How To Create A Real Unicorn

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Not Much Magic

And now it’s time, as the bard said, to speak of many things. Instead of cabbages and kings, we will touch on unicorns with wings.

First things first. I do not propose to use sorcery to construct a magical creature. You will have rely on the tender mercies of your local politician if you want someone to spin fantasies out of whole cloth and to make you believe you can have everything you want and that it will cost you absolutely nothing.

I propose to make a flesh and blood unicorn—perhaps even a winged one—using science.

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Unicorn Simulator

We start at the obvious starting point with a white horse. Now in the beginning as we work our way up to it we could merely tie or glue a plastic horn to the white horse’s forehead to get a simulated unicorn. Or we could get cousin Jeffie who seems to be willing to anything as long as it’s sufficiently foolish, to don a unicorn head mask like the ones they sell at Amazon.

At our next level of unicorn approximation we might study animals like narwhals and the rhinoceros that are naturally horned and try clone just the cells from those animals that produce the horn. So we would try to grow a horn in a petri dish or a test tube, just as we might try to grow any other organ. We might even branch out and try to grow such things as teeth, tusks or bone of any sort in a test tube. Once we figure out how to grow bone in a test tube we graft it on to a horse’s forehead. I don’t have a clear idea how long all this would take to prefect. Let’s be optimistic and say a decade.


During that decade we have geneticists look at other ways of growing a unicorn. Basically they will look at introducing the horn producing genes into horse embryos and produce a creature that was born a unicorn.

Yet another path to producing a unicorn might be a viral attack on a horse embryo. The virus rewrites the embryo in such a way as to produce a unicorn.

There are even more ways the feat could be tried. Sequence the DNA of horned animals and that of horses. Change the DNA of a horse embryo before it begins dividing so that it will produce the horn.

Many years later, we have a horse with a horn on its head. We could use similar methods that we used to give the horse a horn to give the horse functional wings.

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Rainbow Poop

Some finishing touches might be to give the horse rainbow blood and rainbow poop. The rainbow blood might be a little iffy so will skip that for now. Rainbow poop should actually be pretty easy. Wasn’t there a black burger that turned human poop green? All we need is to experiment with feeding the horse dyed hay and oats and until we get the desired poop colors.

Presto, a winged unicorn with rainbow colored poop is born. I am not sure how well the animal will do with a heavy horn on its head, wings of dubious utility, and a diet designed to produce rainbow excrement but it will meet the basic specs of a unicorn.

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Dear Glorious Leader

There could be so many problems with this approach that one hardly knows where to begin. There are two basic overriding problems: Ethics and cost. Both problems can easily be overcome by moving operations to North Korea. They have no ethics and like any communist dictatorship they have very little problem with the idea of spending their national treasure on items that are both ridiculous and preposterous. In other words, North Korea is the perfect place to create a unicorn using shall we say: Weird Science. The icing on the cake is that there was a story some time back about unicorns and North Korea so they should be excited about the prospect of making the doubters shut up and producing a real, live unicorn.

To round out the fantasy the North Koreans could gather skin and hair from the world’s most beautiful women, clone those women, make them into mindless zombies and produce before the eyes of a wondering world, beautiful naked zombie clones riding unicorns. Several thousand if not several millions of bucket lists will probably kicked by that event alone.

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Comments 8 comments

Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 11 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

Hello poetryman, I know a lot of little girls that would love it if someone could really create a unicorn. My 42 year old daughter for one. Interesting hub.

Have a Merry Christmas.


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 11 months ago Author

Rachel, creating a unicorn is like many outlandish things that we could think of in this world. The real problems with it are money and time. Given enough money and sufficient time, I think that almost anything that is not physically impossible could be done.

Have a blessed day!


DDE profile image

DDE 11 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

A very interesting idea. You shared another worthy read.


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 11 months ago Author

Devika, you know what they say. You can never have too many unicorns!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 11 months ago from USA

I'm quite sure it could be done with enough money. Put the Russians to work on this one.


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 11 months ago Author

FlourishAnyway isn't too bad we cannot convince the world's terrorist organizations to do something like go chase Unicorns? Love to see those ISIS dudes sold out for the rainbow poop of unicorns!


Besarien profile image

Besarien 10 months ago

Hi poetryman6969! Remember Monster Cereal? Booberry turns poop neon green. Beets and cherry jello together make a nice hot pink. I suppose you can feed it Goldschläger for the glittery metallic effect. That's all I've got.


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 10 months ago Author

Besarien all I can say is some folks have a lot more fun in the bathroom than I do!

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