the male species filled to overflowing with gratitude because they know who they really are, what they desire and how to manifest it intrinsically and intuitively, without unsolicited interference from the outside world. They are men who model the decision that they already possess all they need and, as such, are truly abundant.

Real Men Are Men Who:

Love and Respect Life

My vision of a real man is one who loves and respects all life and because he reveres it so deeply and is aware of its delicate balance and brief nature, lives it to the fullest each day. I see real men as people who understand love and its many languages and therefore they treat each relationship in which they engage with honesty and integrity. This real man also knows that love and life are physical manifestations of the source of all being, however defined, and therefore accepts responsibility for himself when standing in its presence.

Know How to Experience Joy

Men who are free to experience joy in untold ways and with abandon know they are connected to its core and to each other. They see themselves recreating and abiding in that joy under any circumstance. They are over comers, rising above the obstacles everyone encounters and knowing they’re connected to each other and therefore never have to endure hardship alone. They experience joy in each area of life because they are givers who expect nothing in return. It is in the giving that the experience of joy exists.

Are at Peace

Since the beginning of time men have been viewed as warriors and hunter gatherers. While these are undeniable traits of our ancestors, real men, in my humble opinion, are at peace with the world because they are at peace with themselves. Real men are at peace with their neighbors because they comprehend the abundance of life and are content with the knowledge that they know enough, have enough and are enough. These guys also maintain an inner peace having learned that coexistence through collaboration far outweighs annihilation through competition. A man at peace with himself and his environment lives a life that is not about income, or outcome, but about welcome! Because he is strong he is welcomed into the lives of others and welcomes all into his home and community. It’s not that he is too fearless to be tested; it’s just that he has already fought the battle within and passed the exam!

Are Patient

A real man is patient with himself and with those who come into his path. His judgment is limited only to that from which he learns. He recognizes that there are no mistakes, only lessons. He acknowledges that there is a season for everything and that each individual on the face of this planet has a purpose as well as a choice to execute it. He endorses encouragement and edification of the those with whom he interacts and relinquishes control of his ego, accepting the outcome as being for his highest good and the highest good of all concerned.

Display Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness and Faithfulness

Characteristic numbers 5,6,7 and 8 are men whose primary goals emanate from a source unconcerned with possessions, are focused instead on the proliferation of the 4 virtues listed above and produce an incalculable benefit for all of mankind. These virtues, given and received, spoken and written, felt and demonstrated each moment a real man breathes, offered without second thought and without favor, are revelations from the source which provided them in the first place and a lamp to the path of quality living.

Demonstrate Self Control

Men who demonstrate high levels of self-control make a regular habit of examining the motives for their thoughts and actions. When, through self examination, they find it necessary to correct their course they have the strength and discipline to do so. These men are able to change because they have practiced the art of listening, quieting the mind and surrendering to a power greater than themselves. They have made a routine of being, of living in the present moment and recognizing that they are not separate from, but a part of, a greater whole of life. This discipline of examination often promotes the kind of open mindedness that leads to wisdom, creativity and powerful leadership skills.


So Where Are They?

You may be asking yourself, where are these men? You may say this looks and sounds like an ideal more than a reality. You may say that you have searched high and low for men like this to help your organization or community and they are just not out there. While this may, in fact, be true, like most other phenomena in the universe, it is more likely to be a matter of perspective. We didn’t always see the earth as round; we didn't always think we could land on the moon; before the Hubble telescope we couldn’t see the galaxies that exist even though they have always been right before our telescope eyes. Or maybe a little bit closer to home; have you ever been a little bit embarrassed by asking a retail associate where a certain product is located in the store only to be told its right in front of you? I know I have!

So, I believe, it is in this case. My vision is that there is an entire world of real men, just like I have described above. Where, you ask again? Hidden, right in front of you; standing next to you; right beside you and behind you; in fact, all around you! I see real men who were once weak in many of the areas mentioned above, yet are now stronger and growing. These men have been standing up for and standing behind us for so long we have forgotten who they really are. They may be our husband, father, brother or friend. But they are there!

The Paradox

It is my belief that the real men I illustrated in this article are present in our lives every day. They may not look to you or to themselves as I have depicted them because we, as a society or culture, through our conditioning, have fashioned these beings into what we see today. I contend that all that I have written here is actually within each man waiting to be remembered, rekindled, reconditioned, reformed and transformed into the real men of the grand original design. I believe that process is taking place as we speak.

The paradox of this process is that we make the choices to see what we see. Our perspective, or beliefs, in conjunction with our attitudes, expectations, thoughts and emotions is a process of living that helps create our vision and our subsequent reality. The paradox is that every man possesses the character qualities discussed here and in the referenced article above and they coexist with all of the junk that we see in our world in the news. The paradox is the choice each man makes to be real or not, to be himself or not, to do the things he likes, enjoys, is productive doing and is eminently designed to do or not! So, if we are going to teach or train our men to do anything, let us teach them the reality of life and that is; each of us is responsible to and for our own decisions as well as the consequences of the choices we make and those consequences affect all of us and they are as real as it gets!

Peace be with you all!

More by this Author

I look forward to and welcome your comments. 26 comments

lundmusik profile image

lundmusik 5 years ago from Tucson AZ

Great observations,, everyone, man or woman, can benefit by your writing here...

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you lundmusik! My intent is to reach an audience with which I have some experience. I certainly hope all who read our work will benefit, after all, we're connected!!!

joejagodensky profile image

joejagodensky 5 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

I love the list of qualities. I hope that women can follow them as well. Isn't it surprising that a list like this needs to be created and promulatgated? Are these principles that radical? We're breaking through open doors.

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Joe and thank you for supporting this hub with your comments. There is nothing new here. Never is in my hubs. In my humble opinion we can make our lives a pleasure by observing its implicit simplicity, part of which is caring for one another. Thank you sir, I am truly grateful for you!

Carlon Michelle profile image

Carlon Michelle 5 years ago from USA

I loved your article of reference because I was raised by such a man. I can also say that I am currently in love with a man as described in that article and who also has the 9 characteristics mentiontioned in your article. Quality of character manifested in action is important to me and the men that have my respect and affection. Thanks for your article and sharing the other. They put a smile off appreciation to the start of my day. Smile!

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Congratulations Carlon!

Thank you for reading and I'm so happy for you! It is my life's purpose to encourage men to seek the best in and from themselves; to help them manifest their intrinsic goodness into action, as you so succinctly stated. It is not only for themselves, but the action of self-examination ultimately becomes an act of respect, much needed our society.

You are indeed fortunate to have encountered these types of men in your life. Share their stories, share them, and ask them to share themselves wherever possible.

As Gandhi said, "we must be the change we want to see."

For me, that starts inside my own heart!

I'll be waiting to meet one of your men here on hubpages!

Thank you so much. Your comments inspire me!



SylviaSky profile image

SylviaSky 5 years ago from USA

Thank you for this. It seems that mature men would be more likely to have these traits than youth. My real man is 61.

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Sylvia!

Thanks for the comment! I agree that we see these traits more often in "mature" men and I think there's an underlying point here that we "older guys" need to share our experiences with younger men to help them along the path.

I don't think it's a coincidence that many of our cultures have lost the male "right of passage" which in many ways is a learning tool for maturity!

I'm glad you stopped by and I hope you'll share this with a man who will share it with our younger generations!!!

VeronicaFarkas profile image

VeronicaFarkas 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

This is BEAUTIFUL. I am SO grateful to you for having published this.

@Joe (above), I don't think that they are! =]

I agree that good men surround us daily - that we know men that fit the descriptions above. You being one of them. =]

I am a firm believe that nice guys don't finish last. They're the ONLY ones that finish.

Voted up, awesome, beautiful, and interesting, and I am off to follow you as well. We need more people like you on HubPages!!

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thanks Veronica,

You're too kind! I really enjoy our community of writers here. There's just something about knowing the motive, having a similar experience or just a genuine love of writing, whether we agree with the content or not, that makes me feel at home. But I can tell you that those who write to help another human in some small way, receive more than an accolade or comment in return. It's a reward of the heart, and you cannot buy those anywhere, at any price.

Please come back soon, okay?



VeronicaFarkas profile image

VeronicaFarkas 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

You are a very wise person, Bruce. You are honest and sincere, and write eloquently.

I will most definitely continue to read your hubs and support you as a writer!

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 5 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Veronica,

It's a two way street for all in the universe who desire to help one another heal and get back home!

wheelinallover profile image

wheelinallover 4 years ago from Central United States

Your article speaks to me. It says (be) who we were meant to be. According to the world I should be like the group in the other article but will never fit. Because I give points made in this article, they are received in return. What I give and receive make me the richest man in the world.

Voted up awesome and SHARING with my twitter followers.

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank You Wheelinallover!

Somehow I think you are a man of many lifetimes. One who knew himself long before he presented himself to this world! Keep it up. We so desperately need authentic people with a connection to the spirit of goodness!

And I am, of course, grateful for your comments and encouragement!

wheelinallover profile image

wheelinallover 4 years ago from Central United States

As far as I know just one lifetime. Today I am working with a four year old boy on my lap. He decided he wanted "Dennis" time so stayed home instead of being with his mother. He hasn't been bored. The children here often help me "work".

Everyday is an adventure however I wouldn't have it any other way. I can honestly tell you my life is filled with love which is the most important gift any real man can receive.

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author


Your last comment says it all, so much better than the words of this hub and when put in conjunction with the 4 year old on your knee it's living proof of a real man!

You have just gained a fan for life!



Gracenduta profile image

Gracenduta 4 years ago from Kenya

Thanks for these tips about a real man, I hope to get one

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Gracenduta!

Thank you so much for reading my hub. I know you will find exactly what you are looking for. If you ask, I am sure you will receive.

There are many of these men out there, trouble is, they don't know it yet! LOL But, they are out there and it only takes a good woman to mold them into shape.

Keep me posted! This hub may be a good guide for those men who do come into your life. We're men and we're not perfect (didn't need to tell you that) but we all have elements of goodness and kindness ready and waiting to be displayed but, it's a choice we men have to make to surrender ourselves to before the people in our lives can benefit!

CutandBrogue 4 years ago

One of the best and most authentic posts on the meaning of a real man that I've seen.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

This is beautifully written Bruce and your points are excellent. I am very glad I stopped by and read this. I do believe I need to link this to one of my hubs.

Great job and I am proud to call you a friend.


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi Bill!

Thanks for stopping by. I am indeed grateful for you as I know you get it! And I know since you have it you too, are gallantly and feverishly attempting to give it away!

Thanks for the compliment! Still one day hoping to meet and work collaboratively!

Your friend,


Ahmad 4 years ago

Dear Bruce

I really enjoyed reading your article, it was very well constucted and straight to the point. I am 23 years old and most of my life, I have only been kind to people and never expected anything in return. This is how my father raised me and I also hope to someday raise my kids the same way. I realize that in today's world, it is very easy to lose focus and take the wrong path. However, thanks to leaders and teachers like you, who are always there to show the rest of us the right door. It's all up to the rest of us to take that path, become better men, spread knowledge to the rest of the world and make it a better place. I hope to hear more from you and i greatly appreciate the time that you have invested in this article for a good cause.

Thank you


Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Thank you Ahmad!

I am grateful for the comment and it is my pleasure to be a voice for this viewpoint. Unfortunately, I came to this conclusion through the experience of many lessons, some very difficult. But I am grateful for each one and I encourage men to take on partners to discuss the steps, actions and reactions to this simply amazing thing we call life!

Good Luck and stop back again!


SaritaJBonita profile image

SaritaJBonita 4 years ago from Upstate New York

@Born2care2001, If you find a man such as that which you described, can you send him my way??

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC Author

Hi SaritaBonita!

They are all around you in various stages of development...just like you and me. Finding them is the fun in life. Dr. Cherie Carter Scott says, "there are no mistakes in life, only lessons." So, let the learning begin, eh?

Bravo to you for stepping out. You can do it! It sounds as if you have the motivation. All that's left is the doing!

Thanks for reading!

ytsenoh profile image

ytsenoh 4 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

Bruce, very nice piece here. We all have an opinion and a viewpoint of what we think makes a real man (or a real lady, for that matter). I like your perspectives in that I'm not a surface person. One can get so hung up on external values, that it's forgotten to look inside. Have a good week.

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