How to Pimp Out a College or University Dorm Room

Alternate Title: How to Furnish, Decorate, or Fix Up a College Dorm Room

And other items of student interest...

Uh, not really...
Uh, not really... | Source

How to Set Up a New Dorm Room

How to fix up your dorm room for the new school year or how to "pimp out" your dorm room for when your soul mate visits.

This is a checklist of things you need and things you need to do. It is hoped this page provides some useful info and maybe even a little humor.

  • The first parts are about setting up a new dorm room.
  • Followed by preparing your dorm room later on for a soul mate visit.
  • And then some other items of necessary interest for college students.

Do as many or as few as you want. Time, space, and budget are always a consideration.


Part One

Needs improvement. And the Teddy Bear has got to go.
Needs improvement. And the Teddy Bear has got to go. | Source
Desperately needs improvement.
Desperately needs improvement. | Source

Assuming the basic furniture has already been provided...

  • Bed linen, towels, wash rags.
  • A working door-lock and non-squeaky hinges (WD-40).
  • Functioning windows (WD-40).
  • Curtains are good.
  • Throw rugs are good.
  • Knickknacks are good.
  • Plants are very good (ask the clerk for the ones that thrive on neglect).
  • Nice wall pictures. In fact, posters are really the way to go.
  • A trash can (with liner).
  • A shredder. (unfortunately, due to ID theft issues, this one is important in this day and age).

Part Two

Not bad.
Not bad. | Source

For reference purposes; here is a list of other worthy dorm items. It’s all a matter of how much stuff you want to put in there.

  • As many bookcases and shelving as the room can take.
  • (Desks/chairs/lamps are a given.)
  • (Computers are a given.)
  • (Handheld devices are a given.)
  • A table and more chairs.
  • More lamps.
  • A music-capable device.
  • A well stocked, tabletop refrigerator.
  • A microwave. Coffee fixings, etc.
  • A TV.

Give your room subdued lighting capability. Colored lighting is an option. Dark green and blue are good choices. No blinking/moving lights.

A small, lighted aquarium is always a winner. Never buy used; they leak or break. Be sure the aquarium has an aerator; dead fish aren’t romantic. Actually, it might be a good idea to read up on the subject first.

2016 Update: Make darn sure the room does not have mickey-mouse door or window locks.

How to Prepare Dorm Room for Soulmate Visit

Part One

How to Decorate a College Dorm Room...
How to Decorate a College Dorm Room... | Source
  • Remove all biohazards.
  • Clean up the rest of it. This includes sweeping, mopping, and/or vacuuming. This includes not only dusting, but wiping the finger smudges off of everything.
  • A pan of baking soda absorbs odors.
  • If the room has a private bathroom (highly unlikely) or a sink (possible), then it must be spotless.
  • New bar of soap.
  • A guest toothbrush (new and still sealed).
  • Many clean towels.
  • Yes, you do windows (yeah, right).

Part Two

Source
  • No visible porn, semi-porn, or other suggestive posters/items.
  • No visible political posters/items (exceptions may apply).
  • No visible religious posters/items (exceptions may apply).
  • Hide your stuffed iguana and dead insect collection, but not under the bed.

Part Three

  • Do not wear anything with writing on it.
  • Do not wear anything with pictures on it.
  • Do not wear horizontal stripes.
  • Do not include rap in your music selections.

Drum roll...

  1. Turn off all communication devices.
  2. A non-squeaky, well-constructed bed.
  3. Condoms.
  4. Kleenex.

Life

Some Tips and Warnings

You may feel you are in a protected environment. That may not necessarily be so. A college campus is just like every place else; normal life rules and common sense apply.

And do not forget the aforementioned condoms. Disease and pregnancy are no laughing matter. One thoughtless moment and your entire life's timeline changes.

There have been media reports about on-campus theft problems. Always lock the door when leaving your room; even if you plan to be away for only a few minutes.

News reports of a student waking up in the middle of the night and discovering a burglar watching her from the end of her bed; fortunately, he fled.

A Note about the Never Ending Tuition Nightmare

Actually, the tuition situation has been going on long before 2016. If you are just beginning college, here is probably the most important financial tip you need to know. You absolutely and categorically gain nothing by doing your freshman and sophomore years at a 4-year college or university. Do the first two years at an accredited community college near you. The money you save could be in the tens-of-thousands of dollars.

Different states have different situations. Be sure to check with your intended 4-year college or university your credits are transferable from your selected 2-year community college.

Some Other Student Money Saving Info...

Some Random Thoughts for Freshman

The bullies are no more! It's amazing! Where did they go? High school is a village; colleges and universities are cities. That problem is past.

Plus, everyone is a little older and more mature.

Here is where you will find more friends for life. And not just friends; but people who will make major contributions to your life, career, and general well-being. Here is very well where you will find your partner in life.

The joy of thought and chalkboards (do they still have those?).

The joy of spontaneously saying something to a stranger and almost always getting a positive response.

The learning of discipline. What you give and do is what you will receive.

The learning of separating the drinkers from the non-drinkers. What happens here is what will be your life. If you are unlucky enough to end up with a roommate who is a drinker (or worse), you need to get yourself a new roommate. Find someone else who has the same problem, it probably wont be that hard. Then swap so everyone is happy.

The final discovery as to whether learning is a joy or not for you.

The fun of spontaneity, but the realization actions have consequences.

This is your last stop before full Darwinism. Make the most of it.

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Comments 7 comments

Jay Stizzle profile image

Jay Stizzle 6 years ago

Haha. This is seriously perfect. Nice job broseph.


TruthAwake profile image

TruthAwake 6 years ago from The Dirty South

Niceee. Loving your humor.


WizardOfOz profile image

WizardOfOz 6 years ago

'dead fish are definitely out"? nice hub :)


ifiruledtheworld profile image

ifiruledtheworld 6 years ago from Baltimore,MD/Rochester NY

hilarious nice hub.


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

Great advice for the sloppy slovenly deliriously happy dorm room inhabiter. LOL


Neil 4 years ago

I like most of the stuff here but I don't agree with the drinking roommate thing. My roommate didn't drink Freshman year and my social life was slow and suffered greatly. Sophomore year my buddy and I drank frequently (without letting it effect our grades) and met so many new people that it made drinking a social event rather than a get drunk event.


eddy4me profile image

eddy4me 4 years ago from Wales.

A great hub and thanks for sharing.

Eddy.

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