I Missed My 30 Year Reunion
My 30 year reunion was the other week. I didn't go. It's not that I didn't want to be there. After this many years, the cliques and social groups don't necessarily exemplify what they did in my younger years. The cliques are no longer groups that shun others or judge, rather they are groups of people that have stayed in touch with each other; good friends. The social groups are formed out of comfort and stability at these events. Therefore, in attending, you have someone to watch your back as they say, not for protection but for comfort level. I went to my 25th and found that everyone but a choice few people chatted and mingled with each other. It was really nice. In five years, a lot has happened in my life and much of it stressful and not something I wanted to share with others.
People remember me as always smiling. Always the chipper, happy, sunshine blowing out her ass kind of girl. Life changes that. While I believe that everyone has experienced low blows and sadnesses in their lives, I'm just not good at covering it up. I've never been able to have menial chit chat; I am one who discloses her soul to anyone that is willing to listen. I just didn't have the mental energy to put on a fake smile and pretend through glossy eyes that my life is just dandy. I couldn't do it. The health, the ex, the job and more have made me question my happiness quite a bit in the past couple of years and I'm still exploring who I am and want to be. I believe the purpose of a reunion is to share your accomplishments and life experiences and how you have somehow risen above it all; despite the struggle. What would I have done when people heard my struggles but realized I didn't have an ending to it yet? It would have been too much to bear, so I stayed home.
One good thing occurred from the reunion. An old classmate set up a Shutterfly account of our class. I was able to post my email address and say hi to everyone. Since then, I have heard from 30 people (and some I never really even hung out with in high school) or more and I have love this! I am able to talk about them, comment on their pictures they send or see their lives on Facebook. I have really been enjoying this. My posts on Facebook tell about the struggles I've been having and if my past classmates choose to read them, then it spares me the effort of having to relive everything through explanation. In a way, it feels like I am in attendance of an ongoing reunion and I don't have to be there physically.
God Bless the internet! Through this device, I can keep in touch, hear about people's lives and can keep my thoughts somewhat protected until I am ready to share them. It has been wonderful and perhaps through this venue of communication, I will be emotionally ready to attend my next reunion in five years.!
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