How To Define What You Want

For this exercise you will need a period of uninterrupted time, paper, pencil, pens, colored sharpies. Assume that you are creating a masterpiece that is your life so don't hold back on what you will use.

If someone were to ask you a question, "What Do You Really Want? " most of us will be stumped.

It is the lesson of the genie in a bottle. If we are men we dream of walking into a room full of men with the most beautiful woman around. Why?

If we are women we dream of marrying a Prince and becoming a Princess like Cinderella. Again, why?
It is the why rather than the what that is more important.

With beginning coaching clients, I always have them fill out a form to define what they want, I give them a week. A week is a long time so we will define the question right here and right now.

1. What is your ideal day? Assuming that you have food on your table, roof over your head, money to travel if you wish, money for your child/children/granchildren [The really wealthy people have made it possible for two or three generations of their families to be provided for. The reason is no more than preserving the family name and preserving a bloodline with their name on it.] Money being no object.

2. What would you be doing which you enjoy immensely and will be richly rewarded for. However you are not doing this for the money. You are doing this because all of your physical needs are taken care of and you feel that in some way you are contributing to some greater cause. How would your work contribute to the richness of humanity?

3. If you wish to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, what would he/she be like? Formulate him/her in your mind as if you are in the laboratory, making her. The ideal person. I did not use the word perfect because perfection is a reflection of yourself. What is your ideal day with that person like?

4. What would it take, RIGHT NOW, in terms of dollar amount, to fulfill all of your deep wishes that you can live the lifestyle that you want?

This is difficult for lots of people to answer. They get bogged down by wishing for a lifestyle which they would probably want for a week or a month, but will soon get tired of. For example, I would want to ride a Lamborghini for a week, perhaps. I have no desire to own a Lamborghini, so I can rent one for a week and be done with it. On the other hand, I would like to build a better facility/nunnery for the nuns that I care about in the Philippines, for the cost of one Lamborghini.

5. What can you do RIGHT NOW that will bring you closer to that dream day. For some it is taking the day off and getting stock of where they are. For others it is making that extra phone call for the day.

6. If a genie were to appear on your doorstep right now or while you are in the bubble bath and says he or she will hand you you a check right NOW, no strings attached, what would the amount be? Why?

I hope you will do this exercise often, so that you can really define what you want.

© 2009 by Melinda M. Sorensson

More by this Author

  • Never Eat Sugar When You are Hungry

    In America, it is very common for children to go home and eat candies/cakes when they arrive from school. There is always a supply. This is the one thing I have never allowed my son to do and I had to train him again...

Comments 28 comments

DynamicS profile image

DynamicS 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Wow! that is very useful information because many people know that they want better, but they have not thought out exactly what it is. Thanks for this great hub...

msorensson profile image

msorensson 7 years ago Author

Thank you!!

Patrick Collins 6 years ago

i like it . It's a simple principal but probably the most important one. We can't set our deliberate intention towards the goal until we know what the goal is. Thanks :)

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

We get sidetracked all the time. So many distractions, Patrick.

Thanks for dropping by.

DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

Msorensson, Wonderful hub! Are you my genie? :) Thank you for sharing, In His love, Peace & Blessings!

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

DeBorrah, Hi:-)

That is so sweet. Wish you a lovely afternoon and weekend.

billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

Great resource for goal setting melinda - for me family is number one and I base everything to that end. Your family, your children give you perspective and purpose, humility and empower dreams. Family gives you focus.

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Hey, Billy, Thanks!!

Wish you a great day.

GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 6 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Whoa I just skimmed but going to bookmark this for more further reading... I will definitely share this to my fiancée... Thanks a lot for sharing this one...

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Thanks, General Howitzer :-)

denden mangubat profile image

denden mangubat 6 years ago from liloan, cebu, philippines

i'm also asking myself what i really want.for now i want to write even i'm not good in english.

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Hi, denden, Thank you.

Just like anything, you need to practice it. Writing is a start and then you polish it again and again.

Ingenira profile image

Ingenira 6 years ago

Thought-provoking questions. Well questioned. I am often happier when I have something to aim for and achieve in life, and it is often the process of achieving it that's most thrilling and fulfilling.

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Thanks Ingenira. I agree.

phamzy profile image

phamzy 6 years ago from Florida, USA

It seems this post is really for me. This is very informative. This will be my guide to analyze what really I want. Thank you!



I Love Natural Crystal Deodorant

(954) 513 - 5302

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

I am glad, phamzy. Thanks for dropping by!!

katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

I often wonder why people struggle with How To Define What You Want. You've made it clear and pointed out the importance of thinking about what you want. I try to always think about what I want and never cloud my mind with thoughts of what I don't want. Positive energy in postive energy out brings about good things that i want!

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Well said, Katie.

Actually, there is this tug of war...just like wanting ice cream, or chocolate or for that matter, wine, want it..but you don't want it...

This is where most people are.

Thank you!!

msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago Author

Hi, justgorlucky, Thank you!! I am glad you are enjoying the hubs.

Warmest regards,


Shahid Bukhari profile image

Shahid Bukhari 5 years ago from My Awareness in Being.

I think, and allow me to say ... your Question, should be

"How to Know, what you Need" ...

Richawriter profile image

Richawriter 4 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand

Hmmm, a great technique there msorensson.

Definitely my cup of tea because I use techniques just like that one to constantly question myself about what it is exactly I want out of life.

I have lost count of the many different techniques I have implemented in my search for meaning and I am pleased to say that just recently, using a technique like the one you described in this hub, I finally crossed the threshold of certainty.

This is a very useful hub for people searching for direction in their lives. I'm utterly shocked by the amount of directionless people out there,and having recently been one of them myself I hope that they somehow find themselves drawn to this hub.

Great hub!! :) Peace

msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago Author

Dear Richawriter,

I am glad you have crossed to a comfortable level of certainty for your technique.

Thank you for reading the hub and leaving your comment.

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia

Thankyou for sharing your wisdom and knowledge this Hub will be so useful.

msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago Author

Thank you,strictlydating, for reading and leaving your comment. I hope it will help. Sometimes it is not easy to define what you want, and it is not age dependent either..

Miranda 4 years ago

Loved this Hub. It's very useful and effective. Thank you for sharing your wisdom:)

msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago Author

Hi,Miranda, Thanks for reading and leaving your comments.

rdsparrowriter profile image

rdsparrowriter 4 years ago

Very helpful to give a thought of what I really want. Thank you :) God bless u!!

msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago Author

Thanks. I appreciate. I hope you will find it useful, rdsparrowriter.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article